Author's Note: Hey, Guys! I haven't posted anything in a while so here's something new. So a friend of mine - scarlett101 - mentioned to me that there don't seem to be any stories for this pairing where they get married. I took up this gauntlet and decided to write this. I want to thank scarlett101 for being such an awesome friend to me and for letting me pick her brain for ideas pertaining to this story. My friend, thank you so much for everything and I hope this lives up to all your ideas. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own The World Ends With You, despite how much I write about these characters.
The ceiling had a crack. It spanned the length of the plaster with little estuaries that veered off for a few centimetres but the crack itself persevered the entire length of the room. Joshua could visualise that crack behind his eyelids, even as he willed sleep to drag him under. He rolled over, neglected phone digging into his cheek. The end. No matter how he looked at it, things could only mean the end. He heaved himself off of the bed, clambering down the stairs to the cafe below. Limbs gangly and stiff from his day long lounge forced him to grip the banister else risk a tumble.
Below, the barista bustled about organising mugs and cups in a sequence known only to him. Sanae peered over his glasses at Joshua, noting the silverette's dishevelled state.
"Want some tea?"
"Does an angel have wings?" He threw himself onto a stool and rubbed his temples, just hoping for the situation to go away so he could get some decent rest for once. The Producer returned, a teapot steaming away in his hand. He handed Joshua a teacup though he clearly was unhappy with altering his arrangement of crockery. "Life and death are just too much trouble for me these days." Though the silverette despised sugar, he ladled two teaspoons into his drink. He hoped the sweetness would clear the sour mist that had fogged his mind as of late.
"Is that why you've been stuck to your bedsheets for the past two days? You'll have to pull your finger out soon or that paperwork will drown you."
"Wouldn't care if it did, really. Don't care at all." Sanae groaned internally as he pulled up his own seat. The things he did for this kid went beyond his job description, though Joshua had returned the favour tenfold over their joint service.
"What's on your mind, Boss?"
"This and that, current affairs and the like." The man appraised the other over his lens frames. Joshua squirmed as he pursed his lips, toying with a strand of hair. Slowly, his face fell and he hid behind his beverage. "It's over. Not that I can say I'm surprised." Sighing, the younger set down his cup and forced his conniving grin in place. It faltered at the edges, rendering it pointless. "We were so very close to being close. Alas, Neku and I can barely be in the same room without being at each other's throats." He giggled while taking another sip of liquid. It singed his mouth and rendered it numb.
"This isn't something to joke about, Josh. This is serious." The facade visibly fell. Joshua's shoulders slumped, his eyes tightened and his lips contorted into a melancholy sneer.
"You think I don't know that? Look at me and say I'm not taking this seriously." Wiping his glasses nervously, Sanae could not meet the other's eye.
"I think this is all a misunderstanding, if you ask me." Joshua barked out a laugh.
"It's a good thing I'm not asking you, then." He sifted his fingers through his hair, tugging just a little too hard for comfort. Laughing cruelly, his voice twined with sarcasm as he cursed. "God forbid, someone came between Neku and the soul that's grabbed his eye. That someone certainly won't be me." Pushing away from the counter, he stood, turning away from Sanae and darting toward the stairs.
"Josh, just think about this for a minute: what makes you think he's breaking up with you?" He stopped, gritting his teeth while fisting his hands.
"I'm dead, not blind, Sanae. He's more distant than ever, he's jumpy as if I caught him reading Pinhead Weekly again. He may not be breaking up with me but it's over. My little Proxy has grown up." And though he made once more for the stairs, he found himself unwilling to be alone again so soon. He stood on the final step, perched like a bird peering out of its nest at the perilous drop below.
"You're giving up on him, just like that? I thought you were the smarter one of the pair of you."
"Don't talk to me like a child, I know when enough is enough. I'm not giving up. If I thought I could fight for this and come out better off or even salvage this, then I would. But I won't make this harder than it needs to be. For his sake." Sanae rose to his feet, clawing through cupboards and drawers. Desperately searching.
"Did you think of maybe talking to Phones about this?" He couldn't find it. Yanking open tins of teabags and empty pots of coffee, he rummaged.
"Haven't you been listening, he won't sit still long enough for me to even breach the subject. I mention anything and he gets defensive." The Producer massaged the bridge of his nose and wondered why he was such a nice guy. Horrible guys didn't put up with this kind of drama. He was going to kill Phones when he saw him next.
"What an idiot."
"I fail to see what makes me an idiot." He found it, in the cutlery drawer where he would remember it. Where he thought he would remember it.
"Not you - you know what, Phones asked me to give you this. Read it, you may change your mind. If not, take it up with him. I wash my hands of this." Slinking over to the silverette, he wedged the letter into one of Joshua's clenched palms. Then he turned, making his way to the back room. He needed a lie down.
Joshua hauled in a breath and glared at the letter. Neku's handwriting adorned the exterior. Wrenching it open, it read simply: 'Ready for a game? Find the three notes before nightfall. The first is found where a good friend waits.'
He snorted. This really was too ironic. Neku must have been a closet sadist, pushing on Joshua the same trial that had been set to him within the game. Intrigued but nonetheless beguiled, he decided to set off.
"I'll leave you then, seeing as you have other things to do." A faint grunt from Sanae was the response before he left. First stop: Hachiko.
Upon arrival, the sun was at its peak and blared down onto passersby. The statue shone dimly as the dog's form reflected the light. It was busy but that was to be expected at lunchtime.
Joshua approached the statue, wondering just what he was looking for. It had said a 'note'. Could Neku have used a more generic word? No, he thought as he furrowed his brow and flicked his hair from his eyes. He remembered watching Neku meet up with his friends after the game, how happy he had looked amongst those he had come to love. The scene complete. Joshua unnecessary. His shoulders slumped forward and he pressed his forehead to the dog's haunches. He sniffled and traced his fingers along metal fur. Eyes catching on a slice of white on the plinth beside him, just close enough that his vision struggled to focus on it.
Wedged between the dog's front legs was another envelope, though slightly worn and gritty from being exposed to the outside elements. Joshua picked it up, scanning the text:
'This is the spot where we met. Not actually for the first time, but for a while it was. In those first few minutes of knowing you, I hated you. You were cocky, condescending and clearly trouble. You're still all those things, but now I know that's not all that you are. All the times I would drag you into Sunshine's to get a burger and you would sit there, judging me. Complaining that we should have had ramen instead. Just hanging out like people do. Those are some of my most cherished memories because those times were just so easy. Being with you is easy. Getting along with you though, is difficult. Hachiko is known for his loyalty, something I've come to know well. You became my partner that day and have been so ever since. I could not bear to lose you again, like I thought I had at the end of our week together. But unlike Hachi, in the end I got you back.'
Joshua raised a brow and glanced toward the fast food joint referenced in the letter. Ghosts of memories filled his mind's eye: Neku skulking into the greasy establishment, too hungry to care about what his partner thought or even about the life or death nature of his situation. Hours spent sat in a sticky linoleum booth beside the window, just talking to pass time. Joking with each other. Smiling together. It had been easy. Never had it been difficult to fall into comfortable companionship beside Neku, even if Joshua had ulterior motives running behind the scenes. In those moments, he was only ever Joshua: the boy who's life had ended before he gave it a chance to start. It had all been so new to him - friendship and trust - that it confused him and he was still rather bad at it. But those days had taught him that his afterlife could hold so much more warmth and laughter than his life ever had. Then he turned to glare at the pavement. All of that light was nearing its end.
He turned over the note and found the next clue: 'The second is found at a feline's legacy.' He started to walk.
"Why do I always find myself back here? I don't even really like this mural, if I'm being completely honest." But when was he ever completely honest? With tentative steps, he drew nearer to the wall. Deft fingers traced the outline of the cursive shapes, just as Neku had done all that time ago. Around him, Shibuya's music dipped to a diminuendo as people and traffic began to settle into the lethargic haze that clouded late afternoons. It soothed him; the peace that came with the acknowledgement. It was ending, there was nothing to do but flow with the transition. Breathing hitching and eyes still stinging, he nodded to himself. He had to accept it. For Neku.
White paper caught his eye, folded and stashed beneath a traffic cone. The message within was semblant of the previous.
'You stole my life that day, but ever since you've been stealing my heart. And my money from buying you tons of food. But mostly my heart. And as much as I'd like to be able to stand here and spout about how I could never love the guy who killed me... I'm not that good of a liar. I hate the way we met, the way you (literally) blasted your way into my life, but I'm glad you did. I wouldn't be the person I am today, without you. Just to see you smile the way you do, I'd go through it all again. I'd do anything that you wanted me to. When all was said and done, I couldn't count the cost of knowing you for it had all become too much for me. You're worth all the hurt, Josh. Maybe take another shot. This time with me, not at me.'
His revolver materialised in his palm. The cold metal stung his hands just as the memories stung his mind. Not once had he regretted shooting Neku that day, never in all the years since that fateful day. But right then, he allowed himself to consider what life would have been like if he had not made the barter with Megumi. Darkness sprang to mind; for himself and all others now connected to Neku. Saved by Neku. He gripped at his chest where his heart once beat. What was one pain compared with another? Loneliness or loss, they both hurt. Rolling the weapon in his grasp, he traced the mural with his eyes and a watery smile grew on his lips. He'd soon be able to compare the pains, once the day was through. Neku sure knew how to tug at a guy's heart. As his feet took him away from the mural, he let himself chuckle at his own pitifulness, his own willingness to be strung along by the one who would inevitable shatter the glass heart he harboured. Yet he still walked. It seemed it was time to go home.
'Alright Josh, last one. Come find me, at the feet of God.'
Echoes lurched from the corners of the room. Caught in the throes of anticipation, he found no Neku within the Room of Reckoning. There was no one there. And as his laughter laced with tears, he sunk to his knees at his own throne. Throat clawed and devoid of speech his sobs were huffed breath danced in the eaves. Tepid torrents of tears flooded from him as his naive acceptance of the situation finally registered. Everything becoming real. Neku was leaving him. He'd be alone again. He'd be without Neku again. What was there without Neku? Nails cracked as they scratched at the stone pedestal, hating it for all it entailed.
Sore fingertips fell onto sharp paper edges that sliced at the skin. Paper? Another note? His hands turned reverent as he cherished the paper as if it were an extension of the ginger boy himself. Words became blurry as his tears smothered the ink so he wedged his arm to his face and nose to stem the flow.
'Here we stood at the final curtain. I played the part of your pawn without even knowing. I did all that you expected and more. I changed. We stood here, face to face, point blank range, pistols drawn. I could never have done it. I could never have hurt you, even after all you did because despite the lies and the deceit - and the murder - you were my friend. Despite it all, I loved you. It's funny; as I closed my eyes, bleeding out, I didn't fear the end. I still trusted you to do the right thing. And you did. Because something happened that you never counted on: you had changed too. You didn't destroy Shibuya and I still don't understand why and I don't care. I've never said this to you but I'm going to tell you now: thank you. Thank you for coming back. You're not getting away again, you know. I'll make sure of that.'
The last fragments of control or sanity he held crumpled in that moment. He screamed out. Lungs constricting and gasping and begging for it all to be a lie, to be a dream, for it to all be wrong and for Neku to come to him and to hold him and to help him like he had ever since the day they had reunited which had been the most important day of Joshua's life because for once he had found a reason to exist. A reason to live. But that was gone. No more. Lost.
Forever.
Joshua found Neku, slumped and snoring at the entrance to the sewers a few hours later when he found the courage to leave the throne room and find Sanae. He had things to arrange that he couldn't do alone. He had tried before.
Joshua approached with an intentional trail of echoed footfalls. His gaze became steely as he retreated to the back of his mind. Not now. He couldn't see Neku now.
But he couldn't just leave him there in the street. With a groan, he turned back.
"Howdy." Clearing his throat, he toed Neku. The teen awoke with a scramble and shout.
"Hey, Josh. I see you got here in the end."
"A child could have followed those clues, dear." Shaking his head, Neku allowed himself to laugh at Joshua's abruptness.
"They weren't supposed to be difficult." The ginger huffed as he pawed at his eyes. He recovered quickly, clambering to his feet. "So you're probably wondering why I made you run about Shibuya when things could have been a lot simpler." Though Joshua didn't show it, he felt a twinge of loathing shoot through his nerves at Neku's blatant calmness.
"No, I know what's going on." Neku visibly deflated. Then tensed up. His eyes darted around the underpass, looking anywhere but at Joshua. Finally, he was showing some form of emotion other than ignorance.
"Oh, now I feel stupid standing here. Just bear with me and let me say it."
"No need, consider it done. Feel free to see yourself out." Though he felt petty for storming out, Joshua wanted out of the situation. It was becoming more than he could take. The heart can only take so much. He shrugged and began his hasty retreat till Neku snatched his wrist, spinning him around so they were face to face again.
"It's not done if I haven't even said anything, and you don't seem too thrilled about it." Slimy grin slithering onto his face, Joshua swished the hair from his face. Years had changed Joshua from the spiteful fiend he had once been but he was bringing back all that spite and hate just for Neku. Just because he seemed to think that Joshua would be okay with just ending what had been the soul light in his existence.
"I'm ecstatic, can't you tell. I'm the happiest I've been in years."
"Sarcasm isn't making me feel any more at ease here." Neku still clutched his wrist, anchoring him in place. Barking out a laugh, purple eyes raked over the ginger's face. He couldn't be serious?
"Don't worry your pretty little head about it. I'm being rather masochistic as you can tell."
"Then don't do it, I'm not forcing you." And the anchor was gone. Neku all but threw Joshua's hand away, stepping back to stand against the wall. And just like that, Joshua started to leave again. Throwing caution to the wind, he called over his shoulder:
"You're a terrible liar, you can't pretend that you're happy with this."
"What are you going on about? 'Happy with this', if you mean your attitude then no I'm not!" Feet scraped to a halt on the pavement as he reached up to yank at his hair. Clumps of silver began to fall from his fingers as he tore it out.
"How did you expect me to react?"
"Not like this!"
"I'm trying my best, to make this as easy on you as I can. Now just leave."
"No, not until I understand what the heck is going on!" Why didn't he just leave? He should walk away, find Sanae and do what needed to be done. He could leave Neku stood here gawking at him. He could...he could...he couldn't. He couldn't leave. Not like this. Not Neku.
"What's going on is that I can't take this anymore, I won't sit back and watch this soap opera unfold. What's going on is that you are going to leave and then that's it. Game over."
"Don't dodge around the point, what the hell are you trying to say?" Pivoting on the ball of his foot was hard when his legs felt like they would fall out from under him any second.
"I'm saying, it's over. Neku, it's over." Blue eyes widened, emotions trembling within. Neku sunk down the wall, clutching at his arms as he hugged himself into a ball. His body wracked with tremors.
"You've got a lot of nerve, standing there and playing the martyr. You don't seem to understand what I've done for you, what I've endured for you." Joshua turned away, able to watch no more. His own eyes began to burn with the threat of tears. Why was Neku making this out to be so hard? Hadn't Neku been the one to shatter his heart? Shouldn't he be the one sobbing and screaming? Wasn't he the one about to stop his own existence?
"You never had to, dear. No one forced you into this."
"No one had to! When you love someone, it's just what you do." Choking out a laugh, the silverette rounded on the other.
"Lying is most unbecoming of you, Neku."
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself for one second..."
"No, for once you're going to shut up and listen." He squatted down to match the ginger's eye line. Threading his fingers together, he leant forward. "It was a nice dream while it lasted. Any love that was once there, has since drifted away. Your attentions fall elsewhere, which is to be expected and indeed hoped for. You can get back to your perfect little life, forget I even existed." Content with saying his piece, Joshua rose to his feet before making to leave yet again.
"Just shut the hell up, Josh! You don't even understand what's going on here! You're so blind that you can't see what I'm trying to do!"
"Oh I see what's going on, don't be so surprised. I'm just saving you the work of manning up and saying it outright. Beating you to the punch." The fist collided with skin. He fell, splayed in the floor as he grasped he cheek. Gravel nicked at his face while his arm was pinned beneath his torso.
"You're such an idiot, you know that? You couldn't be any more wrong. Did none of what I wrote mean anything, did it tell you nothing?"
"I cant read your mind while you're wearing your player pin, dear. You'll have to explain yourself." Neku paced back and forth in front of him, yanking at his hair so much his skin turned pale. Joshua's detached hair still drifted on the soft breeze around them.
"Seriously, you think I'd do all of that sugary, sappy stuff, if I was just going to break up with you? I'm glad you hold me in such high esteem."
"Then what was your intent?"
"I was trying to be romantic! The girls said you'd appreciate all that! This really isn't going how I planned, I hate this. You know what, I give up. Here, this should clear things up." He flipped Joshua an envelope almost identical to the ones he had been hunting all afternoon. "Open it, I don't know how to do this anymore. Text me when you figure it out."
"Don't go!" Wide purple eyes met blue. Tears blurred both of their visions. Neku sat down. The ginger shoved his face into his hands. If only he knew what Joshua had planned, he wouldn't have contemplated leaving. The silverette fumbled as a curse escaped him. He sucked on his newly sliced finger before he read:
'If you're reading this, Josh, then it means I've chickened out. I've not managed to do it or you've made me so irritated I had no choice but to leave and calm down. The latter option is probable when it comes to us. So anyway, I'm writing this as sort of a definitive means of telling you what I couldn't. But then again I don't think I can write it either...let's see where this goes. Joshua, I love you. I've never said that outright but I sort of hoped you'd know without me having to. I love you. I don't want to live or die without you. So what I'm trying - and failing - to say, is will you be mine?'
"So you get it now?" Joshua raised a brow imploringly as his throat clenched and he choked on his breath, sobs still shaking from him. "Aw man, Josh you really don't want to make this easy. I'm asking if..." Floundering and stuttering and flailing, Neku was just as emotionally haggard as Josh. "If you'll be my partner, for life. And death. I'm asking if you'll marry me, okay?" He was laughing; nerves and anxiety having been pent up with distress for many months. No. No this wasn't right. Neku was breaking up with him. Wasn't he? Pleading with his mind for the situation to be real. For Neku to really want him. He was hyperventilating. His heart pulsated in his ears and his hands shook and his lips shook because none of this made any sense! The ginger leant down and proffered a silver ring. Bright amethyst shimmering on top. A ring. A ring?
Scrabbling to his feet, he fled.