Kakuzu's Misunderstood Conception
Author's note:
thinking
Zetsu's Black side
Different Pov's so it will be kind of confusing, apologize for that
Please enjoy the story, my brother and I were fooling around when this came into our heads. So I decided to write it down, kkk.
Hidan's Pov
Hidan stared hard and long on the thing in between his index finger and his thumb. The said thing was a ring, an engagement ring to be more exact. How it got into the Akatsuki base was beyond him. The ring was such puzzlement that he told no one about it. Instead he opts for twiddling the ring around in his hand. He kept the ring hidden in his room, not even Kakuzu can take a peak at it. Now that's saying a lot since Kakuzu is a master in stealing and you might not know about it until it is too late.
But seriously how in the world did an engagement ring end up in the Akatsuki base anyway? There were no cameras, nothing unusual, just a simple engagement ring with a small but beautiful emerald as a decoration. Been with Kakuzu had taught him a thing or two about jewelry.
He rolled over in his bed deep in thought, what to do with this ring. Find its rightful owner, hide it and make it his own personal treasure who nobody will know about… … or…! Smirking to himself at his genius thought, he congratulated himself for been a genius. The hard part is how... grinning this time he thought of the perfect idea.
Kakuzu's Pov
Groaning he opened his eyes, arugh he feel like been run over by a train then oh forget it; it hurts too much to think. On his side table he saw a note and a cup of liquid. Sighing he took the note and read it:
Dear Kakuzu
If you are reading this note, that means you are awake!
Anyway Kisame made this so you better drink this!
The drink will help with your hang over.
How in the world did you drink so much sake???
Zetsu
Guess he will have to drink the liquid then. With one gulp he downed then cup's entire content. Trying not gag at the taste, he stumbled around to put his casual clothes on. At least he isn't on a mission, he have no idea how he can survive that mission listening to Hidan rant about his religion. Speaking of Hidan, pieces of memory started coming back to him. It was Hidan's idea to invite everyone of the Akatsuki base to a nearby bar for beverages. He remembered going because hey would you miss a chance for a free drink? Just how much did he drink anyway? Shrugging his shoulders, he put on his mask; the liquid though tasted vile is doing its work. In fact, his headache had turned into a small hum in the back of his head.
As he made his way towards the kitchen, something caught his eyes. Money, if yes how much? Making a penetrating gaze across the floor, he was disappointed that he found no money. He only took a few steps before that something caught his eyes again. Frowning, he stopped again, he knew for sure that it was not money… could it be jewelry?
Impossible, who in their right mind would leave a jewelry lying on the floor?
What if the jewelry isn't on the floor? Hanging in mid-air, sigh, seriously I must be going crazy from all that sake. So suspending in mid-air is out of the question, the only two possible theory left is these, there is jewelry on him or he is going insane. The first one sounded better than the later. Hopefully that is true. So he began his search, body, nothing, feet, nothing, hand, not-, wait yes. On his hand was an engagement ring, how it got there was beyond him. It was simple but beautiful and to top it off, an emerald glinted in the dim hall way. He tried to take the ring off but it was in vain. How about I take of the finger and sew it back on later. Yet the ring will still be stuck on there and it will be pointless. Guess all that left now is to get some oil.
Sitting around the kitchen table was Itachi Uchiha drinking a cup of tea. He paused as he saw Kakuzu lumbered by towards one of the cabinets. That was nothing new in this as usually Itachi, Kakuzu and Sasori are the first one up. Occasional Zetsu and Kisame would appear but that is a seldom case. Yet usually Kakuzu will make for the coffee maker instead of the cabinets, so he watches with interest. What the…oil? Is he going to cook something? Well that is definitely new, maybe eggs or bacon? Wait what is that shining thing? It can't be, can it?
"Kakuzu I don't mean to pry but is that an engagement ring?" Itachi asked with a straight face.
"Oh hello Itachi, um yes…" Kakuzu stammered.
"I see, so when is the wedding may I ask?" Itachi asked, calm as ever. You better invite me or else!
"Wed…wedding?" Kakuzu said lost in shock.
"Hm" Itachi who dislikes repeating himself just glared in response.
"Look I am not get" "Morning hmm!" Deidara bounced into the room feeling full of energy.
"Whoa some party last night! Good thing Zetsu san left those um drinks? Anyway how did you sleep Kakuzu no Danna?" Deidara asked choosing to ignore Itachi, who in return ignored Deidara.
"Um fine I guess" Kakuzu said as he took the lid off.
"Hey hmm, are you going to cook something? If you are can I have , why are you pouring oil on your hand? You are not cooking your hand are you? I think only Zetsu will eat that hmm. Why in the world are you trying to take off you finger hmm? IS THAT AN ENGAGMENT RING HMM?" Deidara shouted as he saw the jewelry.
"Humph" as Kakuzu tried to pull the engagement ring off. However the ring was a perfect fit.
"What is with all the f-ing shouting?" as every one can guess, Hidan walked into the kitchen.
"Hidan it is too early for you to be shouting right now" Kakuzu simply said.
"Well for all I f-ing care, you can go and" "Hidan, I can't be bother with you right now so can you just eat your breakfast in silence for once?" Kakuzu said what sounded like a desperate begging.
"Whatever" as he grabbed some toast from the toaster.
"Hey that is my toast hmm" Deidara said annoyed.
"Well it isn't now" as Hidan bit into the said toast.
"Why you hmm… hey where did the second toast went to?" Deidara could be heard from the kitchen.
Kakuzu sat in his room, biting down on the said toast trying to think of what to do with the stupid ring. Sighing, he decided that he would count his precious money. Since counting the money had always been calming. Just as he laboriously took his saving out, a knock came from his door. Startled, he hurriedly stuffed his saving back to where they belong. He opened his door to come face to face with the local missing mist ninja.
"So Kakuzu are we considered friends neh?" Kisame asked with his usual grin on.
"Yes I suppose" Kakuzu reply confused. Sure Kakuzu may have a short temper but Kisame is easy get along with.
"Well why didn't you tell me that you were engaged?" Kisame asked straight to the point.
"Look I am not engaged this is just" "Come on now, we can all see that engagement ring as plain as daylight so no point in lying. So the reason I came is wondering when the wedding is?" Kisame cut Kakuzu off just like that.
Annoyed at the fact that everyone kept making the wrong assumption, he dragged Kisame into his room.
"Look um, if you are angry you don't need to drag me into your room to kill me. Fighting with you will be a pleasant workout though." Kisame shrug his shock away.
"Have you forgotten that I am not allowed to kill any more members except Hidan since he won't die? Anyway I drag you here to talk to you. I have no idea how it got on my finger. What I do know is someone is playing a sick joke on me. I may have an idea who but I have no proof so I can't beat that person senseless. Since it would only attract more unwanted attention." Kakuzu said that all in one breathe.
"So let's assume that is all true, how did you explain how you got the ring on your finger?" Kisame asked.
"How do I… wait I know now, I was drunk yesterday night and somebody must have slip it unto my finger when I was drunk!" "Um been drunk is an understatement" Kisame muttered.
"What is that suppose to mean anyway?"
"You were drunk alright, though highly amusing it is not fun to carry you back to base. Besides you still owe me and Zetsu for carrying your ass back."
"You and Zetsu were the ones to carry me back??? Well thank you I suppose."
"Why so surprise at that fact, huh Kakuzu?"
"No it is just that it went all against my theory on how the ring got unto my finger that is all."
"Well I will take your word oh the ring for now. However if you don't mind me, I will be heading for breakfast. Man all this talking is making me hungry. See you!"
With that Kisame exited the room. Frustrated that it wasn't Hidan that carried him back (not like that) then there could only be one other person. However Deidara show his shock during breakfast so Deidara was out of the question. Definitely not Itachi or Kisame will do this kind of childish prank, if they did then what is the world becoming to. Tobi is very likely but his antics are different from this. This prank has a name spelled on top of it and that word is HIDAN! Why here are the three reasons he could think of.
He didn't say a word about his shock to the ring, even after hearing Deidara.
He invited everyone of the Akatsuki to the bar, for no obvious reasons at all. Now that point is very suspicious.
Hidan knew his love for money and jewelry alike. So an emerald engagement ring tops it off.
Besides Hidan who else would do something like that? Deidara would be the first one to come into his mind. However the shock in Deidara's voice in the kitchen was too genuine. No way was it scripted besides if it was scripted then he might let out a chuckle or something that might give him away. No it has to be Hidan, who else would it be?
As much as he loves to go and pick a fight with Hidan, he knew that making a scene will only attract unwanted attention. Now let's see who is left that had no idea of the ring? The leader, Konan, Zetsu, Tobi, Sasori and that's about it. Thank goodness Orochimaru had already left. One less annoying and creepy person to spend the hard earned money.
Knock, knock,
Growling irritably, he swung the door opened to come face to face with Itachi.
"How may I help you Itachi?" Kakuzu growled.
"Akatsuki members and the leader meant all of them are required to attend a meeting now." Itachi said. Whoa longest one sentence I ever heard from him!
Zetsu's Pov
The two Akatsuki members made their way to the meeting room. Why did Pein-sama spend so much money on making the corridors? It is highly confusing and costly! Thank goodness I still have my mask on or people would have seen my embarrassment when I bump into the door rather then open it.
Giving an uncomfortable cough, the remaining Akatsuki members sat in their respective seats.
"Now that every one is here, something has come towards my attention and that………………"
Like everybody else paying half attention to what Pein was saying, Zetsu was no exception. He could see Hidan muttering about missing his ritual, Deidara secretly playing with his clay. Kisame taking down fake notes and was doodling. Sasori and Itachi as stoic as ever and Kakuzu secretly counting his money …wait, he isn't. Now that is a change and major change too. In fact he looks the most uncomfortable and hiding something. What is he hiding? Could is be possibly be food? No or I would have smelled it. Woo…something shiny is on his finger! Could you be more blunt and childish?
"Hey Kakuzu what is that on your hand…oops." Everyone stopped and looks at poor Zetsu who is squirming in his seat. His white half wincing at the other's mistake and right in the middle of Pein's rant too!
"I am sorry Pein-sama; I just wanted to know about the shiny thing! Stop it can you not see we are in hot soup right now? Well sorry for being so blunt and up front about things, at least I don't blurt out my every thought!"
"Zetsu we are right here you know…" Kisame said trying to drown the awkward silence.
"Well…are you going to answer me or not?" Zetsu snapped.
"Look Zetsu I don't think it is such a good idea" Kakuzu said quite hurriedly.
"Why not? Sorry Kakuzu this guy is so insensitive. Whoa I didn't know you are scolding yourself! Say what! You keep out of this! Make me!" Zetsu argued with himself.
Kakuzu's Pov
"What is that you did not wish to show us?" Pein said as he direct his gaze at Kakuzu.
"Nothing sir" Kakuzu said as he was trying to get off the hook.
"Oh Yeah hmm, you haven't told us when is the wedding hmm!" Everybody was quite a second time after Deidara's outburst.
"Wedding? Kakuzu is having a wedding and have the nerve not to tell us?" Zetsu stared accusingly at the wincing Kakuzu. Zetsu's speech had brought everyone out of their stupor minus those who already knew.
Let's just say Pein and Sasori was staring blanking at Kakuzu while Konan was deep in thought.
"Say Kakuzu, how long has this 'thing' been going on?" Konan asked.
"Oh my goodness hmm, you just talked! Hmm!" Deidara pointed an accusing finger towards her.
"Ahh…" her eyebrow twitched at his stupidity.
"Yeah! Kakuzu I never took you the type to sneak around with this kind of stuff….maybe I do. Anyway when is the wedding?" Zetsu asked leaning against the table. Sure joining Akatsuki has its up and downs but this is interesting to say the least. Nothing like this had every happened and happened on Kakuzu too!
All this talk about 'when is the wedding" stuff is making Kakuzu grumpy. Hidan can see as much. He widens his eyes when Kakuzu shot him an annoyed look before smirking. Smirking? WTF! He was supposed to be angry, embarrassed and…and oh forget it. Why in the world would he be smirking right now?
"You know what hit me curious? That Hidan had not cursed or made a remark whatsoever about the whole 'situation'" Kakuzu purposefully stressed the syllable situation.
"That I can agree" Kisame said. He too was confused, why wasn't Hidan laughing on the ground right now? Could he be the one who put the ring on Kakuzu?
"Um…think Hidan think……got it I was just thinking!" Hidan said.
"Whoa Hmm… the world is ending hmm! Hidan think hmm!" Deidara teased.
"What is that supposed to mean anyway huh &%$!" Hidan growled for his pride was wounded.
"What were you thinking about?" Sasori asked curious.
"Wondering who was the unlucky &%^ that has to marry the *&% miser" Hidan said as his cover up.
Everybody: 0.0 he just thought something interesting.
Kakuzu: my plan failed how I can prove that Hidan was the one that put the ring on?
Zetsu: Very suspicious… Tobi had been so silent.
"As much as I wish to know that answer, do you know where is that pumpkin head? Hey be nice, I am ice. Yeah right, that was very mean. Mean seriously that is like baby talk….excuse me? You can't even spell nice, you spelled it ice! Whatever! Look who is giving lame comments now huh? Look who is giving lame comments now (shrill and girly) where did you graduate? Why you, I will kill you! Technically you would be killing yourself too! Grr!"
"Zetsu please stop your arguing or else I would have to move you" Pein said stoic as ever.
"Make me! I am sorry Pein-sama!"
"Anyway Kakuzu, what do you have to say for yourself?"
"I have nothing to say except for that this is just a big misunderstanding!" Kakuzu snarled his temper horribly on the edge.
"A misunderstanding, how so?" Sasori asked in surprise.
"I can assure you that I am not getting engaged." Kakuzu was shaking with fury by now.
"I think he just doesn't want to spend more money by inviting us, hmm" Deidara said his thoughts a lot.
"I hope that it isn't the case eh Kakuzu?" Itachi threatened.
"For the last time I am not getting married or engaged or anything!" that was the last thing Kakuzu yelled before stomping out of the room.
"Well you knew he would be so touchy on the subject hmm." Deidara asked in surprise.
I feel like shredding every one to pieces! Wait that will be Kisame's job…whatever! I will just settle to beat everyone to a bloody pulp. Ha I bet by then they will have no more thoughts of me been engaged. Outrageous! Oh I can't wait to beat Hidan…
Hidan's Pov
KNOCK KNOCK… "Open up *&^er"
"Leave me ALONE HIDAN!"
"Well too bad so sad, hey open up you old miser"
"I told you to *&^% leave me alone!"
"Well I want to know something and I will not go until I get it *&^$*!"
Kakuzu could definitely feel the low thudding of his headache increases by ten-fold. Without a warning he swung the door open to see a very smug Hidan.
"See that wasn't so hard was it?"
"Hidan…."
"Yeah, yeah so I want to know…"
"What I wanted to know is what you think you can accomplished by humiliating me with this engaged scheme?"
"EH? What are you talking about?"
"WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT! Oh don't act dumb with me here okay. I know it was you who put this *^& ring on my finger and also you…"
"Hold on there for a second, what makes you think I would *&%$ touch you and even have a ring in the first place seriously?"
"Because I can read you like a book that's why!"
"Well ha, you are *^$+ wrong"
"Well then kindly provide some proof that you are wronged by me then."
"Why in the *&%$ world would I need to prove myself?"
"Coward"
"Excuse me, seriously that is the *&^$ lamest comment I ever heard from you!"
"GET OUT NOW I NEED TIME AND SPACE AWAY FROM YOU TO THINK!" with that Kakuzu literally push Hidan out of his room.
"*^%$ I didn't even asked my question, guess it is no point right now." With that Hidan went to do his rituals.
It had been three days since anyone last saw Kakuzu. He had not come out of his room, not once. They know since Deidara and Kisame did a stake out. Hidan is starting to feel a little guilty. Though he doesn't show it on the outside, however he was starting to worried about Kakuzu. He felt guilty, in so many years, he felt guilty. He had no idea that this prank would cause Kakuzu to lock himself in his room out of humiliation.
Knock, knock
"Kakuzu are you in there?"
"…"
"Oi answer me you *&%$!"
"…"
"Please answer me"
"…."
"Open the door now you *&^% I even said please!"
"….."
"Fine I am sorry okay, for what I have no idea"
"…"
"Arugh you are pissing me off here!"
"…."
"Please open the door…Kakuzu"
"…."
"Come on, I said please twice!"
"…."
"How many more please do you need?"
"…."
"Arugh don't tell me you killed yourself before I did!"
"…."
"Answer me, Bam, ouch, ouch, the pain, you stupid door!"
"…."
"Fine I am sorry…."
"…"
"I am sorry that I put that *&$# ring on your finger, okay!"
"…."
"Open the door, I already admit it. Come on *$#%^"
"…."
"Please I am sorry 'sob'"
"…."
"Did it fool ya?"
"…"
"Arugh I am going"
"Hidan"
"You just spoke Kakuzu, now open the door, 8&$$it!"
"Um, it was me" Kisame said behind Hidan.
Hidan whirled around to face the entire organization besides Kakuzu. His face turned from pale white to flaming red to white again.
"So it seems that all this was a misunderstood conception hmm." Deidara said.
"Where did you get that idea" Hidan said very sheepish.
"You were shouting that you were the culprit just now. Have you forgotten?" Kisame said. Kakuzu was right!
"Um why would I say that?"
"That's because you felt guilty" Itachi said.
Damn that Uchiha why does he have to be right and in front of everybody too!
"Um…you see…fineyouarerightiadmititifeltguiltysothere!" Hidan shouted.
"Tobi doesn't think Tobi understand that"
"Well (*(^&$# suck it up and be a man"
Just then the door opened to see a very amused Kakuzu. "I knew Hidan will confess up sooner or later. All I needed to do was waiting for the right moment" Kakuzu was being very smug at that time.
"What make you think so?" Hidan snarled.
"Simple I can see right through you and your schemes." That is not a very good answer hmm...
"So anyway where did you get this ring from?" Kakuzu asked seeing there was no response from Hidan who was looking at the floor.
"On the floor outside of my room" mumble Hidan. Kakuzu had never seen Hidan so quiet.
"Well who in the right mind would leave an emerald ring lying in front of Hidan's room out of all the people" Kakuzu said back to business mode.
"Hey I resent that you *&#^!"
"Shall I quote you? Well (*(^&$# suck it up and be a man!" Kakuzu said, having fun with tormenting Hidan back with humiliation.
"Actually Tobi knows why there is a ring in front of Hidan's room!" Tobi chirped.
"Well speak up you squirt and stop keeping us in the silly suspense." Kisame towered over Tobi in anticipation.
"Tobi believes the tooth fairy put it there! Is Tobi a good boy?" Tobi asked.
Everyone: fell over anime style,
"That is the $%& idea ever!" Hidan growled.
"SO HIDAN HOW WILL YOU TAKE THE #^* RING OFF?" Kakuzu yelled as he was the first to recover.
"Um about that, I haven't think the far in my scheme yet." Hidan yelled over his head before running at full speed away from Kakuzu.
"You are so dead! GET BACK HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU!" Thus began the chase for Hidan.
Have a great day~ Please review =)