Title: I Miss Hoping to Understand Your Mixed Messages
1/3
I Miss You
Lily quickly looked around her on all sides, as if what she were about to say was of the utmost importance, and something entirely secret. In her mind, it was both. "I miss him." The words were barely louder than a whisper, but to her they seemed to bounce and echo from all around the room. "I was right. It sounds just as stupid out loud as when I say it in my head." That didn't prevent it from being true. Lily sat in one of the squishy arm chairs in the Head's common room with a sigh. Her eye automatically went to the closed dormitory door of the Headboy. James hadn't slept there in two months. Ever since….that night. And damn it all, she missed him. She had sworn to herself that she wouldn't. But at least, she reminded herself, it was better than the alternative. It could be her sitting in her old dorm with her girls sobbing her eyes out into a bucket of rocky road ice cream. Except that it would be worse for her. Everyone would know who she had been dumped by, this is Hogwarts after all, and instead of being sympathetic most would consider this her just deserts. No less than she deserved for turning him down for all of that time. Towards the middle of the year, someday immediately following the Winter Holidays Lily Evans had swallowed an impressive amount of pride and agreed to go out with James Potter. She hadn't even been aware of liking him, she had not even realized how much she talked about him until Alice dragged him to her in between classes at wand point and ordered him to ask her on a date. She may have even continued to say no if another of their friends hadn't been pressing a wand of their own into Lily's back. She said yes.
So, Lily Evans dated James Potter. The world didn't come to an end. Voldemort didn't manage to put an imperious curse on the Minister of Magic. Hogwarts hadn't fallen apart. Non-magical pigs could still not fly, and while it was cold outside, Hell had indeed not frozen over. She had never had a better time in her life. The Marauders, whom she used to look down on with such disdain, hating them and their childish antics made her laugh until her sides ached and tears rolled from her eyes with those same antics she had once scorned. She had lost about 10 pounds in the month that she dated James Potter. She couldn't eat at meal times for the laughing, but she had averaged that out by gaining maybe 15. Those boys had more candy and junk food than she had ever seen. Things had been perfect, or so she had thought. Kissing James Potter was, well, amazing is too cheesy of a word to even be considered but it is the only one that fits. But that wasn't her favorite part of being his girlfriend. It was being his friend. Finally having him talk to her the way that he spoke to his friends. The way he looked at her. Sitting on the couch next to him and knowing that if she wanted to she could just fall back and he would catch her. When he stroked her hair, her back would tingle. She missed him.
Then why did she break up with him? Is the question that anyone would ask if they could hear her thoughts. If Lily missed James so much, why was she sitting alone in the Heads tower while he had moved back into Gryffindor with Sirius, Peter and Remus. Why wasn't he sitting next to her waiting for her to fall back on him? The reason was simple. While Lily could swallow enough of her pride to agree to the school at large that maybe she was wrong, maybe James Potter deserved a chance, that portion of pride on a plate was just a bit too big to allow for being dumped by James Potter. Lily knew the signs. She had seen them often enough to know the patterns of the Marauders. Two months ago they would get quiet whenever she came near. Sirius, Peter, and Remus would give her a look before getting up and leaving her with James. The four of them started hanging out more than ever in the year 7 boys dorms. They didn't laugh around her anymore. She was no longer part of their jokes. Remus, the only one that she had been friends with before she had begun dating James knew what was happening and the stress of betraying her was making him positively sick looking. She knew that James was about to break up with her. Knowing him, and knowing how awful she had treated him in the past she knew that he was intending on dumping her in the most fantastic, grandiose, humiliating way that he could possibly dream up. And everyone knows that James Potter has an outstanding imagination. So she stopped it. She did what she had been wanting to do since the first time she saw the Marauders get away with a prank, stop it before it could get out of hand.
He had been sitting at lunch when she approached. She tapped him on the shoulder and he stiffened. It used to be that her touch, the mere fact that she was willingly talking to him sent him into a state of rapture. He would waggle his eyebrow and ask her if she wanted to touch him some place else. She asked him if they could talk alone for a minute. He smiled and suggested that they went into the hall. She agreed. So, there, unnoticed in a corner near the entrance to the castle Lily Evans broke up with James Potter.
Tears fell slowly down Lily's face as she reminisced over her relationship with James She never thought that a day could arrive that would find her sitting in her pajamas crying because she missed James Potter. It was a little after 1:00 A.M. He was definitely not coming back to their shared tower this evening. He was staying yet again with the Marauders. Lily stood and slowly made her way to the door to his room. She let herself in and looked around. Even though he had been staying with his friends for the past few weeks, his room looked like he had just abandoned it yesterday. It smelled like him. She stepped over piles of clothes and candy wrappers. A picture of the two of them lay amidst its shattered frame near the stone wall across from his bed. Lily made her way towards the photo and looked at the happy couple it contained. It was taken shortly after they had started dating. After Lily had kissed him for the first time in front of their friends. James had given one loud, long hoot and swooped Lily into his arms. He kissed her one last time and surrounded by their friends, with no music whatsoever playing James pulled Lily into a dance. The dance is what the photo showed. James had his face pressed close to hers, and occasionally she would lean away from him and laugh. There was snow in her hair. It was hard to believe that that was four months ago. Barely. They looked so in love even though at that particular moment Lily wasn't aware of being in love with him. With the photo in her hands Lily made herself comfortable on James' bed. Soon, the photo pressed beneath her cheek she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep, surrounded by the unique smell that was James Potter.
authors note: so. I did get this beta'd. The temp beta (Becky) is awesome. Me? Not so much. Yeah. I think this is the beta'd version. I don't seem to have any other version on my computer and the email where she sent me the final version has gone missing. So, my fanfic loving chums I give you this…. Um. If you wanted to review or anything, has it all super easy with the just having to press the button and type the whatever. I was just mentioning that. Oh, and by the by, my other fic lily evans sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-o-t me! Has been doing really well, and not to be a review slut or anything but I really would like two more reviews for that and shortly thereafter (I'd go so far as to say within the week, beta and temperamental imagination permitting) I'd have the next linked oneshot. And if I get blocked, or my beta is busy within two weeks for sure. I just want there to be a reasonable amount of interest before I really do juggle it up to a priority setting. Thanks, yo. isa.