Summary: An interpretation of Gin's thoughts and feelings over Aizen.

Pairing: AiGin

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: unstable feelings/kinda psychological, weirdness/abstractness

Author's notes: I had a sudden hit of AiGin feels this morning and I couldn't sleep, so this is the result. XD And I guess it's about time I wrote something before I get too rusty...

There is nothing much going on here, because I just wanted to write something. And it's pretty short, haha...yay.

Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach.

In My Time Of Dying

The way his fingers slither over me, the way he smiles ever so slightly when he feels a flinch beneath him... The way his breath tickles my ear...

Disgusting... It's absolutely disdainful and tasteless.

His fakeness will surely be the death of me one day.

I hate it, despise it, I want it gone...more than anything in this forsaken world. A being like him shouldn't exist. Shouldn't be allowed to act, to breathe...and yet, there he was - unpunished by Soul King, or fate itself.

For years I stayed by his side, for years I watched him go further unstable as we neared his plan's execution. It has been so very long since we started acting and finally, he was going to get what he wanted.

I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn't the right time to kill him. Let the monster bask in his perfect world for a while... Let his plan unfold further... And I would cut it right out of his hands, his goal, his everything, just as soon as he reaches it and holds it in his clutches.

I have been watching him, his weaknesses, everything, closely for so long. Ever since I was a child. And yet, even if I found a notion of plenty of weaknesses... Aizen kept them hidden away so well, it was hard to see through him. Even for me. But then, a life where you could never trust anyone except for yourself...when did he turn into this..?

When did I start becomin' like him too...Rangiku..?

"You seem distant tonight...Gin," came that deep voice, fingers slithering like worms in my white hair.

Repulsive...

But I didn't move, a sly smile appearing on my lips, eyes closed, directed at the other, "Wouldn' ya notice dat..."

And Aizen laughed...my smile disappearing. It has always been a dangerous game, being near him. Still... I always took my chances and played my cards right.

But of course, there is no way I couldn't let my hatred for this beast not slip through...it was probably in my aura too.

"Gin..." Aizen suddenly spoke up, prompting his naked body, a rare sight presented to me - a considerable honor, on one elbow, fingers running down the side of my neck, eyes softening...but I knew it wasn't like that...the parasite had other plans, but I still didn't move, "How deep...does your hate...run?" and he clutched his hand over my thin neck, chocking me.

My long fingers latched over his hand, trying to pry it off me, but there was no use. Without me noticing, control lost, my eyes fluttered open, revealing my entire soul to the man I despised most. All of the hate, every single speck of it, was in full view to the other. He knew of it all, there was no use hiding anything from the other...ever...and yet...

Wasn' I...still alive?

The grip lessened and Aizen ran his fingers soothingly over the spot he gripped, a shiver running down my spine from the sudden change in character. It's times like this that I hated most...for not being able to read him at all.

The same questions always ran through my mind. One of them louder than any other: why was I, indeed, still alive? Aizen wasn't the type of man to keep enemies, traitors, at his side... He very well knew how this was going to end, our relationship, and yet...

Was I...still useful in some way...to 'im?

"Beautiful..." he let out again, watching my open eyes, a fearful glow, a glint of rage so deep, you could cut it with my Kamishini No Yari...and still not able to see the end of it. Was it possible to hate someone so much? Yes, it really was... I did.

"Your eyes... Make me want to gouge them out so much..." the serpent reached for one of my eyes with his fingers and I closed them in seconds, tilting my head, another smile spreading.

"If dey are gone, ya won' be able ta bask in deir brilliance...Taichou."

A pause, then a wide, knowing smile. Sometimes, I wondered if I got my own smile from him...for we seem to always smile for the same reasons. But then again, it was the law of the jungle. And I was playing a game with the king. What other way to play it than by his rules...just to overthrow them in the end?

That was how it worked. How my tactic worked.

And he-

"You are right. But who said I cannot live without that brilliance?"

He knows about it. He knows about everything.

The smile never faltered from my lips, though I didn't say anything. There was nothing I could say.

He didn't falter, just stood up to get dressed, "Gin..." he let out after a while, me watching him getting dressed from the bed we shared, "You cannot see thorns in the pitch black darkness. Careful not to cut yourself on them too deeply," he leaned on the bed and caught my lips in a short kiss, leaning back, another smile, and leaving the room just like that...leaving me to my thoughts.

Thoughts that threatened to explode. Something unpleasant rose within me, a feeling...as if I was on fire and numb at the same time.

As if... I was...

Lying back down on the pillow, I grabbed hold of my hair, pulling on it painfully...so painfully, I thought I was going to rip it all out. Eyes open, a rare scowl on my face as I tossed around the bed, not really sure what to do with myself. My mind was racing with so many thoughts, yet I couldn't catch any of them. My hands twitched to do something, to kill, yet I forced them down.

Insane... He was drivin' me completely and utterly...insane.

And I realized right then and there...that I was playing a losing game.

But...

My body calmed down and I let go of my hair, eyes closing and a smile spreading over my lips.

It was a game I would still win in the very end, despite all odds.

I was nothing like him and I would win...

I would definitely win... In my time of dying.

The End.