Summary: ShuAke Confidant Week Day 1: Food. Goro and Ren meet again after Ren moves to Tokyo for his probation and Goro has a few Words for Ren.

Note: For this event I'm doing an actual phantom thief/detective AU (yes, another one) using the base idea I had before it mutated into my fic Connections.

By which I mean this is an AU where Ren retires as a phantom thief pre-canon but pseudo comes out of retirement when the whole PT thing happens. (No Niijima!Akechi)

Warnings: Writing This Akechi Is Loads Of Fun, Actual Detective Akechi AU, Former Actual Phantom Thief Ren (But He Kinda Comes Out Of Retirement) AU, They Go On A Date, Not That Anyone Involved Calls It A Date.

Disclaimer: Don't own P5.

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"Ah, Ren-kun," A voice called out to Ren from behind him, "What a delightful coincidence, meeting you here."

Ren turned around slowly, "Bullshit," He replied bluntly, "There is no way it's a coincidence."

He could feel Morgana anxiously shuffling inside his bag. It must be new to him; he'd never witnessed Ren act so unreserved with anyone, especially on school grounds, considering his circumstances.

In front of Ren stood Akechi Goro, who looked far from offended at Ren's tone. In fact, he looked pleased, reddish eyes eyeing Ren like a predator eyeing prey, smile hitched higher on one side to display a hint of teeth.

"Still as refreshingly honest with me as ever, I see, it's good to experience it, as always."

"What do you want?"

Goro took his time in responding as he hummed thoughtfully, cradling his chin with his thumb and index finger in his usual thinking pose.

Ren didn't buy it; he knew Goro wouldn't have approached him without knowing what he wanted from Ren (and he always wanted something from Ren), he just liked to take his sweet time because he was that petty and liked to make the other party sweat it out.

Too bad for Goro, Ren never took the bait.

(Goro knew it anyway, so the habit became a predictable routine in their interactions.)

"How about we go out to some nice diner and catch up over food, old friend?"

"Old friend?" Ren arched an eyebrow at Goro, "Is that you latest nickname?" He asked, not really interested in hearing the response; damn Goro and his terrible habit in calling Ren a multitude of ridiculous nicknames (it was probably accumulated payback, but hey, old friend was leagues better than leggy), "Which diner did you want to go to, anyway?" Not giving Goro any time to respond to any of his questions, Ren walked towards Goro and hooked their arms together before heading towards the entrance, doing his best to ignore the students whispering about the two of them.

Now, Ren expected Goro to start radiating smugness at Ren for his quick response to Goro's whims, but he didn't. Instead, his smile twisted into something sharper, and his eyes narrowed, aura darkening and screaming murder at anyone who looked at the two of them.

(Maybe Ren should stop having expectations, because Goro lived to kick them to the curb.)

Goro grabbed Ren's hand in his, entangling their fingers together and walking faster, taking the lead from Ren.

Ren eyed him in confusion, not understanding where the sudden impatience came from. It couldn't have been that he wanted to get somewhere private with Ren fast so that he could start whatever interrogation he had planned because he could have just as well shoved Ren against the nearest wall in the nearest alleyway and loomed over him before demanding answers until he satisfied his thirst for knowledge.

Goro was good at cornering people and starting spontaneous interrogations.

But he didn't do anything of the sort, as he simply kept leading Ren through the crowds, grip not loosening its hold on Ren's hand. He didn't say anything as he took Ren to Shibuya and guided him to a diner on Central Street.

The two sat in silence, not speaking up except to give the waitress their orders. Ren indulged Goro in the silence until their food and drinks arrived, choosing to give Morgana a comforting pat and a look telling him that they would talk about what was happening at the moment later.

"So," Ren started after taking a bite out of his steak, "What do you want to talk about?"

"A lot of things, kitten."

"Naturally." Ren rolled his eyes, "Are you going to start anytime soon or what?"

Goro hummed thoughtfully before he reached into his coat, "I found something interesting when I went to your school." He extracted a familiar red card and threw it on the table, letting it land between them, "Phantom Thieves? How curious." Goro's grin sharpened to show more teeth, and Ren felt dread shoot down his spine.

Oh, no.

"Stealing hearts." Goro fluttered his eyelashes, "How romantic. But I figure that's a normal thing for phantom thieves, hmm?" He then sneered down at the calling card, "Pathetic. Shoddy. Sloppy." Goro narrowed his eyes at Ren, "How did you deal with this? The lack of skill and care in making this is completely obvious. And I bet I will find fingerprints of the one who made it on the card itself if I run a scan." Goro dropped the judgmental stare to smile blandly, "But I guess one can just. Wave away the fingerprints as having touched it when it was put up. I hear there was a number of those placed where everyone could see, and a lot of students were near them before they were taken down. How lucky."

Ren, unfazed with the critique knowing it all came from place of Goro being offended over the simplicity and seeming lack of forethought going into a piece as important as the calling cards were, didn't respond, casually taking another bite out of his steak.

No one at Shujin would have taken the calling cards seriously enough to consider ways they could use them as clues, no one at Shujin would look at the cards with a critical eye.

Goro wasn't just anyone, however, Ren thought as he gazed thoughtfully back at Goro, who preened under the attention.

The phantom thief community had mixed feelings about Akechi Goro, the one heralded as the second coming of the Detective Prince, as well as the one dubbed Phantom Killer and Phantom Hunter in certain circles for his success rate in stopping phantom thieves and chasing them into corners.

The phantom thief community hated him for his ruthlessness as much as it admired him for his tenacity.

It figured Goro would look at the Phantom Thieves' calling cards and call them shoddy. It figured Goro would bring it up with Ren in a roundabout 'this is shit, fix it'.

"And speaking of sloppy." Goro leaned forward to narrow his eyes at Ren again, "Can you imagine my surprise when I dropped by for a surprise visit and your parents told me that you were-" Goro's voice dropped into a low growl, "-arrested, charged with assault, and sent to Tokyo under probation for a year?"

"Probably," Ren replied blandly, allowing one of his shoulders to rise and fall in a half-hearted shrug.

"Don't give me that bullshit!"

Ren's expression didn't twitch.

"You," Goro hissed, "I know you, you'd never assault someone out of the blue. If you did, it was probably warranted. And if you did, you'd never get caught."

"Your faith in me is touching."

"Who. Was. It." Goro growled again, "Who was it who dared get you arrested?"

Ren half-shrugged again, "Don't know. Don't remember."

It was a wonder how quickly someone could deflate from rage so great they looked ready to brutally murder someone, through sheer incredulity.

Goro blinked at him, "You. Don't remember?" Goro scoffed, "Give me a break."

"I wish I could. Give you a break, I mean."

Goro scoffed again.

"But I seriously don't remember. It was dark."

Goro scoffed once more, and Ren sent him an annoyed stare.

"I was also in shock when the bastard fell over by himself when I pulled him away from the woman he was harassing, got injured, and started screaming about how he was going to sue me."

Goro's eyebrows arched in disbelief.

"Why are you giving me that look?" Ren frowned, "I am a human being. I get caught unawares, I have my moments where I trip and fall. So sue me. Wait. Actually, don't sue me, I already had to deal with that once and I don't want to deal with it again." Ren reached his hands to his face to take off his glasses and rub at the bridge of his nose, "If you believe me to be some sort of creature beyond human mistakes then I don't understand what this friendship between the both of us for the past year has served."

Goro sighed and reached a hand to rub at his temple, "I'm not- I don't- I didn't mean for it to come across that way. I was simply-" He inhaled, "My. My apologies. Besides, there is no way I'd think that. Ever. Especially after-" His jaws snapped together as he cut himself off.

Ren scrutinized Goro for a few seconds before he inclined his head and returned his glasses to their place. It wouldn't be right to be keep up offended dramatics because it reminded him of his own past self's idiocy, and subsequently stung him deep, when the other part of the conversation was Goro.

A beat.

"I'm still mad," Goro confessed, "About your probation. I'm going to find the bastard who sued you and make him regret it." His eyes glinted with his suppressed rage.

"I don't need to be babied." Ren sniffed imperiously, trying to mask the pleased fluttering in his stomach about Goro swearing revenge against the one who got Ren charged with assault.

"I'm not going to baby you, don't worry, sweetcheeks. After all, I'm not going to terrorize the entirety of Shujin. I've heard what they said about you, you know."

Ren, in an attempt to fend off the embarrassment creeping up on him, stabbed his fork into his food, "Get back to your food. Eat. I know you tend to skip meals, so." Ren waved at Goro vaguely.

Goro chuckled, biting back the teasing remark Ren knew Goro was going to fling his way, and returned to his meal.

The two of them then continued to eat in companionable silence.

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Goro finished first, and left the diner while Ren was taking his time in finishing his food as he did his best to discreetly slip bites to Morgana. Goro had the decency to act like he didn't notice.

Goro didn't have the decency to let Ren pay for his share of the bill as he made sure to cover it all by himself before he left with a cheerful wave and a cheeky wink thrown Ren's way.

Ren grumbled at Goro's retreating back, waiting long enough for Goro to be too far to quickly return to the diner before taking his phone out and sending a quick text to Goro, ignoring the string of no doubt angry messages he received in response as he slipped his phone into his pocket.

"Who was that?" Morgana asked, eyes narrowed at the place Goro had occupied.

"That, dear Mona, is a person you don't want to cross."

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Ren: jealousy is not a good look on you hon

Goro: REN

Goro: I SWEAR

Goro: I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU REGRET THIS

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End