Author's Notes:
This didn't require too much brainwork and obviously isn't brilliant… just emotional. I needed to put myself in John's shoes for the purpose of writing another piece of fan-fiction, and this is what came out of it. Hopefully, you'll enjoy it… despite the sad topic.
John's Journal
Post-Reichenbach
February 14th
I can hardly pull myself together to get up in the morning, much less write this journal. I hate this. I hate having to deal with this, why, why, why!
The stain of a tear starts spreading on the paper.
I'm furious. I don't even know why I'm angry with you, but I am. You left me!
February 16th
Life is empty without you. I need you here, but you're not coming back. How do I go on?
February 17th
… What's the point in this… writing to you, and you can't see this. You can't hear me. But I can't stop it. I need to write you. I need to imagine that you're here. Somehow. That you're able to see me, though you can't talk to me. I feel so alone without you.
February 20th
I have to stop writing this journal to Sherlock. He's not coming back. I feel a sort of numbness at the realization, and I'm relieved to feel that way. Numbness is good.
But what I don't understand is why you – why HE did it. Why did he jump? Why did he lie to me and tell me that he was a fake? Why did you say it, Sherlock, why? No… not this again…
More tears fall on the paper.
February 25th
It's been 4 weeks to the day since Sherlock died. I've recently spoken with Lestrade and Molly. People who are in shock and mourning. I'm going to keep contact with them. They are my only tie to … I have to stop saying you! They are my only tie to Sherlock Holmes. I need to share my story with them. My story about the best friend I ever had. But I'm still angry.
February 26th
Saw Lestrade again today. He feels guilty about the whole thing. Told me so. He almost cried when admitting it. I felt sorry for him. I can't blame him for this. Moriarty is the guilty one. I almost wish he was alive so I could tear him apart. A gun to his head was too kind a death for him!
No one knows why he killed himself. So many unanswered questions. I need to find some answers. Especially as to why Sherlock lied. Lestrade is secretly working on it too… Everyone else with the police thinks Sherlock was a fraud who killed himself because he was crazy. The case is closed… for them. Not for me, and not for Lestrade.
I haven't seen Mycroft yet. I am still angry with him, though I feel a bit guilty too. I really should contact him. He must be hurting.