The sky was growing dark as Logan pulled up in front of the institute. He turned off the motorcycle and squinted up at the sky. She was upset. Standing, he tossed the keys to Scott who'd come outside, probably to yell at him for borrowing the motorcycle again. "What did you do?" He grunted.
"What did I do?" Scott glared at him. "You know why she's upset."
Of course he did; and the news he brought wouldn't make her fears any better.
"Find anything?" Scott asked. Logan grunted; he needed to talk to the professor, then he needed to see her. Scott sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "This is bad."
"This?" Logan arched an eyebrow in disbelief. "Where have you been, Summers?" He turned an walked towards the professor's office. He froze as a clap of thunder rumbled across the grounds. He hesitated, he needed to talk to the professor, but he didn't feel like telling him he hadn't found anything, at least not yet. Charles was less patient in his old age, especially when it came to Logan. He missed Ororo and clearly she was hurting. His protective instincts kicked in and he found his way through the mansion tracking the center of the storm.
She was sitting on the bench by the lake, looking out at the water. The clouds above her were swirling, making dark patterns on the reflective surface. Logan stopped, taking her in. This wasn't anger, he'd watched her weather patterns long enough to be able to recognize specific emotions. She was nervous about something.
"I'm back." He said, moving to stand behind her. "No need for anymore gray skies, darlin'."
A soft smile curled her lips and the clouds froze but didn't disperse. "My entire universe does not revolve around you, Logan." His arm came around her shoulder and she held it, leaning back against his chest.
"Now you're lyin to me." He murmured, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "And I can't wait to show you just how wrong you are."
Ororo's laugh warmed his travel weary soul. She was safety, she was home. For a second, they enjoyed simply being together. Simple contact and stillness. But the clouds overhead didn't dissipate and neither did the weight of the world crashing around them. It was too good to last. "What did you find?" Ororo's soft sigh was an admission of defeat to the crushing power of reality. The illusion was shattered.
He sat next to her, hanging his head, unsure how to answer; it didn't matter. She knew his response; her probing eyes discerned from his expression what his mouth refused to tell her. "Go to him, Logan."
"Ro." He protested; he didn't know how Charles would process another false alarm.
"Logan." She whispered, gripping his hand. Her expression grave. "He needs to know." She swallowed. "Then return to me, there is...there is something we need to discuss."
"Ro." He protested, not ready to leave her just yet. She cupped his cheek, giving him a gentle kiss; light and warm as a summer breeze.
"I love you." She said. The words spread through his body. He nodded.
"I love you too." He whispered, tearing himself away. He'd taken four steps when it happened.
A warning pain in his head that made him freeze. There was a gasp from behind him. They both knew what it was; Charles was having one of his episodes. He ran to the door, but the air around him froze. His head felt as though it was about to explode, every nerve in his body screamed in protest as he fought his way forward. He was too far. All around him, people were immobile, looks of terror in their eyes as they saw him pass.
He was too far, he was too far. It took an eternity, but finally he made it to the door of his office. Scott was sitting in front of the desk, his eyes glassy as he reached for the medication on the desk. And Charles...Charles was groaning, the waves of psychic pain emanating from his head. The needle was in Scott's hand. Logan grabbed it and pushed his way towards Charles. Sinking the tip into his neck, he collapsed onto the floor as the crushing force of Charles' mutation stopped.
Regulating his breathing, he took a second to regroup.
"Summers, you gotta be quicker than that." he growled. "I can't always be around saving your ass."
Silence. Logan looked over at the desk. "Summers?" He stood. Scott was crumpled on the ground, his eyes open, mouth slightly agape...blood trickling out of his ears. Logan took a step back. Most people knew that death had a smell, but usually they thought it happened after a significant amount of decomp. They didn't know that the moment of death had a smell; there was a slow release of heat as the body's functions shut down. Logan staggered back. Charles was staring up at the ceiling, glassy eyed.
"Logan." his voice a rasp. "What did you find?"
Logan shook his head.
"Logan."
Scott was dead. Logan moved out of the office, into the hall. It was quiet, too quiet. The air hung, filled with...that smell. He ran through the house, all around him were the dead. Rogue, Kitty, Jubilee, Kurt. All of them on the ground, motionless.
She was outside. She was further than the others; she had to be okay. Maybe she was out of the reach of the...
He burst outside, looking towards the lake. She was lying on the bench, her snow white hair, tumbling over the side of the seat, her body motionless. Logan stumbled, suddenly slowing. "Ro." He croaked. She was just recuperating; she'd get up in a second and chide him for not being fast enough. She'd get up and fold into his arms, holding him and kissing him. She'd get up and clear the sky. She'd get up and laugh at him for worrying about her. She'd get up...she'd get up.
He sank to his knees next to the bench, unwilling to accept what all of his senses were telling him. Ororo's eyes, once so full of warmth and love were staring at him, cold, empty.
"Ro." He croaked, reaching to touch her cheek. "No." He gathered her into his arms, clutching her against his chest. "No." He buried his face against her neck, shaking her. "Come back. Please." She was limp, her body unresponsive. "Please."
His entire life became focused on one thing: survive. Charles needed him and more importantly, he needed to get him as far away from other people as possible. So he hid him away in an old water tower in Mexico. He found Caliban or rather Caliban found him. They organized a medication regime to keep him from hurting himself (and others). Logan's days were filled with work. His entire world revolved around Charles, getting him medicine, securing the compound, squirreling away money for a boat.
He told himself it was for the greater good. To help Charles, but he knew the truth. He knew the medicine had the dual side effect of helping Charles forget. If he could forget, maybe Logan could too.
"They just finished the last of the autopsies." Caliban said one morning 5 months after they moved to Mexico. Logan froze, one arm through his suit jacket. He didn't want to hear this and part of him thought that Caliban enjoyed torturing him as resentment for sitting him in an environment where he couldn't go outside.
"I've gotta be over the border. I'll be back in 2 days." Logan grunted, pulling his arm through, but he didn't move, his body unwilling to listen to his orders to get out and leave. A heavy silence stretched between the two of them. Caliban was waiting for him to ask about the results and while Logan was clearly desperate for punishment, he wasn't going to beg for it. He turned and had one foot out the door when Caliban's voice rang out:
"She was pregnant."
He didn't even need to ask who, but Caliban continued.
"Storm was about 4 weeks pregnant." He flipped open his paper.
Logan curled his hand into a fist and punched the wall, wincing as pain rushed up his arm. He didn't look back, walking straight out the door, the sun beating down on him. Slamming the door of the limo, he drove out of the compound. He slammed his foot on the accelerator speeding up and watching the dirt and dust fly up around them. He hit a pot hole and the entire car jolted. He swerved and hit the brakes. Pregnant...that's what she'd wanted to talk to him about. She had been carrying their child. His child.
"Damn it." He growled, shutting his eyes and trying to block the images his mind was conjuring; a girl with white hair and his eyes. A boy with brown skin and his brooding face. Pregnant. "Ro..." he looked up, pain lancing through his chest. She'd been worshiped as a goddess and while he'd never put much stock in religion, he knew that she'd believed in spirituality. Maybe she was in some afterlife, looking down on him now. She'd probably be disappointed in his sorry ass, but...how was he supposed to keep living when he'd lost everything. "What do I do?"
She'd probably tell him to keep going. To take care of Charles, to be happy, to make sure his life was full and to not give up. She'd always believed he was capable of more. She'd thought he'd stopped running, but she'd never realized that the reason was because he'd had something to keep him anchored.
"I know." He muttered, glaring at the sky, empty of both clouds and answers. "I'm on it." He pulled off the side of the road.
There was a baseball game playing in the background of the convenience store he stopped in on his way to his job. The line was long and Logan shifted, his throat itching as he tried to ignore the aching in his limbs. His body was breaking down. He glanced around, his eyes falling on the game. His head throbbed.
The sun shone off Ororo's pony tail as she frowned at him. "You're cheating." She accused, jabbing her finger in his direction. Next to him, Kurt ducked his head; the elf was a notoriously bad liar. Logan, however, was unimpressed. She'd have to try a lot harder to spook him.
"Not sure what you're talking about, Ro."
"The umpire is favoring your team." She growled, glaring at Scott and Jean. Jean had her hand on Scott's chest, playing with the whistle hanging around his neck. Logan arched an eyebrow.
"Everything looks square to me." He said. Ororo scoffed.
"Jubliee was safe and you know it."
"We didn't say anything when Kitty phased the ball through her instead of admittin she was out." Logan retorted.
"I don't like flying projectiles aimed at my head." Kitty muttered. "Sue me." Ororo shot her a warning look as Logan smirked.
"It should still be our inning and you know it." She hissed. Logan shook his head.
"Hey Summers." He shouted over his shoulder. "Tell Ro and her team that they need to get their asses to the out field." Clouds rolled in. He was playing with fire, but it was just too much fun to rile her up.
"Storm." Scott said. Ororo glared at him, a warning rumble of thunder sounded in the sky above them. Scott swallowed and stepped away from Jean.
Ororo got in Logan's face. She smelled of sweat, irritation, a slight undercurrent of excitement and that tangy lightning smell that was all Ro. Logan resisted the urge to growl as she brushed her lips against the shell of his ear. "This isn't over." Of course it wasn't. For all her composure, Ororo was the most competitive person Logan knew. He smirked.
"Wouldn't expect anything less, darlin'." He said, smacking her ass as she walked away. The younger students gasped as she paused to throw him a look over her shoulder. He'd definitely pay for that later. He met the heated look she gave him with a raised eyebrow. Ororo huddled with her teammates, whispering. They broke, going to their various positions. Logan's eyes narrowed as he noted that instead of her usual spot at second base, Ororo had taken the pitcher's mound. What was she doing?
Jean was up first at bat. The decision to have Ororo pitch was a good one, Logan admitted as Scott called the first strike. She could shield her mind against Jean's attempt to discern which pitch she'd throw. Jean struck out, shaking her head as Kitty whooped from 3rd. "Bye Felicia."
"Never say that again." Jubilee groaned. Logan ignored them, looking at Ororo. She was planning something.
"Blue." He said, bringing his hand down on Kurt's shoulder. "You're up."
Kurt nodded, picking up the bat. He hit the ball, it flew towards midfield. Jubilee went after it. A flash of lightning struck the side of the diamond. Everyone's attention turned to it in shock, but not Logan. His eyes were squarely on the ball as she tossed it to Gambit. It flew to first and hit Kurt in the shoulder just as he slid onto the plate.
"Out, Non?" Remy smirked. Logan ground his teeth.
"That's cheatin'." He accused. Scott shifted. "Summers." He growled. "That was a clear use of Mutant powers."
"He can't call us out on it." Ororo shouted from the pitcher's mound. "Without admitting that he's been looking the other way whenever his girlfriend psychically fed your hitters the pitches."
Logan's eyes widened as Jean blushed. He grabbed the bat and marched up to the plate. Ororo pulled down the brim of her hat. Logan's eyes connected with hers. Lightning flashed across the sky as she pulled her arm back and threw the ball. It flew towards him and connected with his bat. There was a crack and he dropped the bat, running towards first. It wasn't a home run, but it should at least get him to 2nd. And it would have...if Ororo hadn't been looking for revenge. He knew he was toast the second he rounded the corner after passing first. Rain poured down from the sky, drenching him to the bone. That in itself wouldn't have been that bad...the problem was the arctic wind that accompanied it, freezing the ground in front of him and effectively creating an ice track. Logan tried to regain his footing, his claws coming out to dig into the ground, but the wind pushed him forward, passing next to second and curving towards the pitcher's mound. Ororo was standing there, cool and calm, her eyes glowing white. The wind only stopped when he was in front of her. She leaned down and delicately tapped the ball against his frozen hair.
"Out." She said, smiling. The clouds above her vanished, leaving the sky as blue and open as it had been at the beginning of the game. Logan scrambled to his feet.
"Oh it's on." He growled, walking back towards home plate, Ororo's laughter ringing in his ears.
Logan swallowed and abandoned the water bottle, chips and jerky he'd been planning on buying. Fleeing the gas station, he got back into the car and drove. He drove not knowing where he was going. All he knew was that he couldn't stay one more second with that sound in his ears.
When he came back to the compound 3 days later, his pocket was weighed down with an Adamantium bullet.
Soft snow fell outside. Logan sat by the window sill, looking out at the institute grounds.
"The purpose of a snow day." Ororo's eyes were closed, but she was smiling. "Is to stay in bed." She turned onto her back, opening an eye and reaching for him. He chuckled.
"Why do I get the feeling that you caused this little blizzard so you could keep me in bed to yourself." He walked over to her. Ororo laughed, taking his hands.
"As if I require causing a weather disturbance to trick you into our bed." She murmured, pulling him down. He fell on top of her, growling slightly as she laughed, wrapping her arms around him. "It's warmer here." She whispered.
"A little cold don't bother me, Ro."
"Hmm." She ran her fingers up his spine. "It's letting up out there." She remarked.
He nodded.
"That means they're going to have me go out there and help melt the snow on the drive soon."
His eyes narrowed; she wouldn't. "Ro." He warned.
"I should get up now." She sighed, looking remorseful. "That way it'll be easier." She shifted, clearly intent on pushing him off to leave. He pressed himself down, resting his entire weight on her. "Logan." She teased.
"Ro, you're not leavin this bed till I'm done with you." He growled. "I don't are if I have to dig my claws into the damn mattress."
She laughed, running her fingers through his hair. "Would you look at that." She motioned to the snow that had doubled in intensity. "Looks like it's not going to be finished for a while."
Logan gasped awake, the hot desert sun hitting his face. He glared at the window, looking for someone to blame for his waking. He only saw her in dreams and it made him fear closing his eyes, but he couldn't stop. Sitting up, he grimaced as his muscles screamed. Coughing, he stretched, ignoring the way his entire body seemed to itch. He was breaking down. It had begun before, but things had gotten worse ever since... He got up and grabbed one of the bottles from his bedside. His back hurt and his knuckles burned with barely healed skin. He needed to go state side. He had to get more money and Charles was low on medicine. With out it...he swallowed, taking another swig of booze to wash away the image of empty blue eyes from his mind.
Grunting at Caliban, he made his way to the car. Just another medicine run like all the others. Nothing unusual about that.
Charles was raving about a girl he needed to find. Logan put him back in his bed, ignoring his cries. There was no girl. There were no more mutants they were all gone. He slammed the door of the water tower and glared up at the blinding sun. "I know." He growled. "I'm not as understanding as you." Ororo would have known how to calm Charles. She would have known how to handle his fits and his questions. She was better at the touchy feely shit. There was no girl. He wasn't going chasing after crazy pipe dreams. He had a plan; going on a wild goose chase was not part of it. He just needed to get more money to get that boat.
And then what? A voice whispered in the back of his head. What's your plan then? Die on the ocean? His conscience was beginning to sound like her.
"Leave me alone." He pressed a hand to his forehead, trying to hold back the headache that was forming. He wasn't going after this lead; the last time...the last time he'd lost everything. He wasn't going to risk what he had left to go after one of Charles' delusions.
This is about more than whether or not she's a mutant. Ororo's voice said and he leaned against the door frame. She's being hunted. It's the right thing to do.
"And you dying?" He shouted at the sky. "Was that the right thing? Huh?" Silence. He took a deep breath, ignoring the thudding of his heart. "Awful quiet now." He muttered. He didn't need to hear her tell him what he already knew. If she were here she'd have said it wasn't his fault. She'd have told him to hell with his own self pity and kicked his ass out the door herself. Probably surround the whole compound with a tornado until he did as he was supposed to. He sighed, looking out across the desert. He needed the money. They needed the money. So he'd go back to pick her up and drive her, but that didn't mean he'd be happy about it.
The kid was his...the phone slipped through his fingers as he looked over at her. She really was his kid. They'd...grown her in a lab and turned her into...
A weapon like you? Ororo's voice made him grimace as he looked at Charles and Laura asleep in the back seat.
"Shut up." He growled. "You're a figment of my imagination."
She needs you.
"No one needs me." He put the phone down. "I let everyone down..." I let you down. He looked at Laura's sleeping form, sprawled across Charles' lap. She was a killer already and...it was because they tried to make her like him.
She found him staring at a laptop in his room. He jumped as she put her hand on his shoulder, tearing his gaze away from the screen. "Ro." He croaked, shutting off the screen and looking back at her. "What are you-" He stopped as she pushed his hand aside, reaching towards the computer, intent on discovering what he was trying to hide from her. "No." He growled.
"Logan."
"I don't want you to..." He hung his head. "You shouldn't see that. I-" He faltered under her gaze.
"We don't have secrets from each other Logan." She said, her tone brokering no argument. She turned on the computer, sitting next to him. He focused on the video, unable to face the look of disgust he knew would be on her face. It was footage from a Weapon X facility. They scrambled his brain and turned him loose on a room full of prisoners. There was so much blood, it coated the camera lens. Ororo was silent, her hand covered his. "Do you not see?" She whispered. "You are not what they made you."
"I killed those people, Ro." He growled. "For nothing."
"I have harmed people." She threw him a challenging look. "Do you blame me for them?"
"No." That had been the Shadow King's fault, not hers. "That wasn't you, Ro."
"And yet." She put her hand on his arm. "If harm were to come to you, I do not know what I would do." She shut the laptop, shifting so she was facing him. "Why is it that you can forgive everyone except yourself, my love?"
He gulped, looking up to meet her eyes. She smiled at his shocked expression.
"Yes. I love you." She tilted her head. "Do you love me?"
He nodded.
"Then forgive yourself for the things over which you had no control."
He swallowed looking at Laura. "I can't be what she needs me to be." He said. "And you were always better with kids."
Ororo's voice was silent.
Another goddamn seizure. If he had been even a second later... He shut the thought out of his head and focused on the drive.
One more second and they would have ended up like me.
"Shut up." He growled, earning himself a strange look from Laura. What was she going to say; she couldn't talk anyway.
You don't want me to.
Oh yeah? He thought to himself, angry.
Logan, you need to keep going.
It's a goddamn fairytale, Ro. She got it out of a story book. We're on the run for nothing.
It's real for her.
THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT TRUE.
Behind him, Charles groaned. He probably couldn't hear the words, but he felt the anger rolling off of him. Logan forced his emotions down. He'd avoided thinking of her where Charles could hear. He didn't want him to ask painful questions. If Charles knew...it would break him.
You stopped wanting to live. Her voice was back and Logan growled in frustration. Laura shot him a look but didn't say anything. You're allowing yourself to die as punishment for not helping me. For not being fast enough.
"I wasn't." he whispered.
Oh my love. She sounded sad.
It was him. A younger, stronger, less broken clone of him...with Charles' blood staining his claws and Laura trussed up like a turkey in his hand. Logan ran through the house, ignoring the smell of blood and recent death. Charles was on the bed, blood spilling over the bed. He hauled Charles into his arms, tucking the blankets tightly around him. Even in his darkest moments, he'd never pictured this.
"It wasn't me." He whispered, carrying him to the truck. He didn't blame Charles. He wasn't to blame for Ororo, for any of them. "It wasn't me." Charles had to know that he hadn't done this. That a monster had worn his face. That...
Charles gripped his hand. "Our...boat." He gasped, then his grip went lax.
Blood roared through Logan's ears, mirrored in Laura's screams as she was carried off by that...that thing. The animal that Logan thought he'd buried long ago, clawed its way t to the surface. If Charles was dead, then all of this had been for nothing. If Charles was dead, he had no focus; he was cut adrift. He'd dedicated the rest of his life to making sure Charles was safe...and now he was gone and with him, the last connection to Ororo had disappeared.
There's water, Logan thought to himself as he dug. His injuries burned as he lifted the shovel. Charles would like that there was water. He would...He let his mind wander off as he realized that he had never known where she was buried. There'd been rumors that her body had been sent to Kenya, but Logan never pursued more information. It would have raised too many questions and her body wasn't Ro. The things that made her the woman he'd loved were gone. Moping over a grass covered grave wouldn't have changed that.
So instead you chose to bury yourself in your grief. Her voice was back. He gripped the handle of the shovel, hunching his shoulders.
"Fuck off." He growled. "You're not her." Laura was standing a few feet away and flinched at his voice. He glared down at the task. The grave was deep enough to hold Charles. He picked him up and gently lowered him into the ground; this was wrong. Laura turned her head, shoving her sunglasses over her eyes. He understood; he was an expert in the art of voiding pain. She didn't look until he'd covered the body with a thick layer of dirt.
"There's water." he said when he'd covered the grave. Motioning downhill. "And trees...there's..." He felt his throat catch. He'd never fully allowed himself to grieve for all of them. He'd blocked it out, hidden it from Charles. He'd drunk himself sick, using the pain of his decaying body and failing abilities to hide from confronting his past. It hit him head on; Charles was gone. Ororo was gone. He was alone, stuck with a child who hated him, chasing after a dream that never existed.
"Who is Ororo?"
Laura was sitting at his bedside when he'd woken up. They'd injected him with a stimulant created by the facility they'd escaped from. Laura said it was healing him. HE was sure it was only prolonging the inevitable. He glared at the ground, wondering why she chose to mention that name.
"You say her name in your sleep." Laura continued, tilting her head. "Orooooooooroo.." She drew out the name in a pained groan. Logan grit his teeth.
"She's dead."
Laura barely blinked, obviously expecting a similar answer. "Did you love her?" She asked. Logan didn't answer. She reached in her pocket, pulling something out. It was small; she rolled it between her fingers before holding up to the light. Logan's gut clenched as he recognized it; the adamantium bullet he carried with him everywhere. "Is she why you have this?" She asked.
His eyes dropped. "It's Adamantium." He shrugged. "I figure its the only thing that..."
"That can kill you." She finished, looking at the bullet. Logan wanted to snatch it out of her hands; get it as far away from her skin as possible, but he couldn't move. "She must have been amazing." Laura whispered. "For you to love her."
"What do you want from me?" He croaked. Didn't she understand that the reason she was being hunted, that her childhood had been stolen was because of him? How could she care about him? Want anything to do with him. He had to make her understand. "The people I care about end up hurt."
Laura's eyes flashed and she met his glare straight on. "Then I am safe." She turned and walked out. Logan hung his head. He'd managed to make things worse. Laying back, he looked up at the ceiling.
"Nothing to say?" He growled. The heavy desert air was silent.
The pain in his chest was unlike any that he'd ever experienced and yet Logan didn't worry. He knew he was dying and that Laura and her friends were going to be safe. He could feel the cold spreading through his limbs. His every breath was a fight. Laura was next to him. "Dad." She said, tears in her eyes. He reached for her, pressing his hand against her face. He didn't mind leaving, not when he knew that Laura was safe. That she could live away from the pain that had plagued him his whole life.
"So this is what it feels like." He whispered. He'd wondered what it would be like to have a family. He'd always found it difficult to picture it. Laura was crying. There was a light from behind her. Logan felt his arms grow weak. He couldn't move anymore. Laura was sobbing next to him, but it was as though he couldn't feel it. There was nothing except the light in front of him.
"Ro?" He murmured. She smiled, reaching out her hand. He took it, the weight he'd carried in his bones his entire life gone.
"I have missed you, my love."