Title: Friends With Shadows
Author: Noa
Feedback: julianna_fan@yahoo.com
Archive: Just ask.
Category: LKo angst.
Disclaimer: Blah blah blah, don't own Luka [though I wish I did], don't sue, blah blah blah. Oh, and beta-ing credit goes to Lexie - thanks, chickie.
Summary: It's... Luka and it's kind of angsty. What more do you need?
- - -
There is no one. No lover, no friends, nothing but co-workers who couldn't give a damn. To them, I am nothing but my job title, nothing but the handsome doctor - as I once heard them referring to me - who broods too much, who talks too little. They know nothing of what's inside of me, how broken, shattered and incomplete I feel inside. They don't know that the simple act of getting out of my bed in the morning and preparing myself for another day is a task that often seems impossible to me.
They don't care.
Even those who I thought used to, or at least should because they know enough to care, even they don't mind me now. I am there, but it is just as good as me not being there. The only times they care is when I don't show up, and one of them has to work my shift. Then suddenly, they call, pretend to care, to be worried. Wondering if I'm sick, if something happened, or if maybe I'm just stuck in the snow.
I guess I just don't reach out as another man in my place would. I do not want to burden them with my problems, and at the same time I am desperate for them to be interested in me, to ask, to care. I play their game, though - if they can pretend all is well with me, well so can I.
They won't mind if I'm gone. It doesn't matter if I stay here, or move back home. The only problem would be when they will need someone to replace me, but then, it shouldn't be too hard - they've got enough Residents that for some reason, are eager to stay at that cursed place.
No, it's not right to be calling that place cursed. It isn't, at least not for me. Home is cursed. The connections there, the way every single thing reminds me of something terrible, that's the real curse. Here it is good, there are no constant reminders - Only my own thoughts, my nightmares. But no connection, no real ones anyway, and it is easier for me that way.
My bedmates, they didn't care either. We got what we wanted from each other in the night, and walked away with morning. No, it will be a lie to say that we both got what we wanted - my crave for physical comfort may have been filled, but I still wanted a connection, someone to reach out to. Yet, when it was offered, I ran away screaming - metaphorically, that is. I spent so long fighting with myself, each side being terrified of what they others carved so much. I guess that's how I lost everything, why I had nothing and no one left anymore.
Author: Noa
Feedback: julianna_fan@yahoo.com
Archive: Just ask.
Category: LKo angst.
Disclaimer: Blah blah blah, don't own Luka [though I wish I did], don't sue, blah blah blah. Oh, and beta-ing credit goes to Lexie - thanks, chickie.
Summary: It's... Luka and it's kind of angsty. What more do you need?
- - -
There is no one. No lover, no friends, nothing but co-workers who couldn't give a damn. To them, I am nothing but my job title, nothing but the handsome doctor - as I once heard them referring to me - who broods too much, who talks too little. They know nothing of what's inside of me, how broken, shattered and incomplete I feel inside. They don't know that the simple act of getting out of my bed in the morning and preparing myself for another day is a task that often seems impossible to me.
They don't care.
Even those who I thought used to, or at least should because they know enough to care, even they don't mind me now. I am there, but it is just as good as me not being there. The only times they care is when I don't show up, and one of them has to work my shift. Then suddenly, they call, pretend to care, to be worried. Wondering if I'm sick, if something happened, or if maybe I'm just stuck in the snow.
I guess I just don't reach out as another man in my place would. I do not want to burden them with my problems, and at the same time I am desperate for them to be interested in me, to ask, to care. I play their game, though - if they can pretend all is well with me, well so can I.
They won't mind if I'm gone. It doesn't matter if I stay here, or move back home. The only problem would be when they will need someone to replace me, but then, it shouldn't be too hard - they've got enough Residents that for some reason, are eager to stay at that cursed place.
No, it's not right to be calling that place cursed. It isn't, at least not for me. Home is cursed. The connections there, the way every single thing reminds me of something terrible, that's the real curse. Here it is good, there are no constant reminders - Only my own thoughts, my nightmares. But no connection, no real ones anyway, and it is easier for me that way.
My bedmates, they didn't care either. We got what we wanted from each other in the night, and walked away with morning. No, it will be a lie to say that we both got what we wanted - my crave for physical comfort may have been filled, but I still wanted a connection, someone to reach out to. Yet, when it was offered, I ran away screaming - metaphorically, that is. I spent so long fighting with myself, each side being terrified of what they others carved so much. I guess that's how I lost everything, why I had nothing and no one left anymore.