It was the perfect night to sit on the beach- the sand was cool in Ally's toes and the moon was setting over the water, casting a rippling glow across the shiny surface of the ocean. The light breeze carried the scent of near bonfires through the air and whipped her hair around her face. And the quiet surrounding the young woman gave her respite, allowing her the time and opportunity to think about everything that had happened, and was going to happen.
The last couple of days had been a blur and Ally wasn't completely sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. She supposed that clear thoughts and memories might help in her decision- making, but she was also sure that complete knowledge would just hurt her head. Wrapping her arms around her knees, she bit her lip, deep in thought.
She was so deep in these thoughts that she almost didn't notice her best friend coming up beside her. Trish sat down next to her on the sand, passing over a warm blanket she had knit herself while she worked at the Knitting Barn (?).
"Here," she said, wrapping it around Ally's shoulders, "it's supposed to get cold out here tonight. And, well, with all of those options you have, I figured you be out here all night."
"Thanks," Ally replied, smiling to her friend. The smile felt forced and so she immediately stopped trying. Tears clouded her eyes over, so she shifted her gaze to the water, hoping the lapping of the waves on the shore would clear her mind again.
"Look, I want to say something," Trish said suddenly, bringing Ally back down to earth. Ally looked to her friend, and was shocked at the pain on the young woman's face.
"Say it then," she said, holding out an end of the blanket and inviting Trish to scoot in close to her.
"You're my best friend, you know that," Trish said, smiling. "And I don't want you to leave. But, it might be what's best for you. And I don't want to be that selfish person who holds you back from living your life. So if I'm one of the reasons why you haven't made a decision yet, take me out of the equation." All of her words came out in what seemed like one breath, and Ally giggled.
"Trish, it doesn't matter what you say- I'm going to take you into account either way. You and Austin and Dez mean the world to me. I can't just pack up and move across the country without thinking about you three," she said, trying to stop her laughter. It wasn't funny, not really. But, when she was uncomfortable, Ally laughed.
"That's really nice of you, Ally, but we can't keep you from chasing your dreams," Trish answered, looking at her friend like she was crazy. Trish looked as tired as Ally felt, and that caused Ally to stop laughing immediately. She didn't want her friends to lose any sleep over this decision; it was hers to make.
"Alright, well I guess I will take the three of you out in my decision- making," Ally shrugged, cuddling closer into the blanket and avoiding Trish's gaze. They both knew she was lying, but Trish knew that she wasn't going to budge.
The two sat there for hours, just looking out into the water and enjoying each other's company, not knowing how much longer they'd have it. The night became progressively colder and Ally started shivering.
"Hey, I'm going to head home, okay? Dez wanted to speak to you, and he's finally off work and on his way here, so you won't be alone. I'll let him know about the temperature. Maybe he'll bring an extra sweater or something. Okay, Ally?" Trish said, stepping out from the warmth of the blanket and standing up.
Ally just nodded, her eyes locked on the moon in the sky.
When she was alone, Ally sang a familiar melody to herself, a song her grandmother used to sing to her when she was to make a big decision. Although, when she was little, the hardest choice she had to make was which boy band was her favourite.
Look inside your heart, my love
What do you hear, from above?
Seek out your dreams, my dear
And ignore each and every fear.
"That's really pretty," Dez said from behind her, causing Ally to jump in surprise. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He sat down next to her, taking Trish's spot under the blanket. "Here," he said, passing her a huge, warm sweater from his back pack, "Trish said you were cold and needed a sweater."
"Thanks," Ally mumbled, shrugging off the blanket and slipping the sweater on. It was about three sizes too big, but it was warm and Ally could immediately feel the heat from Dez's body when he had warn it last. Dez threw the blanket over her shoulder and nudged her foot with his.
"Where's that head at, Ally Bo-Bally?" he asked, mirroring her pose, bringing his knees up to his chest. She could hear the worry in his voice and her stomach dropped with guilt. Another friend, concerned with her decision- making skills.
"Everywhere. Nowhere." She didn't feel like talking. But, she also didn't feel like thinking either. "How was work tonight?"
"Boring. Nobody wants to buy camera equipment at the end of the summer," Dez answered, smiling. The thing about Dez was this: he wouldn't hate Ally, no matter what her decision would be. Dez was accepting to a fault, but Ally appreciated that, especially now. But this appreciation also brought with it a pang of loss; she would miss that too, if she chose to leave.
"So, what was your song about? It kind of sounded like a lullaby," Dez asked, removing his shoes. One by one, Dez feet met the cool sand and buried themselves in it.
"It was a song my grandmother sang to me often, when I was little. It pushed me to make decisions," she answered truthfully. The wind had grown stronger and Ally's hair whipped around her head. She reached in her pocket for a hair tie. "I thought singing it would help. But it didn't," she said, looking at Dez. She didn't try smiling to reassure them both that she was fine; they both knew that she wasn't.
"Trish told me that she asked you to leave her out of your decision. I kept my laughter to myself, to be polite. But, we both know how big of a joke that is- you're going to do it anyways," Dez said, trying to get a smile out of her anyways. Fail.
"Are you going to do the same?" she asked, bundling her fingers in the sleeves of Dez's sweater. She cocked an eyebrow at the red head, daring him to ask the same of her as Trish had.
"No. I think that this is a decision you need to make, without us interfering. And, asking to not include us in the decision- making process is pointless, because you're going to do it anyways," Dez said, chuckling. Ally finally smiled, nodding in agreement.
"I'm glad you agree."
"But, I also think you need to realize that we will come to you if you leave us. New York City is the heart of the action- I will end up there with my film-making, Trish will end up there with her acting, and Austin will meet up with you with his performing. So, leaving us is only temporary," he said, his voice getting serious. He narrowed his eyes at his friend, leaving Ally feeling suddenly struck with gratifying hope. He was right, and she knew that.
"It'll be a couple of years," she said, dropping her jean-clad legs onto the sand, stretching out her muscles. "A couple of years of no Dez or Trish or Austin," Ally mumbled, her voice breaking.
"No one says that it will be easy. It's actually supposed to be really hard- that's a part of growing up and moving on. But it's a flight away," Dez said, simply. Ally could hear the doubt in his voice, and she knew that these were just things that some people say. And she couldn't fault him for that- he was at least trying.
"Bottom line is this, Ally. You are not actually leaving. You are expanding your life and providing us with a place to crash if we ever want to see the big apple!" Dez exclaimed, ruffling her bangs.
Ally laughed at this. Leave it to Dez to make this into a joke.
Suddenly, he yawned and stood up. "I need to go home and catch some sleep though. I have an early shift at the store in the morning, and this fresh air is making me more tired than I would have been, originally." He waited until Ally stopped laughing and was staring back out at the moon before he walked away, looking back when he reached the pathway, praying that she'd be safe out there on the beach by herself.
Although the wind had slowed down a little, the wind still carried the smell of fire from a nearby bonfire. The beach reached for miles, but Ally could not see the red and orange of the fire that her nose detected. Tired of sitting down and coming to no new conclusions or decisions, Ally stood up, wrapped the blanket tightly around herself, and started following the smell of the fire.
As her feet moved unsteadily through the sand, memories of the gang spread out before her eyes, and she allowed herself to break down. Tears spilled down her face as she remembered all of the long nights of writing songs with Austin, of all the late dinners with Trish and the number of conversations with Dez about music videos and possible documentaries. Her heart clenched tightly as she recalled all of the unspoken words between her and Austin, the unknown emotions that flitted through her veins.
With her mind completely busy with these thoughts, her feet led her to the bonfire that had started this exploration. She almost didn't notice the blond boy sitting beside the fire, but her eyes set on him suddenly and she stopped in her tracks.
"Austin?" she asked, her voice heavy with tears. Her friend looked up at her in surprise, and instantly noticed her streaked cheeks.
"Ally, don't cry!" he said, getting up and coming to stand in front of her. With the pads of his thumbs, he wiped her tears dry. When he was satisfied with her cheeks, he smiled down at her, his grin crooked, then pulled her flush against his chest. "C'mere, don't cry."
"I'm trying not to. I'm trying to not have you and Dez and Trish influence my decisions and I'm trying to remember that you guys will come to me after graduation, but all I can think of is how much I will miss you three." Ally sobbed against his chest, grabbing onto the back of his shirt and allowing herself to release the tension she'd had built up over the past couple of days.
"You need to stop thinking. You have three more days to make an official decision. Stop thinking, live your life, and then blurt it out, no thoughts, in three days," Austin said, leading her to sit down next to him, close to the fire.
With the crying and the fire, Ally felt warm and unwrapped herself from the blanket to remove Dez's sweater. She had stopped sobbing, but her tears were still coming continually down her cheeks.
"What's on your mind?" Austin asked after a couple of minutes of Ally quietly crying.
"A lot of things. I mean, I haven't lived with my mom since I was seven. I don't want to hurt my dad by choosing to live with her, just because I don't want to move to New York. But I don't want to leave you three behind. I don't want to move to New York City without saying things I still have to say and doing things here I still have to do," Ally whined, listing things that had been running through her head since she was presented with the situation at hand.
"Well then, do them and say them," Austin said, his face serious. Ally looked up at him, shocked that she even let that part slip. "They can't all take that long. You have three days to get it all out."
"Easier said than done," Ally replied, averting her gaze from his. His fingers lifted her chin to force her eyes to meet his, and he chuckled.
"If this will make it easier for you to move to New York City, then let's do it. What's first?"
Ally's heart hammered in her chest, unable to come to a decision. You need to stop thinking, Austin had said. Before she could talk herself out of it, Ally scooted so close to Austin that she was practically in his lap.
"Ally?" he asked, his eyes confused. But he didn't move away.
Tentatively, Ally reached up and touched her lips gently to his, then leaned back. Looking up at him through her eyelashes, she blushed. Austin looked shocked, but leaned forward again, kissing her back. Placing a hand on the back of her head, fingers threaded through her ponytail, he pulled her closer to him, deepening the kiss.
Ally smiled against his lips, steadying herself with both hands on his shoulders. Nipping his bottom lip, Ally sighed deeply, her heart blooming inside her chest.
When the two pulled apart a couple of minutes later, out of breath and not fighting the grins on their faces, Ally started giggling.
"That's what you had to say?" Austin asked, running a hand through his hair.
"More like, had to do," she shrugged, laughing. "Austin, I've had feelings for you for so long now. And I didn't want to leave without telling you."
"Is that not going to make it harder for when you leave? Knowing that you've left me behind?" Austin asked, taking Ally's hand and holding it in his. She liked how it felt protected in there.
"Maybe. But, at least I'll know that I did something about my feelings."
Austin leaned forward, kissing her again. Ally could get used to this. But the knowledge that she shouldn't almost broke her heart. She pulled back.
"Should we really start something now, three days before I'm leaving?" she asked, biting her lip with uncertainty. He smiled down at her.
"Ally, I have dreamed about the day when I could kiss you, freely, for some time. The day when I could look down at you and know that you felt the exact same way about me. It doesn't matter that you're leaving in three days because, at Christmas, I'll be in New York to see you and again during Spring Break, and then summer. And then all over again in senior year," Austin reassured her, rubbing her hand soothingly between his hands.
Ally could breathe for the first time in days. Distance was not enough to destroy her friendships and whatever this was with Austin.
When Austin bent down to kiss her again, she allowed him to. She wanted as many kisses as she could get before moving to New York with her dad and trying to launch her career there and living the New York City lifestyle. She wanted as many kisses as she could get before she left him behind in Miami; before they went their separate ways- temporarily.