A Love Affair
A/N: Randomly thought of this. So enjoy ToT I hope this is up to scratch. Forgive me for any errors.
I felt empty and cold as if there was an everlasting wind blowing through my heart. I wasn't sure why I was feeling this immense sinking feeling in my heart. It was as if my heart had turned to stone. Why was it that seeing him with someone else, made me crack.
I thought I had built a huge fortress around myself, but a crack was made in it everyday ever since he came along. Soon enough all my barriers of defence had fallen to his charm and I was left vulnerable…helpless…and weak.
- - - - -
If only love was as simple as instant coffee. If it were I would've bought coffee beans in bagfuls, imported them from Brazil and brewed coffee all day and night. Then again I had never really enjoyed the aroma of coffee. It was sickeningly sweet the scent, so alluring. Yet the flavour was bitter and woke you up from your drowsy state
Just like the idea of coffee, love is something that everyone hopes of experiencing. It's so alluring, the aroma, you just want to taste it just a bit and then you get addicted.
You hear it in music, stare at it in awe from the television and follow the love lives of famous couples. It's the thought of that fairytale ending of living happily ever after with Mr. Right that leads to this infatuation.
And at some point I was infatuated with love. I wanted to be in love. The idea of it seemed absolutely wonderful.
I used to have crushes on people. In kindergarten I had a crush and Takashi as stupid as it may have seemed. He was a funny boy, and I often blushed whenever he was close. Perhaps, I was blushing from embarrassment at his weird jokes or maybe I was just shy. Who knows?
In grade two my … "taste" in guys altered and for a whole year I would only think about Eriol. Even then, he was so aloof and mysterious. It really was heart wrenching to just be noticed by him. We're good friends now. He isn't so mysterious anymore, just slightly lecherous.
Once I had this massive crush on my brother's friend, Yukito. He was really nice to me unlike that idiot Touya. Well, when I confessed it was really embarrassing for me. Yukito said it was just sibling like love. After hearing his explanation, I was puzzled.
So then all those other times, what was it that I felt?
"Sakura, a penny for your thoughts?" a husky voice asked.
I looked up to see that it was Syaoran. We met two years ago in grade ten. He'd just transferred here from Hong Kong. We hit it off immediately! Actually, I was too shy to talk to him. I didn't want to seem like a member of his crazy fan club.
"Are you listening to me? You're such an airhead."
"Hey, do you remember how we first met?" I asked, reminiscing. At least he knew I was being attentive.
He thought for awhile and it seemed as if an invisible light bulb had just lit up. Truth be told, before I met Syaoran I was a loner. I used to climb up into this old oak tree and just sit there during lunch breaks.
"If I recall…I was just minding my own business, trying to take a break from soccer. So I was leaning on the oak tree when Eriol kicked the ball to me. Except it went a little too high and hit you. I was like 'Oh my! An angel fell from the sky!' But then it was just you. Man, you were so heavy." He broke into laughter and even acted out what happened.
I smile lightly in return, pretending to be hurt. Syaoran was an odd one. He was like Takashi, Eriol and Yukito all fused as one. I laughed along with him.
"Oh, I have to go meet Meiling. See you later squirt." He ruffled my hair.
- - - - -
There was something so painful now about seeing his smile. I used to wait patiently to see him smile and now I dreaded it. Was it because I knew he wasn't smiling because of me? Was it because he was smiling for someone else and exclusively for her only? The thought hurt me.
I hadn't known what I was feeling before. I didn't want it to be infatuation or sibling love. I wished it was something more. Something I had never experienced before. I wanted him to be my first love.
What were the warning signs? I should've stopped at the red light instead of racing ahead into the unknown. Maybe I was too eager…
- - - - -
"You look beautiful Sakura. Then again you look beautiful everyday. I think even the stars and the moon would be envious of the radiance and confidence you're emitting." A charming blue-haired angel commented.
"Cut the crap, Eriol, but thank you anyways. You really are charming when you're not being corny." I whispered playfully in his ears.
It's the formal tonight and I didn't want to go, but this year it was made compulsory. My father told me it would only happen once and to enjoy it. Eriol and I are going together, so I think I'll definitely have fun laughing at his crazy dance moves.
Eriol's a great friend of mine… I'm grateful towards him.
Being the gentleman that Eriol was he decided to make the trip to the school just a little more interesting. I think if we went in a limo, it would've been special. If he drove his BMW, it would've been luxurious.
No, he decided to road test his brand new bicycle.
Whilst others arrived at the formal venue in taxis, limos and cars, we arrived on a bicycle. Our hair was dishevelled, but silly grins adorned our faces. It didn't matter that everyone stared at us in an unbelieving manner.
"This was your plan all along wasn't it Eriol?" I whispered in mock anger.
"I have no clue of what you're insinuating."
"You wanted to be the star of the show. Showing up on a bicycle, you wanted the attention, didn't you?"
And silence ensued as a sheepish grin appeared. Somewhere in the distance a low grumbling sound was heard. At first sounding smooth, it slowly became rugged as the sound drew closer.
Moments later, a sleek black motorbike arrived elegantly at the footsteps of the venue. People gasped in awe and jealously. It was obvious who it was. I didn't even have to think twice. It was Syaoran.
"Show off." Muttered Eriol distastefully, bitter that he had been upstaged. I smiled lightly, in an attempt to comfort him. Meiling's hair appeared to be perfectly composed as if not a strand had been displaced by the wind. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't envious.
It all seemed too surreal as Syaoran led Meiling up the steps in such a gentleman like manner. He'd never show such care towards me. I doubt he would even take me by the hand. If anything he would probably shout "Last one there's a rotten egg!" and flail wildly up the steps.
He hadn't even spared me a single glance. After all, it wasn't me who he was in love with. It was Meiling.
Eriol placed his hand in front of my face, gesturing me to hold it. I smiled gratefully and for a split second his face was replaced with Syaoran's.
Unfortunately for me, Eriol and I were seated at the same table as Syaoran and Meiling. Syaoran looked handsome and stars danced in his eyes every time Meiling laughed. Although Syaoran had introduced us almost six months ago, I still wasn't accustomed to her presence.
"Hey squirt, you've been pretty quiet. Are you okay?" Syaoran inquired genuinely concerned. I nodded mechanically.
"I'm fine! I just feel a bit sick, probably the food?" I lied smiling the brightest superficial smile I could muster.
"Okay then." He replied. He sounded convinced and ruffled my hair.
- - - - -
The pain of losing a loved one, losing a pet, this was it except amplified. It was overwhelming. I hadn't known what I was getting myself into. As I watched them slow dance, something pulled at the back of my mind. If only I had told him earlier, perhaps there was a small chance that I wouldn't be enduring this now…
I should've known that I'd never be anything other than a younger sister figure.
It was over now… I had to escape.
- - - - -
Slow dancing.
It was more than I could bear.
"Would you like to dance?" Asked Eriol hesitantly, as his hand reached to take mine. It didn't matter if I had objected because he had already pulled me to the dance floor.
It fell silent as the song played. It was as if someone had turned off the world and the only thing that I could hear was the music. I watched in silent torment as Meiling laid her pretty little head on Syaoran's chest.
"It'll get better soon Sakura. You might not believe my words now…but it was only ever infatuation…"
And as Eriol told me this, I removed the first piece of many, my attachment to Li Syaoran.
I cried. It hurt. I learned.
- - - - -
All along, I had been infatuated with the idea of love. I was having a love affair.
…
"Finally I'm done!" I sighed in content, happy to have finished my latest fan fiction.
"So you've finally finished. It took you long enough." Eriol poked me playfully. He shook my hand in congratulations. I laughed at him. Ever since school ended, Eriol has practically been glued to me. We're still great friends.
I don't know what made me write this. I don't remember the experience as a painful session in my life. Rather it was a memorable and worthwhile event. I learned a lot and I became stronger.
"I'm going out for a walk!" I yelled and slammed the door in Eriol's face. We lived in the same apartment complex, coincidentally. It was nice to know that Eriol was always somewhere close by.
As the elevator door opened a familiar face appeared. Shock, denial and joy rose within almost simultaneously. Li Syaoran.
The joy of finding a toy that was once lost into a mound of childish dreams. However, now that time has passed, it doesn't seem as interesting as before…
- - - - -
I didn't particularly like the ending, it felt weak. Oh well. Thank you for taking the time to read. :D I'm content.
Love myvroses – whitney