Baby Blunder

(Written and produced by Phoenix13, from a creative idea in collaboration with Borath)

Authors Note: As you may (or may not!) have discovered already, this fanfic will have some very human concepts of reproduction, experienced by - and involving - the Transformers. I can't explain further without spoiling the plot. If this idea offends you or you just don't agree with robots having human type functions, fair warning, please do not read this. Thanks! For everyone else, enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Transformers.

Chapter 1

NEST base, Diego Garcia, summertime, late morning...

Major Will Lennox came running flat out from the NEST Operations hangar, practically flying at top speed across the tarmac. He was still racing along like a maniac when he flew past Optimus Prime and Ultra Magnus who were coming back from a field exercise on the other side of the island. Seeing Lennox running like crazy was not a surprise, in battle he was a quick sprinter and he exercised most days by jogging around the base first thing in the morning wearing nothing but tiny shorts – what was different now was the look of panic on his face.

The tall broad form of Ultra Magnus slowed his walking strides to take in the sight of the human Major panting and racing his way to the human residential quarters; the man was all flying feet, sweat, and yells of panic to get out of his way.

Will flailed his arms at some NEST members who were slow at giving him room - "Move, move!!" - ducking and swerving like a mad man to reach his objective.

"Does he need to empty his bladder?" Magnus asked sincerely, not conveying the slightest touch of humor in his voice, however there was no doubt he meant his comment to be taken lightly. The huge newly-arrived mech had studied the behaviour, physiology and anatomy of the humans species in an attempt to better understand his new allies; to analyse their strengths and weaknesses on the battlefield. Despite their minute size, humans were an intelligent species who thought carefully about the impact of their own actions on their world, and others around them.

"No," Optimus chuckled, lowering his head and looking in the direction Will had disappeared to as the door to the human quarters slammed shut, his sensors telling him that the man had reached his room and was ripping off his clothes and throwing himself into the shower. "Lennox's mate is about to arrive, all communications point to her arriving in twelve point six nine minutes time. She is early. He wishes to cleanse himself and dress smartly for her arrival, for he is determined not to disappoint her with his physical condition. Presentation is very important to him."

"Ah," Magnus nodded his head wisely with a slight smile, "I see. It is never a wise thing to anger one's female with untidy presentation."

Optimus Prime's processor thought back at lightning speed over all the encounters he had ever experienced with females – be they Cybertronian, human, or otherwise – and agreed with him, saying gravely, "Yes, very much so..."

Several months ago, Lennox had proudly informed the Autobots (after informing the necessary NEST staff) that he was about to be a father for the second time. Sarah – his wife – was expecting their second child.

"Sarah is expecting again," Will announced proudly to his alien friends, with Ironhide standing over him protectively as he always did. "I can't believe it! I'm twice blessed! What did I do to be so lucky?"

"Survive being nearly gutted by Scorponok?" Ironhide suggested gruffly with a rough smile, his cannons making humming noises in their mounts.

Sergeant Epps patted his friend on the head, laughed at Lennox trying to bat his hand away, then held his hand out for a manly shake, using his superior muscles to squeeze the hand much too hard and make Will scream, "You're the man, boss. Congrats to you both."

Optimus wondered how Lennox could speak around the humongous grin on his face. "Congratulations, Major. Please convey my deepest happiness to your mate as well. This is wonderful news."

Ultra Magnus nodded agreeably from his place at Prime's side, "Yes, congratulations, you are indeed blessed. I am continually amazed at how easily your species reproduces." The black and blue mech looked wistfully up at the sky towards Cybertron, "If only ours was so fortunate..."

"Thanks guys," Will was on the verge of blushing, an act foreign to him.

"Expecting?" Sideswipe lifted both of his optic ridges curiously, trying to figure out why someone expecting something was cause for such celebration. The silver mech glanced around at the other Autobots. "Expecting what?"

"A baby human, Sideswipe. Lennox's sparkmate is pregnant," Ironhide informed him with bright optics and no trace of his usual macho grumpiness. The Weapons Specialist was as proud as if he'd sired the unborn baby himself. Lennox's family was important to him – as important as his Autobot family.

"Pregnant..." Sideswipe muttered, bowing his head while he zip searched the internet. Finally understanding, he snapped his head back up. "OH! Yes! Carrying! That is wonderful!" He looked down at Lennox, "That is how you made Annabel! She came out of your mate's stomach!"

Major Lennox winced visibly at Sarah being compared to something from the 'Aliens' movies where horrible creepy things ripped themselves out of her body. "Not... quite that way, 'Sides."

Ratchet sighed, put one hand on Sideswipe's shoulder strut and shoved. Hard. "Think before you open your mouth, youngling!" The medic gestured at a stunned Lennox, "Please forgive him, Major. Some of us-" Ratchet punctuated his words with a hearty bitch slap to the back of Sideswipe's head, getting a loud 'Oww' out of him, "- do not think before we speak."

" A sparkling! We're gettin' a sparkling, bro!" Mudflap excitedly smacked his twin in the shoulder, giving Lennox the thumbs up.

Skids huffed, folding his arms and looking away with his noseplates in the air, "Not in mah trunk!"

It had been arranged in a spectacular display of co-ordination between the American government and NEST (actually, Optimus had used a great deal of his own influence to broker the deal) to have Sarah and Annabel come to Diego Garcia to live until the new baby was born. Sarah had been pleased, she was killing three birds with one stone; getting a mock holiday (which she sorely needed after spending so much time raising Annabel by herself due to Will's commitments), spending time with her husband, and finally meeting ALL of the Autobots she had heard so much about.

After all the negotiations had been completed, Sarah was now four months pregnant and showing the beginnings of a large belly. The tough but kind-hearted woman had been cleared to fly on a military plane to reach Diego Garcia. She would be staying at the base in a building currently be modified to house her – and 'modified' did not merely mean a comfortable bed and lodgings – at Ironhide's direction the Autobots were installing blast proof shielding and self defence armaments to it, in case of Decepticon attack. The base was known to the Decepticons since Soundwave discovered the Allspark shard there, and no one had any doubts that the base would one day be under attack again. Hence the fortification.

Now that Sarah and Annabel's military plane was about to land, Optimus Prime halted at the edge of the runway tarmac and turned his optics skywards. Ultra Magnus stopped beside him, also glancing up at the sky for the plane. The two tall metallic beings made their human surroundings look like Legoland.

"Let's wait here for the arrival, Magnus," Optimus said leisurely, linking his hands behind his back and settling his weight on his thick feet. "It will be nice to greet an arrival that has nothing to do with war or the government, yes?"

The taller mech's faceplates expressed hesitation. "Of course. But this is too close to the landing site. We should move back."

"We'll be fine. They won't hit us," the Autobot Commander assured him, shaking his head. Magnus was a worry-bot and over-protective.

Ultra Magnus wasn't going to let the matter rest there. He was worried for his mate. As Cybertronians they were pretty much invulnerable, but getting hit by a huge plane; like getting whacked in the face by the broad wing; was still going to hurt big time and dent their armor – and the humans would whine about the damage to their expensive craft. "If the plane comes close to you, I will be yanking you backwards by your antennae, Prime. Just see if I don't."

"...and I have no doubt you would do just that, Magnus," Optimus responded with a chuckle, sending a hefty dose of amusement to his mate over their sparklink.

Ultra Magnus rolled his optics with a light grumble and positioned himself carefully just behind the shorter mech's shoulder, within grabbing distance of the mech he loved more than anything else in the universe.

It had surprised the humans to find out that the pair were spark-mated, they had assumed (wrongly) that with the arrival of the three Autobot femmes, the mechs in the Autobot ranks would pick one femme each as a girlfriend and that was that. Not so. When Ultra Magnus had landed one night on the island as per his arrangement with Optimus and signalled his intention to enter the base, they had been stunned to see a mech who could very well be Optimus Prime's twin. Although taller, a touch broader, and with optics that were covered by rectangular sapphire sunglasses-like lenses so no one could tell where he was looking, Ultra Magnus was strikingly similar in design and looks to his beloved mate. He had scanned a Mack truck in his comet form in his flight over the United States before he landed, ending up as a black, blue, and silver semi-rig bearing flames in the same style as Prime's – except instead of red and blue colors, Magnus' armor bore a black background with blue flames outlined in silver.

While at first Optimus and Magnus had been careful (and still were) with any PDA's around the humans, it had been Lennox who had accidentally discovered the pair in the supply hangar several weeks ago doing something blatantly sensual. A brooding Ultra Magnus had backed up his mech mate to the wall in a dark corner inside the building, and was keeping him pinned there with his slim hips holding him in place while he had one hand behind Prime's neck, the other hand stroking the panels of his chest, and was busy with his mouth components on the side of Optimus' stretched and vulnerable neck. All of this left the big Prime in a groaning writhing mess under the bigger male.

A stuttering and stunned Lennox had stopped moving. Dumped his armful of supplies. Turned around. Walked out - and confided all to Ironhide in a hysterical conversation that resulted in Ironhide merely nodding and saying an eloquent, "Ah."

While NEST command had never officially been told of the 'love status' of the giant Autobot Commander and his equally huge partner – nor did they care a whole lot as long as their official duties were not affected – the humans had slowly become accustomed to the fact that 1) Optimus Prime had a husband, and 2) the 'husband' was Ultra Magnus, a mech bigger than he was and with more firepower than Ironhide.

"Here comes the plane..." Optimus Prime said calmly as the belly-heavy C-17 began to drop down its wheels and prepare for a landing. Magnus' hand hovered behind the head of his sparkmate. He had not been joking about yanking the Commander out of harms way by his 'ears'. Better to have his pride hurt than have his whole head smashed in.

"...and here comes Lennox," Optimus continued, his mouthplates quirking up at the Major dashing over to stand in his shadow and stand panting (it was approaching boiling point on the tarmac in the sun) while the plane roared downwards. "Nice of you to join us, Will," Prime loudly told the man with a smile.

Lennox was fully decked out in his parade uniform – funny hat, stiff suit, glittering buttons; the whole enchilada. He was going to die in the heat and become a puddle on the tarmac, but he did not care one iota. He looked good and Sarah would be impressed. That was all that mattered.

Magnus' sensors twitched. He sniffed, looked confused, then glanced down at Prime. He opened his internal comlink. :: His scent has changed.::

Optimus bent his head back to look up at him. ::Perfume. It signals a human's intention to engage in intimate activities with his mate.::

::Oh.:: Ultra Magnus perked up, stood looking thoughtful for a moment, then smirked and discretely trailed one finger down Prime's back armor. :: Perhaps I should get some of that too, hmm?::

Optimus choked and sent a swift expression of astoundment to his mate. If robots could blush, Prime's face would be the same color as his vibrant red armor. ::I do not need yet more excuses to be intimate with you. My control is stretched to the limit as it is!::

::Thought so...:: Ultra Magnus sent back indulgently, languidly crossing his arms over his thick chest and appearing nonchalant. Magnus wasn't the most expressive mech in the universe. The subtleties of his mannerisms that revealed what he was thinking were easily read by Optimus Prime but not by many other Autobots. He was considered similar to Prowl in that respect.

Further conversation was halted by the plane roaring past them for a landing. Magnus twitched his fingers threateningly behind Prime's head – Optimus himself feeling quite safe since he knew the wings of the plane would clear him by several feet. His huge metallic body didn't flinch or tighten as the plane swept past.

The other soldiers of NEST; particularly those that were close friends with Lennox; began assembling on the tarmac with the smartly dressed Major while they all waited for the plane to taxi to the hangar. Epps had changed out of his sweaty clothes and while he wasn't dressed in his 'smart' clothes, he was wearing his best NEST casual uniform and special hat. All of them waited while the C-17 rolled to a stop and moments later the passenger door on its side opened.

"DADDY~!"

A small five-year-old girl dressed in a red dress with smart white shoes on her feet came hopping and jumping down the lowered steps.

"Annabel!" Will laughed, watching his little girl leave the last step and practically jump into his arms. He hugged his squirming bundle of joy to his chest, delighted to see her and full of love.

The Autobot pair looked on. Magnus was most interested to get a close-up inspection of the sub-adult human female. He had been informed that the humans were very prolific with their breeding and reaching the point of becoming a burden on their own planet through sheer numbers. This was a situation alien to the Transformers. Cybertron had not felt the patter of a sparkling's footsteps for millennia. His optics stayed locked on every movement the human sparkling made. Pondering.

Annabel hugged her father's neck, planted a kiss on his cheek and then demanded to be put down. "Down, daddy. Down now!"

Will complied and set her down, a little puzzled, straightening her messed-up dress as he did so, "Why? Don't you like hugging me anymore...?"

Annabel didn't reply, instead she raced past him and the other men. She totally ignored the imposing presence of both Optimus Prime and Ultra Magnus, running between the two massive bots while they watched her carefully. She instead kept going to her objective, and ran straight up to her target, then began ecstatically hugging the leg of the one Autobot she loved more than any other.

"IRONHIDE!"

The big black menacing Weapons Specialist froze in place with the tiny human perched on the arch of his left foot strut, terrified as always of hurting the little human. The girl had her arms around his leg and her whole body pressed into his armor with a magnificent smile of pure love on her face. Ironhide looked up at Optimus Prime with a stricken expression. He wasn't used to his fellow soldiers witnessing this display of affection. With everyone staring in disbelief at him and the girl, he stumbled over an explanation, "Um... we're friends, she's my, uh, friend. Annabel."

"Say hello to her, Ironhide," Optimus directed him with an indulgent smile, while the humans and Autobots combined began laughing. Will had slapped a hand to his face and was groaning. He'd been one-upped by Ironhide-the-Terrible for his daughter's affections. Apparently she liked walking talking robotic tin cans with big guns more than she liked her own father.

"Greetings Annabel," Ironhide extended a careful finger and ever-so-gently patted the little girl's back, his optics softening with tenderness, "did you have a good flight?"

"YES! We had jelly and ice-cream, but Mom threw up her ice-cream, the new baby didn't like it, and I got to play Retro Pacman with a soldier, and I watched a movie, and I-" the girl talked on and on and on.

Annabel rattled off everything she had or hadn't done on the flight to the base, while Ironhide nodded at appropriate intervals and made approving sounds. His optics never left the precious bundle attached to his foot. While the black mech appeared very put-out at having the girl hanging onto his lower leg strut, he also failed to stop a slow but growing smile appearing on his faceplates as he paid intricate attention to everything she said. His affection and love for the human girl was boundless, no one could fault him at that, the problem was that it made him uncomfortable to have his fearsome reputation as a hard-aft shredded into tatters in front of the other Autobots and NEST personnel.

"Yep, that's my boy," Epps drawled, standing next to an open-mouthed Lennox, "the biggest damn baby-sitting kick-aft robot this side of the Milky Way."

Having left Annabel blabbering non-stop with Ironhide, Lennox was helping (or trying to) his very pregnant wife down the steps from the plane.

"Will, I'm okay, don't fuss, I do know how stairs work. Being pregnant doesn't mean I have forgotten."

While Sarah was only four months pregnant, her belly was quite pronounced and round. She took the stairs one at a time and with care while ignoring her husbands out-stretched arm. She reached the ground and sighed with relief, reaching round to the small of her back with the palms of her hands and rubbing her sore spots. It took her a second to realise there was a giant robot within touching distance of her blocking her way. She KNEW they were friendly robots, but her instincts were telling her to be terrified and run.

"Um, Will?" she asked nervously, staring at the greenish-yellow robot.

Ratchet was waiting for her, bracing himself on one knee on the ground and running scans without asking. "Hello Sarah Lennox, my name is Ratchet, I am the Chief Medical Officer for the Autobots, and Co-medical officer for NEST." He paused while he interpreted his scans. Sarah looked up at him speechlessly, blinking.

"Ah, you have been purging on the plane. This explains your pale skin and bad breath, and your bowels also show signs of mild diarrhoea." Ratchet made a clicking noise, "Do not be alarmed, the two often occur together when pregnant human females are experiencing hormonal sickness – morning sickness is the slang, I believe. All of this has left you moderately dehydrated. I can administer some approved meds to relieve your symptoms at the same time as I give you an IV drip feed, or you may wish to use a suppository – an anal tablet - to avoid the use of a needle. I know organics are often wary of them. Your choice."

Stunned silence reigned. The humans gaped like fishes and the Autobots bore expressions of TMI.

Optimus Prime sighed and rubbed at his forehead, muttering. He marched forwards determinedly, took Ratchet by the arm, and pulled him to his feet, moving him backwards and ignoring the bot's resistance, "Ratchet, perhaps your diagnosis and treatment can wait until you and Lennox's sparkmate have some privacy in the medical bay, yes?"

Ratchet twittered his optic sweepers at him. "But-"

"No, Ratchet," Optimus said firmly.

The medic crossed his arms and looked affronted. His mouthplates opened to say something but he was stalled by Optimus Prime pointing a stiff finger at him warningly and glaring a silent 'don't you dare' in his direction.

"I think this is going to be an interesting stay..." Epps said quietly behind Will and Sarah.