Hello, dear readers!
Some may know me already from ATLA, most probably don't. Well, anyway, I'm carefully setting foot into Korra territory now. (Or not so carefully, depending on how you want to view this one-shot. Ehehe... ^^" )
So, fasten your seat belts, and I hope you enjoy!
Jinora couldn't be more proud. Tired, but proud. It has been one exciting day for sure. Running into bison rustlers (and getting captured by them) certainly isn't an everyday experience, even for the granddaughter of Avatar Aang. But the best part for Jinora was that her father Tenzin finally agreed to think about granting her the airbender tattoos she's been working so hard for. Admitted, with Tenzin, that could mean pretty much anything. Maybe he thinks about it and reaches the same conclusion as always, but Jinora wouldn't let the notion dampen her mood. Not this evening, anyway.
Upon arriving back at the temple, Tenzin had dismissed his students and advised them to take a rest while the local Air Acolytes prepare dinner. Jinora had taken the chance to finish her newest book, though not before herding Kai into the infirmary. While her friend and not-so-secret crush seemed fine overall, he had taken quite a nasty hit to the head when the leader of the bison rustlers knocked him into a fence. It's probably nothing, but better safe than sorry.
Anyway, it's dinnertime now, and Jinora is starving. A day like today tends to do that to an airbender. Entering the dining hall, she quickly sits with Ikki and uncle Bumi, her parents with Rohan and Meelo at the opposite side of the table. It's already laden with various delicacies, and Jinora's conscience acts up. She had planned to help, but then she got so engrossed in her book that she lost track of time. Oh well, she'll help cleaning instead. The Air Acolytes are happy to do anything for the airbenders they admire, but they're not servants (although Meelo certainly seems to think so).
"How are you feeling, Jinora?" Tenzin asks his daughter, worry painting his voice. Jinora just tilts her head and smiles.
"I'm fine, dad!" she insists, half annoyed with his doting, half amused. "Just a bit tired."
"Well, it has gotten late today," Tenzin agrees with a glance out of the window. It's already past sundown and the stars are out.
"Oh come on, Tenzin!" Bumi pipes up and leans forward, elbow on the table. "Don't be such a worrywart! Your daughter has grown into a fine young woman who can take care of herself."
"Yeah," Ikki chimes in, her tone teasing rather than agreeing. "That's totally why she's been crying for her boyfriend all the time!"
Jinora flushes red, with both anger and embarrassment. "Well, I'm sorry I never learned how to pick locks!"
Pema claps her hands, interrupting her children's squabble. "Jinora, Ikki, we don't..." There is yet another interruption when Rohan starts wailing, his sleep disturbed by his sisters. Pema immediately directs her attention to the infant, along with Tenzin. Jinora shares a look with Ikki, guilt overriding the annoyance for a moment. But the younger one doesn't seem particularly sorry, so Jinora crosses her arms and turns away, unconsciously searching for Kai. He would cheer her up, he always does.
She sits up straighter when she realizes he's nowhere to be found, and not so unconsciously notices that indeed, she could have figured that out earlier. Kai would always sneak a seat at their table, and Tenzin would always find an excuse to reprimand him for it. Which is sort of meaningless because it neither chases him away, nor stops him from returning at the very next occasion.
"Has anyone seen Kai?" Jinora asks her family, growing slightly worried herself now. Is it possible that his injuries turned out worse than expected and he's still at the infirmary?
For a moment, there is a heavy silence, then Bumi huffs. "He probably helped himself from the pantry and is sleeping soundly by now."
Jinora glares daggers at her uncle. How dare he implying that Kai would slip back into bad habits only because he couldn't wait for dinnertime?
Bumi shrugs defensively. "What, I would have done it if I were him. We're all tired, thanks to a certain someone." A pointed look at Tenzin causes the airbending master to furrow his brows, but he doesn't say anything.
"Don't be such a slacker, uncle Bumi!" Meelo challenges, getting up from his seat cushion and pointing an accusing finger at Bumi, who just stares at it.
"You know, I'll pretend I didn't hear that," he declares dryly. Meelo drops back into his cushion, arms crossed and pouting.
Pema, having been successful at calming Rohan, decides to speak up again. "Is there something I missed about the person my daughter is hanging out with?" She sounds very suspicious, causing her husband to stroke his beard with slight nervousness.
"Let's say he was... a bit difficult when we picked him up."
"Right, he was!" Jinora asserts with steely determination and a clear emphasis on the past tense. She stands up and turns to the door. "I'll go check for him."
"Jinora!" Tenzin calls out. She glares at her father, daring him to stop her. Tenzin sighs. "Don't take too long." Then, with a joking undertone, he adds, "I don't think I can keep your siblings from starting without you for more than five minutes."
Jinora smiles gratefully. "It's okay, as long as you make sure Meelo doesn't eat everything up," she declares with a chuckle, then leaves. Her feet carry her to the infirmary first, but it's empty. Not even Ka Wen, the healer, is around. Probably out for dinner as well.
The next stop are the airbenders' quarters, but they're just as devoid of people as the infirmary. But that's okay. If Kai is not resting, then he should be on the balcony looking over the valley.
And sure enough, that's where Jinora finds her friend, sitting on the broad balustrade with his knees drawn up and his arms folded on top of them. Jinora can tell right away that he's not entirely there. She approaches and is about to say something to get his attention, but stops dead in her tracks once she catches movement in the dim moonlight. Kai's shoulders are shaking, and it doesn't get any better when a sound reaches her ears which she can't quite place immediately. It's alarmingly similar to a sob, but the very thought clashes with her image of the boy. It takes another quiet whimper for Jinora to accept that, yes indeed, Kai is crying.
He's crying.
Now, being the eldest of four siblings, it's not the first time that Jinora walks in on someone weeping their heart and soul from their body. But seeing how it's usually Ikki throwing a tantrum, she doesn't think that it can be compared to the current situation.
That doesn't mean she's going to leave, oh no. Kai needs her right now. However, she has to be sensitive about it. As quietly as possible (and airbenders can be very quiet), she tiptoes over to the balustrade and sits on the cold stone, legs dangling. Kai will notice her in his own time.
It's painful, listening to his sobs, watching him tremble. But Jinora is patient. She turns to the sky and waits, biding her time by trying to identify constellations.
After a while, she is rewarded with a gasp. "Jinora!"
The girl turns to her friend, smiling gently. "Hey."
"How long...?" Kai shakes his head, changing from startled to resigned. "Oh, forget it. Long enough, I suppose." He wipes his eyes with his sleeve, before going back to resting his chin on his arms. "Don't tell anyone."
"Don't worry, I won't." Jinora scoots a bit closer. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No!" Kai promptly fires back, a bit too aggressively for comfort. He barely bothers with rising his head, he just tenses up like a bowstring. Jinora's eyes widen, but she doesn't flinch. This was to be expected, but she feels that it's not all said and done just yet.
She's right. It only takes a second for Kai to switch gears. His shoulders slump, his defensive posture relaxes into something more crestfallen. "Yes," he breathes, still referring to Jinora's question. "I don't know."
Jinora faces forward again. "You don't have to tell me if you're uncomfortable," she promises, twisting her feet until the toes point at each other. The sensation helps her with staying calm, distracting her from the pit in her stomach. Jinora cares about Kai, way more than her father would like if he stopped convincing himself that this is all a misconception. And finding him reduced to sobs is hard to bear.
She catches movement from the corner of her eyes and her head snaps up. Kai leans back on his hands and stretches his legs, so they, too, dangle over the cliff side. Eyes glued to the stars above, he takes a deep breath.
"Remember when we first met and I told you how my parents were killed by outlaws?"
"You were lying," Jinora points out, a hint of reproach in her mainly matter-of-fact tone. "It's kind of hard to forget."
Kai winces. "I'm sorry," he offers contritely, bending forward again and placing his lower arms on his knees for support. After a moment's hesitation, he sighs. "It was not a complete lie."
It takes Kai another moment to compose himself and take the leap of faith. Jinora doesn't dare saying a word, afraid of ruining the moment. But her heart is pounding very fast by now, it's like she has been put under a spell. She knows Kai and her have a special bond, and it's about to become even more special. The thought is both scary and exhilarating.
"I was six when it happened," the boy finally begins. "We lived in a small village near the coast. My parents were blacksmiths, my dad produced knives and scissors and such things, and my mum sold them. We weren't rich, but we got by just fine." Kai's hands clench into fists and his voice becomes strained. "I think the bandits were after our metal. I was watching my father at the forge behind the shop when there was a loud crash. Neither of us thought much of it at first, we had clumsy costumers from time to time. But I went to look anyway, and..." He trails off, emitting a choking sound. Jinora can see the moonlight reflecting off his eyes, betraying a fresh wave of tears. Without thinking, she reaches out and intertwines her fingers with his, silently offering comfort. Kai relaxes a bit. "There were three of them, two men and a woman. One of the men was an earthbender. They had mum caught in a block of earth and threatened her. I grabbed a pair of scissors and threw it at the man closest to her. It hit and before I knew it, I was trapped between two stone slabs myself. My mum pleaded with the man not to hurt me, but he said I needed a lesson. I was really scared, but then my dad stepped in. He managed to sneak up on the earthbender and knock him out with an unfinished fence post. He told me to run, and I did." Kai has started to shake at some point, completely overwhelmed by the memory. There is no turning back now. "The whole village was crawling with outlaws, so I ran for the beach and hid in a cave to wait out the attack. When I returned, our house was on fire. The villagers tried to douse it, but..."
That's when Kai's voice breaks, and his resistance with it. Once again, the tears are flowing freely from his eyes. Jinora shifts until she can wrap her arms around her friend, realizing only then that she had started to cry with him.
The two children remain like that for a while, drawing comfort from each other's warmth. Jinora calms down soon, but she keeps holding onto Kai until the boy has cried himself into utter exhaustion.
"I'm so sorry, Kai," Jinora whispers, pouring all her emotions into the words. The heartfelt sympathy, the gratefulness for being the one he chose to share his pain with, the silent promise to be there for him if he needs her.
"Don't be," Kai responds tiredly and pulls back to wipe his face once again. He turns back at the valley and hugs his knees. "The worst part about it is that... I can't really remember them. Every time I try to picture their faces, it's like looking through water, blurry and shapeless. It frightens me. What if one day, I forget them completely?"
Jinora can't help but ponder the question. However, she has no idea what it feels like. Both her parents are alive and well. They can be annoying sometimes, especially her father and his overprotectiveness. But at the end of the day, she is happy to have them. They're her parents after all, and she loves them.
"I don't know," she replies honestly. "But you should know that you have a new..."
"Jinora, don't," Kai cuts her off, and rather forcefully at that. It startles Jinora a bit, and Kai, upon realizing it, adds in a more gentle, even somewhat apologetic tone, "Just don't, okay?"
The girl is honestly confused. She encountered plenty of orphan characters during her career as a book-ratworm, and they are always more than happy to find a family with the people they love. On second thought, however, it makes sense for reality not to quite match with her books.
It makes her realize a major flaw in her relationship with Kai. She likes him. She laughs with him, gets upset with him, fights with him side by side, she even kisses him – but she doesn't know him.
She resolves to do better than that. She can't push it, but it feels like the right moment to ask.
"Why?"
Kai huffs. "You won't understand."
"I can try," Jinora offers confidently. He's probably right, but that's not going to stop her.
Her friend stretches out once again. He doesn't seem to be able to decide whether he wants to remain clammed up or relaxed, but Jinora can't blame him. This whole situation is draining Kai. But if there is one upside to growing up with a father like Tenzin, it's the ridiculous amount of airbender wisdom Jinora has absorbed in her comparatively short life. That includes stuff like sharing your darkness. Voice your fears, talk about your grief, face your past with the support of someone who loves you. Or how Mako puts it (according to Bolin): It's like ripping off an elbow-leech. It hurts, but you'll feel infinitely better afterwards.
Jinora is snapped out of her musings when Kai speaks up, "I have only one mother, and only one father. They were my world. They can't be replaced, and..." He pauses and his hands clench into fists on the stone. "It just makes me mad if anyone tries. I have a family. I don't need another one."
Jinora has to turn the words around in her mind a bit until she is sure that she got them right.
"I guess that's why you ran away from the family who adopted you then."
Kai exhales, loudly but controlled. Jinora assumes it has something to do with the anger she senses, bubbling just beneath the surface.
"Yes. That's exactly why," Kai growls. He actually growls. Did she push too far?
Jinora lifts a hand to place it on her friend's fist and tell him that he doesn't have to keep talking, but she wouldn't get there. She freezes halfway when Kai continues, his voice not a single bit less harsh, "They insisted that I call them mum and dad, and they'd always look at me with disappointment when I didn't. I thought they'd get over it eventually, but then that lady from the child service came to check on me. I had a fight with my adoptive parents in front of her and locked myself in my room. I don't know what they talked about afterwards, but in the end she told me off about how I wouldn't try hard enough to adapt. Of course, all in the name of making me happy. Like she were a better judge of that than myself." Biting sarcasm has snakeweaseled its way into Kai's voice. Jinora can't help but notice how furious and yet how worn he sounds.
"That's awful," Jinora mumbles, overflowing with sympathy. It's not the sort of reasoning she would have expected. Which would have never even crossed her mind. But it has a certain twisted logic to it.
"How could they?" Kai cries into the night, louder and fiercer with every word. He propels himself to his feet, so much tension in his stance. "How dare they pretending to be my parents? How dare they invading my world in such an arrogant way?"
"Woah!" Jinora stabs her hands at the air funnel apparently trying to blast her off the cliff, dispersing it. Her yelp snaps Kai out of his rage and the whirlwind puffs out of existence.
"Sorry," Kai apologizes and flops back down to the balustrade. "Didn't mean to lose control."
"Don't worry about it," Jinora responds easily. "It happens to the best of us."
"Even to you?"
"Even to dad and grandpa Aang," she explains, absentmindedly fixing her hair. She sighs heavily, her hands drop into her lap and her gaze follows. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" Kai asks, calmer now and obviously puzzled.
"For suggesting you could..." Jinora trails off, twiddling her fingers. "You know..."
"It's okay," her friend cuts in. "It's not your fault."
The girl looks up and finds Kai smiling at her. Not that usual cheeky grin she came to love, it's a genuine smile, tired but content. Of course, she smiles back.
"Thank you for sharing your story with me."
Kai hums and shrugs his shoulders, trying to play it cool. "Think nothing of it."
The corners of Jinora's mouth twitch. Blunder. This is not nothing.
Before she can come up with an adequate response, however, Kai is already busy rubbing his forehead, muttering to himself.
"Oh, for the love of... I'm not used to all this sappy stuff." His hand drops back to the stone and he breathes deeply. "No need to thank me." The words don't seem to come easily to him. "I'm just glad you don't think I'm weird."
"Oh, I do think you're weird," Jinora replies, maybe a tad bit sardonically, before planting a light kiss on Kai's cheek. "But I like weird."
The boy quickly acquires a stunning similarity to a traffic light – very straight, very stiff, and very red.
"You're terrible," he nags, getting artificially worked up. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation here."
"Sorry," Jinora replies jokingly, well aware that he's secretly relieved by the subject change. What the two of them need now is some normalcy, make sure that their relationship hasn't suffered. Whatever kind of relationship it may be. "But serious doesn't suit you. Come on." She turns around and hops off the balustrade. "I wonder if they left anything for us."
"Left what?" Kai asks, landing next to Jinora. She looks at him incredulously.
"Dinner, of course."
Kai's stomach reacts to the notion, and the boy quickly covers it with his arm. "You just had to say that, didn't you?" he complains, totally hamming it up. "I actually planned on stumbling gracefully to the sleeping quarters and fall into my bed. How am I supposed to do that now?"
Jinora laughs. "Let's stumble gracefully to the dining hall first and see if we can grab a bite to eat. You can fall into your bed afterwards."
"Alright..." Kai agrees, giving in to his fate (or stomach). Jinora starts walking, but when she's about to enter the temple, she realizes that her friend isn't following and turns around.
"You coming?"
That snaps him out of whatever realm he was in and he hurries to catch up. The temple lanterns light up his features – the still slightly puffy eyes, the messy hair, the tear-stained clothes... Everything about him looks weary and droopy. And yet, when their eyes meet, he smiles.
"Thank you, Jinora. For being here with me."
"I'm not going anywhere," she promises, mirroring his smile. Then she thrusts out a hand and a gust of wind sends the apprentice robes of her friend billowing. It's impossible to deflect at such a short distance, and by the time Kai has shifted into a defensive stance, it's already over.
"What was that for?!"
"Just drying you up," Jinora smirks, causing Kai to look down at himself.
"Uh, thanks. I guess."
The two children start walking again, only realizing they've been holding hands all the way when they stand in front of the door and notice that they wouldn't fit through. They jump apart, Jinora blushes like crazy and Kai rubs the back of his neck nervously.
"Uhm, ladies first," he takes a shot at smoothing things over. Jinora nods and they both manage to pull their acts together in order to file into the room.
Tenzin is still sitting there, waiting. He looks the children up and down, suspicious at first, then his frown melts into an expression of concern.
"What happened to you?"
Jinora and Kai share a look, reading each other's faces and reaching the same conclusion.
"Nothing," Jinora claims and plops into her seat cushion, Kai right next to her. A large plate piled with steam buns is sitting on the table, tantalizing.
But first, Tenzin has to get another word in. "You don't look like nothing, and I can't have you go running around and endanger yourselves again!"
"Lay off, dad!" Jinora grumbles. "We weren't visiting the wild bison, we weren't put into cages, and we weren't discussing airbender tattoos, either. We're just tired and hungry."
She pointedly grabs a bun from the plate. She's starving, and it's not very cool to see that Kai's second bun is already half-eaten (it's marvelous how much and how fast that guy can scarf down his food) while she hasn't even touched her first. Tenzin raises a brow, but doesn't say anything.
The silence is only broken when Kai yawns.
"You should go to bed," Jinora states worriedly. "Dad is probably going to blow you out of it again tomorrow."
"Actually," Tenzin cuts in, stroking his beard thoughtfully, "I've been thinking about letting the new airbenders sleep in tomorrow. It has been a harrowing day for us all."
Jinora beams. Kai grins, "Sounds good. And I'll just stay another while, in case you don't eat up. Then I'll do it."
"You get a stomachache," Jinora points out, an eyebrow raised. "Besides, we have a fridge, you know?"
"Oh, yeah, right..." He yawns again and rubs his eyes. "Force of habit. Spirits, I can't think straight anymore..."
Jinora shares a look with her father, and she knows they're both concerned. A thud yanks them back to reality and two pairs of eyes fly to Kai, who's... sound asleep on the tabletop.
"An appropriate reaction," Tenzin remarks. "I really shouldn't have worked them like this, especially a child." He sighs. "Kai was right. I'm no better than the Earth Queen."
"Of course you are," Jinora smiles encouragingly. "You taught us. You taught Korra. You'll teach them, too." She stands up and circles the table to drop into her father's arms. "I love you, dad."
"I love you, too."
Jinora could have followed Kai's example and fall asleep right then and there, but she fights the temptation and pulls back. "Can you carry Kai to his bed? I don't think waking him up is a good idea."
"Of course, sweetie. But you should go to bed, too."
"You'd have to fight to stop me," Jinora retorts, letting out a yawn herself now. Tenzin smiles proudly at his daughter and gets up. He walks around the table to Kai and gently moves the young airbender, until he can safely slide his arms underneath his knees and shoulders to pick him up.
Surprise materializes on Tenzin's face when the boy suddenly curls up and nestles into Tenzin's robes, unconsciously searching for warmth.
"What...?" Tenzin manages to choke out. Jinora is a little surprised as well, but she quickly composes herself.
"I guess he misses his father," she explains, drawing Tenzin's gaze to herself.
"What makes you think that?"
Jinora folds her hands behind her back and meets her father's eyes with a knowing grin.
"You can call it a hunch."
Haaah... Heavy stuff, heavy stuff...
This is one of the hardest pieces I ever wrote, but I really wanted to write it. It's more of a narrative character analysis than an actual story, but... meh. *shrug*
I noticed that many texts which delve into Kai's unknown past often play him up as a victim and try to excuse his pre-Earth Queen boot camp behavior. I disagree. That smug, ungrateful, super-cute little bastard is about as much a victim as Suyin. He's very well aware of what he's doing. (Kudos to his voice actor. My ears bleed every time I watch Rebirth and Kai tells that lie about the outlaws. Really, love the voice acting there!)
Doesn't stop me from adoring the character, though. And shipping Kainora hard. XD I can't put my finger on it, but Kai somehow reminds me of Aang. I read somewhere that the creators aimed for that effect, but I still can't tell where it comes from...
Maybe I'll make a two-shot from this, seeing where Kai's pick-pocketing skills and Bolin's 'little bro'-antics fit into the picture. (Though the latter is actually pretty simple.)
I could ramble on and on here, but I have to make a cut at some point. I hope I didn't ruin your day, favs make mine. Reviews are welcome, and suggestions for improvement even more so.
Thank you for reading!