"When we get back to the dorm, I call the rest of the pizza," Uriah announces to nobody in particular.
We are climbing the stairs to the initiates' dormitory, our feet resounding on the rough-hewn stone, though the noise is easily swallowed by the tumult rising up from below. Most of the Dauntless are still gathered at the Pit, loudly celebrating our new members. But we have plans for tonight.
"If there's any pizza left," Marlene adds, elbowing him in the ribs. "You and Will ate, like, three entire boxes!" Uriah grins.
Will, on the other hand, puts on an offended face. "Hey," he protests, "leave me out of this!"
Marlene is the first to reach the doorway, and she tugs on the knob, yanking it wide open. Uriah troops through, followed by Will and Christina, but I lag behind. If I have anything good to say about my former faction, it's that the Abnegation would never have made me feel like a fifth wheel.
Will plops down on the couch, Christina by his side—they are still holding hands—and Marlene perches on the edge of a chair. "You guys ready for paintball tonight?" she asks, grinning. "Four's coming, right?"
Christina nods her assent. "Yeah. Guess who invited him?" She smirks, and my cheeks flush.
"To have even teams," I explain quickly, though I doubt this will fool any of them. "We can't do paintball three-on-two."
"Yes, I'm sure that was your sole motivation," Will says.
I roll my eyes and ignore him, but Christina refuses to drop the subject. "What's up with you two, anyway?"
"Nothing." I bite the inside of my cheek.
Uriah laughs, but not unkindly. "Sure didn't look like nothing at the banquet," he teases.
"Guys," I plead. "Come on."
"Okay, okay," says Christina, throwing up her hands. "But I get full details later," she vows, "or I'll go ask Four for them."
I can't see the look on my face, but by the way the others react, it must be hilarious.
"Remind me again," I sigh, "why I'm letting you do this."
Christina grins, shaking the nail polish up and down a few times to mix its contents. I glare at the little bottle, which looks every bit as menacing as the knives in the Training Room, and then turn back to Christina.
She shrugs. "The moths, mainly," she says matter-of-factly. "That you told Will about them."
I consider pointing out that she pretty much forced me to tell her – and Will, not to mention everyone else within a five-foot radius – about my, uh, seventh fear, but that's the last thing I want to bring up (again), so I just shrug. "I'm sorry. About the moths."
She waves her hand dismissively. "Nah, it's fine."
"So does that mean I don't have to paint—" I begin, but Christina interrupts.
"Nope!" She beams. "This is the perfect solution: you stop feeling guilty, I get to do your nails."
"Nail polish," I say dubiously, "is the perfect solution?"
From across the room, Will and Uriah, who are shuffling a deck of cards, snicker.
Christina laughs. "You already agreed. No backing out now!" She unscrews the cap of the nail polish bottle and pulls out the small black brush, then nods approvingly. The color is anything but subtle – somewhere between deep purple and navy blue – but from a distance, it could easily be mistaken for Dauntless black.
With quick, efficient strokes, she brushes the gloss over my nails. "Also," Christina says casually, "because Four would like it." She raises an eyebrow suggestively, and I groan.
"Not that again."
"All right, all right." She waves her free hand in the air wildly. "Well, maybe the next time you decide to punch someone, they'll be so distracted by your excellent manicure that they won't notice you beating them up," she suggests evenly, and I laugh.
The dormitory door swings open, and Tobias steps in, followed by Lynn—who appears to be scowling more darkly than usual. This can't be good.
"What's this about beating people up?" Tobias asks, hooking his thumbs into his belt loops. He leans against the wall, casual, but Lynn remains stiffly in the doorway.
"Nothing," chirps Marlene from the floor. "You're still coming to paintball tonight, right, Four?"
He frowns. "Actually, that's what I came to talk about. Apparently Peter and his, ah, friends are already there. Celebrations and all."
"But Molly and Drew didn't even get in," says Will, brow wrinkled. "Who's he celebrating with?"
"Seems he's already made allies among the Dauntless-born," says Tobias quietly. "Which is why I suggest we find somewhere else to go tonight."
There are murmurs of dissent – none of us like this plan; after all, evasion is not part of Dauntless nature. After a moment's thought, though, we can't think of a better idea.
"Where to go, then?" asks Uriah finally.
"The chasm?" suggests Marlene, shrugging, but Tobias shakes his head.
"That's for the Dauntless leaders," he says. "Eric, I mean."
There's a long silence before Christina offers, "The pool?"
We stare back at her blankly.
"The Candor have a pool behind their compound," she explains. "The Merchandise Mart, you guys know, not far from here. It's not actually intended for swimming – more a metaphor for truth, or whatever." She makes air quotes around the word, and Will mimics her, mouthing the word 'metaphor.' She shoves him.
"Anyway, the Dauntless used to swim in it. We could try there."
Uriah shrugs, but Marlene's face lights up, and even Lynn looks marginally enthusiastic (well, as enthusiastic as Lynn gets) about this prospect. I, however, am not.
"Um," I say, feeling like it'd be less awkward to ask now then pretend like I know what I'm doing later. "I don't really know exactly how to, um, swim?" It comes out like a question.
Will's eyes widen in mock horror. "You guys didn't have pools? God, Tris, you must've had a deprived childhood."
Marlene, Uriah, and Christina laugh, but I see Tobias stiffen.
"Not really," I say, but only loud enough for Tobias, who is standing closest to me, to hear. Besides the fact that I've never learned how, I can't imagine swimming for fun now. It sounds horribly familiar, too much like the glass box that haunts my fear landscapes, and I cringe, remembering the walls that pressed against my palms, the water creeping into the transparent cube. "Maybe we could find somewhere else," I say tentatively.
Lynn, who hasn't spoken up until now, narrows her eyes at me. "Why?" she challenges. "Afraid? Of water?"
"No," I say quickly, "I just—we should—of course I—"
"I wouldn't be so confident, Lynn," Will interrupts. "Water is the number one cause of drowning."
We burst into laughter, Christina jabbing Will in the ribs with her elbow, but inside I am grateful. I shoot Will a look—thanks—and he nods.
We end up at the Candor compound anyway—Lynn, too, though I'm not sure when exactly she joined our party—but not for the swimming pool. Instead, Christina leads us to the very perimeter, towards an abandoned brick building of sorts.
"Used to be the apartments," she explains as she strides toward the building.
"And now?" asks Uriah from behind.
"Well, it's got a fire escape." She flashes us a grin.
I look upwards, tracing the monstrous, rusted structure that stretches its rickety arms far up into the skyline, and feel it rising again—the adrenaline I have come to associate with Dauntless, the fierce energy that comes only with heights…
Tobias nudges my side. "What do you think?" he asks quietly.
…And sometimes him.
"People climb this?" I reply, and he gives a small smile.
"People like you," he says simply, then laces my fingers with his and leads us to the base of the fire escape.
We are the first to begin to climb. At one point, the fire escape must have been scalable, but time has taken its toll. The railings are all but gone, and most of the ladder rungs have rusted or torn from their bolts. Instead, our fingers find handholds in the grooves between each brick; our feet are planted on the rails that look stable enough to hold weight.
Tobias is in front, and I follow him; the others are somewhere beneath us, hidden by a twisted web of metal and bolts. He is higher than the rest of us, so I can't his face, but he is shaking just slightly, and my chest aches.
"Okay up there?" I ask, and there's so much more I want to say, starting with but it's all right if you're not.
He manages to nod. "Okay as I'll ever be," he calls down, but the words are tight and strained. The ache in my chest grows, but I focus my energy onto climbing until I've almost caught up to him, and we reach the next landing together.
Tobias pulls himself up onto the concrete, which seems attached to the building securely enough, and then helps me up beside him. We sit in silence for a moment, watching the others ascend, but they're far below and after a minute I turn my gaze to the sky again.
"You like it up here?" Tobias asks, eyes trained on mine.
"Um," I say, but it's hard to focus with him so close, his leg almost touching mine. I force my gaze back to his."It's… nice?"
He smirks, like he knows exactly what I'm thinking. "Uh-huh. Sure it is."
And then his mouth is on mine, his fingers sliding into my hair, tugging us closer. I wrap my arms around his waist, I press closer to him; from down below, I hear Christina whistle loudly and find I don't care.
Somewhere deep inside, I am still the initiate who kicked Molly when she was down. I still watched them lift Al's body from the chasm; I still scrubbed Edward's blood off the tiles of the dormitory. These things are a part of me, and I cannot leave them behind.
But I want the good memories to stay with me, too, and in this moment, I am just a girl, and I am sixteen, and I am Dauntless.
We break apart, and Tobias lifts his hand to my face, his fingers tracing my jaw. His breath is ragged.
Yes, I am Dauntless: not because I have lost control, but because I have given it up; not because I defy my fears, but because I embrace them.
"Hey there, Six," Tobias breathes, his voice low.
The aptitude test may have told me otherwise—
"Hey there, Four," I whisper, but I almost don't get to finish the words when we crash into each other again. We collide, and he slides his arms around me, desperate and breathless and dark and beautiful all at once.
—but in this moment, I couldn't be anything but Dauntless.
A/N: Thanks for reading! If you have some time, please leave me a review - they're much appreciated. 3