(Not required A/N: I mean, it would help if you knew anything about Stargate Atlantis before you read this, but really it's a lot like Star Trek. There's basically a lot of futuristic science-y stuff and extremely gay sex generally coupled with extremely unfortunate situations. Character background: Rodney is a genius bitch, John's in the military but hates that whole chain of command thing, Ronon eats a lot, and Teyla and Elizabeth are HBICs. This is vaguely late S2, and obviously not realistic because S2 doesn't take place during 2010, but, whatever, stargates aren't really realistic anyway. Speaking of realistic, yes, I know about the 60-day policy, and again: whatever. I'm not waiting until then to post this.)
x
Ask, Tell
x
Right after John, hefting an overloaded tray and seriously pumped about Mexican Night, had sat down with Rodney, Teyla, and Ronon, Dr. Elizabeth Weir got up in front of everyone in the caf, crossed her arms over her chest, and, smiling, said, "Ladies and gentlemen of Atlantis, I have some news from Earth. The 111th Congress has seen fit to get rid of the military policy known as 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.'"
John choked on his tamale, which was inappropriately symbolic of the next few weeks of John's life.
x
Three days later, the first sign that the gaypocalypse predicted by the Republicans was coming true was when John ran across Ronon and Lorne making out viciously in the armory.
"Merciful—fucking—Jesus," said John, knocking over a crate of ammo in a minor panic. "What the fuck!"
"Oh," said Ronon, slinging his arm around Lorne's hip. "Hey."
Lorne at least had the decency to look ashamed. "Colonel," he said formally to John, a high fire on his cheeks.
"Major," John replied, high-pitched, trying not to run away or die or something. "Seriously? In the armory?"
"Least you weren't in here earlier," shrugged Ronon. "Bates had Everett on his—"
"We should go," said Lorne quickly, grabbing Ronon's hand and dragging him out of the room. "I'll see you, uh, on duty, Colonel."
"Yeah," said John, watching Lorne tug Ronon into a transporter. "Yeah, later."
Apparently it bled into the civilians as well. Rodney spent half an hour one day complaining that Zelenka had finally gone insane, or at least he had seen Zelenka and Kavanaugh looking sweaty and emerging from Zelenka's room. "I was beginning to think that Zelenka wasn't a total idiot!" Rodney moaned. "I was so wrong! So wrong. I'll have to spend the next day checking his equations for the naquadah generator repairs. If I can't trust him not to bone Kavanaugh—"
"Please," said John, pained. "Stop. I'm trying to eat."
"You're done with your food!"
"Okay, I'm trying not to throw up," said John.
"Yeah," said Rodney, looking greenish. "Me too."
John had this weird moment where he really, really hoped that Rodney wanted to throw up about the possibility of Kavanaugh possessing sexual organs, not about the whole gay sex thing, because Rodney's lips were formed really interestingly at that moment, which, okay, that was a strange thought, but then Rodney started telling him about the latest cool upgrades he'd made to the puddlejumpers, and it passed.
There were upsides. Beckett regaled everybody with the tale of seeing Cadman touch Miko's breast in the infirmary one day, which was, of course, extremely interesting. "Aren't you two dating, though?" said Ronon.
"Me an' Cadman?" said Beckett. "Well—aye, but… ah mean…" He looked desperate. "She touched her breast."
The men nodded wisely. "We understand," said Zelenka, patting Beckett's arm.
It was all fine with John, excepting that he'd had to start locking the armory after-hours. The new policy simply didn't bother him. At least until Elizabeth sent the team on an overnight exploratory expedition to P2X-198, where they were promptly attacked by giant salamanders.
At first, John mainly yelled at Rodney, who screamed a lot and clutched at the ZPM they'd found in the ruins of some Ancient buildings before the giant salamanders came swarming toothily out of crevices. Teyla and Ronon killed things until Ronon broke his shoulder, at which point just Teyla killed things, and John helped Ronon along with absolutely no assistance from Rodney, who continued to scream a lot and clutch at the ZPM. Finally they found a cave, made an extremely impromptu barrier out of boulders, and hid.
"We have twelve hours until check-in," said Teyla, briskly wrapping up Ronon's back as Rodney stroked the ZPM lovingly and John glared at him. "Which means that it could take thirteen hours or more for anyone to find us."
"We've got emergency rations, and I don't think those boulders are going anywhere," said John. They had set up camp a few hundred meters into the cave, which was vast, rather damp, and flat, although the entrance was small and rocky. John had made a fire from bits of driftwood. The damp spots in the cave reflected the firelight. The space seemed vast, thought the roof was only ten feet.
"Even so, one of us should face the entrance at all times," said Teyla, finishing Ronon's bandages. "Does anyone have any medicine?"
John and Rodney shook their heads. "I'm fine," Ronon grunted, staring at his feet. His dreads covered his eyes.
"You are not fine," said Teyla, bending down and tilting Ronon's chin up. She smiled. "But you are going to be. Tell us if anything feels worse."
"Alright," muttered Ronon. "I'm gonna lay down." He heaved himself off of the rock lip he was sitting on and went off a few meters, tucking his pack under his head and laying flat.
"And I will go scout," said Teyla. "I should return in thirty minutes."
"Thanks, Teyla," said John. Teyla turned and went jogging off. Rodney kept stroking the ZPM. John elbowed him, but Teyla was already out of range.
"Ow!" shrieked Rodney. "What was that for!"
"You're supposed to thank Teyla for being awesome," John said.
"Oh, what, you expect me to be nice? polite? calm? in a situation like this?" Rodney snapped. "I'm having a hard enough time not passing out because of my ankle!"
"What did you do to your ankle?"
"I fractured it on a rock back there when you hulks were pulling down the boulders."
"Oh, you mean, when you stepped on that tiny pebble and rolled your ankle?"
"It might be broken!"
John fixed Rodney with his best I-really-don't-believe-you-sometimes glare, which of course did no good.
They sat in silence for a long time, Rodney cradling the ZPM and John staring at the fire, thinking meanly that Rodney probably wanted to blabber at him but couldn't about all the things he could do with ZPM when they got back to Atlantis. After a while he looked over to see what Rodney was doing. And Rodney surprised him: he was staring at John and looking really serious.
"Yeah?" said John, throat dry.
"What do you think about—" Rodney made a gesture towards Ronon. "—him and Lorne?"
"What? Nothing," said John quickly. Because okay, maybe he'd been lying to himself about the new policy not affecting him—with all these men kissing each other, it was hard not to consider the option just a little.
"Seriously," said Rodney. He looked weirdly intense.
"Well, I don't know," said John, shifting around and looking away from Rodney. "I guess, Ronon's been training with Lorne a lot, so that's good. Lorne threw me over his hip the other day. I don't think he's ever done that before."
"Okay, so it's good for beating people up, but…" said Rodney.
"Where are you going with this?"
"Well…" John looked over. Rodney was scratching his neck and staring at the fire. "I just, it really surprised me. You know—Ronon being—" He did the wave with his eyebrows.
"Does it matter?" said John, a little more harshly than he intended.
The look in Rodney's eyes was, for a moment, just like the one he got whenever he figured out some useful Lantean tech, or when he proved Zelenka wrong. He laughed. "Sheppard," he said, raising his eyebrows in a way that made John's heart twitch a just little, "I wasn't asking, so you don't have to tell."
And then he turned away, and got out a datapad, and started messing with the ZPM.
x
Twelve and a half hours later, help arrived in the form of Lorne and his team. Many salamanders died. Elizabeth chewed them out gently at the staff meeting the next day and John brought Ronon strawberry Jello in the infirmary. Three days later, Elizabeth sent John and Teyla to force Rodney to go to sleep. He'd been up since they had gotten back from P2X-198 doing tests on the new ZPM.
"But it's so beautiful," Rodney whined as John and Teyla dragged him to his room. "We can power the shield for weeks now, and you know all those levels you military types want to explore? I can make sure they're structurally stable, light them, even get some readouts—and you'll never guess what I discovered I can do with the puddlejumpers!"
"What'd you figure out you can do with the puddlejumpers?" said John, pausing.
"John, do not fall into his trap," said Teyla warningly. "Rodney, stop distracting John."
"It's in my best interest to distract John," Rodney protested. "And yours too! I found a greenhouse. The Athosians can grow stuff in there. Or… whatever. What do you need? The ZedPM can make it work!"
"Rodney, you need to rest," said Teyla, touching a transport panel. "How have you stayed awake so long?"
"Contraband Red Bull," said John, tightening his grip on Rodney's arm and tugging him into the transporter. "I saw the empties."
"Lies!" Rodney proclaimed. "Do not cast aspersions on me."
Teyla peered at Rodney. "His eyelids are twitching," she said.
"Aspersions!"
"Teyla, do you know any Pegasus galaxy nerve pinches? Because I'm not sure how much more of this I can deal with," said John.
"If she goes all Vulcan on me, I'm pressing charges," said Rodney. He paused. "Do you think it's weird that we're basically living in a sci fi movie but we talk about Star Trek and Star Wars all the time?"
"It helps to be genre savvy," said John. "Come on, let's get you to your room."
In Rodney's quarters, Teyla glared at Rodney until he huffed into the bathroom to change into sleep clothes. "It's my room," he had sniffed, digging through his drawers for an undershirt. "I don't see why I have to leave."
"You may change here, if you wish," said Teyla, "but neither I nor John are leaving until you are in bed."
Rodney had snorted and marched into the bathroom. "We can't lock him in here," said John. "And he's a grown man, you know—he can stay up for a week if he wants to."
Teyla sighed. "Elizabeth is concerned about Wraith activity near Sateda," she said. "She would like to have Doctor McKay in good condition should anything occur."
"She thinks that having McKay get sleep is more important than getting the ZPM fully functional?" said John skeptically.
"I think that Elizabeth trusts Doctor McKay more than a fully-charged Zero Point Module," said Teyla.
"Well, that's sweet, but seriously, how are we going to get him to sleep? Guard duty?"
"John, I detect a note of sarcasm in your voice," said Teyla, the corners of her lips curling upwards.
"Oh no," said John, stepping backwards. "You are not having me watch him while he sleeps. That's both creepy and—creepy."
"Then I shall take the first watch, leaving you time to get used to the idea," said Teyla. "I will see you in four hours, Colonel."
x
John went to go find Ronon, and they hit things in the practice rooms for a while. When they stopped for a drink, Ronon said, "What's up?"
"Nothing," said John, splashing his face with water. His muscles felt strange, like sweet iron; his teeth ached.
"Alright," said Ronon. "Watch it." He aimed a punch at John, who parried, and they were off.
When he got to Rodney's room just as the four hours were up, Teyla was slipping out. The lights were dim in the corridor and the doors were half-open for her. "He has been asleep for an hour now," said Teyla quietly. "There were a few… incidents… concerning—what did you call that drink? Red Cow? I was forced to confiscate his supply. Also, all of the computers I could find in his rooms. Best of luck, John." And she clapped him on the back and left.
"Good thing I didn't want to ask anything," muttered John. He took a step towards the door, and it opened just an inch. He stared at the strip of darkness between the door panels, then took a step back. The door closed. He took a step forward, and it opened slightly again. Then he took a step back. The door closed.
He went to stand by the wall, next to the door panel. "Thank you, Atlantis," he said, very softly, placing his hand on the wall. The lights overhead pulsed once, and the metal heated against his palm.
For a second, he was in a memory, standing by Rodin's Gates of Hell back at Stanford, staring at the young Thinker on the lintel. There was light rain on his arms. His textbooks were getting wet. But he couldn't stop staring at the young Thinker. It had no eyes, no features. Its skin was scraped, patterned like flattened paint. John pressed his palm hard into the wall and Atlantis pressed back, the power humming through her veins.
He stepped back and went inside.
Rodney was snoring. He was turned away from the window, towards the door. His leg stuck backwards out from under his blanket and his face was mashed into the pillow. He twitched occasionally. John thought he'd never seen anything less attractive in his life. Rodney's skin was paler than usual in the moonlight, almost snow white. He was delicate. His eyelashes were long. His eyes, though closed, were nothing like the young Thinker's. And though his face spasmed absurdly, he was—Jesus, he was glowing. He glowed. In the rain, even in the rain, with the lights and with the attention of a thousand eyes, the young Thinker didn't glow.
John sat down in an armchair near the door. He fell asleep easily, and he dreamed of water.
x
"John."
Something poked his head.
"John."
John shifted in his chair, and something shoved his shoulder. His chin fell out of his hand and he almost broke his jaw on the arm of the chair. "Fuck!"
"I'm sorry! But—but listen, it's been fifteen hours, so can I go work now?"
John pulled himself together and opened his eyes. Rodney was leaning over and staring at him. It was still dark.
"Rodney, it can't have been more than—" John fumbled for his watch. "Rodney, it's only been five hours! You have to get at least eight."
"But—I'm fine! I'm fine like this!" said Rodney. He whirled around and went to sit on his bed. "John, seriously. I'm dying over here." He widened his eyes. "Please?"
"No," barked John. "No leaving! Sleep!"
"I'm not even sleepy!"
"Well—you need to be!" John glared at him. "I will sing you lullabies."
"Oh, Jesus," said Rodney. "Okay, fine." He huffed and got under the covers. "I've functioned on much less sleep, you know. Red Bull practically wrote both my dissertations."
"Well, Elizabeth said, so I'm doing," said John.
"Yeah, because that's how it always goes."
John looked, really looked, at Rodney. "Why didn't you leave just now?"
"What?" Rodney had laid his head deep in his pillow. At this, he lifted his head, bending his neck awkwardly.
"Why didn't you leave? When I was asleep," said John. "You could have walked right out."
"Oh," said Rodney. "The door wouldn't let me out." He pouted at John. "This stupid city loves you too much."
"I didn't—oh, I didn't know," said John. "I didn't know I felt so strongly about you."
The sentence hung in the air for a while. John blinked. Rodney blinked.
"I meant—you know, I meant, I didn't know I felt so strongly about you not leaving, not getting enough sleep, you know—"
"Yeah," said Rodney. "Yeah." He swallowed. "Okay. Goodnight."
"Yeah," said John, looking away. "Goodnight."
x
Two days later, John, Rodney, Ronon, and Teyla were eating dinner in the cafeteria when Lorne came over to their table, cleared his throat, and asked Ronon if they could speak privately. Ronon shrugged and said "Sure" and "Don't eat my food or I'll kill you," and left with Lorne.
John, Rodney, and Teyla didn't say anything for a while. Rodney was eating almost nervously. Teyla was acting like nothing had happened. Finally, John said, "Well, that was weird."
"Huh?" said Rodney. "What?"
"Oh, shut up," said John. "Teyla—do you know what's going on?"
"I have no idea," said Teyla in rather high, obviously innocent voice.
"Teyla," said John dangerously.
"They are moving in together," said Teyla, a massive smile breaking out on her face. "Oh, I should not tell you, but I have been keeping this a secret! Now, you cannot tell Ronon that you know."
"They're—they're what?" said Rodney. "What?"
"I—what?" said John. "What do you—what?"
Teyla actually clucked at them. "You both know that they have been spending very much time together. They decided that it would be best if they simply joined quarters. I feel that this is a very good idea. It would be quite convenient to live with your bondmate."
John was admittedly pretty distracted by this whole new Ronon and Lorne development, but—was Teyla blushing? "Are you blushing?" he said.
"What?" said Teyla, her hand going to her cheek automatically. "Oh, no, I, this food is quite warm." She actually looked flustered.
"Oh my God," said Rodney. "Who are you dating?"
"It is none of your business," said Teyla composedly.
"Who? You have to tell us," said Rodney. "Oh my God. Who?"
"Rodney," said Teyla.
"I'm with him," said John. "Seriously, who is he?"
Teyla actually put down her fork and looked at them. Then she picked up her tray, stood up, smiled almost evilly, said, "He?" and left.
There was a very long silence. Then Rodney said, "I think this is what cardiac arrest feels like."
"Okay, calm down," said John. "She's—it's Teyla, she's probably—"
"What," said Rodney, "joking?"
They stared at each other for a moment.
"Well," said John. "Teyla's a lesbian."
x
"Seriously," said John to Dr. Heightmeyer a week later. "It's the gaypocalypse. It's the gay apocalypse. It's weird. It's freaking me out. I'm—seriously, I know I'm in the military and everything, but I am not homophobic, and—did I tell you about that threesome I had that one time? I mean, what I'm trying to say is, it's not that I dislike what's happening, it's just freaking me—"
"John," said Dr. Heightmeyer.
"—freaking me out! I mean, Ronon and Lorne? Are living together? And Teyla is apparently dating a woman, and I think, I mean, I think I heard something about Carson and Cadman and Miko having, having a threesome earlier, and I am pretty sure Rodney is right about Zelenka and Kavanaugh—yes, I know! It's gross! Kavanaugh! But—"
"Okay, John?" said Dr. Heightmeyer. "I want you to calm down."
"Okay," said John, breathing carefully. "Okay."
"Now," said Dr. Heightmeyer, "I want you not to be offended when I ask this, but do you think this has anything to do with your own sexuality?"
"What?"
Dr. Heightmeyer just raised her eyebrows at him.
"My own—" John laughed. "My own sexual orientation? Is straight."
"Of course," said Dr. Heightmeyer, in that tone of voice.
"Hey," said John, offended. "I would know if I were gay!"
"Would you?"
"Yeah!"
"So you're not?"
"Of course not!"
"Why do you think you're not?"
"Why do you think you're not?"
"Why do you assume I am?"
"Wait—you are what? Gay or straight?" John shook his head. "Now I'm confused."
"Yes, perhaps you are."
"Hey," he said feelingly.
"Alright," said Dr. Heightmeyer, "that was out of line. I apologize. But really, John," she said, fixing those big eyes on him, "unless you really are homophobic—which I highly doubt that you are—you should consider it. After all," she smiled, "there's no harm in experimentation."
"Oh, God," said John.
x
Later that day, John and Ronon were sparring.
"What's up?" said Ronon, having whacked John in the back of the head with a quarterstaff. "You're off."
"Yeah," said John, rubbing his head. "I think I might be gay."
"Oh," said Ronon. "Cool. You wanna take a break?"
"Sure."
They sat down on one of the benches lining the court. "So, what, you like somebody?" said Ronon, grabbing two bottles of water and handing one to John.
"I don't know," said John. "Maybe." He sighed. "How're you and Lorne?"
"We're great," said Ronon. "It's a lot of fun living with him. Listen, you should come over some time, we should have a drink. I can get Teyla, too. You ask McKay."
"That'd be fun," said John. "The place is bigger?"
"Naw, not really," said Ronon. "Got a living area, I guess. No kitchen though. Tonight? Eight?"
"Yeah, fine with me," said John. "See you then."
"Yeah," said Ronon.
John was halfway down the corridor when he stopped, turned around, and went back.
"Hey man," he said to Ronon, who landed the flip he was doing and stared expectantly at John. "Do you—do you love him?"
"Yeah," said Ronon. "Yeah, I do."
"That's great," said John. "That's good."
"Yeah," said Ronon, and he smiled. "Yeah, it is."
x
John had to finish up some security protocols and got to Ronon's a little late. To his surprise, Elizabeth was there as well, sitting next to Teyla. Ronon and Lorne were sprawled on the floor, setting up a Taktos gameboard. Rodney was drinking a beer on the couch.
"What's up," said John, sitting down next to Rodney. "Sorry I'm late."
"Yeah, no big," said Ronon. "Want to play strip Taktos?"
"Are you serious?" said Rodney, alarmed. "Weren't you kidding? I thought you were kidding."
"That would be inappropriate, Ronon," said Teyla. "However, if we were to make Taktos into a drinking game, I would be amenable."
"Oh," said Elizabeth, flushing. "I'm not sure if this is appropriate. I am—well, I am in charge of Atlantis; if anything should go wrong—"
"You sleep, don't you?" said Ronon.
"But as your superior—"
"Relax," said Teyla, touching her arm.
They didn't get very drunk. Elizabeth started speaking really loudly and they got Lorne to talk about how much he liked painting. Rodney, strangely, got quieter as the evening progressed. By one, John was ready to stumble home and try to read a page of War and Peace before passing out. Lorne showed them out as Ronon cleaned up in the background.
"They are quite well matched," said Teyla with satisfaction. "Both men are no nonsense. And they are in excellent physical shape." She glanced at Elizabeth, her teeth gleaming in a smile. "I am sure they are very compatible with each other."
"Teyla!" gasped Elizabeth.
"I am sure that John and Rodney agree with me," said Teyla.
"Uh," said Rodney.
"Yep," said John. "Very compatible."
Rodney gaped at him.
"What?" said John, feeling reckless. "I bet they have great sex."
Elizabeth cleared her throat. John had completely forgotten about her. When they made eye contact, she winked. John promptly tripped on absolutely nothing. "I will see you in the morning," she said composedly.
"Goodnight, boys," said Teyla, smiling. They turned down a corridor, leaving John and Rodney standing at a juncture.
"I really don't know where to go from here," said Rodney, squaring his feet and putting his hands on his hips to glare up at John determinedly. "How drunk are you?"
John was going to say something defensively, like "Not very!" or "Not drunk enough to spend any more time with you!" when he realized something. "Rodney," he said slowly, "is it just me, or does Teyla live on my hall?"
"Oh my God," said Rodney. "Oh my God." He whipped around and squinted down the corridor that Teyla and Elizabeth had taken. "Do you think?"
"Yes!" hissed John.
"Ack," said Rodney, clapping his hands to his cheeks.
The back of Rodney's head was attractive, John noted. He frowned. "Okay," he said. "Wait just a damn second. Is everyone in Atlantis gay?"
"Yes," said Rodney, sounding like he really meant it. "Yes, they are. And it is a beautiful thing."
"Rodney! Snap out of it!"
"Teyla and Elizabeth!" Rodney whined. "What don't you understand?"
"What I don't understand," John snapped, "is how this one stupid rule gets tossed aside and then suddenly everybody's coming out of the closet!" He was almost yelling. "It's not like being gay is some kind of choice—I mean, has everybody just been hiding it? Because—"
"John!"
"What?"
"It's one in the morning. You're going to wake people up," said Rodney softly, and he took John's wrist and started walking.
x
"Where are we?" said John.
"You don't know?" said Rodney. He let go of John's wrist, which immediately went cold. John touched the spot, trying to preserve some of Rodney's warmth. "We're in the water room."
The walls were glass. Behind them floated a couple feet of ocean water. Seaweed was living in a few corners. Beyond the water was a tiled wall. Swirling bronze patterns, repetitive and complex, wavered in the slight tide.
The room was blue and brown, and soft. There were hollows in the floor. Rodney had settled in to one and John did too. The metal was smooth and pliable and fit around John's body.
"I've never been here," said John, looking around. "How'd you find this?"
"I thought everybody knew about it," said Rodney, "much less you. We found it when we were first exploring. Elizabeth found it on the third day."
John put his chin in his palm. "I don't like this," he said.
"What, this room? Are you crazy? It's beautiful," said Rodney, drawing himself up.
"No, Rodney. This—this gay stuff."
"What don't you like about it?"
"It just feels—stupid!" said John. "You know me, I'm always awesome and on top of my game and totally confident, but this is making me feel really off."
"Wow, emotional honesty," said Rodney. "I wasn't expecting that."
"Me either!"
Rodney sighed. "John, I understand. This is something we've never faced before. We're in a new place—in a new galaxy, and the rules from home apply. But this one rule, this one rule that was really representational of a lot of our standard sexuality—got tossed out. So we all kind of… let ourselves off the hook."
"It doesn't—it's not that it feels wrong," said John. "It's that it feels… like there's too much happening. I mean—like what you just said. The rules from home apply. So that's nice. We have this structure to live in while it's storming outside. But now one corner of it got torn off. And so there's a leak."
"Okay, stop with the metaphors, it's killing me."
"Sorry."
Rodney was staring at one of the walls. His face was bluish in the light. His lips were slightly parted, and he looked calm. John let himself look at all of Rodney. His wide, rounded shoulders, the shadow beneath his earlobe, the curve of his hand as it laid across his knee.
Rodney looked at John, who blinked; he'd been caught looking, and he didn't know what to do. Rodney hesitated, his hand going to his cheek for a second, but then he clenched it into a fist and said, "Can I just kiss you already?"
His eyes were as wide as the sea.
"Can you what?" blurted John.
He shouldn't have said it. He saw Rodney's whole being retract. Rodney stood up, his face like clear glass. It was raining, now, behind his eyes. John tried to speak but he couldn't; he didn't know what to say. His throat hurt, ached like something was tearing it in half.
Rodney opened his mouth, but then he closed it. He stared down at John, flexing his hands. He turned quickly, shoulders hunched now, and left.
"Fuck," said John.
x
At seven o'clock the next day, he barged in to Elizabeth's office in the gate room. "I have to ask you something," he said.
"How can I help, Colonel?" she said. She shut her laptop, crossed her fingers, and looked at him.
John ran his hand through his hair. "Okay, never mind," he said, and turned to leave.
"John," said Elizabeth sternly.
John stopped with his hand on the door. "I'm really stupid," he said.
"We all are," said Elizabeth soothingly. "Come here. Sit down. What's wrong?"
John sat in the chair in front of her desk and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm really stupid," he repeated.
"Does this have to do with Atlantis operations, or…?" Elizabeth leaned forward.
"No, it has to do with—me being stupid. In a nonprofessional way. In an—interpersonal relationships way." John sighed. "Last night, after—" He aimed a pointed look at her. "—after you left with Teyla—" Elizabeth didn't budge. "You really are a professional diplomat, aren't you?" said John, impressed.
"I'm sure I don't know what you mean," said Elizabeth, utterly composed.
"Anyway. Well," John shifted, "Rodney and I went to the water room, and he—kind of—propositioned me."
"I am going to stop you there," said Elizabeth, her eyebrows going north.
"No, I mean—he just asked if he could kiss me," said John, thinking he was probably dying—oh, God, why hadn't he chosen to talk with Teyla about this? This was Elizabeth he was saying this to, Elizabeth who was his only superior in Atlantis. He tapped his fingers on the chair nervously.
But to her great credit, Elizabeth did not look totally horrified. "That is a reasonable request, John," she said gently. "Rodney has been interested in you for some time. Not just since Don't Ask, Don't Tell was repealed."
John's hands went still. "What?" he said. He felt like his heart had stopped to listen.
"I know you're not great with people. With letting people get close to you. With things like this," said Elizabeth. She looked more sincere than he had ever seen her. "John, if you ask, he'll tell you."
x
Rodney was in the caf, typing on a laptop with one hand and devouring a bowl of cereal with his other hand. John walked right up to him and said, "How long have you liked me for?"
Later, Teyla would tell him that, although he hadn't been speaking loudly, everyone had heard, and everyone had gone silent.
Rodney swallowed his mouthful of Special K. "About a year," he said softly.
"Oh," said John. "Okay. See, I thought this was related to the whole Don't Ask, Don't Tell repeal."
"Yeah, it's not," said Rodney, going back to his cereal. "Now that you know, can you just—leave? I don't really want to talk to you?"
"What? Why?"
"Because I look stupid enough already," snapped Rodney.
"But," said John. He waved his hands around, but Rodney didn't look at him. He just chewed angrily and stared at his computer. The screen was blank.
"Rodney," said John. He walked to beside Rodney. "Look at me."
For a second, Rodney didn't. He turned, his eyes narrowed.
John leaned down and kissed him.
x
"You could have asked, before you kissed me," hissed Rodney later. "I would have told you that you could."
"Would have completely ruined the romance," said John, sneaking a peek around the door jamb. "Come on, it's clear."
"This is not a good idea," said Rodney shrilly, following John as they tiptoed into the room. "There's going to be an emergency and it's going to be embarrassing and—"
"You're no fun," said John.
"I'm realistic! I worry! I—"
"—apparently need to be convinced," said John, turning around suddenly and catching Rodney around the waist. He stared down, straight into Rodney's big eyes, and licked his lips.
"Alright," said Rodney, pushing John away and walking determinedly forward. "I'm very convinced. Come on. Let's get this thing open."
"Absolutely, Dr. McKay," said John, going around to the back hatch of a puddlejumper. "This is going to be—" He depressed the switch that would open the hatch. "—a lot… of…"
"What?" said Rodney. John had paused and was staring into the puddlejumper, a funny expression on his face. Rodney came around to see what John was looking at.
"Er, excuse us," said Elizabeth sheepishly.
"John, would you mind?" said Teyla. "We will just be a moment." She reached up and pressed a button. The hatch closed again.
"I love this place," said John.