The watch struck 11.
A small simple brown leather watch lying discarded on Pidge's nightstand. It had been her father's of course. An old keepsake from a christmas party way back when. But it was getting slower, almost like an omen or something.
The watch was hooked up to a small generator. One might see this as overboard; but to Pidge it was necessary. To her; it felt like when the watch would die, she would shatter. For it would be almost impossible to imagine him; if his watch stopped ticking. From time to time; the watch would stall anyways.
It fueled some nightmares in the small girl.
But tonight her nightmares were not for her missing brother and father, nor for the mother she had all but abandoned on earth. Though she did have her fair share of those. Tonight her nightmares were for her space family. And those were almost worse.
A small, messy head of coppery caramel curls lay framing her sleeping head. Her glasses left on the nightstand next to the watch. She wore a large sweatshirt that made her look even smaller; if possible, and small spandex shorts. Her constellations of freckles splayed about her light skin in an intricate and delicate way.
Beautiful some would say.
But she did not look beautiful tonight. Her skin was emitting sweat, casting a sickly shade on her skin and wetting her hair back. Her honey brown eyes were screwed shut, and small whimpers perturbed from her bitten lips.
Finally she bolted straight up; eyes blown wide and frantic. "No!" She wheezed, before falling to her knees and shaking. Shaking, and shaking like a leaf. Shuttering breath raking through her too-small body. She felt tears come; hot, wet, fat tears that rolled down her face and hung off her chin stubbornly before falling to her dampening sheets.
"no…" she again whispered pitifully.
Her room was full of clutter; but Pidge was used to navigating it in the dark by now. Used to the tears. Used to the screams that plagued her nightmares.
Used to the blood that clung to her arms, that dripped off the walls, and out of her eyes. Though no one else saw it; she would feel it there.
Pidge stood; clumsily moving out the door and into the brightly lit hallway. For a brief second the blue lights turned a harsh purple, and the white walls a murky grey. The shadows that danced across the walls became Galra soldiers harsh outlines.
"Look for the Green one. She's the weak link."
"Think the other Paladins will break if we break her?"
"Possibly; then again. It's easy enough to find another one, she is the most easily replaced."
"Gahhh!" She screamed out briefly; clamping her eyes shut. After a second she peeked it open once again. She swept her head from side to side quickly.
No Galra.
No purple.
But still blood.
Pidge moved on.
Her small frame, weighed down by the large clothing, moved soundlessly through the halls; her bare feet against the cold floor. She could have turned back and grabbed slippers, a robe, a blanket. Yet she moved on with her sweatshirt, shorts, and bare feet. It grounded her somehow. Kept her awake.
Moving past the kitchen, and to another bedroom she paused in front of the door per tradition.
Then moved inside.
Hunk lay facing the wall on his back. Large stomach rising and falling with each gigantic breath he took. He had some drool hanging off his chin, and his small Bulmera-charm necklace was clutched in his palm. A gift from Shay.
For a split second she saw it again. Purple lights, dark room.
She took a deep staggering breath; sitting down next to the sleeping paladin.
"Wanna know how it happened today, Hunk?" She asked the sleeping form beside her.
Reaching out; she untied his hair band to put it on the dresser. "Drowning today. The rest were chained, and I was free; but the release switch was to high. I didn't have my bayard either. The other-" Her breath hitched slightly. The looks of anger, helplessness, and betrayal etched into her friends faces.
She shook her head lightly and began to fuss with Hunk's bedsheets. "The others wanted me to help; but I couldn't… the glass was to thick, I was too weak. And then you were gone. Your eyes didn't close but… but they stared at me dully, and you stopped fighting."
Taking another deep breath; Pidge flung the blanket onto the sleeping Paladin. Tightening it around him.
She took a step back; admiring her work momentarily. "Don't worry Hunk. It'll get better; it cant stay like this forever."
And just like every night; she leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to Hunk's forehead. She could've sworn he relaxed slightly; she payed no head.
Finally she felt a piece of her heart being stitched back on; however crudely, she felt a slight peace.
Turning out of the room she whispered lightly a goodnight before continuing on her journey.
Once she left; the yellow paladin sat up with tears budding in his eyes. He knew he could do nothing; the team had decided after all. He felt a light shiver rake through him. Drowning… it had always been a fear for him. Not as bad as flying had been; but the sensation of weightlessnes was the same.
It must hurt him the most; he thought. Since he was closest to her room. When she came in she still had snot dripping off her nose, and her breathing was ragged. From what the others had said her breathing was a little better, but she still had tears, and a rough throat.
Not that he really minded; Pidge undoubtedly had it worst.
He reached out in his mind for yellow; feeling her vibrating in her sleep always calmed him. He payed his head back down to hopefully drift back into sleep.
heaven knows he's gonna wake up early tomorrow; that way he might fall asleep before Pidge makes her next rounds.
Small feet pitter-pattered down the hall. Her eyes weighed down by heavy, dark bags. She puts on concealer in the morning of course; but at night she still looks like she has two black eyes. Good thing no one is awake this late. Keith may be a workaholic. But he still tucks in by 11; more than usual as of late. Shiro wakes up early, same as Keith, for training. Just the mention, or thought, of their names threatened to flash the memories before her eyes once more. She pushed it back; if she broke down here she might wake them up. By using their sleeping selves as a therapist of sorts; they would all rest easy, and she would fall asleep without more terrors awaiting her. And in anywise, now was not the time to think of Keith.
She stopped at the Princess' door.
Inside Allura lay on her back; but not heavily, and sloppily like Hunk. She looked like disney-tale princess. When Pidge had first met her; she'd had no idea she would ever grow to like the princess. Yet now; looking at her sleeping form, Pidge felt overjoyed that she was alive, and resting.
"Evening Princess; lovely as always." She muttered, being careful as to not look at her neck more than necessary. "I hope I don't wake you up; I need you to keep your head with you at all times Allura." She chuckled darkly.
Pidge sighed; allowing her head to drop into her hands on her knees. Allura was always such a hard person to watch die; she seemed so in control and regal. In sleep and wake; it was shattering to say the least.
"Tell me how you control your emotions Allura. I'll make you a milkshake if you will." She joked.
After a few moments she stood up, and made her way to her bedside. Kneeling there, like a prince from a fairybook, she kissed her forehead.
But the prince did not leave with all she wanted. She left with only 2 parts of her torn heart intact. When the prince left; she was still very much crying.
Allura sat up and stared blankly at the door. Tears spilling past her cheeks delicately, as if made of crystalized sadness themselves. Allura did not weep; weeping was for the destruction of planets, or the death of your father. But she shed tears for her friend, and prayed over her soul.
So Allura turned back to her mattress and started to drift off.
She did not agree with the whole let her tell us when she's ready bit. But human emotions were much different than Altean emotions; and Shiro was much wise in night terrors.
But whatever the case, and whatever the means, Allura knew Pidge would be alright. She had been alright for three MONTHS, so far. She would be alright a bit longer at least. Mind set; Allura allowed herself to depart at last for the dreamworld.
Pidge felt one of her eyelids drop unexpectedly. She shook her head lightly. Stoping momentarily to remove the large jacket and leave in the hallway; she would pick it up when she went back.
She stopped in front of the next door. She always felt kinda awkward going in here; Keith was never a people person. Opening the door anyways she stepped in. He lay on his front; knife within reaching distance. Oddly enough; he was fast asleep. Smiling; she moved to lessen his hold on his bayard. He relinquished it easily enough; and she began tucking him in. "It's funny; I don't think you'd ever let me mother over you like this if you were conscious. Strong, independent, emotionless Keith." She mused lightly.
She raised his head to set it on the pillow. Taking special care to not drop him.
"Funnily enough; thats always what gets you killed it seems." Pidge brushed some hair out of his face absentmindedly. She studied his expression for a moment before moving on; the red of his jacket lying on his chair seeming much harsher. "Why wouldn't you let me help you? Why did you take him on alone?" She moved back slightly.
"You died Keith. Again. Didn't we make a promise last time?" She joked; knowing that his subconscious state was not to fault for dream-Keith's mistakes. "Stabbed. You were stabbed, what did I do to help? Nothing of course…I could do nothing; and one day, that's gonna be reality." Again she tightened the covers over him and bent down. To leave a bitter kiss on his forehead. "Take care of yourself, Keith." She whispered.
And with that she left; swiping a tear aside, as another piece of her heart was stapled back into place.
Keith stiffened once she left.
He knew he was distant to everyone on the team. But it hurt him deeper than he thought anything ever could. When she came in here most nights; begging him to let her help him fight in her dreams. To let her save him. And the worst part of it all was that Keith knew that this dream was extremely realistic; it was just like him to refuse help when he needed it. But still he allowed himself to remain physically indifferent; still taking risks in battle. He had pretended not to notice how her breathing grew more ragged over the coms; they all had. He wondered how much longer he would last before finally trying to lessen up in real life. That would be a big risk; taking risks was kind of his thing. As he considered it he sighed deeply.
Couldn't be much longer now.
He felt so safe and warm now; like home. If Keith could call anything that; it would be this. Safe, warm, cared for, surrounded by his friends and family. Though he tended to push them away; maybe once she found out he would tell her he hand't minded. The nightmare talk was disturbing for him, but the warmth and company was nice.
He let his eyes shut.
Pidge stumbled down another section of the hallway; now using her hand along the walls to go about her way. Her heart felt more full. But it still had two sections torn off it. Two sections she planned on retrieving before this was over; no time was too late. After all; it was only 11:30.
Feeling her way down the hallways, she struggled to not check on Coran. It had always unnerved her that he never showed up in her dreams. But then she realized it was because he was never in any danger. He always stayed back and guided them through things; unlike the princess, who would try to be on missions whenever she could. Yet still she would feel the need to see him occasionally; but she was more tired tonight.
She wiped a tear from her eye; it was getting out of hand. Last week when Allura had insisted she come; Pidge had freaked out and had refused to let her. She had been so adamant in keeping her safe; that she hadn't thought about what it would look like to the others. Thankfully; the princess stayed behind, and though the others seemed a little couscous, no one said anything.
The last thing Pidge needed was more paranoia in the field. At least the others had lions; Allura was always more vulnerable.
Finally she reached the next door on her nightly trip.
The door slid open. She walked to the edge of the bed. There lay their fearless leader; the only connection to her birth father and brother. One of her very closest friends. "Hey, Shiro." She whispered; moving tp relieve him of his robotic appentagage.
Yesterday he had mentioned how it was uncomfortable to sleep in; and he always forgot to take it off.
She suddenly remembered the dream. His arm being hacked. She herself unable to put her fear aside ling enough to fix the problem; his own arm strangling him. In her blind fear she threw the arm to the floor.
Seeing Shiro flinch slightly she sighed and putt his arm lightly. "Sorry Shiro, don't wake up please." She muttered over him, finally he seemed to calm down, not settling down completely however. She straightened out the covers over him; before moving to pick it back up.
"Just thinking about my night terror thats all. I won't bother you with the details." Pidge placed the arm more calmly on his dresser, letting go of it as soon as possible. Shiro suffered form PTSD and she didn't even want to risk influencing his dreams with her fears. It might hurt him more than it helped her.
She sighed lightly and sat next to him; "I need you to take a step back every once in a while, there are some fights you just cant win. Maybe even cut your losses…" A silent tear dropped onto his arm. "Even if it's me. You need to let go, even if it's me." She whispered urgently.
With a heavier sigh she moved upwards.
Shiro was like her father sometimes. She'd never say t outlaid since that would be like giving up on Sam Holt…. But Shiro really was Space-Dad in many ways. "I love ya man; don't die on me, kay?" She said bitterly.
She leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead; never mind the slight sweat built up there, brushing his fluff to the side, she left him.
Shiro turned over and stared at the ceiling in silent misery. His tense muscles which had been previously calm straightening the blankets wrapped taunt around him. He straightened it out before flipping himself over, unable to stare at the ceiling longer. Pidge's work was undone, and his heart was clenched tightly. He curled up on his side.
Allowing himself to wet his eyes; wanting more than anything to help. But how could he? If they all comforted her; they couldn't tell her thy would lay off. They wouldn't lie and tell her they would be more careful; the universe needed them, and they couldn't just retire. And any of them would catch a grenade for Pidge, no matter how much she would hate in venomously.
They wouldn't stop fighting if she was hurt…
Even if they did die.
Labored footsteps fell through the hallways. Her head, and heart was heavy with sheer exhaustion and stress. Still laiden down with the burden of her heart, but with less adrenalin fueling her heavy steps. Her rounds were seemingly coming to a close at last. And why wouldn't they be? After all; she wanted to rest so badly that her eyelids drooped slowly.
But she wouldn't fall asleep yet.
One piece of her heart was still missing.
She turned down the next hallway. Some feeling of abstract dread filling her. She couldn't live with herself if he was gone; the dreams she endured of him were killing her. Shiro was like her brother, Keith a distant brother, same with Hunk. Allura was the space princess big sister she'd never had. But Lance…
She opened the door. The scent of vanilla and the ocean wafting over her gently. Lance had never been fond of messes after all.
He lay sprawled out on his bed, sheets and posture in complete disarray in comparison to his nit-prick floor. With his arms stretched ridiculously over his head, and his lanky legs off and on the bed. It was almost like it was purposefully messy. He was the chaos to the serenity of his room. That was the point though wasn't it; she mused. To truly be happy, hectic, and outstanding, one had to be different than one's surroundings. Lance was the chaos and instinct to the level-headed, slow nature of some of the other Paladins. His boisterous nature providing others with some distraction, joy, and diversity. Indeed the castle would be quiet and empty without him.
"Here there, mia gioia" She whispered over him fondly. She sighed lightly; slipping into a more relaxed stance. She carefully, and slowly, began to move him more fully onto the bed.
"Shall I bore you with the details? Not like anything will change, but it might make my heart less heavy." She drawled on as she hoisted his stubborn leg off the floor. "It was worse this time. Longer. As always; you noticed the bomb before us. You noticed and; we didn't listen. Why don't we ever learn?"
Stubborn tears prickled at her eyelids; she had just let her face dry and was reluctant to break down again. Pidge harshly rubbed against her red eyes, refusing to wake up the sleeping cuban.
"One day, one day we'll learn…But until then I'm gonna keep seeing that Lance." Her limbs drooped down against her sides, allowing the first tear to slip down her cheek. "Keep seeing your face."
She wrung her hands out in front of her fiercely. "Ya know how earth grenades explode? Fragments do more damage than the heat really. Thats what it was like. You had bits of glass and steel sticking out of your limbs and face. You-" Her voice caught and her breath began to stagger as more tears rode down her face.
She felt the memory prickle in her vision.
She looked up lightheadedly, Omly to see his right next to hers. With blank eyes, and no smile on his face. Blood trickled down his forehead to meet with the larger fragments sprouting out of his chest and neck.
'No.' sShe whispered in vain, trying to shake him back. 'No, no, No!'
He remained limp, and then Pidge saw it.
Blood.
Blood covering her arms, running up to her elbows, and drenching her knees. She felt some of it drip off her face where their were no injuries. He had made sure of that, hadn't he.
It wasn't her own blood she was drowning in a she sat there failing miserably at giving his corpse CPR.
It was his blood on her hands.
"You saved me." Pidge finally whispered. "Why would you save me?" She looked down at her arms; short sleeves she only dared to wear at night. Scratches and dead skin ran up them. The result of trying to claw the blood off of her, unconsciously and not. "I still feel your blood on me, I still feel it clinging to me. I still see your eyes."
She was brought back when Lance let out a slight whimper, eyes still shut and chest falling rhythmically.
"Don't be sad," she muttered uselessly. "You look so much better with a smile. A real one at that."
Finally smoothing out the sheet over his larger frame; she gave a small pause over his chest.
Lance struggled more than ever not to just open his eyes. Damn it all; and wipe away her falling tears. Damn what Shiro, Keith, or Allura thought. She needed someone; couldn't they see that? But still he remained still as she smoothed out the purposefully rumpled sheets. Finally she paused decisively. Frightened that he may have let his facade shift he returned his attention to his breathing. Finally she ran her fingers over his heart for a moment; letting herself feel his strong heartbeat. "Still alive, still beating…" She whispered weakly; then more firmly. "Keep beating for me." Pressing her lips fall to his cool forehead. He felt his heart, soul, neigh his very being cry out for her. Then he felt the door close and he realized her kiss was no longer on him; but just a memory. Yet he still felt it strongly; searing his flesh.
He sat up; staring at the door.
He could not remember how long it had been, since the first time. When Pidge hd firs come at night whispering about his death, and how she had tried to not come. She had needed assurance she had said; assurance he was still there. The group decided she might get to scared to come if she knew they knew. So with heavy hearts; they had agreed to silence. Her words, care, and kiss remains unmentioned among them. What happened during her rounds; stayed locked in secrecy.
Every time his heart cried out for her; to comfort her, hold her. Assure her.
He rose.
He remembered how she told him of hid death the first time; snipper fire. Then it was burning. One time he had replaced Haxus; she had pushed him off a cliff. That night he had bit his tongue to see himself grounded. Lance could still feel her tears burning on his flesh.
The door slid open soundlessly. Leaving him to walk silently with great purpose.
He had been trying at least. Watching his back more closely; staying away from cliffs as much as possible. It was barely noticeable; and he still felt like he was doing nothing. And that hurt most of all.
He found himself before her closed door. He did this every time. He would get wrapped up it the moment and appear here; without even meaning to. But today he found himself a little to close. And the door soundlessly swished open. Stepping in quietly he surveyed the room. Tech, crates, and sweaters strewn everywhere. A perfect booby trap system he had once jabbed. He pressed forward slowly. Taking extra precautions to not trip. Finally arriving above her bed. She lay there; seeming more whole than when he had left; and most probably more whole than when she had woken up. Tear tracks lay dried across her face, limbs sewn, glasses crooked, and her sweater was clasped tightly in her arms. Hadn't she had bare arms?
Slowly and quietly he mimicked her. Moving her glasses from her tired face, and adjusting her sheets. He remembered her previous request.
"Keep beating for me."
She had asked humbly; not a demand, she did not beg. She just simply asked; it carried more sincerity. He knew it would break serif he didn't, so he did. At this point; she could ask him to do most anything and he might.
'What was this', was a question he asked himself most nights. Though he never got an answer; he knew. He didn't know what it was, but he knew.
So he leaned down, brushing back her feathery, carmel bangs. Lance softly pressed his lips against her forehead. Not moving away; simply breaking his lips half for a moment. To whisper against her skin.
"For you, anything."
And he was gone.
And her eyes fluttered open.