Chapter 1

I'm in a nightmare. That's the first thing my mind registers. How do I know this? Because it's always happening, I've lived through this memory so many times that it's just routine at this point. If anyone asked me to, I could recite every word that's said; though I'd prefer not to, it's not exactly a moment I like to think about.

The incident used to scare me beyond belief, still does; just not as bad. I should be used to it by now but it's hard to watch yourself die every time you try to sleep. It's not a pretty site. I like to think of it like a jump scare in a movie, you know it's coming but somehow it still makes you scared.

I'm not myself in the nightmare, if that makes any sense. I mean, I'm not seeing it through my eyes; I'm standing there. I just watch, I can't move, can't speak; I'm simply a bystander. I wish I could do something, something to prevent what happened. But even if I could, it's just a memory. It's long in the past, the damage is done. And there's no going back.

I've watched the good parts of the nightmare already, but it'll all turn dark in a minute. It started out like a normal day, better actually. It was an amazing day, I was happy and that's always my favourite part. Seeing myself laugh, smile and play. It was pure happiness, a feeling I haven't felt in a while.

In my memory, it was just my sister Emily and I. Our parents were out so we had some time to ourselves. We were running around my room and just having fun. We didn't have the tv or radio on, we never heard the warning.

Turns out a big tornado was coming. It was a Saturday afternoon, none of the lights were on. We didn't notice the power go out and we weren't near any windows. We had no way of knowing what was coming. I blame myself for what happened, I should have payed more attention. I should have seen the signs. I should have been more careful. Now I have to live with the consequences.

I watch as my emotions switch once I noticed what was going on, it came like a snap of a finger. It happened because a tree fell down outside causing a large bang. When I got to a window we didn't have time to go to the basement so I grab the mattress from the bed beside us and put it over or heads.

I was lucky, extremely. Usually debris doesn't make sounds like that, I wouldn't have noticed until it ripped our house apart. I feel like someone was looking out for me, but I'm probably just overthinking it.

I watch with pain as my sister starts to panic and I attempt to calm her. She didn't deserve this; our area isn't a place at risk for disasters so neither of us knew what to do. All I know is to put a mattress over yourself and get to the lowest ground possible, we wouldn't have made it downstairs so this had to do.

Our roof goes flying off like a cork on a bottle. My sister screams and I hold her closer. I never really made the comparison of my look change until now. My human self has long brown curly hair, I remember having a constant fight with having it neat and tidy; I gave up after a while, so I just let them go. I also had stormy grey eyes, they're the only thing that stayed the same. I snap out of my thoughts when debris starts whipping around.

I close my eyes, I know what's coming next. I've made the mistake of watching this scene before, never again. It was horrible. A piece of debris will hit me, I know it's going to happen soon.

I see it coming though, it was coming for Emily. I couldn't let it hit her. So, I pushed her farther into the mattress and take the blow. I sacrificed myself for her, it was worth it in some ways and others not.

"I love you Em," I say in a choked voice. This was just after I pushed her. Then the debris hits my head ending in my limp body crashing to the floor.

The moon decided to resurrect me, I don't understand why. He cursed me, I should have died and become happy somewhere else. No, he made me a spirit and doomed me an eternal life of sadness.

I only ever cause pain; my powers ruin lives. Why would he make me a spirit when all I do is cause harm? I don't get it, he's all about protecting children; I am too, but why make someone that will just jeopardize that?

I bolt up right from my dream, all my senses are gone. I can't feel anything. This happens every time, I don't know if it's from shock but it's scary. I draw my legs to my chest and burry my face in my knees.

I don't need sleep, I don't know why I even try. I guess I just want to be normal, to feel normal again. I feel awful all the time, and it's starting to affect my powers. Though I don't need sleep I feel exhausted, physically and mentally.

Ironically, I'm the spirit of tornados; so, I cause the exact disaster that killed me. I hate it, I cause so much harm but that's just what I'm meant to do I guess. Death and destruction follow me where ever I go, maybe I just need to be no where.

I lift my head up resting my chin on my knees and hug my legs with my arms. I feel so bad, I can't even explain how much it hurts. I feel like a giant hand is squeezing my heart so hard that the blood stopped flowing. I constantly feel a tiny tornado swirling inside my ribs, it won't go away and its driving me mad.

I feel myself getting worse, this is bad. I can't handle this. Can't handle the pain, it's too much. I'm all alone. No one cares about me or even knows I exist. No one cares. No one cares! NO ONE CARES!

I feel myself losing control, I start shaking so hard I feel like I might fall apart. I start crying out but I'm not sure why, no one will hear me. The tears get more intense to the point where I can't even feel the floods on my cheeks anymore. The tingling feeling when a limb goes asleep, that's my entire body.

I put my vibrating hands in front of my face. They start flaking off into black wisps. Fear strikes my body like a bus, even more then before. My body does lurches because I know what's going to happen, there's no stopping it now.

Soon my arms and legs vanish into black floating papery strands, they start to swirling in a circle around my head. My mind goes blank, I try to think of anything but it's like their under water.

I close my eyes not wanting to bare the pain. I wish it would stop. That I would stop. I wish someone could save me, from myself, I guess. But no one can even if they tried, because what could they do. Even if they distract me and if I'm happy, I'll still be sad. It will hit me like a truck, it always does.

I finally let myself go. I'm sick of fighting it. Sick of causing myself more pain. I just need to relax and let this happen. I'm going to regret it but I honestly don't care anymore. I'm in so much pain that it's not even worth the fight anymore. Maybe eventually my power will destroy me but I'm probably being too hopeful.

My entire body materializes and starts swirling in the wind faster until it reaches a point of moving, right towards the city. I can't control the direction of my path even if I tried, so I just close my eyes and let myself go.

I hear screams and things being ripped apart but I refuse to open my eyes. I can't watch people running from me, running for their life. This is not good but I can't control it. I can't control anything.

I can feel myself starting to slow down. At least it was a short one, hopefully not too much damage. Even so, any tornado is bad. Just because I got this out doesn't mean I feel any better. I feel just as bad as before, like I got nothing out.

I feel my feet touch ground, I didn't even realize I was transforming. Everything's numb, I feel dead. I just stare at the yellow line on the street trying to regain any feeling.

I give up after a while and turn to look behind me only to immediately go back to the yellow line. The streets are all cracked and smashed in a line leading directly towards me. Buildings are split in half and shingles were ripped off roofs from miles away. All behind my back. Maybe the tornado was bigger than I thought.

I stand up with trembling knees. The damage is done and I can't do anything to change it. I'm going to regret letting myself go especially because it didn't help. I also have to remember that it would have happened anyways. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I'm not a bad person, just had a bad life.