I, Captain James Hook, can finally announce with confidence that Peter Pan is defeated! After years of being humiliated by that blasted Pan, I will finally emerge victorious, and none will ever again doubt the cunning of Captain Hook, the most notorious pirate ever to sail the seven seas, five oceans, and everything in between!
Why did I not think of this years ago?! The plan is so simple, yet it's absolutely brilliant! All I have to do is make it seem as if there's nothing magical about Never Land. When the magic fades, so will everyone's interest in Peter Pan!
At this point, any of the other pirates reading this may wonder how I intend to do so. After all, wouldn't anyone agree that it's absolutely magical never to have to grow up?
Here is the brilliant scheme: I will send pixie dust into the world where Pan always visits, but I will do so without his knowledge. I will mix it with a special formula of my own and sprinkle it over the heads of certain children.
Although these children will age physically, there will be a part of their brains that will never grow up! As adults, they'll make careless decisions or do ludicrous things in public places, not caring who sees them. Some of them will be called "bums" and others will be known as "the life of the party." Some of them will be forty years old and still living with their parents, never once having attempted to find their own homes or be married and raise their own families. Many of them will lack emotional control and will have tantrums or quick tempers, just as very young children do. When the other world is full of such people, what will be so magical about Never Land? Everyone will want to grow up so they won't end up like such people; thus no one will approve of Never Land, and all will curse the name of Peter Pan!
In later decades, there will come a time when no adult will ever have been to Never Land as a child. That accursed Pan will have no visitors, and even his games with those wretched Lost Boys will fail to amuse him! In desperation, he'll continue to visit the other world, trying to find someone to return to Never Land with him, but the longer he searches, the more he'll age! His endless quest will eventually cause him to age so much that he'll no longer be able to live in Never Land, for he'll be too close to adulthood! He'll have no choice but to become a grown man, and he'll have to get a job and use his money to pay rent and buy his own groceries, and instead of fighting pirates and talking to mermaids, he'll be washing dishes! If he wishes to have work that suits him, he'll have no choice but to go to school, perhaps for a long time! The demands of education and work will be so grueling, he'll soon lose enough faith and trust to be able to fly, and the day will come when he no longer believes in fairies!
Of course, there may be complications. For example, if my mixture lands on a child's heart instead of his or her head, that child would grow up both physically and mentally, although he or she would still gaze at the world in wonder and possess a strong imagination, just as young children tend to do. Many people will envy those who have grown up in all ways except at heart. However, it is a risk I will have to take. Besides, there will surely be enough bums and partiers to make up for these kinds of people. There will be so few of the "young at heart" that it will take Pan years to find any of them, and by then, it will be far too late!
As if my plan isn't brilliant enough, I will make another formula. This I will sprinkle over the heads of adults so they will forget they were ever children. These will be impatient people, never impressed and almost always in a bad mood. Nothing will matter to them but propriety in manners, financial gain, or advancement in business. They will lose their ability to smile or laugh. If they read books, it will be for the purpose of gaining information or analyzing literature rather than for the pleasure of seeking an adventure.
I have already put my brilliant plan into action! Who knows where I will strike next?