A/N: I've been wanting to write this for a while. While I was writing CourtCrossed, a guest named Libby reviewed, saying I should do a fic about Meghan and Ash's last night. When I came out with In Dreams, Meghan's POV of the dream her and Ash shared in Iron Knight, Emo Anna reviewed, saying I should do more fics like that. Also, I just totally loved this part of the book myself, and have been wanting to write it for myself. So here you go!
Disclaimer: The dialogue, characters and plot belong to Julie Kagawa. The writing is mine. :)
I stepped inside my tent where it lay at the edge of the rebel camp. Meghan had told me to rest, and while I normally would have protested and stayed with her or, failing that, convinced her to come with me, tonight I was just too tired, the Iron Realm taking its toll on me just like the first time I had been here.
Things had been so different then. Then, I had only just begun my relationship with Meghan Chase, and there were the laws of the courts and an ill-fated bargain hanging over our heads. Then, I never would have guessed that, in only a short time, I would choose banishment for her, become her knight, give her complete power over me with the use of my True Name. I never would have guessed.
I took off my shirt and lay down in the far corner. I didn't need to look down at the amulet to see how much more protection I would have: not much. Not long now, before it broke and I would have nothing between myself and the iron. I had one more day, if I was lucky.
But hopefully one day was all I needed.
The final battle was tomorrow. Tomorrow was the day we would save the Nevernever… or die.
I had always known I would die. Even the most powerful, even Mab and Oberon, forces of nature in their own right, would die. I knew that. For a long time, I wanted to die. Life seemed so pointless when Ariella died. But Meghan had changed that. Meghan had put the light back into my life. She was my light. And now I didn't want to die. Not with my light still alive. I wanted to live - with her.
That would have been impossible, once. The courts never would have allowed it. But I knew Meghan and I were a special case. I was the Winter Prince, she, the Summer Princess, and we had Robin Goodfellow behind us. We had already been banished once, and were now back to save the Nevernever.
If we succeeded, I had a feeling Meghan and I wouldn't be kept apart again.
So here you are, the last night, and you're all alone? A part of me couldn't help but think. You and her haven't even-
I clamped down on the voice, silencing it. Yes I wanted Meghan, wanted all of her in a way I had never wanted anything before. There had been one time, when we had gotten close, but had been stopped before anything could happen. Which was fine, I had convinced myself. The last thing I wanted to do was push her. If we were to be together, it would have to be by her choice, so she could enjoy it.
As if in answer to my thoughts, I felt Meghan's presence outside of the tent. Even with my eyes closed, I could see her emotions, so clear they almost formed thoughts: Should I go in? Will he not want me to be there? He's probably tired, maybe I should just leave him alone. A pause in the thoughts as she tried to make a decision. I'll just see him. I'll look at him and then leave him be. I felt a breeze blow over me as she opened the tent flap and peeked inside, though I didn't open my eyes, not wanting to frighten her away. Her tumultuous thoughts and emotions lowed and calmed as she watched me, believing me to be asleep. It was silent for several seconds, and then I couldn't resist asking:
"How long are you going to keep staring at me?"
I felt her aura of scarlet love and blue sorrow change, adding in yellow surprise and pink embarrassment.
She jumped when I spoke, and I felt her aura of scarlet love and blue sorrow change, adding in yellow surprise and pink embarrassment. I inwardly grimaced, hoping I hadn't frightened her away. When she didn't move, though, I allowed myself a small smile.
"How long did you know I was here?" She asked, and I opened my eyes, gazing at her as I lifted myself on one elbow.
"I felt you the moment you came to the tent and stood outside, wondering if you should come in." I sat up, looking at the beautiful woman I could not believe was mine. The yellow and pink was fading, and though the scarlet was still there, the blue almost swallowed it. "What's wrong?"
The pink returned, though the blue was still the strongest color. I just… I wanted… oh, dammit…" Her cheeks turned pink, matching her aura, as she watched the ground. It was a moment before she spoke, and when she did, it was in a whisper. "I'm scared. Tomorrow's the war and we could die and I won't ever see my family again, and… and I don't want to be alone tonight."
I could see that no words of comfort would help, so I did the next best thing: I made room for her next to me, and she laid down beside me, her back against my chest. I held her slight, beautiful body in my arms as she brushed fingers across my arm. I held her, and managed to think of nothing else. Until she spoke.
"Ash?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you scared? Of dying?"
I played with her pale hair to give myself a moment to think. Then I decoded that I could be honest with her. She was my everything. "Perhaps not in the way you would think. I've lived a long time, been in many battles. Of course, there was always the knowledge that I could die, but there have been times I wondered if I shouldn't give up, let it happen." All the truth, but it had taken so much effort to say. It was because of my Unseelie upbringing, I knew, and I could only hope it would become easier over time.
"Why?"
"To escape the emptiness. I was dead inside for so long. Not existing didn't seem any different than which I was doing." I buried my face in her shoulder, as if not looking at her would make the words come easier. She shivered in response, and I couldn't help but hold her tighter. "It's different now, though. I have something to fight for. I'm not afraid to die, but I don't intend to give up either." I kissed her hair, for lack of her face being close to mine. "I won't let anything happen to you. You are my heart, my life, my entire existence."
I had hoped that by saying those things, her aura would lighten and the blue would recede. But it was still there, joined my a sickly red fear. What had I done?
I felt her heartbeat pickup, and I struggled to control myself as she said my name. I dug my fingers into her shirt, unable to keep my desire under control as I kissed her neck.
She moved suddenly, rolling in my arms so I lay above her, her hair spread on the pillow like a halo. Before I could even fully process this, her aura changed and lengthened, bright red desire mixing with me own. She wanted what I did. I inhaled quietly, lowering my forehead to hers.
"Are you sure?" I asked, barely being able to whisper the words with the fire of desire burning through me. I don't want to push you. I don't want to force you. I don't want to hurt you.
She nodded, brushing her fingers on my cheek, and I closed my eyes to relish in her touch. "We could die tomorrow. I want to be with you tonight. I don't want to have any regrets, when it comes to us. So, yes, I'm sure. I love you, Ash."
All of my self control, my restraint, was lost then, and I kissed her. And that night, our bodies danced around each other, before becoming one.
A/N: The last line is alike to the line in the actual book, only because it is so flippin' perfect, and I just love it so much. I couldn't bear to change it!
What did you think?