Wither

"Without love, we are birds with broken wings." -Morrie Schwartz

It had been one month, three weeks, four days, and six hours since JJ had left the BAU. It hadn't been quite as long since Spencer Reid had last had a meaningful conversation with her- but even then the conversation had been about the death of a loved one. They had had a good cry together in that hospital- Reid heartbroken over the suddenness of Emily Prentiss's death, JJ guilty about keeping the truth from her friends.

But now, one month, three weeks, four days, and six brutal hours later, the unlikely friends sat in silence over a cup of lukewarm coffee and stale pastry treats from the diner down the street from JJ's house. JJ had opened her mouth to say something on more than one occasion, but each time she had shut it immediately. What could she say? What words could be told to the young man she considered her brother who was now in an obvious state of pain and anguish? What could her mouth possibly try to form that would make it all magically better? Nothing, absolutely nothing. So instead JJ just reached over the wired diner table and took his hand. It was the only thing she could even fathom doing, really.

Eventually Reid had no choice but to look up at her. He had never been a fan of human contact, and his body's natural reaction to the unexpected touch was to jolt up in surprise. Eventually he eased into it, though, and his breath became a bit less hitched. It had been so inhumanely long since he had seen his good friend; his mind was still marveling that they were seeing each other now, really. Repeatedly he said to himself that he was in fact awake, and JJ was in fact real. His mind wasn't playing some kind of cruel prank on him; he wasn't making any of it up. Reid's panic started to grow, though, and eventually the silence had to be broken. "How are you?"

It was a simple question which required a simple response. Hearing it, though- hearing it in the broken sounding and completely exhausted voice of one of JJ's best friends- almost killed her inside. Her heart became heavy, and she realized that she hadn't had stepped back into his life soon enough. When she had initiated contact with Spence again she had thought that she may have been contacting him too soon, but now, as his slightly more pale skin covered over human bones more tightly than it ever had before, she truly regretted not doing it sooner. Quietly she took a deep breath and nodded her head. "Good…I'm good," she answered less than reassuringly. She could tell that Spence wasn't in the mood to pry and investigate the half-hearted and obviously fake answer further-the way all the profilers she had ever known had been trained to do in every real life situation. Instead he just nodded and mumbled something along the lines of 'good' or 'I'm glad', or at least she was assuming that it was along the lines of one of those. "How have you been?"

Reid just laughed at first. How had he been? Well, besides losing his best friend, having another friend killed, being forced to deal with budget cut issues, developing severe headaches that might be an onslaught symptom of schizophrenia, watching his team-his only true family- slowly being torn apart, and dealing with deep-rooted urges to 'use' a certain 'miracle cure'….He was fucking fantastic. JJ deserved better than that, though. She deserved better than more issues and more people to worry. "It's been all right," he lied, praying to god that she wouldn't see how long his nose was growing. "Of course it's been tough around the BAU without Prentiss…But we're getting there, I guess. I mean, it's going to take some time to get over it, but…." Reid kind of smiled at JJ as he mentally kicked himself for sounding so young. "But we're getting there."

"Good, good," JJ mumbled. Of course she knew better than to accept his words as true, though. She knew Spence well enough to know that he was sugar-coating the truth as best as he could, and to be honest he hadn't done a bad job of it. If she hadn't known him for over seven years she might've actually believed him.

But enough was enough. They had been sitting there- two friends who had been through thick and thin together, sitting across from someone she thought was close enough to call the God Father of her one and only son- carrying on for two whole hours with 'how have you been-s' and 'what lovely weather we're having'. They both needed more than that right now, but it was becoming clear to JJ that she'd have to be the one who delivered it.

"I've always considered myself your friend," she started cautiously. "Am I wrong?"

"No," Reid frowned. "Of course you're my friend…."

"And I've always loved you like a brother," JJ sighed, setting down her now cold coffee. "So why are we going on like this? Like we're strangers forced to sit next to each other at a café because they're the only two seats not taken. It's not right, Spence, and I hate this." For the first time that night JJ just watched Spence. She watched the way his hands shook ever so slightly, the ways his eyes avoided eye contact, the way he kept his head bowed a bit too low. And for the first time that night she realized things were much, much worse than she was lead on to believe. The strong, intelligent man in front of her wasn't sad- he was depressed. And he was lonely. "Spence," JJ whispered, taking both his hands into her own, "what's happened to us?"

"Too many things, JJ," Reid sniffled, trying his best to let out a laugh. The noise stopped in his lungs, though, and it came out more as a choked sob. Finally he looked up at JJ. She wasn't a stranger who he avoided eye-contact with; a nosey colleague who just wouldn't leave him alone. She was JJ, damn it, and he had been trying to hide from her. Looking in her eyes he could tell she was waiting for him to say something- anything! He'd been too silent; JJ wasn't used to this silent Reid. She wanted her rambling, fact-spouting, energetic friend back. So eventually Reid's mind jogged up a memory- a spoken memory. Gideon was sitting across from him. Jazz music played in the background, courteous of his old childhood friend. They had both been trying to help him back then, but JJ was trying to help him now. "I'm struggling, JJ."

"I know," she smiled sadly. "But it's okay," she sighed, nodding her head. The blonde woman leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. By now she wasn't sure who she was trying to convince- Spence or herself. "It's okay," she repeated, liking the way the words tasted on her tongue.

"I hope you're right," Reid smiled. He was only half-joking, though, and he was sure that JJ knew that too.

"Excuse me, but we're closing for the night." The waitress seemed sad to deliver the news, as if she'd just told them that their puppy died or that the world was in fact ending after 2012. It took a minute or two for either JJ or Reid to respond, however, and the waitress took the hesitation as a bad sign. Fear grew in her that she'd have to force them out. The boy- he looked so sad! And the girl was obviously trying to help him- she hated intruding. They seemed like such nice people, too; she really didn't want to throw them out.

"We're sorry," JJ smiled politely. "I suppose we lost track of time." She stood up, and Reid followed suit. "Thank you for your patience," she added.

"It's no problem, ma'am," the once fearful waitress smiled. 'Yes, they are good people,' she added to herself.' As they walked out the door, she called back, "Have a nice night!"

JJ watched Spence shiver as they walked down the street. She had forgotten that he was from Vegas. Even the only slightly cold wind they were experiencing now must've felt like a snowstorm to him. "Why don't we go to my place?" she asked. "Will's probably just now putting Henry to bed; we could all watch a movie or something." JJ almost felt bad for asking and not just dragging his skinny little ass over. He obviously wasn't up to being alone right now. She should've just said nothing and made sure he kept walking home with her.

"Uhm, sure," he nodded. "If I wouldn't be imposing, that is…" Truth be told he didn't care about imposing. He didn't want to leave just yet, and any excuse to be with social contact with anyone tonight Reid would be willing to take. If JJ hadn't had offered, in fact, he might've called Morgan up for a bar night…

"Don't be ridiculous," JJ smiled. "You could never impose in our house. You're welcomed there whenever you want."

"Thank you, JJ," Reid nodded. "And not just for the offer-"

"I know, Spence," she cut in. "Trust me."

"I do."

For a moment they stopped walking. Despite the harsh winds and the less than welcomed intrusion of the growing darkness, it was a perfect moment. Just two friends in each other's company with something greater than any other investment between them. Eventually they both just smiled, worriless with the understanding that their relationship was growing stronger than ever.

And as they stood there, time passing by them faster than anyone could care to count, JJ couldn't believe how much she had missed seeing him smile.

The End.