Freeze frame, pause, rewind, stop. And get back to the old familiar thoughts. Can we just freeze frame, pause, rewind stop? And get back to the feelings we think we've lost. For now. – P!nk, "For Now" (2017)
freeze frame, pause, rewind, stop
The wind and rain whipped around her in the semi darkness, the distant rumble of thunder in the distance sending a shiver down her spine as she stood, broomstick in hand, looking resolutely up at Pentangle's Academy. It had taken all of Hecate's self-discipline and control not to break her promise to come tonight. More than once she had found herself halfway through a letter filled with excuses as to why she couldn't make it, had planned to give Mildred Hubble and Enid Nightshade detention for the potions assignment she knew they had not yet completed, had asked Ada a thousand times if she was sure she was not needed at the school that night, her anxiety mounting higher and higher with each passing day.
But she couldn't bring herself to send the letters, Mildred and Enid had somehow finished their potions assignment, and Ada had assured her time and time again that the school would not perish if she was away for a few hours. And then, before she knew it, it was Friday, and her fourth-year potions class's impeccable behaviour had driven away her last chance of being able to cancel.
And so, she was here, standing out in the cold and the weather in two minds as to whether she should knock on the door or just turn and fly back to Cackle's. Surely Pippa would understand if she explained about the weather warning?
As if on cue, the large front doors to Pentangle's Academy banged open, warm orange light flooding across Hecate's face as she quickly flung up an arm to shield her eyes.
"Hecate!" she heard Pippa's voice call, whipped away quickly on the mounting wind, "Come in, please, you'll catch your death out here!"
Heart hammering, she forced herself to walk forwards, each step towards Pippa driving a deep sense of fear into her heart. It had been twenty years. Twenty years since she had last seen Pippa's angelic face, had heard her smooth, calm voice and her tinkling laugh. Twenty years since she, Hecate, had made the decision that Pippa Pentangle was out of her league, that she was better off without her, that her leaving would make Pippa's life easier. She could date boys, and pretend that her brief fling with the weird Hardbroom girl had been a mistake.
"Well met, Hecate," Pippa said, lifting the back of her hand to her forehead as Hecate crossed the threshold, the door closing sharply behind her.
"Well met," she said, returning the gesture somewhat stiffly, the unfamiliar surroundings unnerving her slightly.
"Good lord Hecate, you look as if you've had an unpleasant encounter with a lake!" Pippa exclaimed with a smile, sending a jet of magic out of her fingertips which dried Hecate instantly. Hecate gave what she hoped was a grateful smile as she hung her broomstick and cloak onto the visitors hooks that sat just inside the main doors. The silence that fell between them was palpable, their eyes looking everywhere but at each other as both blonde and brunette witches struggled for words.
"Thank you… for taking the time to see me, Pippa," Hecate feels the words tumble from her mouth, surprised that it had been her, and not Pippa that had broken the silence, "I appreciate it."
Pippa's face breaks into a smile once again, "Not at all, it's my pleasure."
Silence fell briefly between them again and Hecate pursed her lips tightly, fighting against the tirade of emotions threatening to burst forth.
"Come," Pippa said quickly, "Let's go up to my quarters and warm up."
Hecate nodded, grateful that Pippa had picked up an end of the conversation, as the fire raging inside her cooled slightly. A brief squeezing sensation enveloped her as Pippa cast the transference spell on them both and she suddenly found herself standing in the middle of Pippa's bedroom. She couldn't help but gasp softly as she took in the interior, instantly transported back in time as she recognized the décor as almost identical to that which she had had all those years ago at Weirdsister College. From the deep magenta bedspread, to the vibrant purple curtains, it was as if Hecate had stepped back into a memory.
"Please, sit." Pippa said, lowering herself onto the sofa beside the window and motioning for Hecate to sit beside her. Hecate moved towards the sofa, her movements jerky and awkward, and sat gingerly next to Pippa, leaving as much room between them as possible. She braced herself. Surely it was all going to come crashing down around her at any point soon.
"How are you, Hecate?" Pippa asks, snapping her fingers purposefully and a set of tea and biscuits appeared in front of them.
"I'm well, thank you, Pippa," she said shortly, "Yourself?"
"The same," Pippa said, the smile that had been present on her face since Hecate crossed the threshold of the academy still plastered there, "Busier than ever, but good."
"You finally realised your dream of opening a school then?" Hecate said, "Congratulations."
"Thank you," Pippa said, pouring herself a cup of tea and motioning the teapot towards Hecate in offering. She nodded once and Pippa obliged, pouring the brown liquid to exactly three quarters full and then topping it up with milk. Hecate's heart skipped a beat. She had remembered.
"How are Peter and Andrew?" Hecate asked stiffly, casting around for something to talk about to fill the silence that she couldn't bear to sit through again.
"They're good," Pippa said, a twinkle in her eye that Hecate could only place as surprise, "Constant pains-in-the-butts but what are brothers for?" she laughed her soft, tinkling laugh that made the hairs on the back of Hecate's neck stand on end, a side effect that had not left her after nearly twenty years apart. She smiled slightly at the statement, her lips stretching thinly over her teeth, not bearing them, unsure of what was going to happen next.
"This weather is absolutely horrendous, isn't it?" Pippa said, gazing out of the window at the sleet that lashed at the panes and the trees that bowed and swayed against the ferocious winds, "I'm glad you made it here before it fully set in or you surely would've been blown off course!"
"Indeed," Hecate said, staring resolutely at the table, the wall, the desk. Anywhere but at Pippa Pentangle. The silence settles over them once more, hovering in the air around them like an ever-present blanket draping every corner of the room. Hecate felt her heart pounding in her chest as her anxiety levels rose once more. Surely now would be the time that Pippa would unleash what she really thought of Hecate and their twenty-year silence. Her brain was working into overdrive, desperately trying to find something, anything, to talk about with Pippa but coming up absolutely and utterly blank.
"Hecate," she is distracted instantly by the tenderness of Pippa's tone, "Can we please stop this?"
Hecate's eyes snapped back to the blonde witch sitting in front of her. Meeting her eyes for the first time since she had stepped inside Pentangle's Academy. She searched desperately for words, and found none, Pippa's blue eyes boring desperately into her brown ones as they desperately tried to communicate without the assistance of words.
"Stop… what?" Hecate finally manages, frustrated at how meek the phrase sounded coming out of her mouth.
"This," Pippa said, gesturing between them in frustration, "Pretending that nothing happened between us back then. That we were just two childhood friends who had a fight."
"I don't-" Hecate started, heart racing.
"Don't start." Pippa said softly, "You know what I mean… you say that you thought that I didn't want to be friends with you… but Hecate… I loved you. You knew that."
She desperately wanted to look anywhere but Pippa's face in that moment, the hurt and betrayal etched there hurting her more than Pippa's words ever could, but she found herself unable to look away, more lost for words than she had ever been before.
"I thought –" Hecate began once more, only to find that she couldn't put it into words, her throat closing over and her eyes filling with tears. And before she knows what happening, she is crying, the salty tears spilling down her face as she buried her face in her hands in embarrassment, attempting to stop the sobs from racking her body.
"Oh, Hiccup," Pippa breathed, her voice wrought with emotion, a hand immediately shooting out and taking Hecate's in her own, clasping it tightly.
And suddenly, she was eighteen again. Sitting in the woods with Pippa, a picnic lunch spread out in front of them, Pippa happily discussing tactics for the Broomstick Water-skiing Competition that would take place the next day. She had been distracted, not listening to the girl she had been pining after for so long, unnerved by the article in the paper that morning. Pippa asking her if she was okay, Pippa holding her as she wept, Pippa stroking her hair, Pippa kissing her, Pippa telling her that she loved her.
"I'm s-so sorry, Pippa," she choked out softly, lifting her head from her hands and wiping her eyes, "I didn't mean to…. I just thought… Pippa I was so scared." she admitted, a weight suddenly lifting itself off her chest.
"Scared?" Pippa questioned, eyes widening in surprise, "Why?"
"Because I thought would leave me, that it was all a joke, that I'd ruined another friendship. Do you want me to go on?" she said, tears still dripping down her cheeks, her voice bordering on hysterical. Pippa said nothing, simply staring at Hecate as if she were seeing her for the first time.
"It was so untraditional Pippa," she continued, "We would've been mocked and ridiculed. I didn't want to bring that upon you, especially with how well-liked you were. Your parents, your brothers, they would've made it hell for you… Oh Pipsqueak, please don't cry!"
She grasped Pippa's free hand in her own as Pippa's eyes filled with tears. Her piece was said and done, her heart free from its cage that she had kept it tightly locked inside after all these years. Pippa looked back at her with glistening eyes, shaking her head softly, the smile playing at the corners of her mouth conveying an emotion that Hecate could not place.
"Do I really have to say it again, Hecate?" She said, her lip trembling, "I didn't care about those silly witches. I didn't care what they thought of me, of us. I love you Hecate Hardbroom, more than anything in the world. I will never leave you."
For what seemed like the hundredth time that night, Hecate was stunned into silence. Hearing those words leave Pippa's lips in the present tense flooded her with an unspeakable warmth that she hadn't felt in years, it spread throughout her body from the very tips of her fingers to her toes. Pippa loved her, present tense.
"I can't bear to see you sit there and tell me that you thought I wasn't good enough for you, that I wasn't serious about us," Pippa breathed, and Hecate is suddenly aware that they've moved so that they are now sitting very close together on the sofa. Pippa's hand rested on Hecate's lower arm, the gesture sending tingles down her spine.
"I'm sorry," Hecate said, intertwining her fingers with Pippa's as their eyes find each other once more, "I should've told you how I felt." she can feel Pippa's breath on her face as they edged steadily closer to each other, lips now only inches apart.
"Oh Hiccup, there's nothing to be sorry for," Pippa whispered as she closed the gap between them, their lips meeting for the first time in twenty years. It was as if Hecate's emotions exploded inside her as she moved her hands from Pippa's hands to the small of her back as the blonde witch linked her arms around Hecate's neck pulling her in closer, deepening the kiss, parting her lips willingly as Pippa's tongue teased around them. The moment seemed to last a lifetime, as twenty years' worth of unspoken words, of regret, of missed birthdays and milestones was poured into the kiss.
It seemed an age before they finally broke apart, both breathing heavily, both still crying. Hecate could not tear her eyes away from Pippa's as the blonde and brunette sat there, the silence that fell over them no longer awkward, but warm and comfortable. Pippa's eyes no longer reflected the hurt and guilt that she had been seeing since they had become reacquainted.
"I love you, Hiccup," Pippa breathed, the tears falling from her eyes no longer ones of sadness. Hecate's breath hitched in her throat as the words washed over her. The twenty years they had spent in limbo making their delivery all the more meaningful.
Hecate reached out a hand to cup the side of Pippa's face, planting a second, soft kiss on her lips and watching her tan skin turn pink underneath her fingers.
"I love you, too, Pipsqueak."
Author's Note: I don't own The Worst Witch or the song "For Now" – although I wish I did because then Hicsqueak would already be canon.
I'd really appreciate it if you could leave me some feedback as to what you thought!
Cheers,
Nay xx