iTurn Back in Time

Chapter 1: iLose You

"It was suffocating. I can hardly breathe."

FREDDIE

My chest was tight. It was suffocating. I can hardly breathe. Tears flowed endlessly down to her cheeks as I held her hand tightly, too scared to let go. I was completely lost at the moment, my head spinning with a million crazy thoughts. I felt eyes staring at us the whole time. If only I have been quicker...

"Freddie..." Sam whispered.

I couldn't speak. No voice came out. No matter how much I wanted to tell her, my voice had already abandoned me, leaving me with nothing but guilt. I felt like an idiot, a complete loser.

Death was greedy. It didn't give me enough time to tell her what I was feeling. I kept it for quite a while and now, I am regretting every second I have wasted.

If only I have been quicker...

"Someone called for the ambulance, okay?" Carly choked. "Don't close your eyes, Sam, don't." Her voice was shaky, her pale skin soaking in the rain. She was crying at the sight of her best friend's horrible condition. Blood was oozing out of Sam's head, her blond hair bathing on the red pool scattering languidly on the dark pavement. We were on the middle of the road, the truck parked right in front of us. The driver had ran away and it's windshield was still moving from left to right.

The rain felt too much cold against my skin as the water dripped from my hair to my body. Sam wasn't moving anymore but I can still feel her breathing.

Sam, don't die.

It was I pleading for her life. I don't know if she knows that I'm crying because the water from the rain seemed to be pouring endlessly to us. Not until she slowly moved her hand and brushed my face and smiled weakly.

She opened her mouth to talk but deathhad already got her, and their endless chase had ceased. Her arm dropped to the ground lifelessly, and a smile lingered on her lips.

And that was the last time I saw her smiling.

"Freddie. FREDDIE!"

Mom shook my shoulders. I was dreaming about it again. I rolled to my side and ignored her.

"Just leave me alone."

"Freddie, I know how you feel. I can understand you. But, look, if you're just gonna lie down here in your bed and don't get over this son, you're-" She stopped in mid-sentence. "Forget about it. I think I need to give you some space. I'll be right here when you need me okay?"

Mom had been so much nicer to me these days. And it sucks because I know the reason behind it.

"I know it's pretty tough for you. You lost Sam. You and Carly, both of you...I know you're in pain." There was a long pause and then, "Just call me if you ever need something. Do you want anything? I'll give you anything you ask for."

I put a pillow over my face. "I want my best friend back."

Mom sighed. After she gave up on making me get up from my bed I've been lying on for days, she silently closed the door. I slowly pulled my pillow off my face to check if she's still there, and thank God she wasn't. What a relief. I sat down and pull my knees to my stomach and droop my head on them.

If only I have been quicker...she could have lived.

It was her funeral day. I didn't want to go but Mom forced me to. When we arrived at the memorial park, I saw everyone in black. I saw Carly turn her head to my direction and said nothing. She just looked at me and glanced away.

The priest was already here. The mass had only been short, probably because I wasn't really paying attention to it. I was thinking about Sam again, how her golden locks had suited her and how her eyes looked so perfect when she gazed at me. I winced at the memory. Now that I think about it, this day was really making it so hard for me, letting me watch her coffin being buried down deep in the earth. I feel something bulge in my throat. It was a quiet scream.

I bit my lip. I looked to the other side where Pam and Melanie had been crying ever since. I only knew about Melanie when I saw her in the hospital where we rushed Sam that day. It was a week ago and the whole 'Melanie-thing' has been cleared out of my head and decided not to think much about it. Maybe because she resembled Sam so much.

I wanted to hide the pain. My chest had been aching, the walls tightening every time I breathe. It felt very heavy. I felt my eyelids close.

"It's okay."

It was Spencer and he patted me on the shoulder. He was two persons away from me, Carly being the first one to my left then him. I quickly gave him a glance, a blank one. I looked down to Carly who had her hands on her face trying to hide the waterworks but didn't seem to work.

It was time to give her the roses. The first ones to give theirs were Pam and Melanie. Carly and Spencer were next then me and Mom. She told me toss it to Sam's coffin but my hand didn't move. She took the rose from my hands which were clenched that time. When I looked at my hand, I saw it was bleeding. Maybe I was holding it too tight. I never felt the pain reach my palm and realized that my body was covered in numbness. Memories of Sam flooded my head and my voice went to unite with my mind and heart.

"Sam?"

Everyone looked at me.

I wanted to call her again.

"Sam?"

"Freddie- Freddie, please?" Mom threw me a worried face, looking as if she was about to cry. But I didn't let Mom stop me from whatever I was doing, or saying because I felt that it was something that would save Sam.

Spencer held my arm and forcefully pulled me back to my chair. Carly was crying more than ever.

No. It shouldn't be like this.

We should be at school.

We should be hanging out at our usual place.

Sam should have been here with us.

Sam should have been making fun of me.

Sam should have been alive.

"SAM! SAM!" I called out to her. I want her to hear me. I want her back!

"Freddie," Carly pleaded, clutching to my sleeve. "She's not coming back. Sam's dead!"

I flinched at the word.

Sam's dead!

It echoed inside my head, repeatedly saying those words.

No, she's not yet dead. No!

And that was when it all flashed back to me. The day we had our first kiss, the moment when she accidentally slept on my lap, the night we spent laughing while watching a movie in Carly's apartment, the day we were fighting about a locker, the day Carly found out that we actually kissed...They came racing in my head. It's all over. I lost my chance. I haven't told her until now that I love her.

It was a knife stuck on my heart. The longer it stayed there, the more painful it felt. I should have done it much sooner.

I love you.

Erika's Chiz

Gawd, I'm crying while writing this! Please review. Thanks! =)

- edit -

So I just edited this first chapter because it really irks me to read finding it with so much errors! I hope you like this one! =)