AN- A few things. 1) This was done for the Love's a Funny Thing contest by frankiegirl61 and Disney101- has to be a oneshot, romantic comedy. 2) I hope this is funny, I tried to put some humor in without making the characters too OOC but I'm pretty sure they totally are (love it anyway!, lol).

3) This is my first Apollo/Rachel (I'm a total Rico girl) and I actually kind of like the idea (cuz I do enjoy Apollo, as annoying as he is-in a good way). She doesn't take his sexist crap and she kind of brings him down to Earth a little bit. And, I'm all about the God/Mortal shipping because I firmly believe Poseidon truly loved Sally and Hades truly loved Maria (please, let that be her name or I'll feel like an idiot).

P.S. Thanks to Disney101 for answering my PM!

So, to end this loooooong AN, I hope you enjoy and thanks for reading!


Rachel Elizabeth Dare was sprawled out on her bed, laying on her stomach. Her feet were crossed in the air and she was sketching. It was a normal, run-of-the-mill day for her. Until, of course, a blaring light in the corner of the room alerted her to the fact that she had a visitor.

"Oh gods," she muttered under her breath.

She rolled over onto her back and sat up, her eyes on the male-model in her bedroom. Golden hair, bright blue eyes, chiseled abs and a face that would launch a thousand and one ships. Not that she noticed, or anything.

"Hello, Oracle. Are you doing well?" Apollo, God of the Sun, inquired.

"Peachy," Rachel replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

Apollo grinned and walked over to her bed. He spied the sketch paper and went to look. Rachel, noticing where his eyes were going, quickly covered the paper.

"Excuse me! You do not look at my art look unless I give permission. Understand?"

If this had been any other mortal, Apollo would have fried them on the spot what with their rude attitude and snarkiness. But, over time, he'd realized that was just Rachel's way. And rather than be offended by it, he accepted it and sometimes enjoyed it. Just another one of her many quirks.

"My apologizes," he grinned at her, noticing with a secret thrill how she blushed. "Didn't mean to interrupt greatness or anything."

He was joking now; he hated being the whole stuffy God when it came to checking on his Oracle and he knew she hated it as well. He'd lost count of how many times she'd asked him just just be normal (as normal as a God could be) around her. Which was weird because around any other girl, he acted so very much like the teenager he resembled. But, there was something about Rachel Elizabeth Dare that had him acting different.

"It's nothing. Just a random sketch."

"Can I see?"

"No," she tucked it under her mattress for extra safety. "So, how can I help you?"

"Just wanted to see how you've been. Any visions lately?"

"None that I can recall. No blackouts, either. Maybe I'm losing the spirit?" she asked, hopefully.

"No dice. Doesn't leave you 'til it finds another one. Sorry, babe."

Her face flushed again, this time from anger. "Do not call me 'babe' or any other clever little nickname. I'm not one of your mortal girlfriends."

"Well excuse me," Apollo replied, his eyes narrowed in annoyance.

They looked away from one another, glaring at opposite sides of her room. He glanced at her, then looked away as soon as she glanced at him. And, as soon as she noticed he was looking at her, she quickly looked away. This went on for about three minutes until finally they looked at each other at the exact time and she laughed. He grinned.

"I apologize, I didn't mean to offend you, Miss Dare."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "I'm sorry too. I'm a little frazzled what with my art show and-"

"Art show? You never mentioned that."

"Well, it's kind of hard when you only pop in on occasion."

"In an effort to make up for my lack of duty, I will do you the honor of escorting you to your show."

Rachel blushed. "It's fine. You don't have to. Really, I mean, I can probably catch a ride with Percy and Annabeth or Nico, even though I hate his motorcycle and I-"

Apollo suddenly moved forward and covered her mouth with his hand. She blushed an even darker shade of red and his eyes widened in surprise as he realized what he'd done and he quickly removed his hand. He chuckled, almost bashfully at her.

"Sorry. It's fine, Oracle. I insist. Besides, what if you're attacked on your way to the show, and I wasn't around to project you?"

"Well, if you insist," Rachel said quietly, still red and recovering.

"I do. I'll be back here around...."

"Eight o' clock. Just wait for me outside the house so you don't pop in here while I'm changing."

"I'll be back in a few hours then, Oracle."

And, she quickly looked away as he glowed brightly and disappeared.


For the first time, Apollo (dressed in a pair of good jeans and a black dinner jacket over a white shirt) actually did not appear in Rachel's room but walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell, feeling foolishly mortal the entire time. After a long moment, a maid appeared and ushered him into the hall. He glanced at his watch; it was five past eight. Where was Rachel? As if on cue, he heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to smile charmingly.......at Warren Dare.

Even a father who fights with his daughter as much as Warren did doesn't like the idea of any guy coming into their little girl's life. And so, given how handsome Apollo looked, he was immediately met with disapproval.

"Hello, Mr. Dare. I'm here to pick up Rachel. For her show."

"Show?" Warren looked confused, "What show?"

"The art show that's tonight."

"I wasn't aware of any art show," Warren muttered. Then he cleared his throat and regarded Apollo again, "Any rate, I expect you'll treat my daughter with the up most respect. And, as I'm sure you know, she is the heir to the Dare fortune. I sincerely hope that you're not attempting to get your hands on said fortune because she will not receive it until I die and, I quite assure you, that will not be for many years. Further note, you will not upset my daughter in any way, shape or form. I have eyes all over this city, boy, and I will be watching you."

This was a prime example on why Apollo loved girls who were in their twenties and out of the house. He hated fathers, especially over-bearing fathers who were absolutely terrifying. And, it wasn't like he could fry the man because he might upset Rachel. So, he hastily nodded in response to Warren's diatribe and sent Rachel a psychic message to get downstairs as soon as possible.

Which, to his surprise, she did.

"Daddy, don't scare away my escort," Rachel said, putting emphasis on the last word.

Apollo's jaw dropped. Her frizzy red hair lay straight over her shoulders, curled up slightly at the ends. She was wearing a form-fitting shirt and a floral printed skirt that came down to her ankles but it looked right on her; so very Rachel. Her green eyes glowed with humor as she noticed the look on her father's face.

She looked utterly and absolutely stunning.

And she was completely out of bounds.

Damn.


"Sorry about my dad," Rachel said, softly, "He can be a bit much sometimes."

They were sitting in Apollo's car (a red Ferrari) and were cruising pleasantly down the street. Apollo hadn't said one word to her since they left her house and she was starting to worry.

"It's fine. I've just realized why I prefer older women," he said.

Rachel's face fell and she looked away. He quickly realized his mistake, "Not that I mind, though. I mean, I was seconds away from frying him before you walked downstairs."

This made her grin. "If you did that, you'd be my hero."

"Consider it done." He winked at her; she blushed. "So, he didn't have any idea about the show. Didn't tell him?"

"What? Oh! Um, no, I didn't. He wouldn't care anyway."

"So what time does it-"

"We still have like a couple hours. We would get something to eat, if you want."

"Sure. Anywhere special you want to go?"

She smiled mischievously at him.


"I feel like an idiot," Apollo grumbled.

He was sitting in Burger King, in a booth across from Rachel. Somehow, she managed to convince him to get one of those paper crown things and was able to convince him to actually wear it. She had a matching one atop her own scalp and was currently examining the toy from her Big Kids Meal, that she, once again, managed to convince him to get.

"Oh, be quiet. You're totally having fun. Don't deny it."

He muttered something under his breath about denying it and her never believing him before picking up his own toy and looking warily at it. "So what exactly do I do with it?"

"You play with it. Give it a name, make it talk in a funny voice. Like," she held up her toy (a small stuffed animal dog) and began to speak in a high-pitched voice, "Hello, Apollo. How are you today? Are you doing to eat those fries?"

Apollo raised one eye-brow at her. She scoffed.

"Honestly, did you never have a childhood?"

"I'm a God, Miss Dare. We don't have childhoods."

"Well, that's stupid," Rachel said, bluntly. "Want to go play in the play place?"

"The what?"

She rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand and tugged him towards a door way that led to a room with a giant contraption inside. He managed to dig his feet into the floor and get a good look at it before she could tug him any further.

"What is that?"

"The play place. You crawl through it and have a blast. Come on."

She started to remove her shoes and he looked at her, confusedly. "Do I really have to-"

"Yes."

"But, I don't think we're allowed-"

"Tough."

"Miss Dare, I-"

"Can't catch me!"

He watched flabbergasted as she quickly crawled through the plastic hole (thankful she's worn a long skirt that covered her rear end) and disappeared from sight. He shook his head but removed his own shoes and crawled in after her, feeling foolishly mortal. But secretly sort of liking it.

So, he crawled through the play place, keeping an eye out for Rachel and slightly enjoying it. He was so busy enjoying it that he didn't notice the dip between the hole he was in and the next and he slipped and fell onto the plastic. Beautiful, carefree laughter drifted over him and he looked up to see Rachel sitting on the ledge of the next entrance.

"Nice fall."

"Thank you," he said, with as much dignity as he could muster. "Why don't you join me."

With fast, God-like reflexes, he grabbed her leg and pulled her down. With a shriek she fell on top of him, laughing all the while and he joined in and, as she realized how close they were, her laughter died down.

It wasn't fair. She was supposed to swear off men but her guardian had to be one of the most attractive men she'd ever seen. And she knew it was part of the God package for him to be beautiful and alluring but she was still drawn in. Just like ever other stupid mortal girl he'd ever seduced.

By the time he noticed she'd stopped laughing, she was already pushing off him and sitting up on her knees. He sat up as well, his eyes glowing in the darkened plastic fortress.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine. Let's get going." she said, quietly.

He followed her out of the play place and they both put their shoes on and headed towards the door. One of the workers waved at them, "Have a nice night!"

She was pretty, Apollo realized. Brown hair, brown eyes and a figure to boot. He quickly turned on the charm, "You have a nice night too." He winked at her and she blushed bright red.

Rachel looked down and crossed her arms over her chest as she headed out the door.


This time, she was the quiet one, as the car cruised down the road. Apollo kept glancing at her, wondering what on Earth was wrong.

"So, where's this art show at because I don't want to be late."

"We still have time," Rachel said quietly.

With a sigh, Apollo suddenly turned and drove towards Central Park. He maneuvered the car through the park until they reached a bench. He got out of the car and mentioned Rachel to do the same.

"You know, I don't think you're supposed to park there," she commented.

"I'm a God. Let's see them try to get me to move."

Apollo sat down and she joined him, sitting as far away from him as she could. He sighed a ran a hand through his hair.

"So, what's wrong?"

"Why do you care?"

The question took him by surprise; why did he care so much? He didn't even put this much effort into the women who carried his children.

"Because, you're the Oracle and it's my duty to-"

"So, I'm a job to you? That's it? A hypothetical paycheck." Rachel glared at him. "And here I thought I was so damn special."

"You are." he said quietly, "Miss Dare, you-"

"Don't call me that!"

She jumped off the bench with a shriek and whipped around to glare at him. "Why the Hades can't you call me Rachel!? Why the Hades can you flirt with a random girl you just met but you cannot even call me by my first name?" She took a deep breath and chuckled humorlessly. "You know, I am so sick of being your little pet. Have a goodnight, Lord Apollo."

He watched her walk past the car and towards one of the exits. "What about the art show!"

"Screw it!"

Apollo should have let her go right then and there. He shouldn't have hopped of the bench or gotten into the car or driven out of the park or followed her to a club on the next block. He shouldn't have watched as the bouncer let her in and he shouldn't have parked the car or cut to the front of the line or sneak in after her.

But, of course, he did.


Apollo scanned the club for her, by passing all the models and some of the sexist women he'd never seen. He finally spied her at the bar and walked over, only to be side stepped by some John Mayer wannabe who sat down next to Rachel.

"Hey, baby, want to dance,"

"Not if your life depended on it," Rachel answered, dryly.

The boy placed his hand on Rachel's leg and Apollo saw red. He marched over and gently removed the guy's hand. John Mayer wannabe stood up and puffed his chest out, staring defiantly at Apollo.

"You wanna go, man?"

Apollo chuckled and lightly shoved the guy, sending him careening across the bar, knocking over several glasses and landing in the lap of two very butch motorcycle men. Who took care of the problem for him. He turned to Rachel, who was frowning at him.

"You shouldn't use your strength like that," she chided gently, "Your cover might get blown."

No, "don't knock out my boyfriends" or "I can fight my own battles." She was upset because his cover might get blown. He stared at her for a long moment before shaking his head and grabbing her arm. "Come on, we have an art show to take you to."


They got in the car but he didn't start it. He sighed and glanced at Rachel, who was looking out the window.

"Where's the show at?"

"We still have time."

Apollo glanced at the clock. It was ten already. As far as he knew, art shows really didn't start that late. Unless.....

"There is no art show, is there?"

Rachel flushed. "Yes, there is. It's just not, you know, tonight."

"Excuse me?"

She sighed in annoyance. "Well, you were all offering to take me and I really didn't want to say it wasn't tonight because then you might forget and not take me on the actual night. Plus, you know, you need a night off once in a while to have fun. If you're going to walk around looking like a teenager all the time, you should at least act like it."

Apollo looked at her for the longest time before suddenly banging his head on the steering wheel.

"You're telling me. That this entire time. When I was looking like an idiot with this stupid crown on my head and making a fool of myself, that I hadn't needed to!? That this entire night was nothing more than a desperate attempt to liven me up!"

"I think it worked. You look very alive right now." Rachel commented.

"You are the single most annoying Oracle I've ever had! You can't just let me come check up on you every month, no, you have to have me thinking about you constantly and worrying about you! Then you have to take me out under false pretenses and make me suffer through idiotic mortal tendencies. All because, why!?!"

"You think about me constantly?"

Apollo opened his mouth, then snapped it closed. He took a couple deep breaths, then started the car. "I'm taking you home."


He pulled up outside the Dare home and turned off the car. Rachel examined her hands closely.

"Well, even though you had a horrible time, I rather enjoyed myself. So, thanks, Apollo. Goodnight."

She slipped out of the car before he could answer and he rubbed his face with his hand. When he went to start the car, he noticed she'd left behind her Burger King crown. He sighed, grabbed it, and zapped himself into her bedroom. He thought about just leaving the crown and going but then realized he wanted to apologize for his outburst earlier. He went to sit on the bed, but noticed it was slightly off kilter. Then, he remembered earlier when Rachel freaked out over her drawing. Curiosity overcame him and he reached under the mattress for the sketch pad.

It was him. The picture looked exactly like him, she even managed to capture that sparkle in his eyes. Every line, every curve. All him. He couldn't believe it. Had she done this from memory?

"I didn't give you permission."

He looked up to see Rachel leaning against the doorway. She wasn't looking at him. He stood up and walked over to her.

"This is.....amazing."

"I think about you too. Constantly."

They locked eyes. He just wanted to lean down and......

"You left this. In my car," He held up the paper crown and placed it on her head.

"Thanks." she whispered.

"You know, I call you 'Miss Dare' and 'Oracle' because if I called you by your first name, it would be really hard for me to remember that I can't have you. Because you are the Oracle and there's the whole you have to stay a virgin rule and I hate whoever came up with that rule because," he paused and brushed some hair away from her eyes, "because you're the mortal that's changed everything I ever knew. And, I kind of hate that."

She grinned. "It was you."

"Beg pardon?"

"You came up with that rule. About my having to stay a virgin."

Apollo blinked a few times before a grin slowly came upon his face. "Huh. How about that. So, I could change it then?"

She shrugged one shoulder. "If you wanted."

He cupped her face gently. "Screw the rules, Rachel."

Then, he leaned down and kissed her.


AN- Rules were made to be broken! Thanks for reading.