Closing a Chapter
Severus Snape chronicles his thoughts in the last month before the Final Battle. One-shot at roughly 600 words. Written for The Original Horucrux's Dear Diary Competition on HPFC.
08/04/1998
Dear journal,
No, that's a lie.
It always has been.
This isn't a journal, it's a diary of my innermost thoughts of the last twenty-seven years.
09/04/1998
Dear Lily,
Sometimes, when we put our thoughts to paper, it's with a specific person in mind. When I started this diary, this journal? It was with thoughts of you in mind, Lily.
You gave me this journal for my birthday when we were ten years old, when we were expecting to be friends forever.
You thought wrong, you would hate me in just a few years.
I would love you, cherish you, miss you. For a very long time.
I promised you I would.
10/04/1998
It's the middle of the war. Really, I suspect it would be closer to the truth to say that it's near the end.
I've not forgotten you, Lily, not for a moment.
I've done all I can now, haven't I? To ensure that the things you believed in most would survive?
That's all I could ask for. I'm tired of this.
12/04/1998
Journals, diaries, letters. Insipid things. Dangerous things.
What would the Dark Lord say if he saw this?
He would finally kill me.
It is no matter. I've deserved nothing less since I betrayed your friendship, Lily.
I do deserve to die.
I do not deserve any sort of forgiveness.
14/04/1998
Dear Diary,
I am acting as if Lily still lives. I've become a bitter, deluded sliver of a man.
No, not a man.
A child.
I am a whiny brat of a child, at the end of a rope I tied myself.
21/04/1998
Everything is happening much faster now, isn't it?
I have accepted that I will never have the chance to work on the potion I've always wanted to. On my sano a animus.The chances of me surviving are no more likely than the chances of Harry Bloody Potter not surviving.
28/04/1998
You know, for a long time, I was content in pretending that I was a bastard who cared only for himself.
Not anymore.
Why bother pretending that I give a damn about myself anymore when I know I am leading to my death?
I have been following the strings of a dead man, and I've been doing it for you.
29/04/1998
The end is getting closer, I can feel it.
The Carrows are finding less and less students to control, to beat down.
I have done what I can to prevent the girls from becoming their victims in all ways, but the Carrows are growing more restless and I fear what would happen should this continue much longer.
Minerva hates me, deeply and truly. She regrets her secrets bidden to me.
I wish she didn't hate me.
But keeping hold of wishes is for fools, and I cannot afford to be one.
01/05/1998
The Dark Lord is angry, Harry Potter has angered him.
I expect the battle to come soon.
I do not expect to survive.
I do not deserve to.
02/05/1998
Promise me something, Lily? Promise me that you will forgive me in the end?
Your son is coming.
I will do whatever I must.
I will keep him alive however I can.
And if I need to, I will show him why.
02/05/1998
I loved you, Lily.
02/05/1998
You know that, right?
End