Tamed
Disclaimer: iCarly is made by Dan Schneider and owned by Nickelodeon.
"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over."
-Unknown
She's always made you feel tamed. Not entirely caged, but definitely captured. It was by will that you wore a collar, but it was by obsession that you stayed on a leash. You could run away whenever, you just never would. It would break her heart and possibly, yours as well.
You don't like the power she has over you, it makes you feel weak and you hate feeling vain. Yet, you love it when she rids your cheek of gravy or loose bits of corn. She makes you want to be tamed.
And that scares you.
Not many things in life can strike fear into your heart, in fact you could count it off in just one hand. The number one thing is losing Carly. You hadn't realized how much she meant to you until it was almost a normalcy, but loving someone like Carly Shay is not something to take lightly.
Then again, you never really were one for taking caution or even precautions. Like a disease, trouble followed where ever you went, it spread like cancer and infected others. Then one day, the thought of Carly getting hurt finally stunk into your consciousness. It shook you to your core.
It wasn't as if Carly was ignorant of self-defence and even if she were, she had enough common sense to avoid danger, which makes you question the whole basis of your friendship. Yet you know that she has a bad streak in her, everyone does, hence why she occasionally disobeys Spencer and why she was so willing to befriend you eight years ago. You on the other hand is bred from badness, you are the very existence of bad.
That's probably why Melenie was born; she is the better half of you. Your mother always used to joke that you and her were split by accident, something about a bump on the road and getting knocked against the bus door. Either case, you almost wish she and you were one person, maybe then you wouldn't have to leave.
It's not a choice, and it hasn't been for a while now. Carly got accepted into ULCA, yet she's willing to settle for Seattle University, but you don't want her to settle. You've always wanted the best for her; you need to be your best for her and that means letting her go.
She's all packed up either way and what's a couple thousand miles you try to reason, but it's already killing you and you haven't even told her yet. You've been tamed for so long, you feel lost without her.
Then again, you suppose it's only natural. She has taken care of you for most of your life, without her you probably would've winded up somewhere in Juvi, no doubt. Instead your going off to college, it's not the greatest but it's alright, better than prison.
You owe her your life, so you will giving it to her. She'll take your smiles, your laughter, and your heart then fly far away never once realizing how much of you she was given. She'll be on your mind constantly, but you won't answer her calls or return her e-mails because you know that this will hurt her and to give her false hope is cruel.
You won't visit her either, not that you would have the cash to do so anyways, seeing as you'll always be broke thanks college and the myth of students being too poor to even afford meat.
Eventually she will forget and you suppose you'll be free, untamed. Some days you'll wish you had her guidance back because it's much easier letting her do all the thinking and hard decisions for you, other days you'll just survive. Every day you'll miss her.
She knocks on the door and you help her with her boxes.
"I'm going to miss this place. You know, it's thanks to iCarly I managed to write such a good Essay, it almost feels like I'm betraying it or something."
"Carls you can't betray rooms, let alone your brother's studio. Besides aren't you excited?"
She smiles, "Of course I am."
"Good, I hear California's party-central."
She looks perplexed now, "California?"
"Yeah, home of ULCA. Duh."
"But Sam..." she gets that stubborn look of pure determination on her face and states simply, "I'm going to Seattle University Sam."
She's killing you, why can't she just let you do the right thing? Wasn't she all for self sacrifice and the high road? "No, you're going to ULCA. Think about it Carls, palm trees, hot weathers and no more frostbites. Oh! Let's not forget sandy beaches with plenty of hot guys. You'll have a killer time there."
Carly looks at you and you stare right back, trying to memorize the exact shade of brown her eyes are and how her cheeks always carry a hint of red in them and most of all, how much she means to you, how much she'll always mean to you. "Yeah, but it won't have you Sam."
Gods, that got you real good. For once you've got nothing to say to her, you don't want to say anything to her. You want her to stay, every bone in your body screams for you to beg her to stay, but you don't and you won't. ULCA is heaven and you can't let her rot in hell with you just because she might miss you on the odd days. "...Carls, you've got to go to ULCA-"
"I don't 'got to go' anywhere! If you wanted me gone so bad why didn't you just say so?!" The door slams shut and suddenly the room's much emptier than before.
You didn't go after her even though you probably should have. You didn't confess to her even though she'll probably feel the same way about you. You didn't do a lot of things that you should have, the main one being, a good bestfriend.
Morning comes sooner than you expect, but you don't care. Right about now Carly's flight would be departing and you really don't want to find out if she's on it or not because the answer damn might kill you.
So instead you roll yourself up in your blanket and sleep away the hours, praying to God that you would never wake up again. Cause a life without Carly Shay is a life hardly worth living.
Great, you were starting to sound like Fredifer now...
Knocking and soft snoring wake you, immediately you notice the lack of a certain Shay which makes you sigh and roll over grudgingly. You really should've told her to stay... "Yeah, yeah. Hold on a minute will ya?!" You bark out as you pull up your pants and fix your shirt.
It's probably Melenie, she's overdue for a visit and she did mention something about getting together for 'brunch', whatever the hell that is, to celebrate your acceptance to Evergreen State College.
"...Carly?" You don't even get to finish before she slaps you. She's got tears in her eyes threatening to spill over and their red and puffy and just over-all tired. Dumbstruck, you touch your reddening cheek in shock and wince, "Ow! What the hell Carly?" She slaps you again, only on the other cheek this time. Before she lays another one on you, you quickly raise your hands in defeat. Because you would rather lose than hurt Carly any day.
"That's for not even showing up to say goodbye at the airport," despite her torn-up appearance, her voice doesn't quiver even a little. If anything, it's strong and demanding, "The first one was for being a lousy Sam."
"A Sam?" Even though both your cheeks ache and burn, you can't help the lazy smirk that spreads across your lips while you tease her with amused eyes, "Since when did my name become a phrase?"
"Since...Since now! Don't you dare try to change the subject!"
"And what exactly is the subject?"
"You lying to me!"
When did I lie to you?" You try and think of a slap-worthy lie, coming up short-handed you murmur hesitantly, "Is this about double dipping?"
She laughs, yet she's not amused at all. "How about you not telling me about your huge crush on me." All the sudden her voice is shy and her eyes not as furious as the moment before.
"I didn't lie about that. Number one, it's not a crush. It's more of a loving or 'in love' sort of thing. And two, shouldn't you be on a plane right now?"
"You love me?" You nod in confirmation, "...I love you too Sam. So why should I leave when I've got everything I need right here." God, that was corny and normally you would laugh, but normally your throat wouldn't be all clogged up and dry so you settle for a smile, almost a 'I knew you couldn't resist the Sam' smile. "All this time we could've spent dating, wasted."
You cock an eyebrow, "Well Carls, no need to waste even more time, in fact by my calculations we should be way past third base by now!"
Unknown to you, Carly had somehow managed to tame your heart from the very beginning. Guess you didn't need to leave after all.
Author's Note: This sucks and I'm tired. Seeing as I wasted two hours on it, I might as well post it up. Enjoy, if not, sorry.