AN: The Kon in this is pretty much an amalgamation of whichever bits of canon work for me. The three key things to know are a) Lex headed up the lab that created Kon, b) Kon's genetic origins are more or less an open secret among the Justice League, and c) Clark wasn't temporarily dead when Kon first arrived on the scene.
Kurt is listening to Rachel and Blaine work on their harmonies while he finishes up his sketches for the final draft of the Nightbird costume – he had already had to make a rough version of it when Nightwing proved his eagerness to get Blaine 'really out there' meant that he was going to keep trying to rush the perfection Kurt was working on – and trying to pretend like he wasn't surreptitiously checking out Blaine's ass when the window shatters inward. Apparently he's going to have to have another talk with Kara about property damage.
This time, though, it isn't just Kara exposing their apartment to the elements; she had dragged, possibly literally from the grip she has on the boy's arm, a dark haired teenager along with her this time. "He wants to wear that," she says indicating the boy's outfit – a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt with the Superman 'S' on it in red – with a good deal more annoyance than even Kurt thinks it deserves, "out crime fighting. Fix this." With that demand she shoves the boy at Kurt, as though she thinks Kurt can just wave a wand and her hostage will be dressed fabulously and be ready to go foil some evil plots. Kurt isn't that kind of fairy, dammit.
"Why hello Kara, lovely to see you again," Kurt says dryly.
Kara heaves a huge exasperated sigh, trying to make sure that Kurt understands just how trying his insistence on social niceties is for her, and then says, "Hi Kurt. Rachel, Blaine. This is Kon-slash-Superboy. Kurt, would you please design a uniform for Kon?"
"Of course," Kurt agrees. Honestly, he would have anyway, designing things for superheroes was much more fun than anything he did for his job, but it's nice to be asked.
"Good, bec-" Kara starts to stay, before cutting off abruptly and placing her hand against her ear. Kurt recognizes that pose from when Kara has made it a few times in the past, only to disappear and then reappear hours or even days later with stories about natural disasters or supervillains trying to take over/destroy the world. Sure enough, the next time Kurt blinks, Kara and Kon are suddenly gone.
"No, you have to stay here." Kurt turns his head and is surprised to see that Kara and Kon have not left the room, and are instead standing by the window, Kara with her back to it and her hand planted on Kon's chest.
"But I can help," Kon protests.
"We don't need your help," Kara says, not unkindly, but Kon still bristles. "The League would have called you in if we did."
"But-"
"No," Kara repeats firmly. "What would happen if you're needed elsewhere, but you're too busy trying to help us and people end up dying?"
"Fine," Kon retorts, but his defiant tone is given lie to by the way his shoulders slump in resignation.
"Good," says Kara brightly and then, with a quick request that Kurt, Rachel, and Blaine keep an eye on Kon until she can get someone to come pick him up, she disappears faster than any of them – except, presumably, Kon – can see. As soon as she's gone, Kon turns around and gives them all a sullen glare as he crosses the room to the couch, where he flops down, every inch the wronged teenager.
Rachel recovers first, papering over the tense silence with efforts at being a good hostess. "Welcome to our home. Can I get you anything? Something to drink: water, soda, juice? Or we have some vegan sugar cookies I just made fresh earlier today."
Kon declines to answer, instead watching them with his arms crossed like he thinks they're to blame for him getting left behind with three virtual strangers who might be trying to poison him with those vegan sugar cookies for all he knows. Kurt probably should find this less amusing than he does.
"If it helps," Blaine says, tentatively breaking through the next strained quiet, "I'm Nightbird."
Kon sits up a little straighter when he hears that, regarding Blaine with interested curiosity. "Robin told me about you. He says you're a pretty good guy, that you work with him and Batman out of Gotham."
Blaine frowned thoughtfully for a second, as did Kurt and Rachel since even they knew that wasn't right, before his expression lightened with comprehension and he smiled at Kon. "Actually it's with Nightwing out of Blüdhaven, though recently he's been coming to meet me here in New York. And tell Robin I said thanks."
Kon slumped back into the couch at that, though this time it was with a relaxed sort of happiness, grinning back at Blaine. "Will do," he assures him before turning to Rachel with an abashed look on his face. "Umm, cookies sound great. And maybe some milk too, please?"
"Of course," Rachel agrees. "We have soy milk or skim or-"
"If you let him drink Santana's milk, she will hunt him down," Kurt interjects.
"Good point," Rachel says to Kurt before turning back to Kon, "Soy or skim?"
"Skim is good, thanks" says Kon and Rachel beams t him.
"Blaine, Kurt would either of you like anything?" she calls over her shoulder as she heads toward the kitchen.
Blaine politely declines as Kurt shakes his head and says, "If I eat any more of those cookies it's just going to go straight to my hips."
It's just as well that neither of them want any anyway, because then Rachel would get herself some too, and then they'd be waiting for those cookies for forever. Kurt keeps telling her that things would be a lot easier if she'd just frost them all at once, but Rachel insisted that, if they weren't coming straight out of the oven, the cookies needed to be heated up in the microwave before eating (Cookies have to be warm, Kurt) and the frosting couldn't go in the microwave because… well, Kurt wasn't too clear on the why of that one, but the point was because of these self-imposed restrictions, each cookie had to be frosted individually shortly before eating. It was just a good thing, other culinary failures aside, Rachel actually made some really great vegan sugar cookies.
Rachel rolls her eyes at him. "You are not fat Kurt." Blaine makes a noise of agreement and gives Kurt an appreciative once over that makes Kurt flush slightly.
Damn Kara and her matchmaking anyway.
"So Kon," Kurt says, trying to sound as though he's not blatantly changing the subject, "you wanted to change your uniform?"
"Kara says something wrong with it, but I think it's fine," Kon tells him, though Kurt can't imagine ever settling for fine when it comes to clothing.
Kurt listens with half an ear to Blaine, with occasional help from Rachel in kitchen, trying to assure Kon that there isn't anything wrong with his costume – and there really isn't, as long as you liked the slightly boring and plain-stated look – while spending most of his focus on Kon's body language in an attempt to figure out what parts of his outfit he genuinely liked and which parts were just 'fine.' The boy seems comfortable in the outfit, but at the same time there is a certain tension in him and the way he crosses his arms across his chest. In fact he almost looks as though he is gripping the shirt to himself to keep anyone from taking it away from him. This gives Kurt some ideas.
"What I can do," Kurt says in the next gap in the conversation "come up with a design that's still casual like what you have now, but with a bit more of Superman's… unique flair."
Kon shakes his head and mumbles something Kurt doesn't quite catch about 'toes.'
"You aren't going to step on anyone's toes," Blaine says, and yeah, that would make more sense. "You're Superboy and he's Superman; if anything your uniforms are supposed to match."
"Batman and Robin don't match," Kon points out, which appears to stump Blaine, but Rachel comes to his rescue.
"Batman wears all black, and everything goes with basic black, right Kurt?"
"Right," he agrees. Really, she's kind of missing the point because there's no way Batman's costume could be considered a match for, say , Wonder Woman's, but she's come such a long way from animal sweaters he can't help but be proud of her.
"What about you and Nightwing?" Kon presses and again Blaine flatters.
"Both our uniforms are dark?" he suggests.
"And fitted," Kurt adds. Kon looks at both of them like their only proving his point, which, yeah, they kind of are.
"I'm sure it'll be fine," Rachel reassures him as she sets his food down in front of him. "There you are, my homemade vegan frosted sugar cookies. My two gay dads say they're the best cookies they've ever had." Blaine gives her a funny look, but Kurt has long since become immune to her peculiar phrasing. He used to think that she always prefaced it as her two gay dads to prove her open-mindedness and tolerance, but at this point he's pretty sure she just doesn't realize that that's an odd way to say things.
"That must be nice," Kon says and then he somehow looks wistful and contemplative while stuffing half a cookie in his mouth.
"Oh, yes," Rachel agrees, "their pride is a constant source of inspiration in all parts of my life."
Kon makes a noise of negation around his mouthful of food. "No, I mean having both your dads be gay," Kon clarifies after he swallows the cookies down. It sounds like he's trying to clarify anyway, but the things he's saying aren't making any sense. "I mean, my dads hate each other anyway, so even if they were gay, they wouldn't be gay for each other or anything, and my one dad is kind of a dick, so really I wouldn't want them to be either, but in theory it sounds nice."
Rachel and Kurt look at each other, confirming that what Kon just said doesn't make any sense, while Blaine buries his face in his hands. "What, were your dads late-in-life heterosexuals or something?" Kurt asks. "Like they adopted a kid together and then realized later that they really did like girls?"
"No," Kon says, confusion written plainly across his face. "They're just my dads."
"Kon," Blaine says, and is he laughing at them? "That's not what she means. Her dads were a gay couple who decided they wanted a kid so they adopted her-"
"Actually, my dads chose a surrogate on the basis on beauty and IQ and then mixed their sperm together in a turkey baster. To this day we don't know which one is my 'real' dad," Rachel says, complete with air quotes.
"Rachel!" reprimands Kurt. "He's fourteen-"
"Fifteen," Kon corrects.
"Fifteen. That's way too much information," he concludes.
"I told you that story when we were fifteen," Rachel argues.
"And it was too much information for me then. In fact it's still too much information for me now." Kurt loves Rachel, but he really doesn't need to know anything about how she was conceived.
"Well, I think it's pretty cool," Rachel sniffs.
"Regardless," Blaine says, and the bastard is laughing at them. See if Kurt ever raves about how dapper and charming he is to Rachel and Santana on their Girl's Night In again. Not that Blaine will notice the difference, but it's the principle of the thing. "The point is, biologically, Rachel has a mother and a father; her two dads are just the two men who raised her."
"Are you saying that Kon has two biological fathers?" Kurt asks. Because that just wasn't possible.
Blaine inclines his head toward Kon, leaving the explanation, or the declination to do so, up to him. Kon shrugs. "My one dad combined his DNA with Superman's in a lab and made me. Then I escaped and my other dad took me in and let me stay with Ma and Pa." Which means Kon is Superman's son. Kurt had figured that the two of them were related some way or other but that… crazy.
"The good news is," Kurt says after a moment, "I'm pretty sure one of your dads is gay."
"Kurt," Rachel says, sounding unsure if she wants to chasten him or laugh.
"Can you think of another reason that a man would go to all that effort to genetically create his lovechild with another man?" Kurt asks.
"Actually," Kon says, "he was just trying to clone Superman. But when he tried to do a straight clone it de-stabilized and turned into Bizarro, so with me he added his own DNA to keep that from happening."
"And Karofsky really did just want to know what kind of jeans Sam was wearing," Kurt retorts, which garners a giggle from Rachel, who's heard the story from Santana, and confused looks from Kon and Blaine, who haven't. But honestly, Kurt doesn't like science and he doesn't know a lot about it and even he knows that what Kon said makes no sense. An alien-human hybrid should be harder to make and less stable than a straight alien clone, not the other way around. At least, he thinks that was what Carol, who actually does like biology, was getting at when she was explaining why his idea for kitten-puppy, the ultimate in cute house pets, wouldn't work.
"I don't think that proves he's gay," Blaine says. "Supervillains don't think about the world in the way most people do… Not that I'm saying your dad is a supervillain."
Kon shrugs. "He pretty much is. It's really not as rare as you might think." And oh, doesn't that paint a whole new kinky light on the whole superhero-supervillain thing.
"Kurt's theory does make more sense than his one on why Superman is gay," Rachel says, coming to his defense, in her own mind at least.
"I never said I thought Superman was gay," Kurt argues. "I just said I have a hard time believing that a straight guy would choose to go around wearing bright red go-go boots."
"That sounds like the same thing," Blaine says and Kurt is reminded that he almost walked out on their first meeting because he thought Blaine was making assumptions about Kurt's sexuality based on how he looked. But Kurt didn't know that Blaine was gay at the time, so really that was a completely different thing.
"He wears it cause Ma made it for him," Kon volunteers. "And she made it based on what the police on Krypton used to wear."
"You know, my dad used to buy clothes for me too, but you don't see me still wearing them," Kurt says. He has definite opinions on Superman's uniform.
"Well, to be fair, Kurt, the trucker chic wasn't a good look for you," Rachel says and Kurt really can't argue with that. That whole couple of days had been a total disaster. "But, as strange as his costume is, Superman does wear it really well."
"True story," Kurt agrees.
"He looks even better in person," Blaine adds. Then Kon sits there uncomfortably while the three of them have salacious thoughts about his dad.
"Kon?" His dad, who is floating right outside the window.
What is it about Kurt's impure thoughts that attracts superheroes, anyway?
"Da-Superman!" Kon says, sitting up a little straighter. Kurt doesn't miss the way Kon cuts off on calling Superman dad, despite openly calling him that before Superman showed up, or the way Kon looks like a hopeful puppy that isn't entirely sure it's not going to get a kick instead of a pat. Neither, from the scheming sort of gleam in her eye, does Rachel. Kurt makes a mental note to go over how to know when you're sticking your nose where it doesn't belong with her, again.
"Hey Kon," Superman says, grinning. He takes a few uncertain steps forward and makes some movements with his arms like he wants to go in for a hug, but is unsure how it will be received.
So maybe Kurt can see where Rachel is coming from here.
"Kara said she had to leave you with some friends of hers and asked me to come pick you up," Superman says. Then he turns to Kurt, who's closest and extends his hand out. "Superman."
"Kurt," he replies a little breathlessly, and really, can you blame him?
Superman introduces himself to Rachel as well, but cuts Blaine off before he can say his name. "Nightbird, nice to get a chance to finally talk to you. Nightwing's been saying good things." Blaine doesn't gape open-mouthed at being recognized by Superman, but Kurt can tell it's a near thing. Still, he doesn't, and that definitely says a lot for him.
"I hope Kon wasn't too much trouble," Superman says pleasantly after introductions are made.
"He's been lovely," Rachel enthused. "He and Kurt have just been working on redesigning Kon's costume so that it matches yours better."
"If you don't mind," Kon hastens to add, nearly cutting Rachel off in his rush.
"Of course not," Superman says. "I- That's great Kon."
That gets Kon glowing brighter than a small sun. He stays that way all through the 'thanks' and 'nice to meet yous' and Superman's promise to get them the money to fix the window – and probably one of them should have vacuumed that broken glass up by now, but they try to make Kara do it as often as possible because she might actually learn to stop breaking them that way – and straight through the two of them leaving out the broken window.
"Kurt," Rachel says in a pleading tone as soon as the two heroes are out of sight.
"No," he says firmly. "Remember high school? Every time we interfered in someone else's business it always created a bunch of drama and never worked out like we planned."
"But Kurt, they need help," she whines.
"They'll figure it out for themselves. Now leave it," says Kurt. Rachel crosses her arms and huffs at him, but doesn't argue.
"So…" Blaine says a moment later to break the tension. "Kurt, do you really think Lex Luthor is gay?"
Next part is Nightbird and the Fashion Designer: The Dangers of Dating (Story ID: 9816415)