Light through Darkness
It's hard to fight for what you believe in when you don't know what to believe.
Flame's people are continuing to work towards a peaceful solution. Overshadowed by Bhaskar's loss, Flame is rejuvenanted by an unlikely ally in another soul. But the lines of who they can trust become unclear as their work on the Human Voice project leads the team into more and more danger.
For what are these scraps of life
But fleeting moments of light through darkness
*
I don't even care
About the way I feel today
Because it changes anyway
Something will make me cry or smile
Another picture on the pile
Close to you, Dj Tiesto.
*
For Alex
my bleeding romeo
who puts up with a lot from me
But who will rest peacefully in the end
Contact
***
"Come on, put on some decent music!" Henry reached over and plugged his own music into the dashboard. A heavy beat shook the car.
"Jeez, not so loud!" Eddy grumbled, turning it down, "The Seekers will arrest us for noise pollution."
"Come off it, they would not," Henry said.
"Well they might, actually, no one in my street ever played music that loudly." I added, "It'd seem weird to them. They might check to see if we were human."
"What, not even at parties?" Henry asked, his eyes widening. I smiled to think of Henry's version of a party compared to my old neighbours'. I shook my head. Henry sat back for a moment, then began to sing along, nodding to the beat. Eddy groaned. Henry kept singing.
"Henry," Eddy said through clenched teeth. Henry sang a bit louder. I tried to concentrate on driving on the snowy road, and tried not to smile.
"Henry. Stop it. Now." Eddy said, as Henry launched into a dramatic rendition of the chorus.
"Oh my god. That's it," Eddy said from between his hands. He straightened up. "Flame, please pull over," he said in a very controlled voice. I obliged, as I watched the rear view mirror. The other car's headlights appeared shortly, dipping in query. I signaled with the indicator in response. They pulled in behind us. Alex and Dorsey got out, shrugging on their coats. Eddy got out, opened the rear car door and hauled Henry out by his ear. Henry screamed at him in protest, but Eddy pulled him over to the other car, oblivious.
"I can not stand him for another minute," Eddy fumed, "You take him, or I'll kill him."
"Ah, the Henry factor. Figured it was probably that. Probably about time we all had a break, huh?" Dorsey said, stretching. Alex went to get the thermos and I got out of the car, walking over to them slowly, rubbing my arms and stretching my neck. Alex passed around the mugs and I took mine without looking at him.
"We should turn off the headlights," I warned, "don't want people stopping to see if we need help."
"We should get our car further off the road, Dorsey," Alex said, going back to move it. Eddy turned off the headlights to our car and the snow turned from a blazing cone of white to an expanse of luminescent blue in the moonlight. Dorsey watched me sip my hot chocolate.
"You tired, honey?" she asked, her voice thoughtful.
"No I'm ok," I looked at her brightly, "We'll go to that camp on the plateau. The snow won't be so deep there. It's only a few hours away." Eddy rummaged in his pocket.
"Damn, I left the No Sleep at the hotel," he muttered. He went to check our car and Henry went to check the other car. Alex returned and Dorsey tried to hold my gaze, but I dropped it to my mug.
"Anyone for a biscuit?" Dorsey asked, walking away to find them. I drank my hot chocolate silently, gazing at the car. Alex picked up his mug, swirled the dark contents a few times, and put it down again, looking away. Dorsey returned with the biscuits, glaring at me.
"Biscuit, Alex?" she said pointedly, staring at me. He grabbed one. She passed them to me. I shook my head, staring into my mug. She frowned and ate one herself, still staring at me.
"Whoa, easy on the biscuit there, Dorsey, they never did you no harm," Henry said, grabbing them from her. She shook her head and stamped her feet a bit.
"Man it's icy out here," she said.
"Sure is," Eddy agreed, "Sorry Flame, can't find any No Sleep anywhere."
"It's fine, don't worry about it," I told him, flashing him a smile, "thanks." Dorsey made a disgusted noise.
"We better get going," she said, pulling the biscuits off Henry and shoving them at Eddy. She walked off shaking her head, getting in the driver's seat of the other car.
"Shot gun!" Henry yelled and sprinted for Dorsey's other front seat. I got in my driver's seat as Eddy got in the other side. Alex hesitated, looking at our car, and back at Dorsey's. I slammed my door and started the engine. Alex turned and walked slowly over to Dorsey's car.
"Ready, Eddy?" I asked. He pulled Henry's music out of the dash and plugged in mine.
"All set," he replied, "Oh..." he indicated out my window, where Dorsey was striding over. I pulled on my seatbelt.
Dorsey knocked on the window. I wound it down and she leaned in.
"What on earth is wrong with you?" she hissed, eyes fierce, "Hi Eddy."
"I get the picture," Eddy said, putting his earphones in, and looking away.
"What?" I asked.
"Oh for goodness sake! What do you think?"
I had a fair idea what she was on about, but tonight I was concentrating on driving.
"Come on, Dorsey, I'm tired, let's just keep driving, ok?" I asked.
"Oh! Now you're tired!" she yelled, punching the car door and spinning around. My cheeks burned as I wound up the window.
"Biscuit?" Eddy offered. I didn't bother replying. I jerked the car into drive, punched down the hand brake and slammed on the accelerator. Eddy wisely kept quiet.
I battled to keep to the speed limit, fighting to keep my emotions under control. How could I explain that every time I saw Alex, I thought of Bhaskar? Bhaskar playing ball with him, Bhaskar dozing off leaning on his chest…
Damn you, Dorsey, just leave me alone! I thought furiously, pain rising sharp in me at the memories. The speedo needle jerked higher, and I concentrated on breathing, keeping my mind tightly, fiercely, empty. The needle slowly sank back to the speed limit.
Back at camp it wasn't too hard to avoid him, and if I couldn't, it didn't matter if I was incapacitated by grief for a bit. I got adept at finding reasons to run away. But out here it was… difficult. I had to function now, and that meant I had to steer clear of him as much as possible. The past few days cooped up in a hotel room with 5 people had been particularly difficult. But finally I had got the footage uploaded to Jan and we had hit the road again. This was just a short trip, a favour, resupplying a human group. A few nights out and then back, and I was dreading the thought of that hotel room again in a few days.
The landscape became more hilly in the darkness, and I eased the car down the steep roads. Ahead, on the opposite hill, a large truck approached, its lights illuminating the snow all around.
"Gee, that's a big one," Eddy said. We watched mesmerized. It was enormous, taking up most of the road, and lit up like a Christmas tree.
"Isn't it going a bit fast?" Eddy asked uncertainly. We gazed at it hurtling towards us.
"Oh my god," I said under my breath, jerking the steering wheel hard and stamping on the brake. Eddy started screaming as the car spun wildly on the icy road and I fought to control it.
Then there was pain, and blackness.
***
There was nothing but pain at first. I couldn't even place it, it seemed to be everywhere, all around me, all through me. Slowly, I fought it down enough to open my eyes. The snow was a glaring white under the glow of the headlights. There was twisted metal everywhere. I found I was breathing. The pain rose and fell with each breath. I could breath, I could see, I could feel. But I couldn't move. I tried to move my legs and the pain roared through me like a bushfire, devouring consciousness.
"Don't move honey," Dorsey's voice raised me. I tried to turn to look at her, and her hand found my cheek, "Shhh, don't move, ok?"
"Dorsey?" I whispered.
"I'm here, it's ok," she replied, but her voice told me she lied.
"Eddy?" I called.
"He's gone, Flame, he's dead."
I heard sirens faintly.
"Eddy…" I whispered, his loss feeling like a gaping hole beside me. So much death…
"We've taken him away," Dorsey said. This was good, this was right. He should not be buried alone like Bhaskar.
"The truck…" I said faintly, trying to recognize the tortured metal around me.
"The driver's gone too," Henry said. His voice sounded so serious.
"Honey, we can't get you out," Dorsey said, her voice telling me she was crying. The noise of sirens grew louder through the night.
"You have to go now, they'll see you," I whispered, my vision going spotty. Just before I blacked out, I saw Dorsey wrestle Alex away. They're safe, I thought, and blacked out.