Okay, so lately (to battle the curse that is writer's block), I've been writing a drabble a day based upon words given to me from a random word generator. I just got Wedekind's Spring Awakening from Amazon and had SA on the brain when I went to write today's piece. Plus, Moritz is my favourite character not only in the musical, but one of my favourite's of all time. In fact, he is second only to Sam Gamgee and the Weasley twins. So, this piece is fairly ambiguous but I had Moritz Stiefel in my mind the whole time and only people who haven't seen SA will not see the connection. I hope that you enjoy! This is my first foray into SA!fanfiction, so I would love to hear some input. Thanks for reading!
Train
His thoughts were like a train.
At times, they moved steadily and almost calmly. He prayed for times such as these. They were bliss compared to every other time. When they were steady and almost calm he could push the thoughts to the back of his mind. In times like this, the thoughts of shame and failure could be pushed away for a while.
At other times, they moved quickly and with a madness all their own. They careened wildly and were just out of his reach of control. Feelings and thoughts of shame and failure consumed his mind in these times. This is how everything felt before he was failed from school. No matter how horrible he felt, at least the train that was his thoughts remained on the tracks.
After he was failed, though, the train was derailed. Everything was a mess and completely out of his control. His mind was constantly in the moment of a train derailing – that very moment when the engine flew from the tracks and the cars followed in a moment of horrible tension. He could not relax or feel anything other than a horrible all-consuming stress. Everything felt wrong and he couldn't make it feel right.
Then she came. She brought another choice. A choice that may not have ended in his own destruction. He wanted so badly to say yes to her. He wanted to prove he was not a failure. He wanted to prove that he was worthy of her.
But he couldn't. He just couldn't. The train was already derailed – not even she could fix it. Especially not when she had her own train to keep on its tracks.
She left him. He made her leave him. He pushed and pushed until he proved that he was worthy of his shame and failure.
He could not rewind time and stop the train from derailing. He could never be that only slightly tense and nervous boy again.
He couldn't go back.
But he did not want the pain to continue. He had to stop the pain.
He couldn't be anything other than a failure.
But he could be an angel.
I really hope that you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. It is short, but I am definitely quite proud of it. I would love, love, love if you left a review. Especially on with constructive criticism.