A/N: Don't own anything. A one shot inspired by the last episode and too much alcohol so I claim insanity as my defense.
Wreck of the Day
The knock on the door pulled Carter away from the couch where he had been working on his laptop. The only reason he was home at this time of night was because he was working on the next operation and needed a change of scenery. He also wanted to drink himself to sleep, well drink in hopes of sleep would overtake him. He tried to keep his drinking to a minimum at the office, and at home he could drink himself into the bottle.
Grabbing his gun off the table he walked to the door looking through the peep hole he saw his newest employee standing outside. Looking at his watch he observed it was well past 1 am. What was she doing at his house? Opening the door he was surprised to find her angry.
"You are a asshole." Jamie snapped as she walked into the dimly lit room.
Carter looked at her confused but said nothing. He had not done anything, he had not even seen her since the operation ended. He went home at the end of the operation nursing bruised ribs from Dean who smashed the butt of a shotgun into his side. Dean had not held back, he said it was to make it look real, but Carter was sure there was a bit more to it. He saw how Dean had looked at Jamie and himself while they were in the bar. He observed how Dean became increasingly closer to Jamie the more Carter showed affection towards her, even fake affection was enough to make the other man jealous.
"You want a drink?" Carter said stepping aside to let her inside.
Jamie walked into the house, upset that Carter did not react to her other then to offer her a drink. "Whatever you have."
Carter walked to his fridge grabbing a beer, he heard Jamie behind him.
"You are an asshole."
"You said that already. What did I do this time?" Carter asked handing her the beer. He poured himself a healthy glass of whiskey, drinking it straight no ice no chaser.
"You had to bring Scott into it. You just had too. Nothing is sacred for you."
"Jamie I don't understand. I thought we covered this earlier." Carter said annoyed with the newest member of his team. She seemed to be in the middle of a phase where everything was someone else's fault, usually Carters. Ty had gone through the phase and just as it appeared that Carter was going to be free of being to blame for someone else's problems, Jamie took Ty's place.
"I broke up with Scott tonight."
"And how is that my fault?"
"Because it brought up questions on both sides."
"Scott seemed fine when I left."
"You mean after you played him."
"Does it matter what I did? I got the job done. That is all that matters at the end of the day." Carter took a drink of his whiskey and continued, "And Scott was fine. He seemed almost happy when I left."
"Carter that is where you are wrong. There is more to life than just getting the job done. Life, the job, they are not as black and white as you make them out to be."
"I never said they were." Carter was now screaming back at Jamie. He was exhausted, in pain, and most of all he just wanted to be alone.
"You act like they are."
"Jamie whatever your problem is, It's not with me."
"It is. You keep pushing and pushing."
"I never pushed you. I asked you to do something and you did it. You made the choice Jamie."
"Just like you reminded me that Scott didn't even know my real name or who I was. You had to point that out. Why? Because you are miserable and alone. What did your wife leave you because you couldn't love her as much as the job?"
Carters anger returned, it was one thing to blame him for everything, but it was another to make assumptions about his wife. "You know nothing" Carter's voice was filled with anger.
"That's because you hide like a scared little boy."
"Jamie leave now."
"No we are finally getting somewhere Carter. Am I hitting a nerve. Too close to the truth for you? Can't run away from it."
"No you are nowhere near the truth Jamie. My wife didn't leave me. She died." Carter snapped.
Jamie was mesmerized by Carters blue eyes, they were alive with fire as he glared at her. She had assumed wrong. She was not sure what to say to him. She lowered her voice back to normal, she felt most of her anger seeping out of her. Now she was just exhausted and depressed. "Why did you have to point out that everything was a lie with Scott? I had something good going."
"I was not trying to hurt you. I was just making a point Jamie." Carter said. There was so much more he wanted to point out then too. About how she had slept with Dean when she was on a break from Scott, and he was pretty sure they had slept together while she was with Scott.
"What did you and Billy really talk about while I was at the bar?" Jamie asked.
"He told me about you doing a Betsy and what it was."
"And what did you think?" Jamie asked, knowing he had to judge her.
"Nothing."
"You didn't care?"
"No Jamie why would I? The job got done."
"That's all."
"Yeah." Carter said knowing Jamie was fishing for something, what he didn't know for sure. He suspected, but did not want to face it.
"You didn't judge me?"
"no."
"What if I told you I slept with the man and Billy robbed him."
"Whatever you had to do. It was your choice." Carter said, but he felt a bit of anger at the thought of her having slept with a stranger. The same anger he felt when he heard about her scamming the guy because despite what he said he was sure she had slept with the guy and robbed him. But when Billy told him what a Betsy was, Carter couldn't help but feel relief.
"Did you ever think about how hard this was on me?"
"Yes. But it had to be done. And I knew you could do it" Carter answered.
"You couldn't of possibly known I could do it." Jamie answered back trying to call Carter on bullshit.
"Jamie if you were able to pick yourself up after all you have been through I knew you could handle going back. That you needed to go back."
"Needed to go back?"
"Yes. So that you could prove to yourself that the life you've created now isn't all just a lie. That you have changed, and this is who you are now. You are now Jamie Allen, and no longer the other Jamie. She is a thing of the past." Carter answered truthfully. He wanted to show his newest employee that she didn't have to prove herself that she had already. She just had not realized it herself.
"So you had me do this for me? Not because it had to be done."
"It was a win win situation." Carter answered honestly. "But you can't tell me you didn't learn something from it. You broke up with Scott after all, and it wasn't just because of my remind you he didn't know your real name."
"Ok Carter tell me why did I break up with Scott then?"
"Because you realized that he was all a part of a cover you were trying to create. He did not fit with the new you except as a cover. Yeah you might have had feelings for him, but clearly not strong enough since you slept with Dean."
Jamie almost smiled, Carter was right. It was not just the fact that Dean had told her to dump him if she cared for him. She did care for Scott, but she knew she would never love him. He was plain, boring, and too caring. She needed a man who would love and care for her, but also understand her job. It helped if the man knew about her past too and didn't care. Dean was close to being that man, but not close enough. He had too many issues, he was still just a little boy trying to act like a man.
During his speech Carter was pouring himself another glass of whiskey, his third since she had entered the house.
"Haven't you had enough?" She asked, she had noticed the smell of alcohol on him when she walked in.
"Not nearly."
"What are you drinking to forget?"
"Nothing."
"Is that why you sleep so well?" She asked sarcastically.
"Don't give me lecture." Carter said.
"You expect a lot out of us, but you expect more from yourself. Too much Carter. You look like shit. Go to bed."
"Maybe I was sleeping when you knocked on my door."
"You weren't I saw you through the window." She said, "the light was on and you were working on your laptop."
"Jamie I'm not sure what you want."
"What happened to your wife?"
"She died." Carter said not offering anything else. He tried to explain to her once before, right when she and Dean had started sleeping together, but circumstances took the chance away. The time was over to tell her, it now needed to stay on the inside. Like everything else he would burry deep down and only allow it to come out when needed or when he could no longer hold the floodgates closed.
"I know, but how did she die? I assume she was during the time you tried the barbeques and being social."
"Yes. But like I said it didn't fit."
"Because she died?"
"Because it wasn't me."
"So she was just a cover?" Jamie could see the anger in Carters eyes again.
"no." Carter answered. "If that's all I have work to get done. Show yourself out." Carter started to walk away but Jamie caught his arm pulling him back.
"Let me go."
"When was the last time you slept Carter?" She noticed the grimace on his face. She wondered if he was hurt.
"Doesn't matter. " Carter said taking his arm out of her grasp, his skin felt like it was on fire where she touched him.
"It does." She said watching him closely, "You are the leader and we need you to be at your best."
"I haven't screwed up yet."
"You've come close."
"Not my fault."
"What happens when you bottom out?"
"I won't."
"What are those pills you are always taken."
"Vitamins." Carter answered flatly.
"I'm trying to help you." She said honestly. All of her previous anger had vanished. Barely remembering why she showed up that night at his house, now she had a new mission. Carter barely hid the pain he was in, not just the physical pain. The man she had once strived to impress was standing before her like an open wound hidden behind a thin layer of gauze that was slowly wearing away. She had caught him off guard showing up at his house.
"I don't need help. Go home or go help Dean. I'm sure he misses you."
"I don't want to go to Deans."
"That's a surprise. You didn't seem to mind before."
"It was different then."
"how?" Carter said turning the table.
"I didn't know who he really was. And now it's just pathetic. He doesn't even know who he is or what he wants. Other than to impress you. Dean is a little boy trying to impress daddy."
Carter smiled at how she had summed up Dean, it was close to the truth, but not quite the truth. Just as he smiled he started to cough he grabbed his side grimacing in pain.
"Let me see." Jamie said closing the distance between them.
"It's fine just a bruise."
"yeah I cringe when I have just a bruise." Jamie said pushing Carters hands out of her way. She pulled his shirt up enough so that she could see his chest. "Ouch." She said seeing the fresh bruise that was covering most of his left side. "What happened?"
"Dean and the shotgun."
"He didn't hold back." She said gently probing with her fingers feeling Carter tense under her touch. Her hands were cold on his warm flesh. "I'm not a doctor, but I don't think anything is broken."
"Could have told you that."
"excuse me for caring." S he said letting her fingers linger longer on his warm flesh.
Carter cleared his throat uncomfortable with her touching him. It felt nice to have another human being touch him. He remembered the kiss he had shared with her earlier while they were under. It had felt nice, she was a good kisser, and he couldn't help but think about how he had his arm around her. How well she fit with him.
"You feel a bit warm." She said raising he hand to his forehead.
"I'm fine."
"You are warm. Are you sure you aren't getting sick or anything?"
"No. Just tired."
"Then go to bed."
Carter closed his eyes. The combination of her soft touch, the memories of the time spent with her while undercover, and the amount of alcohol he had consumed was making him more open then he normally would have been. "I can't sleep." He said softly.
"Come on." She said grabbing his hand. Not sure what she came over her. She too remembered the time they spent undercover. Surprised at how good Carter tasted when she kissed him and how safe she felt with his arm around her. How nice it felt to feel protected.
She led him down the hallway into his room. Remembering where it was from when she spent hours there with some of Carters criminal friends, the bedroom was off the bathroom. She had spied on him while she was there, taking in his room that clearly was not the same place he had shared with his wife. The room had no touch of a woman, and it looked like not even the touch of the person who lived there. At the time she had wondered if he ever made it to the room because there were layers of dust on the dresser and nightstand.
Sitting on the bed she sat up against the headboard. Carter watched her. She motioned for him to come lay down. Gently she maneuvered him so that his head was resting against her lap, she gently ran her fingers through his hair, surprised at how soft it was. She started to softly sing:
Driving away from the wreck of the day
And the lights always red in the rearview
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you
And if this giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up then I'm giving up giving up
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In the morning Jamie woke up alone, at some point in the night she had moved position and had found herself asleep next to Carter. Her head resting on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. She had woke up once in that position, debated for a few seconds about whether or not she should leave, but eventually decided to stay and sleep some more. She too had issues sleeping and had for a long time. However, when she woke up again she was alone in the bed. The bed cold where Carters warm body had once been.
Getting up she stretched looking around for anything. Feeling stupid that she looked around for Carter or a note, she grabbed a bottle of water from his fridge and a fruit cup before she left to go home and change before she went into work.
When she walked into work she heard Carter and Dean arguing about something. She walked into the room and both men looked at her. This was awkward she thought, she wondered if Dean knew she spent the night with Carter. She wasn't even sure what it meant.
"Welcome you are late." Carter said.
Dean raised his eyebrows, and smiled at her. He wanted to tell her that Carter had his panties in a twist today, probably been up most of the night. But he wouldn't not with Carter in the same room.
"Sorry." Jamie said taking a seat at her desk. "What are we working on?"
"human smuggling ring." Dean answered, "Russians bringing in women as sex workers."
"Dean go relieve Ty from the site." Carter said waiting for Dean to leave before he addressed Jamie.
When Dean was gone, Jamie said, "What time did you leave?"
"Around 7"
Jamie did the math it meant Carter got around 5 hours of sleep. It was something.
"Last night never happened." Part of Carter wished it could have happened and meant something, but not in his line of work. Especially since he was her commanding officer. It was a mistake, out of character for him, but she had caught him in a weak moment. He had been drinking to try to sleep, and her smell and touch were so warm and inviting that it was hard to push away. He was grateful that she had enough tact to not mention it in front of Dean.
"Ok." Jamie said feeling a twinge of pain. It had meant nothing to him. She caught him in a moment of weakness, and now his defenses were back up.
"Good." Carter said, "I need you to work up a cover for me, I need it to be deep. "
"What's the cover?"
"Corrupt cop selling protection."
"Seriously?"
"Yes. It shouldn't be hard. My work that made the papers can be a starting point. Make sure you get rid of anything about my wife."
"Carter why don't you let Dean or Ty do this one?"
"Because they aren't right for it. Just do what I ask. But put a cover in place for Ty, Dean and yourself."
"Same?"
"Yes, but only have you all as a member of my team."
"Which unit?"
"Special Vice." Carter answered.
"I'll get right on it after I get a cup of coffee." Jamie said leaving to go to the kitchen to see if anyone had made coffee. Seeing the pot full she poured herself a cup, and decided to pour Carter one. She knew he liked it black. When she walked out she set it down in front of him.
"thank you."
"No problem." She said sitting down, "Don't you usually have Dean do this?"
"Yeah, but you can do it." Carter said. He didn't want Dean or Ty stumbling across the controversy in his past. They didn't need to know about it because Jamie already knew she was perfect to keep his secret.
"Ok." Jamie said.
"I trust you to do it Jamie." Carter said hoping that she would just drop the subject.
Jamie worked on Carters cover, searching through his background she came across a note in his file about his wife's death. Looking up she saw he was engrossed in his own work, she took the time to read about her death. It appeared that she had been killed in a car accident. She was driving home one night and had been hit by a truck driver who had fallen asleep behind the wheel. The semi truck had pinned her in the car.
Jamie was engrossed in reading the report that she never saw Carter standing behind her.
"She was trapped in the car for over 10 hours." Carter said his voice flat holding no emotion.
"I'm sorry." Jamie said looking up at him.
"I was at work. I was on loan to the DEA at the time. I made it to the scene right before she finally lost consciousness. They told me she had been asking for me since the paramedics arrived on the scene. The car had cut her in half." Carter closed his eyes at the memory of seeing her trapped in the car. "I only had a few minutes with her before she died. I should have had longer, but I turned my phone off and they had trouble tracking me down at the DEA. I watched as they pulled the car apart finally. I watched as ½ of her was pulled out. She bleed out within seconds. They tell me she was probably dead before they pulled the car away. That she had been bleeding internally and externally enough that she probably bled out long before they moved the car. No one was sure how she held on so long. She should have died a lot sooner. But she held on until I got there."
"I'm sorry." Jamie said seeing the pain in Carters face.
The sound of the door opening was enough to help Carter to put his mask back on. He was back to the normal Carter by time Ty walked into the room. "No reason to be it was in the past." Carter said turning. Carter was back, his walls were going back up quickly, and he vowed not to let them come back down again. He would become immune to Jamie if it took him pushing her too far.