Too Late

.

.

Sakura stopped showing her sadness. After Sasuke and Tsunade passed away, her grief had all been used up. So when Naruto declared Kakashi KIA, Sakura didn't even blink. She barely had the control to breathe.

Months passed by and Naruto worried over her lack of emotions. The esteemed Hokage and dear friend tried to force the emotions out of her by leaving Sakura in charge of Kakashi's entire estate. In his will, their sensei left everything to the remaining members of Team Seven. Naruto then gave his half to Sakura, hoping that dealing with his belongings would help her deal with the loss of their sensei.

It did not have that effect. Sakura kept paying the rent on his apartment, leaving everything untouched, and never once entering the uninhabited home.

She wanted to keep everything the same for when the Copy-nin came back and picked up where he left off.

That never happened though and many more months passed by as Sakura lived in denial. Naruto's new plan of action involved assigning a genin team to her and hoping new connections would bring her out of her depression.

That also earned unexpected results.

Sakura walked leisurely towards the bridge where she ordered her team to meet for a ridiculous D-ranked mission at training the day before. The unimportance of the mission kept Sakura from hurrying to the rendezvous. Instead, she detoured and let her feet carry her to the same worn down spot in the soil that she visited every day.

Today the sun shone brightly from overhead and its rays reflected painfully into Sakura's eyes from the stone's shiny surface. At the right angle the sun would blind her and she could pretend his name wasn't etched into the Cenotaph's surface. At the right angle, Sakura could believe a lot of things that weren't true.

"I miss you." Her fingers ghosted the letters of his name. "Sometimes, when I feel the whole world is suffocating me I expect you to appear, usually out of thin air, to somehow make everything right again."

Sakura bit the inside of her cheek to hold back the tears. "I've been waiting. So make everything alright again, Kakashi." Her eyes looked away from the stone and scanned the surrounding forest, hoping beyond all logical hope that he would walk through the brush. And like every time before, Sakura deeply sighed as the sudden hope inside her died away. Reality took its place, her unhappiness took its place, and the call of duty took its place.

Sakura glanced once more at the stone then turned away and headed back the way she came. When she was within eyesight of her team, Sakura made the necessary symbols and poofed in between her three students.

She gave them a sheepish smile. "Sorry for being late team but as I was on my way here a scrawny little kitten-"

"LIES!" All three shouted. Slightly taken aback, Sakura remained silent as each of her students ranted on.

"You're always late!"

"And each time it's a small animal that needs help."

"Or you got lost in the village you've lived in your entire life!"

Sakura studied each of her student's annoyed faces but they quickly dissolved away to her own memories.

"Geez Sensei you're always late…"

"That's a lie, isn't it?"

"Hn."

Her fist tightened in pain. How could she forget? Fat wet tears spilled from her eyes and her body trembled in shock.

"…Sensei?"

Sakura remembered her team and realized how she looked right then. With as much strength as she could muster she dismissed them for the day and immediately jutused out of the area.

When she landed from the teleportation, Sakura recognized the building she spent months and months avoiding. But not anymore. She went straight to the door and slipped a key out of her weapons pouch to slide into the lock.

With a turn of her wrist Sakura entered the deserted home for the first time in her life. Out of habit she removed her shoes and put them neatly at the entrance before going further.

She knew what the apartment looked like in the general sense. She had been paying for the one bedroom place and so roughly knew the layout of the living room and kitchen. Still, it was new to her and she strangely felt like she was invading his space.

"Excuse the intrusion." She whispered to the empty home.

"Excuse the intrusion." He called before dropping through the living room window.

"Kakashi, it defeats the purpose of saying that when you've already broken into my house. Tea?"

Sakura moved into the kitchen without waiting for a response. She hummed to herself as she filled the kettle and set it on the stove to boil. With her back to him, Kakashi moved over to her side silently.

She hesitantly glanced sideways then averted her eyes to the ground when he looked at her. "Why are you here again?" She mumbled.

His briefly traced over her profile. Her eyes were downcast and lips pursed anxiously. Her entire body was thrumming with tension at the unexpected but routine houseguest. Casually, his hand fell on hers as it gripped the edge of the counter. "This." He replied.

Sakura jerked her hand back and cradled it against her chest like she'd been burned. "I'm fine! I don't need your mothering. The war never changed me."

He turned away from her and went to the table to give her room. But his voice was angry when he spoke. "For all your abilities Sakura, you never mastered lying."

Slowly, Sakura entered the living room and looked around. Unsurprisingly, it contained only the bare essentials of living: a couch, a small end table, and a bookcase. Her steps took her to the bookcase; by far the most interesting thing in the area, although only two shelves of five were being used.

On the one shelf were the infamous Icha Icha books, with all but one in its rightful place. Kakashi probably grabbed the volume before heading out the door on that last mission. Once again, Sakura wished his body had been recovered so that one book could rejoin the others and complete his collection.

The other shelf supported two photos, one of Team Seven and the other of Kakashi's genin team. Sakura made a mental note to take the second picture for Naruto since it contained both his father and former sensei. He would appreciate that.

She left the living room behind and entered the kitchen. The same principle of minimalism carried into each cupboard. The only piece of anything was an old cracked mug with a scarecrow printed on its side. Sakura wondered which of his friends bought the tacky thing. Completely mundane the cup was, so unlike it's owner had been.

"I wish we had all been born farmers. Me, Naruto, and Sasuke. You too Kakashi. As farmers we would never have to worry about all of this." Sakura gestured to the destroyed village around them with a wry smile on her face. "Then our biggest worry would be when to harvest the fields instead of when to bury the dead."

Her chakra wound around his internal organs like a warm blanket settling over him. Kakashi wanted to thank her. Wanted to say anything. The one time when words were absolutely needed, he could say none without coughing up blood. In the face of all this death it was hard to keep surviving.

He wanted to reassure her that from now on things would be insurmountably better. But through his eyes he could see that while the war had been won, a whole new kind of battle was starting for his former student.

Her head felt heavy and she felt cold in his home. It reminded her that Kakashi lived most of his life alone. This stirred feelings of regret and guilt. If only Sakura pushed herself in to his life. Maybe if she had been there, he would still be here.

The last room in the apartment she entered reluctantly. Bedrooms were intimate. The rest of the home could be considered a show for people visiting, but the bedroom existed mainly for the homeowner. At its core this room was Kakashi.

Compared to the living room and kitchen, his bedroom had more things. A comfortable blanket covered an unmade bed and draped haphazardly across that was a long sleeved shirt. Her gaze then fell on Mr. Ukki. Sakura could hardly believe he was still here after all these years. But on closer inspection, she realized that the plant was dead, probably since no one returned to water him for close to a year.

If she had not avoided Kakashi's apartment then Sakura could have continued raising Mr. Ukki in his place. But it was too late now. The plant died along with its owner.

"What the hell is that thing doing in my apartment?" She nearly screamed.

Quite innocently Kakashi continued to pet the puppy on her once pristine couch. "It's not an it Sakura, this is a purebred Elkhound."

Her face scrunched in disdain. "I don't care what it is, get it out now."

With a heavy sigh Kakashi made a sign and the puppy disappeared with a small poof. Her arms remained crossed in annoyance at discovering Kakashi had once again broken into her home and this time with a dog. With more force than necessary she threw down her hospital workbag and pulled off her coat before chucking it on the backside of the couch.

"You never mind Pakkun." He pointed out.

"That's because Pakkun is house trained and also when he comes around we usually just complain about you." She huffed.

Reluctantly she approached Kakashi and took a seat on the chair across from the sofa. Sakura was tired. After so many hours at the hospital she didn't want to entertain guests, especially this guest. She would rather cut to the chase and get him out quickly.

"Naruto sent you right?"

Kakashi leaned back with a sigh. "He said you've been working too many hours at the hospital."

Her eyes flashed with the same anger that emerged every time this particular topic came up. "When you manage the entire building that tends to happen." She responded automatically not trying to hide her frustration.

Every time she had seen Kakashi since the war a hidden resentment bubbled to the surface and led to conversations full of glares and well-timed insults. At least on her end. She only wished Kakashi would yell at her.

If only he would get angry at the failures she amassed during the war. Her only role was to be medic and the best damn one at that. But in the end it hadn't mattered if she could stitch kunai wounds or reconstruct hearts.

"Even the Hokage takes days off." He replied calmly, not rising to her caustic tone.

She snorted derisively, "When I take a day off people tend to die. I've told Naruto that too. Obviously he must not believe me or he wouldn't have sent you."

Kakashi sensed the darker path her thoughts were taking and decided to cut out before things became any more uncomfortable. He told Naruto that it was a mistake to ask him to speak to his former student. They didn't quite see eye to eye on anything nowadays and Sakura was always trying to pick fights with him.

And every day she was becoming increasingly volatile to the world around her.

"I didn't come here to scold you Sakura," For a single moment, Kakashi who always looked insufferably young, showed a face so worn down from age and experience. "What I wanted to say was we are still a team. We have a bond not easily broken and sometimes that means we live and we die together. But this isn't one of those times."

He gave her his famous eye crinkle smile. "It's okay to go on living even if they're dead."

Sakura remained silent and Kakashi had enough sense to leave her there in her living room with that information. He realized he knew nothing about people or their emotions because Sakura did not speak to him for years after that.

Sakura stumbled back to the bed and sat down in shock. She took in ragged breaths. Her hand reached out and found his forgotten shirt. Without thinking she clung to it and begged for him to return. To claim his shirt and to claim back this life he left behind.

"Sakura."

Her head whipped towards the door and there sitting at the entrance was Pakkun. It had been months since the pug's contract with Kakashi ended and he still looked upset. His sorry state mirrored her's.

"He's really gone isn't he?" She asked despite knowing full well the answer. The dog nodded only once.

"There were so many things I wanted to tell him, had to tell him." She choked out.

Pakkun trotted over to her and jumped up on the bed. He placed his paws on the top of her thigh reassuringly. "He had things he wanted me to tell you too. But not until you were ready."

"Then you were there when he…."

Pakkun nodded his head barely this time and swallowed before speaking. "He wanted you to know that he was sorry. So sorry for being late. He was too late to save Sasuke, too late to protect Naruto, and too late to really love you." The pup explained.

Kakashi waited. For years after the war he waited for Sakura to find happiness. For the gleam in her emerald eyes to return and for her to smile like she used to before life changed. But he feared she was already broken beyond repair.

Besides Naruto, Sakura forgot how to interact with others, how to build relationships with others. She had cleanly severed the one she had with him early on. Soon, she started training by herself, working until exhaustion with only enough energy at the end of the day to drag herself back to her apartment and pass out.

Kakashi watched it all but did not interfere. Truthfully he did not know how to save her. Or how to make her cry instead of wearing that stupid fake smile when she saw him. But when he found out Sakura was trying for ANBU, he couldn't remain on the sidelines anymore.

He ambushed her in the middle of the night when she finished her shift at the hospital. She didn't seem surprised at his sudden reappearance in her life, instead she smiled at him. That stupid fake smile that he loathed with every fibre of his being.

"Don't join ANBU." He bluntly stated.

The smile disappeared from her face, replaced by something entirely worse he realized. Emptiness.

"That's not for you to decide." She hated that he stuffed his hands in to his pockets and leaned back casually, like he didn't just say something so hurtful to her.

"You don't need ANBU. It won't help the pain."

She scoffed. "Is this part of your infinite wisdom? Are you going to tell me ANBU is just an excuse to run away?" Her questions were entirely rhetorical. "You never confided in me, so how can you ask me to confide in you? Let me do as I want."

Sakura began to walk away from him. Almost out of arms reach he leaned out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back. Anger burned in her veins and Sakura reeled on him only to stop short at the expression on his face.

"No." His one eye glared down into hers. She felt small against his scrutiny, like she was twelve again and he blamed her for not taking ninjutsu seriously.

"Why?" She whispered.

Sakura froze when his gloved hand came up and brushed a strand of hair away from her cheek. His thumb grazed her skin and she couldn't deny the electricity that sparked from the heat coming off his digit.

"I need to keep you safe."

And then he disappeared.

Sakura thought how much worse this was than drowning. This is like being burned alive. How dare he die and leave her utterly alone. She would never be able to tell him and so, he would never know that she started to feel better. Because of him.

She started sobbing and held on tighter to what remained of him. Part of her wanted to lash out and break apart the still turning world around her. But the growing helplessness that emerged with each struggling breath prevented Sakura from moving.

Pakkun sensed she needed to be on her own for right now to sort out her feelings. He dug through his nin-dog vest and pulled out Kakashi's hitai-ate. He laid it down next to the distraught girl before making his exit.

She registered Pakkun leaving and the cold metal of the forehead protector against her skin. But the world was narrowing in focus and Sakura could not think past her pounding head or the anger in her heart.

The bed welcomed her when she fell back into the embrace of his sheets. Furtively, Sakura tried to find his scent in the cotton. Too much time had passed, what remained of Kakashi had already evaporated. Tears rolled down her cheeks to wet her hair and his bed.

Maybe, she could close her eyes and pretend. To manifest a life for them through her imagination, it was the only thing left now.

His figure hovered above her. Sakura could almost feel the worry radiating off of him. Kakashi smoothed her hair away then wiped the tears forming at the corner of her eyes.

"Why are you crying?" He worriedly asked.

The vibrations from his chest relaxed Sakura and her eyes began to dry. She sat up and turned over to face him from her side of the bed. Kakashi looked perplexed but stayed where he was. Sakura brought up a shaky hand to wipe away the rest of her tears.

"I thought I lost you." She scooted next to the silver haired man and shifted to her side to view him better.

His hand grasped her free one and their fingers lightly entwined. "Hmm?" He prompted her.

"I don't know. It was a dream. You were late, so late I didn't think you would come back at all."

Kakashi distracted her when it looked like she would choke up again. He nuzzled her hair affectionately with his nose and earned an appreciative sigh. "I'm sorry."

Sakura pulled back and gave him a disapproving look. "It's not your fault. It was only a dream."

"I made you cry and whether it is intentional or not, it's something I must never do." He reasoned. His grip tightened around her hand and Sakura knew this was love.

Yes, this was pain like she had never known before.

With trembling hands, she reached into her kunai pouch and curled her fingers around the lone glass vial. Sakura had been carrying it around since the day of his fake funeral. On the day they all said he was at rest but she knew of no peace.

The drug was powerful and it was merciful.

She looked closely at the cloudy and deadly liquid. Shizune would notice immediately that the most potent poison they cultivated was in her veins. The irony was not lost on Sakura how difficult it was trying to get approval to use the drug in combat because it lacked human testing. Looks like she would be patient zero.

Carefully she unscrewed the lid to avoid spilling any of the liquid. With surprisingly firm hands she lifted the tube and greedily downed its contents before allowing herself to once again fall back against the mattress.

The poison quickly invaded her system and burned agonizingly through her veins. It was the most alive had she felt since the search party had returned empty handed. It should have bothered her more that she was letting down scores of people with her death, Naruto especially who had always been her champion. But the agony of the one person she wanted most to be there for her, to miss her if she died, was sadly the one she was desperately trying to join in the afterlife.

One minute was all it took for the deathly serum to reach her heart and her eyes fluttered closed of their own accord. She counted her heart's rapidly slowing beats like one would count fluffy clouds in the sky before they floated away.

With the last of her strength, her hand tightened around his hitai-ate and held it tightly to her chest.

He looked at her. His eyes were infinitely sad at finally meeting her again, so early, too early. She looked the same as he left her last and that was how he knew. But he could not muster any anger because beneath the sadness in his eyes there was also infinite understanding.

Kakashi understood completely. He was late, much too late. He started something he was not there to finish and that little bit of hope he introduced into Sakura's life was what ended up killing her.

"I started to love you, you know." She said to the peerless sky, needing to finally admit it to herself and him. At least she could be honest now.

Then she lowered her head and looked right at him. More like through him. The spark in her eyes was back but it was too late because they were both gone now.

It broke his heart all over again.

.

.

A/N: I think one of the most painful things in life is a love that never was. All the potential is there but it still slips right on by.