Well, it seems that I am into darker themes again…I am really interested in different kinds of happy endings; those we hardly think of happy as such. Simple things are nice and I so like real life events that could actually happen. This story might be more graphic, hard to tell. I apologize in advance if it disturbs anyone. Anyways, all love does not need to be said out loud, you know? We know it is still there even though it does not scream at the top of its lungs.
Please do not flame (I do not find a reason for it so you better not either). I apologize for the possible misspellings and other errors.
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Pairing: Sasuke x Naruto
Summary: Boys do not hold hands with each other, mom said. But we hold so many things in our lives and we scream with tiny voices. Getting older means screaming harder. So many mistakes, do we have enough time to correct them all? SasuNaru, M.
Disclaimer: I have no rights over the characters or whatsoever (do not sue me Mr. Kishimoto), I am just loaning them and returning to the rightful owner (Mr. Kishimoto).
Scream at the Top of Your Lungs
When I was nine years old my mother told me that it was not proper to walk hand in hand with my best friend anymore. I just could not see anything wrong with it, since we hold so many things in our lives - shopping bags, forks, anything. I remember her somewhat bothered face when she descended down on her knees so that she would be of our height. Boys hold hands with girls, she told us and I had to wrinkle my nose with distaste. Why would I want to hold hands with icky girls whose palms are always sweaty and sticky?
Sasuke just stood beside me his hand trembling a little in mine while my mother clearly ogled us and the situation as a whole. What was the safe solution, her eyes tried to seek. Sasuke did not like to be scolded, since it made him insecure. Insecure about how to react if at all, insecure about just being. Fathers can do that to kids and from my point of view they seemed to have the privilege over mothers. I opened my mouth with a slight annoyance as I asked why the hell was it okay to hold hands with girls if the skin was always the same. You have it, I have it.
Mom looked bothered again but even more so, worried. First Naruto, no son of mine swears, it was your father that taught you, was it not, she fumed but calmed down as she remembered the actual discussion. Because I do not want my son to become a homosexual and neither does Sasuke's father, she then sighed with a heavy breath. The mere mentioning of Sasuke's father made Sasuke release the hold and his hand moved back to its original place gripping the back of his shirt like usual. After a silence I asked her what "homosexual" meant.
Mom's eyes looked horrified as she probably understood that she had overestimated the thing at hand and now she would actually have to explain the ruckus before, since we were...ignorant. A very large miscalculation on her part. Her eyes reflected the measuring she was performing while focusing her gaze on me and Sasuke.
It is easy to deny something we all know exists but denying something you do not want to exist and the other party is not even aware of it is even harder. I was not naïve and she knew that. Now she would have to explain the very thing she wanted to deny, like not supporting guns but still having one at home just in case. It is there, but you kind of want to tell yourself that if you keep your mouth and eyes shut, you can fool yourself.
Her explanation was vague only implying that it had something to do with dirty old men and dark alleys. We were not wiser than before and it bothered us - what was this secret, this homo stuff? Of course we went to the library after school, but we were gracious enough not to ask anything from the librarians. Instead we sneaked to the adult section with utterly boring books like physiology, like what the hell was that?
Naruto, I found it, Sasuke half-whispered, half-shouted and I ran to him as quickly as I could. Oh my God that is so gross, Sasuke huffed as he showed me a picture with two guys kissing and next to it was text that said everyone should have the right to love whoever they want. I think I am going to throw up, he continued and I looked as displeased as he did. So, we pinkie promised never to become homos though we were not so keen on kissing girls either. We were nine for fuck's sake and times changed.
Now six years later we are playing console games in my room and discussing who has the best boobs in our class. Sasuke looks smug and I know he wants to tell me something, but waits for me to ask what the hell causes that expression of his. I got to finger a girl yesterday, he says and my jaw drops on the floor. I have hard time finding it amongst the wires and snacks and placing it back. Say what, I ask so utterly surprised.
Like, I know he has kissed more girls than I have, but I always thought we were on the same level. Now it seems he is off to other stratospheres and I do not feel like playing the actual console game anymore. What, how, who, I repeat like a broken cassette. Anya, from class C, he replies as if he was telling me the weather. That boob machine, why the fuck would she give into you, I almost shout and Sasuke has to press his palm over my mouth to shut me up. Do not fucking yell - I do not want your mother to know everything about my personal life, he shushes. This…this…I am totally shocked and pissed off, I mumble and he laughs.
I have never fingered a girl and I feel so second place. What was it like, I ask Sasuke who looks like a fucking proud father telling me it was soft, warm and VERY wet. That much I could have gotten from porn movies, I grunt and he just says that I am jealous. Whatever, I pout. You pussy finger, I continue and he smacks me on the forehead. I can see why Anya would spread her legs for him…Sasuke is broody and wears only black - a black attack, sheesh. He has got a nice face but it has to be those piercings on him that make the chicks go wild. I have got a few too, but mom would never let me take as many as Sasuke has though she does not judge him for having those. I am pretty sure she thinks they suit him and they do. More or so, I would look stupid since I like colourful weird clothes, caps and scarves. No one likes lead pumped joyful candies.
I do not feel like playing anymore, I am depressed, I say to him and climb on my bed. I stare at the ceiling my hands behind my head. You are stupid, he says and climbs next to me. Anything interesting up there, he asks sarcastically and I merely snort. Sasuke keeps his eyes on the ceiling too even when I roll on my side facing him. It must be these, I mumble and run my fingers over the piercings in his ears. Then I move on to the eyebrows, but he does not even flinch.
No…it is because I am so awesome, he suddenly grins and turns towards me laughter filling his dark eyes. I hate you, I say and he replies that he hates me too. Then we just keep lying on my bed and only our breathing can be heard in the otherwise silent room. So, should we go to Anya's birthday party this weekend or what, I break the silence. We might as well, if you want to keep up with me, he teases me. Only on one condition, I will not tolerate if you end up sleeping with her, I huff and Sasuke looks like a question mark.
Are you jealous of me or her, he snickers but I highlight that this is an important matter. She might be Anya THE BOOB BIBLE, but she is still a skank like no other. You are too easy to persuade, you know, all you need is fucking bare skin and your penis becomes your brains, I continue. Sasuke laughs, but does not deny. He so has issues, God dammit. Sasuke gets up and promises to meet me near the park and from there we would head towards Anya's house. I will ask my brother to get us some booze, he smiles wickedly and I nod. Hell yeah, thank God for Itachi!