Author's Note: I know there are quite a bit of these floating around, but I just had to! I started this last night, and finally finished it a few minutes. This was supposed to just be a drabble, but it got a bit long. I won't lie, it's a bit rushed, but this was more the help me get over the depression I felt after this episode. I needed a headcannon to imagine. It's angsty at the beginning, but I swear it get's happier! ALSO, SPOILERS for 4x04 and 4x04.
I DO OWN GLEE, LEA MICHELE, OR CORY MONEITH.
A door slams behind a tiny brunette, her own arm clutching around her stomach as she leaned back against the door. And she really wants to take it back. She really fucking wants to take back everything that just happened in that room with that boy. Just another boy. That's all he is, right?
But she can't.
Finn's gaze drops to the floor as he swallows. He swallows hard, swallowing everything little bit of everything he felt. His eyes search the floor, searching for anything, just something to keep his gaze from Rachel's.
Rachel's.
The thought of her name leaves a sour taste behind and he hates that. He hates what he thinks of her right now. And he tries to push it away but he can't. The feelings there and it only leaves one question.
"Why?" he asks slowly, silently moving his gaze up to her's and he can see the tears pulling in her eyes.
Rachel pushs her back against the door, trying to straighten herself up a little bit, but right now she just feels so small. So little. Such a tiny girl in a big sea and a mistake that shouldn't have happened.
"I-I-I'm-I'm," she stammers and forces herself eyes back up, the tears back. "I'm sorry," she whispers, unable to say the words any louder. Her eyes close tightly, and she tilts her head up just a bit. But she sounds confused, and he can hear the ache behind her words. He can hear the plea and the desperation and that makes his heart break just a little bit more. "You didn't call-"
"Three months, Rachel. It's been three months," he keeps his eyes on the wall behind her, unable to look at her face, tears now rolling down her cheeks. "You've already moved on. You found someone. I'm meaningless to you now. J-Just a random boy you used to date," he forces back any stammers, "I'm no one to you. All of that, everything we were, it's nothing. Just a small little speck on your journey."
She tries to stop him, tries to make him stop saying all of this because it's breaking her. She reaches a hand out, touching his arm. Finn flinches and the brunette pulls away quickly, "I-I-I, I still lov-"
He cuts her off, "If you loved me, you wouldn't have done that." He turns, tears pouring down his cheeks as he walks back out the way he came in. And Rachel sunk to the floor, her make-up running down her face as she clutches her knees to her chest, praying to go back to the start.
x
It's been two weeks since the last time they spook. Finn is helping with Glee Club and Rachel's still in New York. She's pushed Brody away. Pushed everyone away, even distancing herself from Kurt himself who only found out about Finn's return through Carol.
And Kurt, he get's it. So he let's Rachel have her space, let's her cry herself to sleep every night. They have beds now. It's actually becoming a real house and they even hung up curtains for privacy. Kurt hates hearing her cry every night, but he won't intrude on her. He leaves her little notes on her pillow every night and a little mug of hot chocolate next to her bed. Little funny notes and he smiles when he hears a wet giggle coming through the curtain when she reads them. He thinks maybe she'll be okay if he gives her that little giggle every night.
Rachel's broken. She's numb inside. It's worse being apart from him now than before because now they're not on good terms. And it hurts. It just fucking hurts a lot.
She shows up in the auditorium after almost three weeks, and he's there.
"Wha-What-, why?" He tries, but she stops him, tears already rolling down her cheeks.
"You were my first love, but I can't do this anymore," she cried a bit, wiping her eyes before continuing. Finn wants to hold her. To wrap her in his warm embrace and never let go.
"It's too much, Finn, it hurts. It hurts to think about you. We can't do this anymore. Surrender, right? Just let go. And if we end up back together, then that's how it will be. We can't keep pretending. It hurts too much," she grabs her bag, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. "I-I-I, I'll see you…..Finn." She runs out, tears running down her face as Finn's mouth just gapes, his own eyes beginning to water until he realizes it's actually the end. And then he just breaks down.
x
It's been almost a year, and Rachel's landed the lead in an off-Broadway production of Wicked. Finn hears it through Kurt, and he decides maybe, just maybe he'll go.
Because he promised her he'd come to everyone of her shows, and Finn doesn't like to break promises. Even little ones.
Two weeks later he's on a flight to New York and sitting in one of the back rows of a small theater. A brunette is sing her heart out on stage, and even though he won't admit, a tear streams down Finn's cheek as he watches.
Rachel hugs her NYADA friends as she finishes, (Surprisingly, people actually started to like her a bit more after she landed a role in an actually big production.), and she heads back to her dressing room after many minutes pass. About a dozen flowers are tied together with a ribbon on her make-up table, a note tied on that reads -'Dear Rachel, you were amazing. I was never unsure you were born to be on that stage, but I couldn't be more sure tonight. You were flawless. And I guess I, I kinda might miss you. - Take a guess' - and she holds a hand over her mouth as she hears someone lean against the door.
"Finn," she sighs and she can't help the smile that's pulling on her lips. And even though they're broken up now and things had ended the way they did, he can't help but smile back.
"A promise is a promise," he says and she throws herself on him, her arms wrapping around his neck because really, she was so glad he was here. And maybe, just maybe, they could give this whole Finchel thing another shot.
She pulls away and he lets her feet touch the ground. "I guess I might kinda miss you, too," she whispers, a little smile forming on her lips.
x
It takes two weeks for Finn and Rachel to start falling back into old habits. Finn's already moving to New York to live with Rachel and Kurt. A year and they've already fallen back into old patterns. Kurt calls it destiny, fate. 'It's the tether.' Rachel joked with him. Maybe they just were meant to be. Though no I love you's have fallen from either of their lips, they know what they feel.
There's no kisses just yet. They're taking things slowly and letting everything fall back into place. They refuse to rush.
x
It takes days to move Finn into their place, but it's amazing once they finally do. Kurt had run down to pick up some pizza to celebrate and Finn's settled himself on the couch. He kicks his shoes, throwing his feet up on the couch and leaning on the side, his chest facing upward.
This place is actually a real house now. There's furniture and a kitchen and electricity and a bathroom and everything they could have wanted. Things are falling into place. Kurt's still working at Vogue and Finn's planning on applying for the Actor's Studio again but for now he'll just work. He'll help pay bills and he'll help take some of the stress off of Rachel.
They all still keep in touch with their old friends. Everyone from McKinley. They all swear they'll never lose that contact and so far it's working incredibly well for all of them. Puck's still in LA and everyone is off doing their own things, but no one's sad. And if anyone ever feels alone, they all know exactly who to call.
The brunette girl wanders over in a pair of plaid shorts and a tank-top. They're both exhausted. Rachel lowers herself to his lap and kisses his cheek before comfortable settling herself with her head on his chest.
Finn smiles at the unexpected gesture. This was the first time they'd done anything of this manner since high school. And her touch, it just feels so good. It's the best thing he's ever felt and he feels a hum run through his body.
Rachel runs a hand up and down the other side of his t-shirt clad chest, a content smile on her face. He runs a hand up through her long hair, his other arm wrapped around her small body. She pulls the arm wrapped around her back so that it's wrapped around further but she can hold it in her own.
The petite girl presses a little kiss to each one of his knuckles and he smiles down at her. "Does this mean you love me again?" He whispers, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"It means I never stopped."