The Other Shore

by Galadwen1977

At Fingolfins request, Finrod and his sister go to contact their uncles camp on the south bank of Mithrim. Things are not what they have expected.

This is my first attempt to translate one of my stories from Czech to English, so be kind. As I am in constant war with English grammar, feel free to let me know about my mistakes.

The names of Noldor are in Sindarin, with an exception of Artanis (as she is not Galadriel yet) and the Ambarussar, when referred to both Amras and Amrod. HoME version of Amrod´s fate.

xxx

The Other Shore

„In the end, we will have to do it," Fingolfin told me without much enthusiasm. We were gazing across the lake's surface, over which the discs of thin vapors were running, towards the south, to the almost indistinguishable other shore. Still, it was quite early and the blue sky promised that the sun disk could drink the fog. So much we have observed; natural phenomena and their patterns have changed incomprehensibly with the new lights and we have not been able to absorb all the changes at once. „We cannot count on that Fëanor will take the first step."

„He already did," I said, and I did not conceal that it had surprised me. „He left us this settlement and went there," I waved my hand over Mithrim.

„That's truth. He did not wish to wait until we could overcome him. "

I was not quite sure myself what we would have done if we had met my second uncle's people when the horror of the Ice, pain and loss had been so fresh. None of this had to happen if he ... No, I stopped myself in my mind. You cannot do this. The constant speculations of what could have been if Fëanor had not done this or that was the surest way to Morgoth. And not that one we accomplished physically: to blow the horns, to knock at the gates and wait for his reaction.

„I thought I could ask you," he looked at me. It did not sound like an order issued by a sovereign ruler, more like an uncle's request for a friendly service. „To go to their side of the lake, contact them, inquire what and how. I have no pleasure in begging Fëanor, but he's still our king. I have sworn to him, Finrod. And we have no chance to succeed against Morgoth when we are divided, and perhaps he will explain to us what has happened. We only think that the ships have been burnt intentionally and we were left to return to Tirion or to die in the desert. But there may be some other explanation."

This was exactly what I was trying to say all the time, although I had little faith in it in times of despair. I did not bother to mention it aloud now. We do not know what happened, I have been repeating - in Araman when we were preparing for the crossing, and after that, if my strength and will were enough. Just after we came out of Ice to the solid ground, the creatures of the Dark Lord attacked us. Maybe something like that happened to Fëanor as well, when he landed on the shores of Middle-earth.

„Fëanor may not take me seriously," I said. „He never recognized me – if he noticed me at all."

„He'll have to," Fingolfin shrugged. „I would say that you have more people behind yourself than he had when we left Tirion, even after all the losses. He'll have to get used to the idea that his nephews are adult men and have their own will."

I was wondering when Fingolfin had noticed this. When his strange, though lovable half-Telerin nephew, to whom he once had carved toys, and somewhere later had inaugurated him into secrets of diplomacy, changed into a partner and leader of his own people. I was wondering at which moment I actually became the leader in my own eyes.

„I cannot send any of my children," continued my uncle, looking into the dissolving haze over the lake. „Turgon would not hold his tongue and make an incident that would be difficult to settle. Aredhel is even worse in some ways, and with the girl, Fëanor would probably refuse to start negotiating. And Fingon ... It would be too hard for him to learn ..." he did not finish. "Too personal," he said, awkwardly. Of course. Fingon have taken badly the supposed betrayal of his best friend, and what if our worst assumptions were confirmed? Fingolfin turned to me. „I trust you, Finrod. You can control yourself, you are reasonable, and the last one to be provoked by the inappropriate remarks of our dear relatives, and there will be some, if I know something about my nephews. "

I considered it. I was not overjoyed to take on the mediator's responsibility, but he was right. I didn´t quite trust even myself to stay calm if I confirm that Fëanor had deliberately destroyed the ships, for which he had murdered my cousins and childhood friends in Alqualondë. And if I could not fully trust myself - how likely it was that a mourning Turgon, with his heart full of loss and hate, would have a successful outcome, not to mention the others?

„All right, my lord," I nodded formally. „If this is your wish, I will be your voice and your eyes. I'll talk to Fëanor and get the news. "

"When will you be able to go?" he asked.

I looked at the rising fog and thought that today would be a better day for travel than many others. It was warm, the sky clear, it did not look like rain, much less snowfall. What more can be desired. And the unpleasant task is best to do as soon as possible.

„Right now," I said aloud. "I do not have anything important to do, and Angrod will take care of our everyday affairs."

xxx

I was not even at the door of the Fingolfin's house when someone jumped on me from behind. I did not care only because I knew about her before I had her hanging around my neck.

„Take me with you, Inglor. Please," Artanis hugged me with her long, thin arms. Once again, she was dressed as a boy, in Aegnor's tabard, my almost undamaged long sleeved tunic, trousers from an unknown original owner and surprisingly her own high boots. Her pale gold hair was sliding down her back to the waist.

„Have you secretly listen to our conversation? Are you not too old for that?" I feigned an offense.

„Just a little," she winked at me. „And you will surely take someone as an escort. It would be too dangerous to go alone. We will take care of each other. You haven´t wanted to take Aegnor, have you? He would probably have quarreled with Curufin or Caranthir and he would smash his nose before you ever reached our uncle, and the negotiations would be over."

„And you would surely behave better," I settled her. "Sister, you're worse than three Aegnors. I have wanted to take Edrahil with me, if you need to know."

„I am hurt! You want to take a boring old Edrahil instead of your beloved only sister?"

„Just let him be, my beloved only sister. He would not listen secretly at the door when I'm talking with our uncle and king, and he would certainly not hit Caranthir or anyone else in his nose, and I'm really not so sure about you. Can you rather tell me what your sudden love for Fëanor means? Why do you report voluntarily for the mission that I do not like at all? Have you not traveled enough lately?"

„Not here," said Artanis, putting her face on my shoulder as when she was younger. „I know the three of you are trying to protect me," she said softly. "But I'm fine. I really am. I just need to feel the grass under my feet and the scent of the trees, to listen to the birds and the winds in the branches. I need to know that I'm alive again. "

And for this I had no joke. Instead, I hugged my sister tightly and I did not care that we were standing in the street and everybody was watching. Are we protecting her? Of course. More than before, from the seven terrible days - or the time slots that we used to call days, from one rest to the other - when we thought that she had given too much and we were going to lose her. The memory of her absent look and the silent indifference, that preceded the death we have seen too often, wakes me from sleeping even now. Only one out of ten who had come to a similar state, there in Helcaraxë, could ever recover. One out of ten. And I knew it was my fault. I should have taken better care, how many of her own strength she was giving to the frozen, dying and wounded, to those who had fallen into despair, to keep them on their feet and living. Seven days when I tried to do the same for her, and Aegnor, who understood these things better than Angrod, almost forced me to prevent myself from making the same mistake as she had done before. On the eighth day, she woke up into the world, and soon after, we felt firm land under our feet again.

„Inglor," she squeezed my arm. Her hand was warm, her eyes have got the life inside, and her face, though still gaunt, had natural, healthy colors, frostbite healed. „I am here. All is well."

„Forgive me!" I forced myself to smile and let her go. „I was lost in thought."

„I can forgive you..."

„If I do - what?" I approached the game.

„You have to take me with you. Please!"

„But you will leave all talking to me, you will not provoke our middle cousins and do faces, you know very well what kind of faces I mean, to Fëanor."

„I will behave like the most ladylike lady from the court, I promise, I promise you!" she exclaimed enthusiastically like a little girl. "You will not know about me at all."

„That's what I believe. And you're going to go like this?" I pointed at the fashionable fad she was wearing.

„I will take the bow and the sword," she said, and to my strict look: "Why not? Let Fëanor see how nice my brothers are: they are able to share all their things with me."

I left her. She may be wearing Aegnor's too many times patched cloak, or her own dress, scattered almost to her knees by the sharp edges of ice cubes and repaired by a worn seal fur that Fingon had gotten us, if she liked, and I did not really care.

xxx

We left the camp within an hour, there was no reason to delay it, and the first part of the trip along the lake we undertook with some soldiers from patrols and a group of fishermen. Gradually, our fellow travelers had separated from us one by one until we stayed alone. We walked quickly, cautiously, but without exaggerated fears. Here we were far enough from Morgoth's stronghold to avoid any immediate danger. The area around Mithrim was sparsely populated by local elves - Sindar, as they called themselves - and Fingolfin had sent many patrols around the lake, so the likelihood that we would meet some wandering creatures of the Enemy was not very big. It could have been assumed that Fëanor had secured his side of the lake similarly and we would sooner see his subjects than the Orcs.

By the late afternoon, we did not meet anyone, not counting the wildlife that crossed the way often in front of us, unafraid, curious and scrutinizing. The trail around the lake was of course well-trodden, used, and not only by deer. We could assume that the Fëanorians used it often when they had their settlements on both sides of the lake, as the fastest link between the camps. The horse could likely overcome the distance in half a day, in a hurry even faster. Now life died on it.

Artanis seemed to me unnaturally jolly, as if we were on a trip somewhere in the foothills of Pelóri, not in the middle of an unknown and potentially hostile landscape, and on the path to an uncertain and in any case unpleasant negotiation. She acted like a young girl, always drawn to something new ahead of us, or she stopped suddenly, looking at flowers and trees, often of species that we had never heard of at home. She picked up and soon after casted away interesting stones. It made me nervous; she acted as a leader and a mature adult woman all the way through Helcaraxë, and suddenly I had my little sister from Tirion or Alqualondë back.

„Artanis, what's wrong with you?" I said as she stopped by a shallow bay in the late afternoon, examining the temperature of the water. Mithrim's surface was silky in the sunshine, glistening.

„What if we bathed?" She suggested instead of an answer.

„Are you crazy? We're on our way to Fëanor's camp, not on holidays by the sea - we have a work to do."

„I know it." She dragged Aegnor's tabard over her head and threw it into the old leaves on the ground. „This is a lake, not a sea. There's no fun with you, Inglor. We cannot come to the Fëanor´s camp after dusk anyway, we'll have to sleep somewhere, haven´t we? So why couldn´t we stay just here?"

She was right about that. I put the bag with our things on the ground between the alder roots and hesitated. The day was fading and we were both tired and hungry, which was not a state in which I would like to meet my uncle. Half-uncle, as he would say.

Stripped from all the worn layers of cloths, Artanis looked even more slender and scrawny than in them. I watched her carefully dip her toes into the water by the shore.

„So - what?" She looked back at me. I shrugged and gave up. „Are you going?"

„What is the water like?" I asked.

„Great," she threw her golden head. „A little cold, but it looks clean."

With a wild splashing, she plunged into deeper water. I put my clothes on the pile and waded behind her.

The lake was indeed cool, at least in comparison with the sea in Alqualondë or the shallow rivers around Tirion, where we often camped in our childhood and youth. On the other hand, it was a nice bath compared to... And enough, I yelled inside my head. Is it not enough that I have to watch over a sister who acts like a fool? Now I am beginning with it too. I almost forcibly fought back the thoughts of the past and concentrated on what I had before me: a peaceful evening, green leaves on the trees, enjoyable lake. After a while the water felt really pleasant, it was definitely warmer than by our settlement on the north bank. There was a sunny, shallow and sandy bay. With this sand, Artanis rubbed back the sweat and dust out of her body, so furiously that soon her skin was reddish. The golden hair around her was floating on the surface like the rhizomes of some weird plants or squid´s tentacles.

She stayed in the water for a long time after I felt cold, went back to the bank and dressed. For so long, that I did not like it at all. In the meantime I prepared a fireplace. There was enough wood in the immediate vicinity for cooking and staying warm for some time. In the shallow water by the shore, there was a lot of the fish, sunbathing in the last rays of the day. They were so careless that they could be pulled out with my bare hands, so we had at least something to roast.

„Artanis, come out," I finally lost my patience. „If you get cold, you will not warm yourself at night. It is already cooling down." It could be supposed that after what we went through, we would not be scared by usual night-time cold. The opposite was true. Many of us have now suffered badly from the chill. It woke bad memories, nightmares, and it did not even have to freeze. In our houses, we could build hearthstones burning with fires or put some hot stones in bed under the blankets. Out here we have to be content with campfire, warm, but only for a short distance and not for a very long time - we will not be able to keep it all night.

My sister did not respond me. She did not respond as well, when I had called her for the second time. Whatever she had been trying to affirm before, she was not all right at all.

„Nerwen!" I stopped on the bank, by the water. „If you are not dressed and seated by the fire in no time, I will really be sorry that I took you with me!"

„Do not call me that!"

I guessed correctly that this would make her answer. Even as a little girl, she hated her second name – other people, including me, usually use their mother-names in private, they are intended for relatives and close friends, but my sister asked us regularly to address her by her father-name.

„So listen to your brother and come out of the water. It is not so hot right now."

She climbed from the lake with her lips and nails all blue and after that she almost could not dress her shirt as she shivered from the cold.

„Why are you doing this to yourself?" I helped her with the tunic, pulled Aegnor´s tabard over her head, and threw both my and hers cloaks and a blanket over her shoulders.

„I…" she stared into the flames that were slowly blooming while it was getting dark.

„Artanis," I said to her. I should devote myself to preparations of a dinner or securing of our camp, but this was more important. „Artanis, admit it to me and to you as well. You're unwell. You are not as healthy as you are trying to tell me. "

„I ..." she repeated, gasping. "I'm ... Of course..."

But I've seen these cases before.

„Sister," I took her in my arms. „You do not need to lie to me. I know you're strong. But even the strongest ones should not be alone with their grief. "

„I do not understand!" She sobbed crampsly. „I do not know what I'm doing here. Why am I here... while two of Aunt Lalwen's children ... Elenwë ... Even Argon..."

The last one hurt her the most, I knew it - Argon's death came when we thought we'd left the worst behind our backs, and it hit the youngest of us all. Only he of our numerous cousins was younger than Artanis and the closest friend of her games in the time of her childhood and youth.

„How did they deserve it?" She cried on my shoulder, as if the dam had been broken. „None of them wanted to go over the sea so badly as I did. I wanted to experience adventure, gain power, to rule somewhere like a queen... I refused to live in a golden cage, protected, and badly in addition, as I thought. I imagined it as simple as getting ready for a walk in the garden. I was stupid, stupid! And yet we sit here, and those who followed us only out of duty or love, are somewhere in the icy grave, without hope and under the curse even in Mandos Halls... "

„We all were stupid," I stroked her hair.

„Not you," she looked up at me. „You were the only one of us four standing with our father and advising us to stay at home."

What was I supposed to say? I had had a lot of sensible and noble - and a lot of selfish - reasons to return to Tirion. Or never leave. But I threw them all over my head just like my other siblings. I could not let them go them alone. I could not ignore our people´s needs when it was obvious that our father would return. And I could not get rid of the thought that my job, my hope is waiting somewhere in the distance and I will never find it when I turn back. Even though I knew I was making a terrible mistake, my heart told me something else, and my restless nature, the longing for distance inherited more from my Telerin mother than from my father, too placid and thoughtful for one of the Noldor, dragged me forward no matter what.

Maybe it sounded cruel, but any of us could have died on Helcaraxë. The Ice cared naught for cleverness, kindness, boldness, even physical fitness, the lot of doom fell accidentally and without regret, and some simply had more luck than others. But it was no comfort for my grieving sister, who had been standing just a step away from death where others were swallowed by fate - and she was rescued. She did not need to hear rational arguments, she did not need me to convince her that it was not her merit, let alone her guilt, that she was alive. She needed to show her sorrow, and she hasn´t got the opportunity. In front of our people, in front of the whole Fingolfin host, she was the strong one, the brave one, the one who was a model for others, who would keep going and help regardless of her own feelings. At the formal ceremony we held for our dead, when we finally had settled at Mithrim and got out of the worst, she stood as a goddess, giving the strength to go on to everyone else. All eyes were on us, and it was not for the Princess of Finwë´s house to publicly break down from grief. But now we were only two of us.

I have not left her from my embrace, and instead of words, I offered her contact through ósanwë. My bond with my sister had always been strong, and all we had gone through has strengthened it even further. So we sat together in silence and together we were mourning our lost friends and relatives. I tried not to think that those were probably not the last tears that await us.

xxx

We cooked the fish early in the morning when the cold had woken us. The coolness of the night kept them fortunately fresh and, in any case, we were too hungry to despise that simple and boring, herbal- and salt-free meal. We went through worse, much worse. After yesterday, Artanis looked a little wasted, but in her senses, and when I touched her soul gently and she responded smoothly to me, I felt that she was better. The painful wound remained in her heart, but it did not bleed anymore. Despite everything that has happened, we have to go on.

We covered the fire, our camp was brought back to its original state as much as possible, and after that we returned to the path around the lake. The morning was cold again, but without yesterday's haze, the sky was clear except for the black smoke far in the north. We tried not to look that way and, after all, our journey led us in the opposite direction. We did not talk much, but after a while, my sister started to hum a song, and I was preparing for the interview that was waiting us before Anar reaches the top of her daily run.

Our destination was maybe one, at most two miles away, when we heard the rapid punches of the hooves in the fallen leaves. I stretched out my hand to pull Artanis among the trees, if necessary, but I would not have to do it. She jumped into the undergrowth with me. Four heartbeats later we saw the horse.

The rider ran from the northeast toward Fëanor's settlement, through the animal paths and low bushes. It was a wonder that he had not experienced any unpleasant accident with low branches or a hollow overgrown with thorns. He emerged on the road and at that moment we recognized him. Ambarussa the Elder, with his red mane disheveled from his mad ride, pale in face, save two unnaturally purple patches on his cheeks and dark circles under his eyes. He had even more freckles on his nose than ever before. He was alone. No matter how we stretched our ears, we did not hear the other horse. Strange - on my fingers I could count all the occasions when I met one Ambarussa without the other.

„Cousin!" I called to him and took a step forward, on the edge of the road.

Amras stopped his horse almost in place, calming him down with his hand. He glanced at us, and his eyes looked as if he saw a ghost. I was not sure how to interpret his gaze.

„Well met," I continued as calmly as I could. „We're heading to your camp. If you have the same destination, maybe you could accompany us to show that we are not coming in secret and without invitation."

„I'm not going there," he said in a weird tone.

„We thought you might have a message. You rode truly madly, Ambarussa. "

„Do not call me that!" There was raw pain behind his cry. He was hiding it, but he was too transparent for me. I saw a lot of pain on the Ice. This has discouraged me from the sharp reaction.

Artanis, despite her usual self, did not show so much empathy.

„We thought we were using mother-names among us, and apparently not anymore," she said, her lips twisted, obviously offended by his words. „So how do the humble relatives have to address the king's son, Lord Amras Fëanorion?" She stepped closer to him and his horse danced nervously.

„Artanis!" I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back behind me. „We've agreed on something!"

Amras did not bark back at her, which was what he would have done before, but stared silently at us with glistening gray-green eyes. Something happened, I understood immediately.

„I am ..." he started at last and then fell silent.

„Cousin," I said in a neutral and, if possible, kind tone. I was to act as a messenger and mediator, not a judge. „Our Lord Fingolfin sends us to talk to the king. Is your father in your camp? "

„Our... father?!" As if he did not believe his own ears.

„Your father and our High King, Noldóran Curufin Fëanor Finwion!" my sister thrashed. I do not know why I trusted her when she promised me she would hold her tongue and let me speak. I knew from the beginning that she was not able to do it.

I wanted to forbid her again and more vigorously to provoke fights, but a sound that I did not expect stopped me. Amras laughed. It was not a mockery, or at least he did not meant it for us, but a cruel, scathing, almost hateful guffaw I did not understand. Fëanor's sixth son looked like obsessed, his head tilted backward, his eyes wet with tears. I did not recognize him anymore. Something terrible had to happen to him during the years of our separation, something that had for always destroyed the carefree, half childlike Ambarussa, and left in his place this incomprehensible stranger.

„Our father!" he repeated again, with some ill-concealed disgust. „Well, good luck, Finrod." He urged his horse, sped around us, and disappeared in the bushes on the left side of the road at its nearest bend.

We stood like petrified.

„That was really very strange, even from one of the Ambarussar," Artanis said after a moment.

„Have you not feel it?" I asked, still stiff and with a dark foreboding in my heart.

„What should I have felt?" she literally spit out of herself. „He is just his father's son, as arrogant as Fëanor himself." It occurred to me that I maybe had done a big mistake when I had succumbed to her insistence and took her with me.

„Artanis, your hate has blinded you. You know the twins have never been arrogant in their life. No more than all of us. He's... wounded. Sorely wounded. He was acting... I think like Turgon after Elenwë... Something very bad happened to them. It was selfish to think that we alone had suffered. "

„We went to war. People are dying in wars," she said coldly. „If the Fëanorions had betrayed us and paid for it, I will not grieve for them."

„Exactly - people are dying in wars. As you have just said, it's natural, and we knew what we were going to do. Yet you cried for Argon." It was cruel, but I said it intentionally. She needed to recover. I missed my sweet, cheerful sister from the days of my youth. This Artanis, whose heart has frozen on Helcaraxë, was the same stranger to me as the new Amras we had just met.

„How can you!" she accused me of.

„Artanis, if you have the slightest doubt that you can handle the meeting with our uncle, wait for me here," I said openly. „I promised to Fingolfin that I will try to treat a fair and meaningful negotiation and that I will not raise a conflict."

I have seen on her face that she struggled with herself, and it was a hard fight. Finally she took a deep breath.

„You still believe that they have not left us in Araman intentionally."

Now it was my turn to think.

„I do not," I admitted honestly. „I want to believe but I cannot. But I do not intend to condemn them before I know all facts. Fëanor was not quite in his right mind when we saw him last time. I know," I raised my hand to stop her protests. „It is no apology, I know. But what will happen to us if we repay him with the same? And what will the consequences be for us?"

„All right," she said, twisting her lips. „I have promised something and I will try to keep my word. I did not hold my tongue with Amras. I will be more cautious in my uncle's camp, and I will keep quiet. And you will not let me wait here. Done? "

„Good. Done and I´ll try to believe you. "

Artanis put her hand on mine and kissed my cheek.

„Do not be angry, brother."

She always knew what to do with me. And I knew that she had known it ever since she was toddling around my knees. Still, I forgave her.

xxx

Fëanor´s settlement on the southern bank of the Mithrim was, at first glance, quite similar to that they had left behind for us. Double wooden palisades with a moat dug between them, guard towers - one of them of stone and another in the process of rebuilding. Behind the wall we saw a mixture of slate, wooden and thatched roofs indicating that part of the buildings was also transformed from logs into a more solid stone form. A good half a mile wide strip of land around the settlement was rid of the trees, both for the acquisition of wood for heating and construction material, as well as for greater security, because the watchmen on the towers saw from far who was approaching. The treeless land was used as fields where sturdy rye, oats and lentils grew, all just before ripening and much thinner than we were used to at home.

In front of the gate, Celegorm waited for us with his usual elevated expression on his fair face, surrounded by his companions. I could imagine a more reasonable choice whom to send to welcome us. Maedhros or Maglor were definitely better diplomats, and they always went out well with all their relatives. On the other hand, it could have been worse. It could have been Caranthir, and with Caranthir, even I, who came along with everyone, always had problems to stay in one room for more than five minutes.

I bowed my head briefly and formally, looking at my cousin. He was dressed in black decorated with silver embroidery and silver jewelry and buckles, with high leather boots. He had a sword with a precious stone on its head and in a richly embroidered scabbard. In comparison with him, we did not look like poor relatives, but like something that can be found under the rock, unformed and covered with mud.

„We greet you in the name of our uncle and master, Fingolfin Finwion, Lord Celegorm," I said. I can wear old and badly mended rags, but my parents gave me good upbringing, and when I'm a negotiator, it is better to start with my estranged cousin formally. „We ask you to allow us to meet the king. We did not have the opportunity to announce him our presence personally - we followed him as our lord swore. We hope to get an explanation of what has happened that we were left in Araman. Or is it possible that the king no longer demands our loyalty and our swords?"

I could feel how impatient Artanis was, but she kept her word and remained silent.

„The Noldóran will talk to you, Lord Finrod, princess," he looked at my sister. „Please follow me and refresh yourself before he receives you."

This time she was opening her mouth to say something, but she quickly shut it off when she noticed my look. Celegorm, and a diplomat, incredibly! Just as cool and attentive as I am. After all, our last meeting was not in the spirit of friendly agreement and brotherly love. We saw each other the last time after my father turned back to Tirion - and Celegorm with Curufin accused him and us all of cowardice. I, still full of pain and horror of Alqualondë and the terrible doom that had been imposed on us, was not very polite. In fact I was so rude that I even caught them. I guess they had never seen me so upset. I was still ashamed, when I thought about it.

Celegorm walked with us through the settlement to a large stone house in its center, decorated with pillars and flags with an eight-pointed Fëanor´s star. There was nothing of Tirion's sophisticated architecture in this house. It was undoubtedly built as a simple interim, but still it was a fabulous building on a local level, with a lot of windows open to the small square. Our cousin left us in a room near the entrance hall. The servants brought us water for washing and light refreshments - wine, fruit, cheese and bread. They took away our traveling cloaks dirty with the mud and grass - it was almost noon and the day was pretty warm after the morning cold, we would not need them. I noticed that if I looked at one of them and tried to find his eyes, he looked down. I felt a shame and guilt from them. It did not seem like a promising sign.

When they left us, I stitched out of my sister´s hair dry leaves and twigs, straightened her plaits and closed them with silver grips. She found a comb and a thin band with emeralds and made the same for me. I suddenly felt a little weird - I stopped to wear jewelry except my father's ring with two snakes and a silver engagement ring from Amarië long time ago. At Helcaraxë, anything metallic had a bad habit to freeze onto skin, which caused a lot of unpleasant consequences, so we all quickly reevaluated the usual Noldorin relationship to jewels. Judging from Artanis's stitching and playing with staples, I thought she could see it alike. We dusted mud and prickly bristles from our shoes and clothing, to which the artificially made silver jewels were not very suited, and we washed our hands and faces in the washbasin. It did not add much to our dignity. On the other hand, Artanis would look nice even in a bag, so at least one of us represents.

It is also not very usual that the guest jumps to refreshment like a hungry wolf and eats all to the last crumb, but we have done it anyway and have even made childish jokes about it. Fëanor would undoubtedly do that as well if he had slept in recent years with his stomach empty as often as we have. If anyone was listening at the door, he had to have fun.

Celegorm gave us about half an hour before he reappeared. It seemed to me that his typical self-confident grin was less sincere and more feigned than usual.

„The king expects you," he nodded.

He led us through the entrance hall to its other side and the guard opened the door in front of us to something that had to be a reception hall. It was a large room, situated perpendicular to the entrance. It had nothing in common with the dignity and beauty of Finwë´s throne room. Yes, the stones and columns supporting the vault were worked out thoroughly and carefully, but everything was shouting about temporality, nothing was proposed with the emphasis on beauty, only on purpose. I believed that if I ever ventured into to build anything more complicated than a log cabin in Beleriand, I would try to combine both. What sense does it make to strain with a stone building when there is nothing nice to gaze at?

Fëanor´s companions were also not ones of those who could delight the eye. Almost all the gatherings in the hall were men dressed in practically cut black or red cloths, or in armor and leather. Some of them seemed to be angry or stiff, others casted their eyes down in front of us. Only carpets and flags adorning the walls and columns represented varied colors. I found out that I was all the time comparing this place with Tirion, which was foolish, but definitely better than to compare Fëanor's „palace" with Fingolfin´s house on the northern side of Mithrim and his fighters with our ragged fellows.

Celegorm stretched us through the alley between the companions and turned. It was only behind the columns to the left of the entrance that we could see the King's seat. Artanis gasped out loudly. I did not, but just because it took me a while to understand, what I was looking at and what it meant. Two heartbeats later, my head took over what my eyes had told me, and I suddenly understood Amras's strange and eccentric behavior and why it was Celegorm who welcomed us at the gate.

The one who sat on the throne with the royal wreath on his forehead was Maglor.

xxx

The audience in front of Maglor´s companions was short, for my relief. We exchanged greetings and more politeness than my sister liked, as she did not miss to tell me through the ósanwë. Then Maglor asked how we actually had came to Middle-earth, and he liked the answer so little that he had risen from his royal seat, dismissed the assembled crowd and asked us for an interview without witnesses. Naturally, with exception of his brothers. He did so before I could start asking questions: the court ceremony does not allow the messenger to be overly curious before the lord allows him.

The smaller room next to the throne aula was no doubt serving for meetings in a narrower circle. Here too, carpets woven from the colorful wool and the furs hung on the walls, but instead of a raised seat for the King and his closest ones, there was a simple round table with comfortable armchairs. The six of us entered: Maglor with his three middle brothers, me and Artanis. The servants brought a pot of wine and goblets, and it gave me time to look at my cousins. While Celegorm, Curufin, and Caranthir did not look as different from the young men I knew from Aman, Maglor seemed to be exhausted and overwhelmed, his face marked by worries and grief. He did not change as much as Amras, but even he was someone else.

„Will you accept our hospitality, cousins?" he asked, pointing to me one of the chairs and pouring wine into the goblet. I took it from his hand.

„I've already accepted it."

„Artanis?" Maglor bowed his head in front of my sister. She accepted her cup coldly and without smile, but fortunately, she had enough sense not to tell him something rude or to insult him by refusing.

Maglor sat down slowly, his eyes full of pain.

„You went through Helcaraxë," he repeated what he had learned from me a moment before. „So it was not impossible, and we committed bloodshed without cause."

„Would it be an excuse for the crime if that trip was impossible?" Artanis said poisonously. Oh, Valar, my sister always had a sharp tongue, and she did not follow what she had promised me once again, but now I was glad that I did not need to say anything like that myself. It was hard to hear Maglor's words and not to think of the Telerin harbor covered in flames and my cousin – my mother´s nephew, whom I had found lying in the street in Alqualondë, drowning in his own blood. Not to think on the helplessness and despair that took hold of me when I realized that anything I had learned could not be enough to save him. The helplessness and despair I have felt many times since then.

Maglor had enough decency to lower his eyes.

„No. Certainly, it is no excuse. "

„Have you come to talk about Alqualondë?" Caranthir fired at us. It could also be expected. „That's what we talked about earlier with Fingolfin. Long time ago."

„For us, it doesn´t seem to be so long ago! It is certainly not a past long death and forgotten!" Artanis snapped.

„Nerwen!" I hissed at her almost at the same time as Maglor rose sharply from his seat and snarled at his brother in a similar tone: „Caranthir, one more word, and I will ask you to leave us."

My sister, pale in face, lowered her eyes to acknowledge her defeat. Caranthir sat down, all red.

„Maglor, I will speak openly," I took the word back before they could begin to quarrel for the second time. „When Uncle Fingolfin sent me to your camp, I really did not expect to see you sitting on the throne. What happened?"

„Our father suffered mortal wounds when he was going too forward in the battle, in the pursuit of our enemies," Maglor said hollowly. „And Maedhros... Maedhros got stuck in a trap that Morgoth had set up for him."

Artanis was startled and did not say a word. I bit my lips. Fingolfin had not intended to send Fingon, who had been Maedhros´ closest friend, so he would not have to hear from him or Fëanor that we had been deliberately betrayed. But who of us will tell him now that, traitor or not, Maedhros perished, and can never explain anything to him again?

„I... I'm sorry," I said. I didn´t feel as terribly sorry as for Elenwë's death that had happened directly in front of my eyes or for Argon´s, who had breathed his last breath, severely wounded in our first fight, in Fingolfin´s arms, for as much as I wanted, I was not able to completely forgive the Fëanorions what they had done to my mother's people. But still it hurt: I loved my oldest cousin before everything went wrong. „We were afraid our enemies had attacked you when we saw the flames from the distance and you did not come back with the ships, leaving us in Araman."

Maglor stared at the desk. Before he spoke, he confirmed this way that what we had guessed was true.

„It was not like that, Finrod."

„Maglor, you cannot meant it seriously that you'll offer apologies," Caranthir said. „You are the king and they have no right to ask for your explanation. What happened…"

„What happened," Maglor shouted angrily, „was a disgraceful betrayal of our closest relatives and subjects, who is the king's duty to protect!" I was shocked by this violent explosion of Maglor, always the most placid of Fëanor's sons. I have never heard him to raise his voice like that before. „Finrod, tell this to our uncle, and we have no excuse for it: The battle we were talking about was fought long after we had left you on the other side of the sea so you had to go back to Tirion with shame. The ships we took away from your relatives at the cost of a bloody crime were burned by our father´s command. In his madness, he thought he did not need you, and that there is nothing he owed to you."

„Do not talk about our father like that!" said Curufin, always Fëanor's favorite son and in all circumstances his advocate.

„What else should I say? Do I have to tell lies to our cousins, about how we have been attacked and the swan ships were destroyed by orcs? Mandos threatened that betrayal among relatives and fear of betrayal would bring the worst evil to us. Well, we were the first ones to betray Fingolfin, and we have to face the consequences. If we went to battle all together, with Fingolfin's brave warriors, we could have broken the gates of Angband. Instead, our father fell, and Maedhros..." He went silent in the middle of the sentence. „We have committed a crime," he said to me. „Tell Fingolfin that we offer him compensation for what we have taken with the ships from you or what you have lost in the way. Horses, weapons, food, whatever you need."

„Maglor, it is not so easy. In our camp, many hate you. It is a bitter hate. The path we were forced to take was not..." I could not say it even if I tried.

„You're here now, are you not?" Caranthir screamed at me. „Of course you would have travel faster and more comfortable with the ships, but you said it yourself that it had been not impossible to cross the Ice. What else would you like to have? Maglor is still quite generous."

In fact, it was not I who had said it, but it did not matter. My blood has been boiling in my veins like never before. I caught Artanis's hand and squeezed it cautiously to make her silent.

„We have come here, cousins," I said between my teeth, and suddenly I felt that maybe I could hold my sister, but not myself. „But not all of us," I continued, unable to stop. „Each of us has lost someone dear. Relatives. Friends. Some families have disappeared completely, to the last member. Perhaps one-fifth of all who followed us through the Ice has come to death. Frozen. Drowned or crushed, when the Ice was opening under our feet, and the one who fell into the water had almost no chance for surviving. Many starved to death as there was no way to replenish food supplies or to make. And many have lost the will to go on and one day simply refused to get up and to continue our journey because we had no hope at all and the only thing that was driving us forward was our stubbornness. And after all we've been through, you tell me, Caranthir, that nothing really happened?"

All four of them looked at me as if they did not believe their own ears.

I got up.

„I will report to our uncle that you offer material compensation for our damage. But even if he accepts, I say to you, Maglor, it will take a long time for our followers to begin to think of you as of the Noldóran. If ever. It will take a long time before we dare to trust you as allies again. "

„If ever," Artanis muttered.

„Let me bring you horses," Maglor said. His voice was completely emotionless, hollow.

„We do not ask for anything," my sister said. I was already tired of keeping her in line, so I did not say anything about it.

„We will need a quick link between your and our camp in cases of emergency. We live in the sight of the enemy, and if we do not know that you are in danger, we will not be able to help you," my cousin replied mildly.

„That's true," I said before Artanis could open her mouth again. „Thank you."

He escorted us out and we waited together in front of the house before they brought riding animals for us. I saw that Maglor wanted to ask something, but he was not able to start. I could guess what he was thinking about.

„Our cousin Glorfindel has lost both his brothers and Aunt Lalwen cursed your father for that," I said. „The Ice broke under Elenwë and Idril. We were able to save the girl, but the mother did not make it. I do not believe Turgon will ever forgive you. And Argon his brother was killed by our enemies in the first battle, just after we got out from Helcaraxë, completely unprepared and exhausted, and the orcs attacked us. My friend Edrahil lost his beloved bride, Turgon's commander Ecthelion his father and sister. Angrod was able to protect Orodreth truly by some miracle, as we have lost most of the other babies. Shall I continue?"

„Do not," he glanced at the ground. „I understand that you cannot forget or forgive us, and we cannot fix it. Tell Fingolfin that we will give you all the help you are willing to accept. I will keep my men on our side of the lake unless he gives us his permission or you will need some military help. After... things calm down, I would like to discuss the future arrangement of the situation with him. And I do not insist that you must swear to me as the King of Noldor."

„That's good," I nodded. „I'll repeat your words to our uncle." I paused. „To forgive you... we will have to, because we need to be allies again, for success in this war. To forget it, we probably never can," I added. „Do not hurry, Maglor. Fingolfin will make a deal with you – but not right now."

They brought horses for us, handed us over our worn cloaks and luggage. I helped my sister in the saddle and mounted the other mare. This was also an unaccustomed thing, to ride again, and tomorrow morning it will be probably hard to get up from bed, but at least we will be at home before dusk.

„Goodbye, Maglor," I said. We did not shook our hands, and when I urged my horse to the gate, I have not look back to see if he was watching us.

xxx

Amras was waiting for us near the spot we had met him in the morning. He was revealed to us by a horse and a regular splashing, as he was throwing one stone after another into the lake. Bend - splash - bend - splash. His red head was shining brightly between the green branches. I stopped and got off the saddle but Artanis stayed on the horse's back.

„You should have told us about your father," I spoke to him. He did not look up and for a moment I was not sure if he had heard me at all. Or if he had perceived.

Bend - splash. From the point where the stone fell, ever wider and shallower circle spread across the Mithrim´s surface.

„I hate him," Amras said without a glance at me. „I hope I will never meet him again. Not even in the Mandos Halls. "

„Cousin?!"

„Only because of him, I am a killer," he continued, throwing another stone in the lake. „And as a reward for my loyalty, he murdered my brother."

I stiffened.

„What has happened? Maglor haven´t told me anything about Amrod."

„Maglor certainly have not told you a lot of things," he frowned, reaching for the pebble next to his left foot. He threw it in his hand and hurled it to the lake near the shore twenty paces from us. Three ducks stormed out of the reeds with a wild gaggling. Behind our back, Artanis slid from her mare to the ground and came to us.

„So what has happened?" I insisted.

„He got up at night, with Curufin and his men... He lit the ships aflame. He certainly knew my brother slept aboard, I am sure. Ambarussa wanted to go back home to our mother, and in the evening I quarreled with him about it. I did not even have time to apologize to him, to reconcile." He looked at me for the first time. The dust from his previous wild ride settled on his face, and his tears made dirty paths poured into it. „He said to me, after it was over," he continued and I understood that he was talking again about Fëanor, „that it was an accident. But he confessed that he had set fire on my brother's ship first. He did not want any of us to go back for you as Maedhros insisted. He did not want it to be known that one of his own sons had turned back first. So he got rid of him." He rubbed his face with his sleeve, bended down for another stone, and threw it with a rush into the lake, this time far away into the free water.

„Maedhros wanted to go back for us?" Artanis spoke. Now she was more herself than in the morning. She felt sorry for our cousin and just did not know how to help him. I did not feel any condemnation or contempt from her any more. And Amras's terrible story itself shook me. Would Fëanor eventually be able to murder his own child in the end, or our mourning cousin just misinterprets what has happened?

„Mhm..." Amras murmured. „Maglor has not told you that as well? Maedhros was the only one who dared to oppose our father. They fought for a long time, bitter and completely without result. But even Maedhros did not think that father would simply destroy the ships with everything we still had aboard. It would not have occurred to anyone who had some common sense."

The pebbles around his legs came out, and he hesitated to take a few steps aside and continue his activity, or not. I grasped his hand, scratched and dirty from clay and algae.

„You should go back to your camp, Amras. We are not in Aman. You're not safe by yourself, and Maglor must be really worried about you. "

„Definitely," he grinned gloomily and got out of me. He walked a few steps away, bended down for a rock bigger than all the previous ones and weighed it in his palm. „And I do not care. I think that Maglor has not even noticed that I was not there. He is destroyed by condemning Maedhros to death or something worse and not even trying to do anything at all to save him. He should never be king, same like me." He sent flying his stone into the lake. It did not go too far and it dipped with a big splinter in the water near the bank.

My cousin's words appalled me again, and Artanis looked quite similar.

„Wait – by condemning Maedhros to death? He has told us that your brother had fallen into a trap. I thought he was dead. "

„That's what we're trying to comfort us with. That he is dead." Next stone was flat and wide like a saucer. Before it sank, it bounced over the surface four times - just as when our uncle Olvárin had once taught us how to throw the flip-flops in Alqualondë. Now I did not even know if my mother's older brother still lives.

„Do you not know it for sure?" Artanis astonished.

„We have not found his body. Only bodies of those who were with Maedhros," Amras said. „And then Morgoth's messenger appeared. He looked like a Sinda, but... inside his body was a demon, not a fëa of an elf. He brought Maedhros´s ring and a lock of his hair and said we could get our brother back if we went to the south and gave up the silmarils and the war. Otherwise, Maedhros will regret that he was ever born. Maglor replied that we do not believe one word of what he was presenting to us. That our brother certainly does not live anymore." He turned away, wiping his eyes with his sleeve once more. „And now we hope Morgoth really have killed him. Before he sent the negotiator, or at least after that. We all try to convince ourselves, and we all know it's not true."

„Did you not send scouts? Haven´t you try anything at all?"

„And what? It is not possible to snake into Angband. I and Curufin were determined to risk and go there, but Maglor forbade it. There are only five of us left, he said. Each of us will be needed for fulfilling of the Oath, we cannot send more hostages to Morgoth or waste our lives in vain." He pressed his lips together and added hatefully: „So we are murderers, traitors and cowards who left their own brother and king to the enemy, at his mercy. And what is Morgoth capable of, we already know. I'd like to throw myself into this lake," he swung his hand to Mithrim. The last pebble fluttered and sank into the water. „Tell Fingolfin, cousin, that he'll do better to keep himself from us as far as possible. We are cursed, and every alliance with us will only bring him death."

He turned swiftly, went to his horse, releasing the reins from the branch around which they were wrapped, and jumping into the saddle. Without a farewell, the animal and the rider spurred, jerked toward the road and across it, and were gone. Artanis's mare whinnied and threw herself out, but my sister fortunately tied her well enough. We stayed at the shore of Mithrim alone, both horrified and puzzled.

„You are a negotiator," my sister said after a while. „And I'm so glad my uncle did not choose me. I'm glad it's not me who will have to tell Fingon this. "

We reached our camp in silence.

xxx

Aredhel was excited about the two mares Maglor had given to us. That was the only light point of the day.

Fingolfin received our message with a cloudy, unreadable face, Turgon with a dark satisfaction. I did not like Fingon's expression of utter terror and a grim determination at the same time - I was worried that we would soon have another Amras here in our camp. Of course, I was wrong, although there were some things in which they both behaved strangely the same.

„What would you do if Morgoth captured Turgon?" he asked me the next day. The sun was setting, and the surface of Mithrim shone with red. From the north, dark mists stretched out in the sky, hard to say whether it was clouds or smoke. Fingon stood on the bank, at the edge of the water, and like our red-haired cousin a day before, he threw stones into the lake. Unlike Amras, he chose only the flat ones to make them jump. Apparently it must be some family weakness. „Or Artanis?" he added after a moment of thought. „Or your bride? What if anyone whom you promised your help needed it badly?"

I thought about it. Would I risk my life and leave all my duties behind if someone dear to me was taken captive or tortured and desperately needed my help? Or worse, if I did not even know he was still alive, and the only thing leading me was a fool´s hope?

„I cannot imagine it," I said. „I do not really want to imagine it."

I would, I thought, although I did not dare to say it aloud. I would go to the end of the world if my close friend, as close as Maedhros is to Fingon, was in misfortunes. For my sister, for Turgon or for Amarië, I would take any risk. I would be frightened, but do what is right and rely on Valar´s s help and my good fortune more than on my own weak forces. At least I hoped I would be able to do it. In the north, around Angband, even the air choked and weighed upon elves heavily, and the thought of going alone under the Shadow was indeed horrible. My heart was suddenly gripped by a strange and frightening premonition, an echo of a distant future that did not concern Fingon. I consciously decided not to listen to it.

„Is it helping?" I nodded in the direction of the stone that jumped the flip-flops on the lake. My cousin straightened. He did not smile.

„Not much," he said, pulling his hands along his body, another pebble slipping out of his palm. „I just feel like I'll go crazy if I don´t do something, anything…" He paused for a moment. „You must think I'm really a madman."

„Actually, I do not," I said. We were not looking at each other, but we were observing the bloody twilight over the lake. On the far side, on the southern bank of Mithrim, the first lights were flashing in the camp of Fëanor's sons.

„Maedhros has not betrayed me. That's all I need to know. He has not betrayed me, so I still have hope," Fingon told me after a long time. Anar has already sunk behind the mountains on the horizon, and the darkness fell quickly. There was smoke in the air from the fireplaces and cooking fires, patrols at the palisades were shouting at each other. Evening like any other - except that it was not.

„I need a decent bow. I've lost it at the Helcaraxë, and I still haven´t got the time to make a new one," Fingon said as in passing. If somebody was listening to us, he would not have thought my cousin is up to something.

„If you want, you can have mine." It was not easy to say this. If something goes wrong, I'll have my cousin´s blood on my hands - this was the encouragement he was waiting for.

He turned to me. His eyes glowed in the shadows with the light of the Trees and his own internal fire.

„I knew you'd understand. Do not say anything to my father," he asked me. „He would be afraid because of me."

„He will realize it anyway," I breathed in. „Fingon, I do not want to know what you're planning. But try to stay alive. If your plan cannot be realized, if it´s far too dangerous... Stay away. Promise me you'll not do anything rash. If your father loses you just after Argon, it will be too much for him."

„I know," he said uncertainly. „But no one else can do it."

We returned to the settlement together. I gave him my bow, ten arrows, the last decent and warm coat I kept, and the wallet with some bandages and healing salves. I hesitated.

„I can go with you," I finally offered, with a heavy heart. I did not want to, I really did not want to say that. But even more, I did not want to let my cousin go into the darkness without help. „If you think that I can be useful for you."

Fingon turned from the door of my cabin.

„There are things which one can do only alone. Or not at all. Farewell, Finrod." He squeezed my palm and his fingers were firm and warm - he was not afraid. He left me without second glance. I watched him until he disappeared between the houses and sheds of our camp.

Artanis came to me from behind, totally stilly, and put her chin on my shoulder.

„So our cousin has decided to enter the songs."

In the darkness I turned to her and my left arm hugged her around her back. Deep inside my soul, hope was rising like a burning spark, growing and growing. If anyone can achieve the impossible, it occurred to me, then only the one who loves unselfishly and can forgive. That's why Fingon deserved to succeed. And somehow at that moment I believed he will.

„All of us have, little sister. All of us," I whispered hardly audibly.