Addicted
Summary: Spock has an addiction.
A/N: Many thanks to my betas, spocklikescats and slwmtiondaylite!
***
Pike discovers it by accident, of course. It would have been a source of extreme amusement if he hadn't realized early on that Spock was addicted. Completely and utterly addicted. Pike sighs now as he lowers himself to the ground so he is level with his junior science officer. The Vulcan is under the main console, his long legs folded up against his chest, one arm around both knees, the other arm cradled close to his chest, just sucking away.
Pike decides that the best tactic is to treat him the same way he treats Maureen when she is being disobedient. The speculative wide-eyed look Spock is currently giving him is the same kind of look his five-year-old daughter gives him when he is about to do something she does not like. It escapes Pike how his daughter just knows what is coming but he fears that Spock knows and will not obey. Unlike Maureen, Spock is three times stronger than he is. While he could pick Maureen up and take her to her room, he suspects that Spock could knock him into his room from the bridge two decks above.
"Spock," he says with as much solicitation in his voice as he can muster. "I need you to hand me the Tootsie Roll pop."
"No," he mumbles around the sucker.
"Spock. Please don't make me repeat myself."
"Technically, you already have."
Well, at least he took the sucker out of his mouth long enough to say that. He supposes this is progress. Pike moves closer, pushing crumbled wrappers out of the way. He eyes them for a moment, wondering just how many there are. There must be at least two dozen.
"Thirty-four," Spock supplies.
Pike sighs. Well, at least Spock hadn't lost all of his faculties.
"The crew will come back from shore leave in less than an hour. Do you want them to find you here like this?"
Spock gives a sort of whimper that makes Pike feel extremely guilty. The feeling pulls at his stomach as though he has had too many Tootsie pops. This entire situation is mostly his fault after all. Spock had warned him that certain foods caused an intoxicating effect on him. Something about the level of xanthines inhibiting phosphodietise-whatever and acting as an antagonist to his something or another receptors. What the hell, Pike is a strategist, not a biologist! But Pike was able to pull from Spock's lengthy explanation that chocolate had ill effects on him and still he had insisted Spock try one of the lollipops his daughter had sent him. He didn't think there was even any real chocolate in a Tootsie Roll but apparently, there was enough to make Spock an addict of cheap Terran candy.
"Do you know there's a jingle that accompanies advertisements for Tootsie Roll products?" Spock asks, breaking into Pike's thoughts.
"Uh, what? No, I didn't," Pike replies cautiously, unsure and not a little unwary of the direction of their conversation.
Spock starts singing.
The world looks mighty good to me
'Cause Tootsie Rolls are all I see
Whatever it is I think I see
Becomes a Tootsie Roll to me
Pike raises his eyebrows. Spock has a pretty good singing voice but then again, Spock is pretty much good at anything he does. He can't begrudge Spock of his talents since the Vulcan is so modest about them to really elicit anything negative that doesn't feel like petty backlash.
Tootsie Roll how I want your chocolaty chew
Tootsie Roll I think I'm in love with you
Whatever it is I think I see
Becomes a Tootsie Roll to me.
Spock repeats it again and Pike doesn't realize he's bobbing his head to the song until a pair of high heeled boots step into his line of vision. Uh-oh. He stops and looks up at a rather angry Number One, hands on her hips, eyes narrowed dangerously.
"What did you do to my science officer?"
"Well, I..er –" What is wrong with him? He's the commanding officer here, she shouldn't be allowed to talk to him that way – this is insubordination. But she has a point – Spock is still singing merrily along, once in awhile taking the sucker out of his mouth for a good lick.
Oh, Tootsie Roll how I want your chocolaty chew
Tootsie Roll I think I'm in love with you
"Spock," Number One says firmly. "Let's take you to your room," she says.
Spock looks up and it's like he is seeing Number One for the first time. "Okay," he chirps as he scrambles up. Huh, that easy, eh? But no, it's not like either of them thinks it is. "I need to replicate more Tootsie pops," he announces as soon as he is on his feet.
Neither of them get a chance to say anything more before Spock leans forward and kisses Number One with a loud smack, his artificially flavored-cherry lips leaving a slight ring around Number One's own mouth. Then Spock is off, skipping to the turbolift.
Pike looks at the astonished but not displeased look on Number One's face and promises himself not to let this happen ever again.
***
Pike doesn't really expect Spock to fall victim to his Tootsie pop obsession ever again. For all of his humanity, Spock is too Vulcan to be pulled down by chocolate chews. Pike is not actually disappointed in Spock when he slides down a second time, just disheartened. He is lucky that again he is the one that catches Spock in the act but what about the next time?
A Vulcan contingent has arrived in San Francisco to view the new flagship, Enterprise. Naturally, the brass wants Spock to be there. He is one of the Academy's most prestigious graduates, will be the youngest XO of any starship and will be both science officer and XO of THE flagship. And, of course, most importantly, he is the son of Ambassador Sarek and the grandson of the infamous T'Pau. Naturally, the brass thinks Spock is important shit to Vulcans and the Vulcan dignitaries will be impressed that they have someone like him in Starfleet. What the brass does not know is that Vulcans treat Spock as close to shit as they can get away with.
When Pike hears that Spock will be pranced around in front of the Vulcan shitheads, he goes looking for Spock. At first, Pike cannot find him anywhere. He is not in the lab, in his quarters or even in his office. Pike even goes so far as to check under Spock's desk. Nothing. He ends up standing in the middle of the quad just staring around blankly until a cadet interrupts his non-reverie.
"Captain Pike?"
"Um, yes, Cadet?" She looks familiar so he tries to contort his face to an oh-I-so-know-you expression. For added measure, he decides to ask, "And how are you?"
She ignores his question and instead supplies, "It's Cadet Uhura. I was on one of the recruiting teams last fall."
Drats. She did not fall for it. Apparently he has to work on this look. But right now, he needs to find Spock.
"Cadet Uhura, you don't happen to know who Commander Spock is, do you?"
"Yes," she nods enthusiastically. "He is my instructor for Advance Phonology. His understanding of the material and thoroughness are unparallel."
Pike smiles at her. It is good to know that Spock's students like him so much. He can see how cadets could find Spock demanding and inaccessible but Spock – he really is good people.
"You haven't seen him lately, have you?"
"Oh, actually," she says, frowning. He also picks up the concern in her voice. "I ran into him just moments ago. I wanted to ask him about my paper but he seemed fairly agitated."
"Where did he go?"
"Well, he was in the mess hall, standing in front of the replicator–"
And that's when it hits him. "Lollipops!" he cries and he is running towards the mess hall like the brass has permitted amateur cadets to wash his starship.
***
The next time something catastrophic occurs – something that might cause a Vulcan to emotionally respond – or at least, grab a Tootsie Roll pop and go wild, Pike remembers that there are computers and he can use them to locate intoxicated officers. He uses it when he learns that Leila Kalomi is on campus.
Pike had been pleased to find out that Spock did in fact date – he merely liked to keep his private life private. But apparently, Leila wasn't satisfied with the way Spock kept things under wraps and made the mistake of displaying public affections. Wow, was that an epically bad break-up.
As soon as he was able to determine that the blonde woman at the greenhouse was indeed Leila Kalomi, back from some off-planet botany project, he made a beeline to his office. Well, at least, as fast as he could respectably do so. He needn't embarrass himself again. He still gets odd looks from cadets whenever he is walking on campus. No doubt they saw him last time screaming "lollipops" and dragging a reluctant Spock from the replicator. At least Spock had only had one sucker by the time he reached him though his pockets were filled with them. Pike gave out lollipops to colleagues for a week, all of whom accepted with wary looks in their eyes.
"Computer," he calls the moment he enters his office.
It beeps as though surprised. Pike is used to giving orders to officers that work computers, not to the computers himself. He rarely uses them. He isn't surprised the computer seems taken aback, he is rather amazed himself that he remembers to use it now.
"Locate Commander Spock."
"Commander Spock is in his office."
Oh, well, that's good. Maybe he hasn't heard yet. But just to make sure… "Computer, are there any Tootsie Roll pops in the vicinity?"
"There does not exist anything as a Tootsie Roll pop."
"What do you mean? Of course there are Tootsie Roll pops!" It takes Pike a moment for him to realize yelling will not elicit anything more than a generic response from the computer which it gives a moment later.
"Unspecific request. Please rephrase question."
Pike's jaw shifts in annoyance. How more specific does one have to be? This is why he deals with sentient beings. "Bugger," he mutters.
"I did not understand the phrase. Please repeat." Pike gets the vague impression that he is on one of those automated calls where he spends a full half hour trying to talk to an agent who does not know what he is about and ultimately sends him to messaging.
He racks his brain for some moments before he asks, "Computer, are there any chocolate confections in Commander Spock's office?"
"Affirmative. There are Tootsie pops with Tootsie Rolls in their centers."
Pike throws up his hands. Okay, they are Tootsie pops, not Tootsie Roll pops. Stupid computer. But he can't waste time getting angry at a machine, he needs to get to Spock before he ends up on the floor in a fetal position sucking his way to insanity.
Pike is briskly walking down the hall towards Spock's office when he hears a woman's laughter. He starts jogging along the corridor, hoping the sound is not coming from Spock's office. But of course it is.
The woman looks familiar but it takes Pike several moments to place her. The Cadet that helped him find Spock before. The one that seemed to care about Spock. Who is currently sitting on the desk across the Cadet, leaning forward with the end of the lollipop sticking out from the corner of his mouth. One hand is on her knee and her hand on top of his.
"Do you know how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, Nyota?"
Pike thinks this is the worse pick-up line he has ever heard but Cadet Uhura doesn't seem to mind. He closes Spock's office door but not before he looks around. Only one red wrapper in sight. Maybe Spock has found a new addiction in times of crisis.