Dear Dumb Diary,
Today James Potter asked me on a date, and it was only about the umpteenth time he did so. He's so pathetic! And who else would accompany him besides his dumb little cronies, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. Peter was stuck in bed with the most horrible type of flu. Of course Remus isn't that bad. He's actually decent enough to be a prefect, which he is, naturally. (Secretly, I think Dumbledore chose him to keep the dumbsome twosome out of trouble.)
My best friend Gwendolyn is so cool. She wears vintage robes, and not the normal ones you can get at Madame Malkin's. She makes them herself. She finds cobwebs in her living room and charms them to become special silk-print fabric. Did I mention that she's ridiculously awesome?
My other best friend is Alice, Alice Veane. She's going out with that Longbottom boy, and frankly, I think he really does have a long bottom. Alice is so ridiculously girly. Today she bewitched her robes to turn pink when the professors aren't looking, and she tied her hair up in this ridiculously fancy pink ribbon. I rolled my eyes when I saw her floating along on Frank's arm.
Anyway, Dumb Diary, I obviously rejected James' date. Do you know how he asked me? He got Sirius to deliver it for him. It was written in color-change ink. Goodness, did he think that he would win my heart with colorful, loopy letters? I scrawled the word no on the back of it with my Quick-Quotes-Quill and sent it off again. Sirius read my reply when he thought I wasn't looking and bit off a large corner of it. Boys are very strange.
Also, Xavier Terrace asked me out when he saw how infuriated I was when James asked me out for the millionth time. I said 'thank you but no' to him politely. "I'd rather eat a skunk and get sprayed with its odor ten times than go out with you." You're probably wondering what's wrong with Xavier. Well, let me tell you. He isn't dumb or drooly, or pranky, like James. He just has this horribly disgusting acne problem, and his nose is very long. Like the old witch in "Babbity Rabbity and her Cackling Stump". Nasty.
Wish me luck in the new term.
Signed, Lily Evans.
P.S. If I have a son, I decided I would name him either Remus or Harry. In honor of the only normal prefect in the world. And if I had a girl, I would most definitely name her either Gwendolyn or Naomi. In honor of my awesome friend, and Naomi's just a pretty name I dreamed up during the most horribly boring class in the world – History. Professor Binns is appalling.