The Hardest Thing
She cries softly for her husband now, a man that he too, had come to adore in his lifetime. Tears fall down her pale cheeks, sparkling brilliantly in the dim light before falling onto her hands, clutched tightly together in front of her. He reaches for those small, soft hands, holding them gently while she weeps into his shoulder. Shedding his own tears, his wishes and dreams vanish with two words that he will never forget throughout his entire life: *I can't*.
"I can't...." She murmured through sobs; her hands clutch at his short hair and down to his neck, sending chills through his spine and out to his limbs. He pulls her back slightly, staring at her tear-streaked, but still beautiful face. She is never recognized as the great beauty that she is, never like his former love, a woman who adored by so many men. This woman hides her beauty behind a false identity, a shell that only few had managed to break through. He cups her chin in his hands and slowly kisses her good- bye, much like a friend would. He wanted to remember exactly the way her lips felt on his: soft and warm, with a longing behind them that he couldn't begin to comprehend.
"Goodbye, ChiChi." He stated solemnly, pulling back from her lips and staring into her deep black eyes once more. He remembered the first time he ever gazed into those eyes; him a young man, scared to death of any girl; she, a proud, if slightly ditzy young warrior, with a sharp throwing fin attached to the small helmet on her dark hair. If he had any idea what he would feel for that tiny girl later on in his life, he would have wrapped her up in his arms and took off with her then. Before it was too late. Before she was wrapped up in someone else's arms. However, fate and destiny work in strange ways, and she was never meant to be his. She lives for another man, one that he could never live up to, no matter how much effort he gives.
*****
She was asleep when he entered the room, his hands still sore from dialing all of her friends and family to come to the hospital while she was in labor. Her hair, which was usually up in a severe bun, was loose and hanging around her shoulders in a dark, shiny mass. A tiny little body, wrapped up in a soft blue blanket, lay contentedly in her arms. He felt his heart skip a beat as he watched them, wishing deep down that he was that little boy's father, husband to this very brave, and very beautiful woman. The child could have been his child, and he would have loved him and cared for him in a way that only a father could. Instead, this boy would grow up with no father at all. His version of a father-figure would be only what his mother told him of the great warrior that Son Gokuu once was. This tiny child would live for her stories and would grow to be just like his father once was: kind-hearted, strong, and pure. What adventures would he have and what life would he lead? The possibilities that lay within that soft blue blanket she held were unimaginable.
Yamucha carefully sat down in the chair next to her bed, his mouth hanging open in awe as he stared at them. Regrettably, the chair creaked as he sat, and ChiChi was torn away from her peaceful sleep. She leaned her head over to watch him, giving him a warm smile. "Hi Yamucha." She whispered quietly, chuckling at the expression on his face. "I take it you are a first timer with this, eh?"
"Hai." He answered slowly, still staring at the small bundle in her arms. Once again, he wished for this family, so perfect and sweet, except for the one missing piece of the puzzle: a father. Gokuu had died so suddenly, such a proud and dignified death, saving the Earth. But at the same time, he had left his own family in a very awful and awkward position. It was hard for Yamucha to accept either of these things. Did he praise Gokuu for the selfless and kind thing that did? Or did he hate him for leaving his wife alone and pregnant?
She glanced down at the baby, and her eyes were tired. "Would you like to hold him?"
Yamucha nodded so slightly that he wasn't even sure he had, then stretched out his arms toward her, receiving the baby. He pulled the blue blanket back and felt his entire heart melt at the sight of the child. Large, dark eyes opened slowly and peered into his, asking a million questions about the world and why he was here. Yamucha let out the breath he didn't realize he had been holding and reached out for the little child's hand, smiling when he grabbed onto it with all five of his tiny fingers. "He is beautiful ChiChi. I am so proud of you." He declared, looking up at her with a grin.
"Thank you..Goten. I named him Goten." She mentioned, watching him hold her son with so much care. Her eyes filled with tears again; she had cried far too much in the past few hours, after the nurses and doctors had left her and the baby alone. There was far too much for her to think of while she was alone with this tiny little Gokuu in her arms. "I know I was wrong with Gohan. I pushed him too hard, even wanted to name him Einstein if you can believe that."
Yamucha smiled down at the baby as ChiChi continued. "It won't be that way with Goten. I gave him a normal name, and I want him to have a normal life. He won't be pressured to study all of the time, it will be his choice when to study." Tears rolled down her cheeks, falling onto the stark white hospital sheets. "And I will train him to be strong, just like Gokuu."
"ChiChi, you are a very smart woman." Yamucha informed her, lifting the baby into her arms again and kissing her gently on the cheek. "Gokuu-san was a lucky man. I can only hope that one day, you will find someone who will make you just as happy."
She smiled ruefully and shook her head, her dark locks falling into her face. "Iie. No one could ever replace my Gokuu. I could search to the ends of the Earth and never find such a man."
Yamucha frowned as the feelings for her resurfaced again. *You wouldn't have to search very far....*
*****
It was before the death of Gokuu actually, that he began to have feelings for ChiChi. He didn't exactly know the date, or the time, but it just suddenly struck him one day. Perhaps it was when she sat at his side by Gokuu's bed, weeping softly and praying for the health of her husband. She had so much love she had for him; before it had been disguised behind all the yelling and anger. Now though, there was no one for her to be angry with, and he could see that the thought of his death was almost too much for her to bear. He knew, now that he saw ChiChi for what she really was: she loved her husband more than anyone, even Gokuu himself, would ever know. Although it was not him that she was crying for, not him that she loved, he was so intrigued by the fact that she did love someone so incredibly much that caused him to be interested.
Bulma, the supposed 'love of his life', and never looked at him the way ChiChi was looking at Gokuu then. She had never stared at him with such pure, plain to see love, not caring who saw. Bulma was, in his opinion, too spoiled, and too fickle to care about anyone that way. She had tortured him for years with her complaining and her fits of anger, and what did he get in return? Nothing. She ended up having Vejiita's child. *Vejiita*! The man that had once killed him. The man that had tried to destroy Earth and everyone on it, including her! And she actually had his baby.
He had moved out of Capsule Corporation by now, disgusted with Bulma and Vejiita and tired of living on someone else's money. Although it wasn't much, he purchased himself a new apartment, very small, but clean and nice and had been living there for quite a while now. He gazed around the room. The dishes had already been done, not that there were many in the first place. Lately, he had become accustomed to take out food. Chi Chi's cooking had spoiled him while he was at her house.
In the months before Goten's birth, he and several of Gokuu's other friends had spent a lot of time at the Son house, helping ChiChi with the day to day tasks. Of course, no one spent more time at the Son house than him; he was almost constantly there to help ChiChi with whatever she needed. He and Gohan seemed to get along great, and whenever the boy wasn't studying, they occasionally sparred. That was another strange thing about ChiChi: he had always thought she was a nag. He had even told several people his opinion about her without even feeling bad about it. Now he knew she wasn't really like that, but merely covering up what she was really like, which was a very sweet person. She only nagged to protect her family and to do what she thought was best for them.
Ignoring the sorrowful look on her face was the hardest thing for Yamucha to do. It was the hardest thing for him to just brush off the fact that she still loved Gokuu, deeply, and passionately. Some days, she would merely stare out the window at the sky the entire day, a small hand placed on her growing belly. Other days, she would insist on carrying on with the tasks that she normally did, her face a mask of emotionless pride.
He knew that it took awhile for someone do get over the death of a loved one, but Gokuu had been gone for so long now, nearly a year. Besides that, he could be so much better to her than Gokuu ever was. He knew that falling for her would be traveling into dangerous waters, but he could not help himself. It was gallant, really. He was a true gentleman, wanting to take care of her and the new baby. A small part of him felt as though he were dishonoring Gokuu's remembrance, but he chose to ignore his conscience. Surely, his old friend would not mind if he asked his wife out for dinner some night.
******
He stood on the front stoop for a long while, breathing in and out slowly, searching for self-confidence. He knew that he looked handsome. He had spent nearly an hour just getting himself ready for this. A nice suit, the best cologne, and hair that was gelled and perfect. He looked the part of a perfect gentleman; he just wasn't sure if he could remain strong and calm when ChiChi opened the door. His heart felt as though it were going to leap out of his chest and run away at any moment. A bouquet of flowers, orchids --- her favorite, was grasped tightly in his hand as he raised it to knock on the door. A few moments passed by, suffocating still in the cool dark of the evening, then the door opened, revealing not ChiChi at all, but Gohan.
"Good evening, Gohan." Yamucha said politely. "May I come in?"
Gohan put a finger to his lips, signaling for him to be quiet, and held the door open wide for his guest. Yamucha crept in through the door, noticing a small crib in the living room, next to the silent TV set, glowing with the excitement of the same sumo wrestling match he had been watching earlier. He almost apologized for interrupting what looked like a quiet evening with family, but remembered the boy's warning to be quiet. Gohan pulled him into the kitchen quietly, smiling towards his baby brother, sleeping soundly in the crib.
She was in the kitchen, a plain white apron around her slimming waist, washing dishes in the sink. She didn't look any different than she had before really, but for some reason she looked more beautiful than she ever had to him before. He was beginning to love the familiar purple dress that she wore, and liked the fact that her feet were bare except for a small pair of slippers. She looked up as they entered the room and smiled brilliantly at Yamucha, taking his breath away. Carefully, she set the dish she had been washing back into the soapy sink and wiped her hands off on the apron. "Yamucha! What a surprise!" She declared happily, stepping to give him a hug.
He returned the hug, and longed to hold her longer, but let go when he caught sight of Gohan, sipping a cup of coffee at the table. He wasn't sure how the boy would feel about the fact that he had feelings for his mother, but he didn't think he'd be too happy about it. Pulling back from her, he produced the bouquet of flowers from behind him and presented them to ChiChi. "For the mother of the sweetest baby boy I have ever seen."
She looked up at him in surprise, reaching a hand out to grab the flowers. "Orchids. They are my---"
"Favorite. I know." Yamucha interrupted her. "You've told me that before. That is exactly why I got them for you."
He could tell what she was thinking; it was written so plainly on her face that even a blind person could have known: *Gokuu never remembered anything like that.* A pang of sadness ran through him when he thought of all that she had gone through. There had probably been many missed anniversaries, birthdays, other special occasions. Gokuu had probably never even thought to get her orchids, her favorite kind of flower, even though ChiChi had surely mentioned it to him before. He wanted to make up for that---be the man she never had. Surely she had dreamed of someone better for a husband as a child, someone who would remember those kinds of things for her. He could be that man, and he longed to show her that.
"Arigatou!" She said sweetly, leaning over to plant a kiss on his cheek. The orchids were placed in a pretty glass vase, which she put in the center of the kitchen table in front of her son. Gohan stared at the flowers, his brow furrowed in thinking. Dark eyes flicked up to meet Yamucha's, and for a moment, he could have sworn that Gohan knew. As he thought, he did not look entirely happy. He felt as though he had been pretty smooth about everything, but Gohan was a very smart boy. He wasn't sure what he would say if Gohan ever mentioned something to him or accused him of trying to steal his mother. Luckily for him, Gohan was also very polite and quiet. The odds were that he would most likely never say anything at all. The boy stared back down at his coffee, twirling the mug around in his hands.
"I better go to bed Kaasan. I have a big test tomorrow." He declared, finally getting up from the table. He passed Yamucha on the way to his room, meeting eyes with him briefly, questions hidden deep within their dark depths. Yamucha felt his blood run cold. If the boy knew something, suspected something..He was terribly afraid that he might tell his mother. And if she knew that he had something else in mind besides friendship, he was scared that she wouldn't want anything to do with him at all.
ChiChi murmured goodnight to him without looking up, still fussing over the flowers. Gohan left the room, and it fell into complete silence. Yamucha shifted from one foot to the other, watching ChiChi expertly arrange the flowers in the vase. He felt more nervous that he had felt in a long while, but he had to ask her at some point. After all, that was what he came here for.
"ChiChi?" He said quietly, in a voice he hoped did not reflect his nervousness. "I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me tomorrow night....?"
She straightened up suddenly, her hands stiffening as she arranged the flowers. He could practically felt her heart icing over, could practically see her turning his words around in her head, trying to make sense of them. Yamucha felt his body grow cold with nervousness again.
"To talk about Gokuu and all the good times that we had?" He finished up quickly, and mentally crossed his fingers. He knew she couldn't resist something like that; a date with him however, he knew she would object to.
With this last sentence, she relaxed a bit. He knew that she would want to talk about him and the memories that they had shared together. However painful it might be for her to remember Gokuu, she was still proud of her husband. She turned around slowly, gripping her apron in her small hands and smiled softly at him. A smile that hid a lot of pain behind it. "I would be glad to."
*****
Warm candlelight flickered across her pretty features as she leaned forward to look at the desert menu, folded in front of her. Her eyes narrowed in decision before pointing to an item near the bottom and nodding at the waiter that hovered over her shoulder. Yamucha nodded at him too, signaling that he would have the same as her.
A smile spread across Chi Chi's face as she surveyed the well lit, expensively decorated room they were dining in. The colors were creamy and appetizing, much like the food itself, and the atmosphere was soft and romantic. There was an enormous crystal chandelier in the center of the restaurant, reflecting candlelight all over the room. The floor beneath their feet was marble, the tablecloths were silk and imported, and two dozen white roses adorned every table. The plates were made of the best china, rimmed with gold, and the wine was more expensive than the car that he had drove them here in. Behind ChiChi on a small, but elaborate stage, a grand piano was being played. Perfect, rich notes swelled and descended, as the piano player ran his hands over the ivory keys.
It had cost him an arm and a leg to get into this restaurant. He all but had to sell his soul to the maitre d'. He wanted to impress her though, wanted to give her something that Gokuu never would have been able to give her. Even if it cost him the next year's rent on his apartment, he wanted her to have a special night. She deserved it, after all. She had been a hardworking, unappreciative mother and wife for years. Once and a while, a woman like that deserved a wonderful evening when she was able to feel like a princess instead of a cook and maid. The strange thing about this restaurant was that it was the one Bulma had always begged him to take her to. He shivered, thinking about what a disaster that would have been. Not only would he have to spend that much money just to get into the restaurant, but knowing Bulma, she would have insisted on having the most expensive wine on the list (by the bottle, not the glass). And she would have wanted to arrive in a limo, not the Capsule Car that he normally drove. She would be wearing a silk dress that probably cost more than his apartment, a mink fur coat, and most likely a bored look on her beautiful face. He would spend a fortune and yet she would still sit in her seat and complain that the food just didn't have the right taste and that the service was not as excellent as it should be.
"This place is great! How did you ever manage to get reservations?" ChiChi whispered, careful not to speak to loudly. The piano music behind her quieted down as the piece ended gently, and light clapping could be heart throughout the restaurant.
Yamucha smiled smugly at her, tipping his wine glass back for a drink. "I have connections, that's how I came about the reservations. The owner of the restaurant is related to an old baseball teammate." He lied.
"The food is delicious." She said, lifting a bite of pasta off of her plate and twirling it around her fork. She gave him a bittersweet smile and stared down at the table. "Gokuu would have gone crazy in a place like this. The cooks would be working up a sweat in the kitchen about now."
*Can't she think about anything else? Like....me*? Yamucha thought to himself, angered that ChiChi didn't seem to be letting go of her late husband. The entire evening, Gokuu had been the topic of choice, from stories that they both remembered to stories that neither had heard before about the brave and pure warrior. Every time he tried to change the subject, she found some way to trace it back to Gokuu again, her eyes growing misty at the mention of his name. Even though he had invited it upon himself --- he had suggested that was the reason for the dinner, he was still annoyed. Perhaps making ChiChi understand would be much more difficult than he thought.
"Hai. He did love the food." He said in a detached voice. His eyes roamed over the dress she was wearing. It was not her usual style, but a more Western dress, made out of a soft purple fabric that seemed to set off every curve in her body and invite him to touch. The matching shawl she had brought along with her was draped over the back of her chair leisurely. Yamucha felt himself grinning; he wondered why he had never noticed how extremely pretty this woman was before. "You look wonderful tonight, by the way."
A slight blush appeared on her cheeks, making her pale complexion light up with the sudden color. "Thank you. I do wish I had dressed a little less- conservative, however. I feel like an old woman." She admitted, looking down at herself.
It was true that she was dressed very conservatively for a restaurant like this. Many of the women were wearing backless, strapless, expensive dresses, and jewels that were larger than any he had ever seen. Their hair was done up elaborately and their makeup was thick, as though they had spent the entire day in the beauty parlor. Although anyone could tell that ChiChi probably did not belong in this restaurant, no could ever say that she was not as beautiful as those women. Her beauty came from within and practically radiated out of her. No one seemed to notice her pain attire and her makeup-less face, but everyone seemed to stare at her as if she were the most gorgeous woman in the room.
"You don't look old at all!" Yamucha exclaimed and gestured about the room. "Every man in this restaurant is staring at you and shooting me jealous looks. You have no idea how pretty you are ChiChi." He assured her.
She gazed around the room, trying to see who it was that was staring at them. She straightened up a bit, pressing out the wrinkles in her dress, sudden aware of the attention that she was receiving. "Gokuu never really cared about how I looked. If I did dress nicely or fix my hair a different way, he never really noticed. I guess I'm not used to being called pretty."
He thought and he was perturbed that she had once again found a way to bring Gokuu back into the conversation, but let slide because desert had just arrived. As the waiter set the dishes down before them with a flourish, he watched ChiChi closely. Watched the way that her eyes twinkled when she smiled at the water and thanked him. Watched the way that her smooth hands gracefully folding the napkin and placed it in her lap.
*She better get used to being called pretty*. He thought. *Because I am going to tell her all the time.*
*****
They rode home from the restaurant in silence, staring out the darkened windows at the landscape before them. She was probably thinking of Gokuu again; they had drudged up an awful lot of memories tonight. His thoughts were mixed. Half of him was still thinking about how he was supposed eat for the next few months, seeing as though he had just spent all of his money. The other half was thinking of her. She had looked so happy, as if she felt like the most special woman on Earth while she was in the restaurant. It broke his heart to see her that way and to know that she had never felt like that before.
Upon reaching the Son house, Yamucha killed the engine and stepped out of the car, running around to open her door for her. It was a simple date gesture, one that any man would do for a woman that he had took out, but he knew that she would not expect it. Indeed, a look of shock appeared on her face at his gesture of politeness, and once again, he felt himself wish that she had been treated better by Gokuu.
A slight blush appeared on her cheeks at his action. "Would you like to come in for a moment and see Goten?" She asked, smiling up at him, her dark eyes flashing with happiness.
"Of course." He answered, taking her arm and walking to the front door. For most women, that would have been a very different kind of invitation. But he knew that this date was different. For one thing, she wasn't even aware that it was a real date. And for another, she would never, ever even dream of inviting him to bed with her. Frankly, he would be a little disappointed if she did. He found her innocence and belief in old- fashioned ways to be quite a refreshing break from the women that usually threw themselves at him. He knew that she was the type to wait for marriage, and he was fine with that. A thrill ran through him as he thought of actually marrying her; as he thought of finally taking Gokuu's place at the table and in her heart.
Inside the house, all of the lights were out, except for the small lamp in the living room, which cast an eerie glow over the entire house. It looked as though Gohan had already gone to bed, but left a light on for his mother. Again, he worried about what Gohan might say if he knew that she had invited him in. He walked inside silently, and released ChiChi's hand, removing the shall from her shoulders and placing it on the peg next to the door. Suddenly a feeling as though he were being watched crept up on him, sweeping over him in a panic. He whirled around and faced the open door, hoping to catch someone behind him. The yard was open and empty, and though it was dark outside, there was enough light from the moon to be able to view it properly. There was no one there.
ChiChi led him into the bedroom, the room that she had once shared with Gokuu. She neglected to turn on any of the lights, afraid of waking up the baby. It wasn't the first time that he had been in this bedroom, but it was definitely the first time he had ever been there at night. Yamucha looked around at the room, simply decorated, with many pictures everywhere, including a large picture of the entire family on top of a dresser. Silly as it was, he avoided Gokuu's eyes in the picture. He stared at their bed for a long while. It was neatly made and looked soft and comfortable, the perfect kind of bed. It was easy to see which side ChiChi slept on, for the other side of the bed was too perfect and untouched. After all this time, she still slept on her own side of the bed. Again, he felt as though he were being watched, an intruder in a house where he didn't belong. He shook his head to cast the feeling away and concentrated on ChiChi, who was bending over a crib near the bed.
He stared at the way the two locks of her hair fell into her face as she leaned over to touch the baby's forehead, smiling faintly. She looked so beautiful in the dark, with only the glow of that far away lamp lighting up the room slightly. Really, he could barely see her, but somehow knew every line of her face. His footsteps seemed to echo loudly in the silence as he stepped up to the crib. Goten, who was sound asleep in the crib, looked exactly like Gokuu. He was identical in every way, hair, eyes, nose, mouth, everything was exactly the same as Gokuu. He realized that he knew why ChiChi always looked so incredibly sad, but happy at the same time looking at her baby son. It was like this child was Gokuu reincarnated.
"Hey little guy." Yamucha whispered softly, and Goten stirred slightly in his crib. A tiny hand stretched out its fingers over the soft blue blanket he was under, before relaxing and falling to his side once more.
ChiChi met Yamucha's eyes, and nodded toward the doorway, signaling that they should leave the room before Goten woke up and began crying. He exited the room, and was surprised by a strong feeling sense of longing to stay there with her. They didn't have to do anything at all; he just wanted to lay there with her and be able to look at her beautiful face. The feeling of being watched returned suddenly, draping over him like a piece of black cloth, and he shivered, looking around him nervously. The feeling had been shaper this time, more urgent, angrier.
ChiChi put a warm hand on his arm. "Are you cold?" She whispered, shutting the door behind him quietly.
Yamucha shook his head. "Iie, just a chill."
His eyes wandered around the room uneasily, searching for what it was that was making him so uncomfortable. He couldn't see anyone or sense anyone, but he felt in his heart that the two of them were not alone in this room. He was being watched, carefully, angrily, by someone who felt very strongly that he should not be there. He had his ideas on this, but did not want to allow himself to think about it. Surely his old friend would not mind if he took his wife out for dinner and spent a little time alone with her. Nervously, he sat down in a chair near the TV set and took a deep breath.
ChiChi sat down on the couch, looking at him quizzically. "Yamucha, what's wrong?" She asked, sensing his discomfort.
Looking at her face, it was easy to forget about the awful feeling that was surfacing in his stomach. He ignored whatever it was that was watching him and simply thought about her and how he felt. The truth was, he just wanted to take care of her. He just wanted to make it so that she was never hurt again, so that she felt special and had the relationship that she had always deserved. But that was never going to happen unless she knew how he felt. He might have a chance, he might not, but he was never going to know unless he told her. *I have to tell her....*
Taking another deep breath, he rose from his seat and sat next to her on the couch. It was time to finally let her know how he felt, and he was absolutely terrified. His hands were shaking from nervousness and again, the feeling of being watched lashed against him strongly; he felt a different kind of fear run through his veins. A large, framed picture of Gokuu hung on the wall opposite the couch, directly in front of them, as if daring him to do it.
He took her hands in his and looked her straight in the eye, ignoring the shocked look on her pretty face. He didn't know how, but he finally found his voice. "ChiChi....I....."
He couldn't stand being this close to her and not touching her, not kissing her. It was like being tortured. After all this time of waiting --- and he was not a patient man, it was very hard for him to resist. He could not stop himself. Without even thinking, he quickly brought his lips to hers, kissing her softly. Whether she was too surprised, or just not interested, he didn't know, but she didn't respond. Her lips were warm but unmoving and he could feel her shaking under his touch. He pulled back from her and stared deeply into her dark eyes, which were blinking rapidly in surprise and confusion. "I love you."
Her mouth dropped open, then snapped shut immediately, her eyes growing much larger than he thought was humanly possible. He didn't take this as a sign of acceptance, but again, he could not help himself. He reached for her again, pulling her closer to him on the couch and kissing her again. Again, she did not move, but she did not push him away either, and that filled him with hope. The awful feeling came back, with such force that it felt as though he were being slapped. It scared him, of course, but he pushed it away, concentrating only on her.
*I could give you so much more than he ever did, ChiChi....I would be there for you all the time*. He mused, touching her soft hair. *I would never leave you like he did*. As if she had heard his thoughts, she tentatively, hesitantly, returned his kiss, with tears gathering in her eyes as she closed them.
The framed photo of Gokuu on the wall suddenly fell and crashed to the ground, creating a loud crack that echoed throughout the silent house. ChiChi jerked away from him, blinking in confusion, as if she hadn't realized who he was. Her hands flew up to her mouth as she looked down at the picture frame on the floor, cracked and disfigured with shards of sticking out. She stood up and rushed to the wall, falling to her knees as she tried to pick up the pieces of glass in a panic. The picture was ruined and Gokuu's smile could no longer be seen. She held the picture against her chest for a moment before bringing her eyes up to Yamucha. The pain in her eyes was evident and so very open that Yamucha had to look away from her.
"Yamucha....I can't...." She began, her eyes watering again as she stared at his crestfallen face.
He stood, walked over to her. He bent down and carefully picked up a shard of glass, helping her clean up the destroyed picture. "I know."
"I am so sorry." She whispered, reaching for him and pulling him into a hug. She cried into his shoulder, shaking violently as she sobbed.
"I know that too." He touched her silky black hair hesitantly, and wished that he could be the one that she was crying over. After all the hoping, after all of the dreaming and planning, it was over. It was over in the worst possible way, because he knew now that it would, ever happen. She didn't love him. She would never love him. It had all been nothing but a stupid dream in his head, a transparent and ignorant dream. What she felt for him was nothing, and there *was* nothing that he could ever do to change this. It was over; there was no hope for love. The thought of this brought tears to his own eyes, and he cried silently into her hair, his heart breaking. He had been wrong before; how he had thought that ignoring her love for Gokuu was the worst. Knowing that she did not have the love for him that he had for her was by far the hardest thing.
She cries softly for her husband now, a man that he too, had come to adore in his lifetime. Tears fall down her pale cheeks, sparkling brilliantly in the dim light before falling onto her hands, clutched tightly together in front of her. He reaches for those small, soft hands, holding them gently while she weeps into his shoulder. Shedding his own tears, his wishes and dreams vanish with two words that he will never forget throughout his entire life: *I can't*.
"I can't...." She murmured through sobs; her hands clutch at his short hair and down to his neck, sending chills through his spine and out to his limbs. He pulls her back slightly, staring at her tear-streaked, but still beautiful face. She is never recognized as the great beauty that she is, never like his former love, a woman who adored by so many men. This woman hides her beauty behind a false identity, a shell that only few had managed to break through. He cups her chin in his hands and slowly kisses her good- bye, much like a friend would. He wanted to remember exactly the way her lips felt on his: soft and warm, with a longing behind them that he couldn't begin to comprehend.
"Goodbye, ChiChi." He stated solemnly, pulling back from her lips and staring into her deep black eyes once more. He remembered the first time he ever gazed into those eyes; him a young man, scared to death of any girl; she, a proud, if slightly ditzy young warrior, with a sharp throwing fin attached to the small helmet on her dark hair. If he had any idea what he would feel for that tiny girl later on in his life, he would have wrapped her up in his arms and took off with her then. Before it was too late. Before she was wrapped up in someone else's arms. However, fate and destiny work in strange ways, and she was never meant to be his. She lives for another man, one that he could never live up to, no matter how much effort he gives.
*****
She was asleep when he entered the room, his hands still sore from dialing all of her friends and family to come to the hospital while she was in labor. Her hair, which was usually up in a severe bun, was loose and hanging around her shoulders in a dark, shiny mass. A tiny little body, wrapped up in a soft blue blanket, lay contentedly in her arms. He felt his heart skip a beat as he watched them, wishing deep down that he was that little boy's father, husband to this very brave, and very beautiful woman. The child could have been his child, and he would have loved him and cared for him in a way that only a father could. Instead, this boy would grow up with no father at all. His version of a father-figure would be only what his mother told him of the great warrior that Son Gokuu once was. This tiny child would live for her stories and would grow to be just like his father once was: kind-hearted, strong, and pure. What adventures would he have and what life would he lead? The possibilities that lay within that soft blue blanket she held were unimaginable.
Yamucha carefully sat down in the chair next to her bed, his mouth hanging open in awe as he stared at them. Regrettably, the chair creaked as he sat, and ChiChi was torn away from her peaceful sleep. She leaned her head over to watch him, giving him a warm smile. "Hi Yamucha." She whispered quietly, chuckling at the expression on his face. "I take it you are a first timer with this, eh?"
"Hai." He answered slowly, still staring at the small bundle in her arms. Once again, he wished for this family, so perfect and sweet, except for the one missing piece of the puzzle: a father. Gokuu had died so suddenly, such a proud and dignified death, saving the Earth. But at the same time, he had left his own family in a very awful and awkward position. It was hard for Yamucha to accept either of these things. Did he praise Gokuu for the selfless and kind thing that did? Or did he hate him for leaving his wife alone and pregnant?
She glanced down at the baby, and her eyes were tired. "Would you like to hold him?"
Yamucha nodded so slightly that he wasn't even sure he had, then stretched out his arms toward her, receiving the baby. He pulled the blue blanket back and felt his entire heart melt at the sight of the child. Large, dark eyes opened slowly and peered into his, asking a million questions about the world and why he was here. Yamucha let out the breath he didn't realize he had been holding and reached out for the little child's hand, smiling when he grabbed onto it with all five of his tiny fingers. "He is beautiful ChiChi. I am so proud of you." He declared, looking up at her with a grin.
"Thank you..Goten. I named him Goten." She mentioned, watching him hold her son with so much care. Her eyes filled with tears again; she had cried far too much in the past few hours, after the nurses and doctors had left her and the baby alone. There was far too much for her to think of while she was alone with this tiny little Gokuu in her arms. "I know I was wrong with Gohan. I pushed him too hard, even wanted to name him Einstein if you can believe that."
Yamucha smiled down at the baby as ChiChi continued. "It won't be that way with Goten. I gave him a normal name, and I want him to have a normal life. He won't be pressured to study all of the time, it will be his choice when to study." Tears rolled down her cheeks, falling onto the stark white hospital sheets. "And I will train him to be strong, just like Gokuu."
"ChiChi, you are a very smart woman." Yamucha informed her, lifting the baby into her arms again and kissing her gently on the cheek. "Gokuu-san was a lucky man. I can only hope that one day, you will find someone who will make you just as happy."
She smiled ruefully and shook her head, her dark locks falling into her face. "Iie. No one could ever replace my Gokuu. I could search to the ends of the Earth and never find such a man."
Yamucha frowned as the feelings for her resurfaced again. *You wouldn't have to search very far....*
*****
It was before the death of Gokuu actually, that he began to have feelings for ChiChi. He didn't exactly know the date, or the time, but it just suddenly struck him one day. Perhaps it was when she sat at his side by Gokuu's bed, weeping softly and praying for the health of her husband. She had so much love she had for him; before it had been disguised behind all the yelling and anger. Now though, there was no one for her to be angry with, and he could see that the thought of his death was almost too much for her to bear. He knew, now that he saw ChiChi for what she really was: she loved her husband more than anyone, even Gokuu himself, would ever know. Although it was not him that she was crying for, not him that she loved, he was so intrigued by the fact that she did love someone so incredibly much that caused him to be interested.
Bulma, the supposed 'love of his life', and never looked at him the way ChiChi was looking at Gokuu then. She had never stared at him with such pure, plain to see love, not caring who saw. Bulma was, in his opinion, too spoiled, and too fickle to care about anyone that way. She had tortured him for years with her complaining and her fits of anger, and what did he get in return? Nothing. She ended up having Vejiita's child. *Vejiita*! The man that had once killed him. The man that had tried to destroy Earth and everyone on it, including her! And she actually had his baby.
He had moved out of Capsule Corporation by now, disgusted with Bulma and Vejiita and tired of living on someone else's money. Although it wasn't much, he purchased himself a new apartment, very small, but clean and nice and had been living there for quite a while now. He gazed around the room. The dishes had already been done, not that there were many in the first place. Lately, he had become accustomed to take out food. Chi Chi's cooking had spoiled him while he was at her house.
In the months before Goten's birth, he and several of Gokuu's other friends had spent a lot of time at the Son house, helping ChiChi with the day to day tasks. Of course, no one spent more time at the Son house than him; he was almost constantly there to help ChiChi with whatever she needed. He and Gohan seemed to get along great, and whenever the boy wasn't studying, they occasionally sparred. That was another strange thing about ChiChi: he had always thought she was a nag. He had even told several people his opinion about her without even feeling bad about it. Now he knew she wasn't really like that, but merely covering up what she was really like, which was a very sweet person. She only nagged to protect her family and to do what she thought was best for them.
Ignoring the sorrowful look on her face was the hardest thing for Yamucha to do. It was the hardest thing for him to just brush off the fact that she still loved Gokuu, deeply, and passionately. Some days, she would merely stare out the window at the sky the entire day, a small hand placed on her growing belly. Other days, she would insist on carrying on with the tasks that she normally did, her face a mask of emotionless pride.
He knew that it took awhile for someone do get over the death of a loved one, but Gokuu had been gone for so long now, nearly a year. Besides that, he could be so much better to her than Gokuu ever was. He knew that falling for her would be traveling into dangerous waters, but he could not help himself. It was gallant, really. He was a true gentleman, wanting to take care of her and the new baby. A small part of him felt as though he were dishonoring Gokuu's remembrance, but he chose to ignore his conscience. Surely, his old friend would not mind if he asked his wife out for dinner some night.
******
He stood on the front stoop for a long while, breathing in and out slowly, searching for self-confidence. He knew that he looked handsome. He had spent nearly an hour just getting himself ready for this. A nice suit, the best cologne, and hair that was gelled and perfect. He looked the part of a perfect gentleman; he just wasn't sure if he could remain strong and calm when ChiChi opened the door. His heart felt as though it were going to leap out of his chest and run away at any moment. A bouquet of flowers, orchids --- her favorite, was grasped tightly in his hand as he raised it to knock on the door. A few moments passed by, suffocating still in the cool dark of the evening, then the door opened, revealing not ChiChi at all, but Gohan.
"Good evening, Gohan." Yamucha said politely. "May I come in?"
Gohan put a finger to his lips, signaling for him to be quiet, and held the door open wide for his guest. Yamucha crept in through the door, noticing a small crib in the living room, next to the silent TV set, glowing with the excitement of the same sumo wrestling match he had been watching earlier. He almost apologized for interrupting what looked like a quiet evening with family, but remembered the boy's warning to be quiet. Gohan pulled him into the kitchen quietly, smiling towards his baby brother, sleeping soundly in the crib.
She was in the kitchen, a plain white apron around her slimming waist, washing dishes in the sink. She didn't look any different than she had before really, but for some reason she looked more beautiful than she ever had to him before. He was beginning to love the familiar purple dress that she wore, and liked the fact that her feet were bare except for a small pair of slippers. She looked up as they entered the room and smiled brilliantly at Yamucha, taking his breath away. Carefully, she set the dish she had been washing back into the soapy sink and wiped her hands off on the apron. "Yamucha! What a surprise!" She declared happily, stepping to give him a hug.
He returned the hug, and longed to hold her longer, but let go when he caught sight of Gohan, sipping a cup of coffee at the table. He wasn't sure how the boy would feel about the fact that he had feelings for his mother, but he didn't think he'd be too happy about it. Pulling back from her, he produced the bouquet of flowers from behind him and presented them to ChiChi. "For the mother of the sweetest baby boy I have ever seen."
She looked up at him in surprise, reaching a hand out to grab the flowers. "Orchids. They are my---"
"Favorite. I know." Yamucha interrupted her. "You've told me that before. That is exactly why I got them for you."
He could tell what she was thinking; it was written so plainly on her face that even a blind person could have known: *Gokuu never remembered anything like that.* A pang of sadness ran through him when he thought of all that she had gone through. There had probably been many missed anniversaries, birthdays, other special occasions. Gokuu had probably never even thought to get her orchids, her favorite kind of flower, even though ChiChi had surely mentioned it to him before. He wanted to make up for that---be the man she never had. Surely she had dreamed of someone better for a husband as a child, someone who would remember those kinds of things for her. He could be that man, and he longed to show her that.
"Arigatou!" She said sweetly, leaning over to plant a kiss on his cheek. The orchids were placed in a pretty glass vase, which she put in the center of the kitchen table in front of her son. Gohan stared at the flowers, his brow furrowed in thinking. Dark eyes flicked up to meet Yamucha's, and for a moment, he could have sworn that Gohan knew. As he thought, he did not look entirely happy. He felt as though he had been pretty smooth about everything, but Gohan was a very smart boy. He wasn't sure what he would say if Gohan ever mentioned something to him or accused him of trying to steal his mother. Luckily for him, Gohan was also very polite and quiet. The odds were that he would most likely never say anything at all. The boy stared back down at his coffee, twirling the mug around in his hands.
"I better go to bed Kaasan. I have a big test tomorrow." He declared, finally getting up from the table. He passed Yamucha on the way to his room, meeting eyes with him briefly, questions hidden deep within their dark depths. Yamucha felt his blood run cold. If the boy knew something, suspected something..He was terribly afraid that he might tell his mother. And if she knew that he had something else in mind besides friendship, he was scared that she wouldn't want anything to do with him at all.
ChiChi murmured goodnight to him without looking up, still fussing over the flowers. Gohan left the room, and it fell into complete silence. Yamucha shifted from one foot to the other, watching ChiChi expertly arrange the flowers in the vase. He felt more nervous that he had felt in a long while, but he had to ask her at some point. After all, that was what he came here for.
"ChiChi?" He said quietly, in a voice he hoped did not reflect his nervousness. "I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me tomorrow night....?"
She straightened up suddenly, her hands stiffening as she arranged the flowers. He could practically felt her heart icing over, could practically see her turning his words around in her head, trying to make sense of them. Yamucha felt his body grow cold with nervousness again.
"To talk about Gokuu and all the good times that we had?" He finished up quickly, and mentally crossed his fingers. He knew she couldn't resist something like that; a date with him however, he knew she would object to.
With this last sentence, she relaxed a bit. He knew that she would want to talk about him and the memories that they had shared together. However painful it might be for her to remember Gokuu, she was still proud of her husband. She turned around slowly, gripping her apron in her small hands and smiled softly at him. A smile that hid a lot of pain behind it. "I would be glad to."
*****
Warm candlelight flickered across her pretty features as she leaned forward to look at the desert menu, folded in front of her. Her eyes narrowed in decision before pointing to an item near the bottom and nodding at the waiter that hovered over her shoulder. Yamucha nodded at him too, signaling that he would have the same as her.
A smile spread across Chi Chi's face as she surveyed the well lit, expensively decorated room they were dining in. The colors were creamy and appetizing, much like the food itself, and the atmosphere was soft and romantic. There was an enormous crystal chandelier in the center of the restaurant, reflecting candlelight all over the room. The floor beneath their feet was marble, the tablecloths were silk and imported, and two dozen white roses adorned every table. The plates were made of the best china, rimmed with gold, and the wine was more expensive than the car that he had drove them here in. Behind ChiChi on a small, but elaborate stage, a grand piano was being played. Perfect, rich notes swelled and descended, as the piano player ran his hands over the ivory keys.
It had cost him an arm and a leg to get into this restaurant. He all but had to sell his soul to the maitre d'. He wanted to impress her though, wanted to give her something that Gokuu never would have been able to give her. Even if it cost him the next year's rent on his apartment, he wanted her to have a special night. She deserved it, after all. She had been a hardworking, unappreciative mother and wife for years. Once and a while, a woman like that deserved a wonderful evening when she was able to feel like a princess instead of a cook and maid. The strange thing about this restaurant was that it was the one Bulma had always begged him to take her to. He shivered, thinking about what a disaster that would have been. Not only would he have to spend that much money just to get into the restaurant, but knowing Bulma, she would have insisted on having the most expensive wine on the list (by the bottle, not the glass). And she would have wanted to arrive in a limo, not the Capsule Car that he normally drove. She would be wearing a silk dress that probably cost more than his apartment, a mink fur coat, and most likely a bored look on her beautiful face. He would spend a fortune and yet she would still sit in her seat and complain that the food just didn't have the right taste and that the service was not as excellent as it should be.
"This place is great! How did you ever manage to get reservations?" ChiChi whispered, careful not to speak to loudly. The piano music behind her quieted down as the piece ended gently, and light clapping could be heart throughout the restaurant.
Yamucha smiled smugly at her, tipping his wine glass back for a drink. "I have connections, that's how I came about the reservations. The owner of the restaurant is related to an old baseball teammate." He lied.
"The food is delicious." She said, lifting a bite of pasta off of her plate and twirling it around her fork. She gave him a bittersweet smile and stared down at the table. "Gokuu would have gone crazy in a place like this. The cooks would be working up a sweat in the kitchen about now."
*Can't she think about anything else? Like....me*? Yamucha thought to himself, angered that ChiChi didn't seem to be letting go of her late husband. The entire evening, Gokuu had been the topic of choice, from stories that they both remembered to stories that neither had heard before about the brave and pure warrior. Every time he tried to change the subject, she found some way to trace it back to Gokuu again, her eyes growing misty at the mention of his name. Even though he had invited it upon himself --- he had suggested that was the reason for the dinner, he was still annoyed. Perhaps making ChiChi understand would be much more difficult than he thought.
"Hai. He did love the food." He said in a detached voice. His eyes roamed over the dress she was wearing. It was not her usual style, but a more Western dress, made out of a soft purple fabric that seemed to set off every curve in her body and invite him to touch. The matching shawl she had brought along with her was draped over the back of her chair leisurely. Yamucha felt himself grinning; he wondered why he had never noticed how extremely pretty this woman was before. "You look wonderful tonight, by the way."
A slight blush appeared on her cheeks, making her pale complexion light up with the sudden color. "Thank you. I do wish I had dressed a little less- conservative, however. I feel like an old woman." She admitted, looking down at herself.
It was true that she was dressed very conservatively for a restaurant like this. Many of the women were wearing backless, strapless, expensive dresses, and jewels that were larger than any he had ever seen. Their hair was done up elaborately and their makeup was thick, as though they had spent the entire day in the beauty parlor. Although anyone could tell that ChiChi probably did not belong in this restaurant, no could ever say that she was not as beautiful as those women. Her beauty came from within and practically radiated out of her. No one seemed to notice her pain attire and her makeup-less face, but everyone seemed to stare at her as if she were the most gorgeous woman in the room.
"You don't look old at all!" Yamucha exclaimed and gestured about the room. "Every man in this restaurant is staring at you and shooting me jealous looks. You have no idea how pretty you are ChiChi." He assured her.
She gazed around the room, trying to see who it was that was staring at them. She straightened up a bit, pressing out the wrinkles in her dress, sudden aware of the attention that she was receiving. "Gokuu never really cared about how I looked. If I did dress nicely or fix my hair a different way, he never really noticed. I guess I'm not used to being called pretty."
He thought and he was perturbed that she had once again found a way to bring Gokuu back into the conversation, but let slide because desert had just arrived. As the waiter set the dishes down before them with a flourish, he watched ChiChi closely. Watched the way that her eyes twinkled when she smiled at the water and thanked him. Watched the way that her smooth hands gracefully folding the napkin and placed it in her lap.
*She better get used to being called pretty*. He thought. *Because I am going to tell her all the time.*
*****
They rode home from the restaurant in silence, staring out the darkened windows at the landscape before them. She was probably thinking of Gokuu again; they had drudged up an awful lot of memories tonight. His thoughts were mixed. Half of him was still thinking about how he was supposed eat for the next few months, seeing as though he had just spent all of his money. The other half was thinking of her. She had looked so happy, as if she felt like the most special woman on Earth while she was in the restaurant. It broke his heart to see her that way and to know that she had never felt like that before.
Upon reaching the Son house, Yamucha killed the engine and stepped out of the car, running around to open her door for her. It was a simple date gesture, one that any man would do for a woman that he had took out, but he knew that she would not expect it. Indeed, a look of shock appeared on her face at his gesture of politeness, and once again, he felt himself wish that she had been treated better by Gokuu.
A slight blush appeared on her cheeks at his action. "Would you like to come in for a moment and see Goten?" She asked, smiling up at him, her dark eyes flashing with happiness.
"Of course." He answered, taking her arm and walking to the front door. For most women, that would have been a very different kind of invitation. But he knew that this date was different. For one thing, she wasn't even aware that it was a real date. And for another, she would never, ever even dream of inviting him to bed with her. Frankly, he would be a little disappointed if she did. He found her innocence and belief in old- fashioned ways to be quite a refreshing break from the women that usually threw themselves at him. He knew that she was the type to wait for marriage, and he was fine with that. A thrill ran through him as he thought of actually marrying her; as he thought of finally taking Gokuu's place at the table and in her heart.
Inside the house, all of the lights were out, except for the small lamp in the living room, which cast an eerie glow over the entire house. It looked as though Gohan had already gone to bed, but left a light on for his mother. Again, he worried about what Gohan might say if he knew that she had invited him in. He walked inside silently, and released ChiChi's hand, removing the shall from her shoulders and placing it on the peg next to the door. Suddenly a feeling as though he were being watched crept up on him, sweeping over him in a panic. He whirled around and faced the open door, hoping to catch someone behind him. The yard was open and empty, and though it was dark outside, there was enough light from the moon to be able to view it properly. There was no one there.
ChiChi led him into the bedroom, the room that she had once shared with Gokuu. She neglected to turn on any of the lights, afraid of waking up the baby. It wasn't the first time that he had been in this bedroom, but it was definitely the first time he had ever been there at night. Yamucha looked around at the room, simply decorated, with many pictures everywhere, including a large picture of the entire family on top of a dresser. Silly as it was, he avoided Gokuu's eyes in the picture. He stared at their bed for a long while. It was neatly made and looked soft and comfortable, the perfect kind of bed. It was easy to see which side ChiChi slept on, for the other side of the bed was too perfect and untouched. After all this time, she still slept on her own side of the bed. Again, he felt as though he were being watched, an intruder in a house where he didn't belong. He shook his head to cast the feeling away and concentrated on ChiChi, who was bending over a crib near the bed.
He stared at the way the two locks of her hair fell into her face as she leaned over to touch the baby's forehead, smiling faintly. She looked so beautiful in the dark, with only the glow of that far away lamp lighting up the room slightly. Really, he could barely see her, but somehow knew every line of her face. His footsteps seemed to echo loudly in the silence as he stepped up to the crib. Goten, who was sound asleep in the crib, looked exactly like Gokuu. He was identical in every way, hair, eyes, nose, mouth, everything was exactly the same as Gokuu. He realized that he knew why ChiChi always looked so incredibly sad, but happy at the same time looking at her baby son. It was like this child was Gokuu reincarnated.
"Hey little guy." Yamucha whispered softly, and Goten stirred slightly in his crib. A tiny hand stretched out its fingers over the soft blue blanket he was under, before relaxing and falling to his side once more.
ChiChi met Yamucha's eyes, and nodded toward the doorway, signaling that they should leave the room before Goten woke up and began crying. He exited the room, and was surprised by a strong feeling sense of longing to stay there with her. They didn't have to do anything at all; he just wanted to lay there with her and be able to look at her beautiful face. The feeling of being watched returned suddenly, draping over him like a piece of black cloth, and he shivered, looking around him nervously. The feeling had been shaper this time, more urgent, angrier.
ChiChi put a warm hand on his arm. "Are you cold?" She whispered, shutting the door behind him quietly.
Yamucha shook his head. "Iie, just a chill."
His eyes wandered around the room uneasily, searching for what it was that was making him so uncomfortable. He couldn't see anyone or sense anyone, but he felt in his heart that the two of them were not alone in this room. He was being watched, carefully, angrily, by someone who felt very strongly that he should not be there. He had his ideas on this, but did not want to allow himself to think about it. Surely his old friend would not mind if he took his wife out for dinner and spent a little time alone with her. Nervously, he sat down in a chair near the TV set and took a deep breath.
ChiChi sat down on the couch, looking at him quizzically. "Yamucha, what's wrong?" She asked, sensing his discomfort.
Looking at her face, it was easy to forget about the awful feeling that was surfacing in his stomach. He ignored whatever it was that was watching him and simply thought about her and how he felt. The truth was, he just wanted to take care of her. He just wanted to make it so that she was never hurt again, so that she felt special and had the relationship that she had always deserved. But that was never going to happen unless she knew how he felt. He might have a chance, he might not, but he was never going to know unless he told her. *I have to tell her....*
Taking another deep breath, he rose from his seat and sat next to her on the couch. It was time to finally let her know how he felt, and he was absolutely terrified. His hands were shaking from nervousness and again, the feeling of being watched lashed against him strongly; he felt a different kind of fear run through his veins. A large, framed picture of Gokuu hung on the wall opposite the couch, directly in front of them, as if daring him to do it.
He took her hands in his and looked her straight in the eye, ignoring the shocked look on her pretty face. He didn't know how, but he finally found his voice. "ChiChi....I....."
He couldn't stand being this close to her and not touching her, not kissing her. It was like being tortured. After all this time of waiting --- and he was not a patient man, it was very hard for him to resist. He could not stop himself. Without even thinking, he quickly brought his lips to hers, kissing her softly. Whether she was too surprised, or just not interested, he didn't know, but she didn't respond. Her lips were warm but unmoving and he could feel her shaking under his touch. He pulled back from her and stared deeply into her dark eyes, which were blinking rapidly in surprise and confusion. "I love you."
Her mouth dropped open, then snapped shut immediately, her eyes growing much larger than he thought was humanly possible. He didn't take this as a sign of acceptance, but again, he could not help himself. He reached for her again, pulling her closer to him on the couch and kissing her again. Again, she did not move, but she did not push him away either, and that filled him with hope. The awful feeling came back, with such force that it felt as though he were being slapped. It scared him, of course, but he pushed it away, concentrating only on her.
*I could give you so much more than he ever did, ChiChi....I would be there for you all the time*. He mused, touching her soft hair. *I would never leave you like he did*. As if she had heard his thoughts, she tentatively, hesitantly, returned his kiss, with tears gathering in her eyes as she closed them.
The framed photo of Gokuu on the wall suddenly fell and crashed to the ground, creating a loud crack that echoed throughout the silent house. ChiChi jerked away from him, blinking in confusion, as if she hadn't realized who he was. Her hands flew up to her mouth as she looked down at the picture frame on the floor, cracked and disfigured with shards of sticking out. She stood up and rushed to the wall, falling to her knees as she tried to pick up the pieces of glass in a panic. The picture was ruined and Gokuu's smile could no longer be seen. She held the picture against her chest for a moment before bringing her eyes up to Yamucha. The pain in her eyes was evident and so very open that Yamucha had to look away from her.
"Yamucha....I can't...." She began, her eyes watering again as she stared at his crestfallen face.
He stood, walked over to her. He bent down and carefully picked up a shard of glass, helping her clean up the destroyed picture. "I know."
"I am so sorry." She whispered, reaching for him and pulling him into a hug. She cried into his shoulder, shaking violently as she sobbed.
"I know that too." He touched her silky black hair hesitantly, and wished that he could be the one that she was crying over. After all the hoping, after all of the dreaming and planning, it was over. It was over in the worst possible way, because he knew now that it would, ever happen. She didn't love him. She would never love him. It had all been nothing but a stupid dream in his head, a transparent and ignorant dream. What she felt for him was nothing, and there *was* nothing that he could ever do to change this. It was over; there was no hope for love. The thought of this brought tears to his own eyes, and he cried silently into her hair, his heart breaking. He had been wrong before; how he had thought that ignoring her love for Gokuu was the worst. Knowing that she did not have the love for him that he had for her was by far the hardest thing.