OKAY. So this one-shot is BIG because it's the first fic I've written in a month. I've been overwhelmed with school, graduating college, AND (on top of all that) the biggest case of writer's block I've had in YEARS. Before we get on with this thing...
IMPORTANT "SAFE" UPDATE: I'm working on it! It's slow coming, but it's happening. I PROMISE. I hate with a burning passion when people abandon stories. So it shall be continued soon! I promise! This one-shot has helped my writer's block IMMENSELY. So the wheels are already turning. Get ready for sappy cheesiness that's about to happen in "Safe."
IMPORTANT "SHINJUU" UPDATE: I'm almost halfway done with the next chapter! But I'm a perfectionist and the block hasn't been helping. But it's almost ready for betaing from my LOVELY SAVIOR OF A BETA. This next chapter is gonna be much longer than the others and filled with awkward moments, fluff, reunions, AND an accidental kiss. So get ready.
Thank you so much for your patience and love and support. Let it be known that I've cried many tears of frustration over not being able to update these two fics for you guys. I only want the best for you! And I don't want you to be disappointed. Love you all 3
"Hello? You there, Leorio? You aren't sulking over the 'old man' crack, right?" Killua said with a smirk. He leaned against the balcony, looking at the city lights. He was honestly grateful that Leorio had called him at three in the morning. He'd been up all night anyway and was bored out of his mind. And he wasn't about to wake Alluka up just to entertain him. The smirk slipped off his face as he waited for Leorio to say something. He hadn't said a word since Killua picked up. "Leorio?"
Leorio sat in one of the many chairs lining the hospital hallway. The hall was empty save for the few night staff employees walking down the hall. Leorio rubbed at his eyes tiredly with one hand, beetle phone poised in the other. He took a shaky breath.
"Hey, come on. Say something. You're starting to freak me out." Killua commanded shakily. He was now openly frowning, going through all of the possible scenarios in his head. Leorio's only called me a handful of times since I last saw him, what, six months ago? He could have just called me in his sleep. Or someone got hurt. Did the Troupe get Kurapika? Maybe Leorio got hurt? No way. He's a doctor. He could take care of himself. What if something happened to Gon? Killua's eyes widened and he clutched a phone a little tighter. "This isn't funny. Is everyone okay? Is Gon-"
"Gon's fine." Leorio's voice was hoarse from overuse. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Gon's just fine. We all are."
"That's… good." Killua sighed, his body relaxing. He closed his eyes letting the relief flood his body. Everyone is okay. Gon, Kurapika, Leorio… His eyes snapped open. Then why did he call at three in the morning? "So… Why the late night call? You don't call this late- actually, you don't normally call me at all."
"Killua, there's something I have to tell you. Something happened." Leorio spoke slowly, his voice leveled. I've had break news like this to dozens of people, but never a friend. I had no idea it'd be this difficult. Leorio wiped sweat from the back of his neck, working on slowing his heartrate.
"What are you talking about?" Killua replied shakily, "You said you're all alright. I swear if you lied-"
"I didn't. I promise. Gon, Kurapika and I aren't hurt. We're okay." Leorio's voice was hesitant, as if he was preparing to give horrible news. And it infuriated Killua.
"Quit beating around the bush and cut to the chase!" Killua growled, "I'm not one of your patients and I'm not some fragile little kid! So just spit it out, okay?"
"A-Alright…" Leorio mumbled, breathing out, "Look, I'm sorry. I just don't know how to tell you this."
"Then just do it. I can handle it." Though Killua's voice was strong, the hand grasping the balcony railing was shaking.
"If you're sure," Leorio hesitated before blurting it out, "Illumi was brought into the hospital today. He was in critical condition. Looked like he must have been on a pretty brutal assignment."
"I… Why are you telling me this? I mean why should I care if Illumi got a little banged –" Killua broke off, his eyes widening. He continued, his voice breathless, "He's not just banged up is he?"
"He's… He's dead, Killua." Leorio whispered, covering his face with his hand. "I'm sorry, Killua. I did everything I could, but it was just too late. I'm so sorry."
"It's fine." Killua was surprised by how detached and foreign his voice sounded- as if it didn't belong to him. "Thanks for telling me."
"Listen, if you need to talk-"
"I don't. Thanks." Killua tried to sound nonchalant, but his voice only ended up hollow.
"Okay," Leorio sighed, "But if you need me I'm only a call away. Alright? I'm your friend and I'm here."
"I appreciate it. Night." Killua ended the call, sinking to the ground.
….
"How did he sound? Upset? Relieved?" Kurapika pressed worriedly. He was at an internet café, typing away at one of the many computers. The café was mostly abandoned save for staff- something Kurapika was happy about. He shifted the phone snug between his cheek and his shoulder.
"It's hard to say. He's a trained assassin. He knows how to hide his emotions. But he seemed more shocked than anything." Leorio sat in the back of a taxi, resting his head on his palm. "Maybe it hasn't sunk in yet. Maybe he's upset, maybe he's not. Who knows. Everyone deals with death in different way."
"There's also the fact that Illumi is a psychopath who's been hunting him and his sister. Their relationship's more than a little unorthodox." Kurapika mumbled sympathetically, moving the mouse curser so it hovered over an airship flight to Yorknew.
"Yeah. That's why I don't know how to take this. If this were Alluka, Killua would be horrified. That's obvious. But Illumi? The guy who said he had no right to have friends? The guy who tried to chase down him when Gon was in the hospital?" Leorio said, shaking his head.
"Isn't his whole family like that though? I mean who are we to say how Killua views their family dynamic?" Kurapika sighed, booking the flight. "I'm coming to you, by the way."
"Seriously?" Leorio sat up straighter, trying to contain his excitement as the cab pulled up to the curb. "Why the change of heart all of a sudden?"
"No change. I just want to make sure we can help Killua if he needs us. And it's easier to do that if we're already together, wouldn't you say?" Kurapika said with a smile, walking out of the café.
"Good plan. Always thinking, eh Kurapika?" Leorio laughed, walking to his front door. "Well my home's always open to you."
"I appreciate that. I look forward to seeing you." Kurapika smiled.
…
"Are you done with your math yet?" Mito yelled from the kitchen, her voiced laced in disapproval.
"U-Um, not yet! But I'm almost finished!" Gon sank in his seat, scribbling random numbers and figures as Mito walked to the table. He laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head as she grabbed the paper from him.
"Funny, I don't remember the square root of 25 being 2." Mito said knowingly, an eyebrow raised.
"O-Oops?" Gon squeaked, shrinking under her glare. Crap, I'm such an idiot. Mito crossed her arms, waiting for an explanation. "S-Sorry, Aunt Mito. I've just been… distracted lately."
"Oh, sweetie. You're worried about Killua, aren't you?" Mito frowned as Gon nodded, looking down. "It's only been a few days since your friend called. Killua's probably still grieving. I'm sure he'll call when he's feeling up to it." She placed a hand on his shoulder.
"I know. But I just feel so useless. Killua's my best friend. I should be there for him. I should be helping him. Am I a bad friend?" Gon said, looking up at her with sad eyes. She smiled softly, shaking her head.
"No, of course not. Killua knows you care about him. That's why he'll come to you when he's ready." Mito gave his shoulder a squeeze before kissing his forehead. "It'll be okay, sweetheart."
"Thanks, Aunt Mito." Gon smiled at her, feeling more at ease. Mito, on the other hand returned to glaring at the boy.
"Now that we've settled that. Get back to work. And this time, answer them correctly." Mito scolded him, watching as Gon shrank into his seat again.
"Y-Yes, ma'am!"
….
Gon's head snapped up at the sound of the doorbell. He ran from the kitchen where he'd been doing the dishes from dinner. Anything to keep from doing more chores. Mito watched in amusement, rolling her eyes.
"I've got it! I've-" Gon opened the door, staring in shock. "Killua! Alluka!"
"Gon!" Alluka flung herself at Gon, hugging him. "I've missed you!"
"I've missed you too!" Gon laughed, his bright eyes looking at Killua's. "What are you guys doing here?"
"Oh, uh, Alluka's been begging me to come see you and I wanted to her see Whale Island… so here we are." Killua shrugged, appearing nonchalant. But Gon could see the empty look in those blue eyes.
"So you're saying, you didn't want to come see me? Not even a little?" Gon teased Killua, a knowing smirk on his lips. Killua flushed, his eyes wide, before looking away.
"Sh-Shut up, idiot!" Killua scratched the back of his head before looking back at his now beaming best friend, "You think I'd be here if I didn't wanna be?"
"I know! I just wanted to hear you say it!" Gon giggled, and soon Killua was laughing too. And, Gon noted, the emptiness in his eyes seemed a little fuller.
Once inside, Mito showed Alluka to the spare bedroom that used to belong to Gon's great-grandmother. Gon and Killua sat on one of the couches, mugs of hot cocoa in hand. Gon wasn't sure how to bring up Illumi so instead they kept the conversation light- what their lives had been like the past six months, if they'd met any girls (both of them hadn't- something that both of them were relieved to find out), the places they'd been.
By the time Mito returned and reported that Alluka was in bed, the boys had fallen into an uncomfortable silence- Killua wanting to avoid talking about Illumi and Gon wanting to comfort Killua. Mito was the one who decided to speak up as she sat down on the opposite sofa.
"So, Killua," She started, looking at Killua worriedly, "How are you holding up?"
"Huh? What are you talking about?" Killua looked at her puzzled. Beside him, Gon was trying to frantically motion for Mito to be quiet without alerting his friend.
"Leorio called a few days ago." She continued anyway. Killua flinched, looking away. "Gon and I have both worried about you. It must be so hard going through something like this."
"It's not a big deal. My family are assassins. Death happens all the time." Killua shrugged it off, keeping his eyes hidden.
"But, Killua—" Gon started, but Killua whipped his head around to him cutting him off.
"I said it's fine, okay? Drop it!" He took a breath, quieting his voice, "Alluka doesn't know about it yet. And I don't exactly want her finding out this way."
"With all due respect, when exactly do you plan on telling her? She needs to know." Mito leaned forward and put a hand on Killua's knee. He jerked it away, crossing his arms.
"I-I don't know! Just- Not now. She's not ready to hear it. It'll just upset her." He averted his gaze.
"She's not ready to hear it? Or you're not ready to face it?" Mito pressed softly, earning a shocked look.
"Wh-What the hell is that supposed to mean? I already said that I'm fine with it!" Killua seethed through his teeth, grasping at his knees. "I mean, why should I care about him anyway? He was cruel and controlling. He was a monster. He was-"
"He was your brother." Mito said softly, offering a sad look.
Killua took a sharp breath, his blue eyes widening. He squeezed them shut when he started to feel a burning sensation in them. No way. I'm not going to cry for that bastard. I can't. The breath was knocked out of him when he felt someone hug him. When he felt Gon wrap his arms around him, clutching him tightly.
"It's okay, Killua. It's okay to be sad." Gon held Killua tighter to his chest, resting his head on one of his shoulders.
With that, the dam broke and tears flowed from Killua's eyes. He buried his face in the crook of Gon's neck as he wailed, his body wracking with sobs. He shuddered and his grasp around Gon's body tightened as he fought the onslaught of tears to no avail. Gon simply rubbed his back and stroked his hair, whispering calming words in his ear in a voice hoarse with his own tears.
"Shh, Killua. It's alright. It's okay." Gon whispered, unknowingly nuzzling his friend's head. "You have every right to be sad."
"B-B-But after what h-he did." Killua choked on more sobs, tightening his hold on Gon and refusing to move his head so Gon wouldn't see him like this. "A-After what he did to Alluka… A-And N-Nanika… Why does it hurt so- so bad?"
"But he was still your family, wasn't he? He's still your big brother." Gon's voice was calm, running his fingers up and down Killua's back. "You loved him."
"He tried to k-kill Alluka and Nanika. Does that make me a b-bad brother? If I'm sad that h-he's dead?" Killua hiccupped, trying to force his voice to even out as the last of his cries left his mouth. He heard Gon chuckle and felt him shake his head. Killua flushed and buried his face deeper in the crook of Gon's neck.
"You're not a bad big brother, Killua! If anything, crying over Illumi just makes you an even greater big brother to them!" Killua pulled back at that, his puffy eyes widened in confusion at Gon's grin.
"That makes zero sense!" Killua groaned, watching as Gon laughed again. He flushed when he noticed they were close enough to feel Gon's breath ghost over his lips. Gon, however, seemed unfazed.
"No, it makes perfect sense! Think about it. You're teaching your sisters that family love each other no matter what. That forgiveness is important, especially in times like this! You're a great big brother, Killua." As Gon gave his seemingly flawless logic, Killua would feel his blush burning brighter and brighter. His face returned to Gon's neck, his grip on him snug.
"You're amazing, Gon." Killua whispered the words before he could stop himself. He felt Gon tense and was surprised to feel heat radiating from him.
"Wh-What?" Gon tried to get a look at Killua's face, but his friend held strong.
"It's just-" Killua faltered, feeling flushed and embarrassed, "You're always so happy and positive. You always know what to say." He took a shaky breath, his face burning brighter. "I-I think that's why I came here right after I found out- I just wanted you to make it better. So… You're amazing." He finished lamely.
"You're-You're amazing too, Killua! Way more amazing than me, in fact. You're-"
"Just take the compliment, moron!" Killua groaned, his body feeling heavy as he snuggled against Gon. Laughter rumbled through Gon's chest as he held Killua closely, running his fingers through Killua's hair and Killua allowed himself to close his eyes, his breath evening out.
"Okay, okay. You win." His fingers rubbed along Killua's scalp, as his other hand drew lazy circles over his back. A peaceful smile graced Gon's lips as Killua's body stilled aside from his calm breathing. "Good night, Killua."
"Night, Gon." Killua mumbled as sleep took over.