Title: Merry Christmas My Ass
Author: David
Rating: PG13
Summary: Takes place after AMLC. What might happen if Harm invited Mac over for Christmas, and she brought Webb? The angst-monster had to come out to play, again.
Category: Romance: M/W, H/M. Angst.
Completed: September 22, 2005
Part One
Harm's Apartment
2325 Local
December 24, 2003.
"Call her," Mattie said with conviction.
Harm shook his head. This was not the first time Mattie had suggested he call Mac; she had done it several times since they had returned from 'The Wall'. Mattie wanted him to invite Mac over for Christmas, but Harm knew better; Mac didn't want to see him anyway.
"She's on a date with Webb," he replied lamely.
Mattie grinned and plopped down on the couch beside him. "Tonight she is, yeah." Harm had explained to her who Webb was after Mac had left them. He left out specifics, but made it abundantly clear that Mac and Webb were dating. "But you don't know her plans for tomorrow." She grabbed the portable phone off the coffee table and dropped it in his lap. "Call her, Harm. She wants to see you. I know she does."
He snorted. "Not likely, Mats. She's been going out of her way to avoid me since I returned to JAG. She's with Webb now, and I am the last person she would want to see."
Mattie rolled her eyes like only a teenager could, and shook her head. "Yes, she does, Harm. She's just too scared to admit it." She dropped her hand onto his arm. "She wanted to stay when you asked her tonight, you know, but she's afraid."
He looked at her intently. "Afraid of what? And how do you know? Did she tell you?"
Mattie took his hand in hers. "No, she didn't tell me a thing; she didn't have to. I could tell."
"How?"
"The look in her eyes, the sound of her voice. It was all there, Harm. Don't tell me you never saw it?"
But he hadn't seen it. All he had heard was: 'I have a date with Webb', everything else hadn't registered after that. "Are you sure?" He asked, squeezing her hand. And you still haven't told me how you know she's afraid."
Mattie grinned, leaning her head against his shoulder as her arm went across his chest. "You didn't ride over with her; I don't think I have ever seen anyone more terrified in my life. I thought she was going to chew her own lips off, she was so nervous." She hugged him tightly. "Just trust me, Okay? Call her."
Harm looked down at the phone in his lap like it was a venomous snake that would bite him if he so much as twitched. He wanted to see Mac–was desperate to reconnect with her–but his heart told him she didn't want to see him.
Mattie sighed and reached for the phone. "Do you want me to do it?"
"No!" he shouted, snatching the phone from her. "I'll do it."
Mattie winked at him, grinning like a fool, and leaned back into the cushions. Her eyes never left him as he stared at the phone. After a few seconds, she spoke. "Do you need help dialing the number?" she asked, reaching for the phone again.
He shot her a withering glare, and she giggled. "Thanks, Mats, but I think I can handle it."
She flopped back onto the cushions. "Well, if you have trouble figuring it out, you know where I'll be."
Looking down at the phone, he thumbed the power button. Taking a deep breath, he punched the speed-dial for Mac's cell–she wasn't likely home from her date yet.
After five rings he was just about to hang up when a breathless voice answered. "Harm, what's wrong?"
"Uh...nothing. How did you know it was me?"
"Call display, Flyboy, get with the twenty-first century."
"Oh..." This was awkward as hell. "Why do you sound like you just finished a marathon?"
Mac laughed. "I was in bed, but my cell was on the coffee table in the living room, I almost didn't get to it. Why didn't you call my land-line?"
"Um...I didn't think you would be home from your date yet." He tried not to sound bitter. "So, I figured your cell was the best way to catch you."
"Clay, brought me home over an hour ago," she replied hesitantly.
Harm winced. "Oh...geez, Mac. I'm sorry; I shouldn't have called." The thought of her and Webb in bed together was enough to make him want to break something–preferably Clay's neck.
Mattie sensed his discomfort, and placed a reassuring hand on his arm.
"I'll leave you two alone, and call you tomorrow...or something." He hoped he didn't sound as flustered as he felt.
Mac sighed. "Clay's long since gone home, Harm. I was in bed because I've had a really long day."
He wondered why she felt the need to tell him that she and Webb were not in bed together. It wasn't like it was any of his business, but he was relieved beyond measure that they weren't. "Oh, okay, I can call you back tomorrow if you are too tired to talk now."
"Harm!" she said forcefully. "Spit it out. Tell me why you called."
Finding his courage suddenly flagging, Harm hesitated. He may have been able to land damaged aircraft on storm-tossed carrier decks, or face down armed terrorists without blinking an eye, but when it came to Sarah MacKenzie, he felt like a little boy who still needed a night-light to fall asleep. "Um...I, that is, Mattie and I were wondering if you wanted to come over tomorrow and spend Christmas with us?"
Now it was her turn to hesitate, and after a dozen seconds of silence passed between them, Harm decided to let her off the hook. "Look, Mac, I understand if you don't want to come. It's okay, really. I'm sorry I bothered you. I'll see you at work next week." He knew he was rambling, but it was the only way he could hide his pain–she didn't want to see him, just as he had suspected. "Goodnight, Mac. Sleep well."
"Harm, wait!" she blurted. "Please, don't hang up."
The raw pleading sound of her voice added fresh cuts to his heart. "I'm still here," he replied quietly, unwilling to let himself hope.
She exhaled audibly, her relief evident. "Harm, I would love to spend Christmas with you and Mattie..."
"But?" he prompted.
Mac sighed in resignation. "But I promised to spend the day with Clay tomorrow. He's taking me to have dinner with his mother at 1800."
Harm closed his eyes as the waves of defeat washed over him. His worst fears had come to pass–not that he had really expected anything different. "I understand, Mac. You have a better offer."
"Please, don't say that, Harm," she pleaded. "I really wish I could do both..." She paused for a moment, and then with a brighter voice said: "Hey, since we don't have to be at Clay's mother's until 1800, how about Clay and I stop over tomorrow morning? We could do lunch."
Harm frowned. He wanted to see Mac, but he wasn't sure he could handle seeing her with Webb.
"Harm?"
The soft, insistent sound of her voice over the phone made up his mind for him. If it meant he got to spend time with her, he would tolerate Webb. "Be here at 1100, okay?" He tried to sound happier than he felt–this was going to be a real challenge. "And bring your appetite."
"Great!" The glee in her voice made him smile despite his reservations. "I'll see ya then, Flyboy."
The line went dead, and Harm dropped the phone onto the coffee table.
"Well?" Mattie asked with barely suppressed anticipation.
"Better get up early tomorrow, Mats. We have company coming, and there's gonna be a lot of work to do if we want to be ready by the time Mac comes over for lunch."
"Yes!" Mattie sprung up off of the couch and wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a quick hug. "This is so awesome; it'll be great, you'll see." She went over to the cot Harm had brought out for her to sleep on, and then turned to him. "You better get some sleep too, Harm. You don't want to be all groggy and grumpy when she gets here. Do you?"
She winked at him and crawled under the covers of her make-shift bed. Standing, Harm went over, turned out the lights, and adjusted the thermostat. Mac was coming to see him in the morning, and she was bringing Webb with her. Joy and despair were at war inside him, and he had no idea which emotion was going to win.