Squad 1

1. Braid Yamamoto's beard like Unohana's hair and insist on calling him Unohana senior.

2. Rant on and on about trivial stuff until he falls asleep. Then charge the Gotei 13 $5 to gawk at him.

3. During one of his tea ceremonies, announce you wish to have a chug contest with Yamamoto to see who can chug down more scalding tea.

4. Pretend to choke and punch yourself in the stomach as an attempt to spit up the tea.

5. Spit said tea in his face and give a pat on the back. Then use his haori as a towel and wipe the dripping liquid of his face.

6. Go up to Chojiro Sasakibe and yell in his face "Who the hell you?"

7. Pretend you are writing an autobiography about his life and only write one sentence and leave the other 356 pages blank

8. Mix his tea leaves and some sleeping pills from Unohana together and tell him it's a new kind of drink from the western culture.

9. Invite Yachiru over and give her a marker. Promise her if she does a good job, you'll give her candy.

10. Take picture of the finished artwork on Sasakibe's face and sell it to the Shingami Women's Association. (hey, at least no one will forget his face)

Squad 2

1. Follow Soi Fon everywhere and hum the Mission Impossible song everywhere she goes.

2. Photoshop a picture of Yoruichi and Urahara together (drunk) and mail it to Soi Fon.

3. Ask Mayuri Kurosutchi to make a bunch of cat themed merchandise. Them carve Kisuke's name onto the items and mail them off to Soi Fon.

4. Way early in the morning, play Madonna's 4 Minutes to wake her up.

5. Plant rice cracker wrappers all over the division barracks and blame it on Omaeda.

6. Tell Omaeda he's an ugly, fat, lardass.

7. Ask him to take an I.Q test that was approve by Mayuri and post the results all over the Seireitei.

8. Challenge him to race Soi Fon in a shunpo contest and have his family come to watch.

9. Ask him if he would like to gay out with someone and look pointedly at Soi Fon.

10. Write "jolly fat man and damn proud of it" on the back of his jolly fat head.

Squad 3

1. Make the Squad 3 office smell like persimmon because Izuru really hates the stuff.

2. Sing a loud, delicious theme song for him from various artists (Madonna, Mariah Carey, Lady Gaga, etc) and make people look at him weird. Tell Izuru it was requested from Shuhei and Momo.

3. Invite Rangiku to his office with several bottles of sake and a "few" drinking friends at midnight in Hitsuguya's office.

4. Ask him if he's emo.

5. Ask him if he's goth. (make sure to draw attention to yourself while doing this).

Squad 4

1. Invite Yachiru during Unohana's Ikebana lesson's and eat the flowers like a cow then spit them back out in front of her.

2. Shy away from her and anyone who made contact with her in a hysterical manner.

3. Throw a loud party in Squad 4 barracks and tell Unohana its for her so she can't do anything about it.

4. Casually imply Ukitake's name every time you have a conversation to her and ask her in front of squad members, if she like him.

5. Write sappy love letters addressed from Ukitake and Shunsui to her.

6. List the chronological order of Isane's growth with the inches and post them over the Seireitei.

7. Shrink her clothing to make her think she's grown

8. Innocently slip kamaboko (fish cakes) into Isane's porridge and watch her eat it.

9. Give her sleeping pills you stole from Unohana and slip them into a beverage of hers.

10. Play lullabies in her room because she knows she doesn't and can't sleep because she doesn't want to get any taller.

Squad 5

1. Every time you talk to her, say isn't the weather peachy today?"

2. Give her plum juice because she hates it.

3. Ask if she wants to play spin the bottle with Toshiro.

4. Doodle on the sides of her favorite books.

5. Give her a bottle of sake with a label that says from Renji and Izuru.

Squad 6

1. Put temporary tattoos on Byakuya's face.

2. Or better yet, have Yachiru draw something on with a permanent marker.

3. Overly decorate Senbonzakura with cherry blossoms from his favorite tree.

4. Forge a funny letter that was "from" Yoruichi and let Soi Fon at him.

5. Eat his seaweed ambassador cookies than spit them back out in his face.

6. Ask Renji if he got the tattoos from a shop or if they are natural (if you look at the manga, he didn't start getting tattoos until he started the academy)

7. Ask if he's queer because he has a flair for buying pink floral night clothing. (it almost resembles Shunsui Kyoraku)

8. Slip hot sauce in his lunch and tell him that Byakuya did it.

9. Buy him a pair of flamboyant sunglasses from the Seireitei's Silver Dragonfly Glasses Shop.

10. Have the lenses "tricked out" in hearts and flowers. (best results would vary if you took a really girly person with you. -cough Yachiru cough- -cough Yumichika cough-)

Squad 7

1. Shove a huge bucket on Komamura's head and tell him you're just helping him find another helmet.

2. Go to the human world and buy a 50lb bag of dog food. Tell Komamura you bought it for him so he has to eat it. In front of you.

3. Arrange a doggy "play date" with a handsome female or better yet a male dog.

4. Ask Mayuri to make a meat scented perfume just for him.

5. Give him bone-themed gifts. (Halloween skeletons would be better)

6. Take away Tetsuzaemon's sunglasses and give them to Renji.

7. Make a fake confession "from" Matsumoto, Rangiku and see if she'll take him or not. (not)

8. Send a photo to all Shinigami Men's Association, depicting him as a gangster/ballerina.

9. If this works, then his pride as a man would be the butt of the Shinigami Women's Association's jokes.

10. Write "loser" all over his face.

Squad 8

1. Redirect Squad 10's paperwork over to Squad 8 and have Shunsui do it. By himself.

2. Have Mayuri make a robot that can change into a man or a woman. When the robot is about to kiss him, make it change into a man.

3. Set him up on a blind date with a lady/man or both.

4. Expose him to Nanao's terrifying, life-scarring death glare with her glasses off.

5. Have Nanao take away all his sake and lock him away forever from the outside world until a handsome prince saves him. (Jushiro Ukitake)

6. Replace Nanao with Nemu as vice chairwoman at the Shinigami Women's Association.

7. Take away that heavy book in Nanao's hands and replace it with a comic.

8. Make the office smell like sake.

9. Pay Shunsui to cause havoc in the division, then let her find out you paid him to do so.

10. Have Yachiru throw a rowdy party with Shunsui advising her what to do.

Squad 9

1. Teach Shuhei how to play Barbie World on the guitar and encourage him to play this song for squad members.

2. Give him expired free food.

3. Give him an additional tattoo on his face that says "kiss me, I'm drunk"

4. Set him up with Matsumoto, Rangiku and see how she reacts.

5. Introduce him to Guitar Hero and tell him he can't afford it.

Squad 10

1. Ask Rangiku to arrange a surprise ambush for his fan girls.

2. Have his division blast Mariah Carey's Obsessed all day and announce that it would be his new theme song.

3. Tell him you won't let him do his paperwork in peace until he dances to Obsessed. (have Matsumoto videotape this).

4. Laugh at every sentence he says even though they aren't funny at all. (Also comment on his lack of humor. It's like he was born without one).

5. Make a fort using his enormous stacks of finished paperwork. If he tries to stop you, aim a fan at the fort and threaten to blow away his work.

6. Replace all of Rangiku's sake with rice flavored juice (if that's possible)

7. Make Toshiro take the day off and force Matsumoto to do the work while listening to people talk outside all day.

8. Ask her personal questions when she drunk (carry a notepad on you all the time) and post the answers to the division. (it doesn't matter if they are incoherent)

9. Ban shopping 4ever or at least when Toshiro is gone. (which is never)

10. Gel her beautiful hair into a hilarious design (make sure the gel stays there so she can't was it off)

Squad 11

1. Take Kenpachi's sword and make it into a toy for Yachiru.

2. Replace all the cool guys in Squad 11 with drooling noobs.

3. Said noobs can't fight. At all.

4. Give Yachiru so much candy that even Kenpachi can't stop her sugar rush.

5. Steal a bell from his hair and give it to Yachiru as a "jingly" candy.

6. Give Yachiru fruit instead of candy.

7. Say stuff like you're Mayuri so you confuse her.

8. Make her eat vegeatbles.

9. Pull one of Yachiru's classic pranks on her and see how she reacts )with a camera) and sell it to the Shinigami women's Association.

10. Catch Yachiru's temper tantrum on tape and give it to Byakuya.

Squad 12

1. Give Mayuri clown makeup so he'll look happy instead of that stupidass look he has on his face.

2. Hide a large boom box in his lab and play loud rap songs all day.

3. Have Hachigen put a barrier around the boom box so he can't destroy the boom box.

4. Pretend the Sou-taicho needs Nemu so Mayuri has to finish every scrap of work by himself.

5. Cut his middle fingernail.

6. It is physically impossible to annoy Kurosutchi, Nemu.

7. It is mentally impossible to annoy Kurosutchi, Nemu.

8. Thanks a lot, Mayuri.

Squad 13

1. Be all cheerful with Ukitake until the point where every word you say is like a sugar unicorn coming from rainbow land.

2. Go on a sugar rush (do this with yachiru)

3. Style his girlish white hair into a very feminine hairstyle. (pigtails, etc)

4. Give him fish flavored tea.

5. Say it was the courtesy of Shunsui Kyoraku.

Author's note. If you already tried these out then I hope it worked otherwise then sorry because your ass will be burned, frozen, stung, cherried blossomed, and poisoned. If it did work then the only one who should be sane would be Nemu Kurosutchi.

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