"…"
"…"
"So… Who is who now?"
This question from Kyle almost gets to Stan so much that he may just go rage quit at any moment possible. The thing is, Stan is dragged to the weed farm by Randy, his awesome dad of all times (I'm just joking, if I had had a dad like Randy, I would have just quit life already). His original puffball hat is taken away and now he is down with a chullo hat. The base color is similar to Craig's hat, but the design is definitely not the same. Anyway, it still looks very alike to Kyle. The fact that Stan and Craig both have black hair and blue eyes has made the situation worse. Kyle just can't distinguish to two now.
But, this is not exactly the case. Kyle has known Stan for years; how could he not tell who Stan is and who is not? That would be ridiculous. This is just a little prank pulled by Kyle. He just feels like making fun of his super best friend, for Stan's new hat looks awful on him, in his aggressive opinion. However, he has not confirmed when to stop the prank and when to say, "Hey, now I can tell you guys apart!", for Stan's reactions are the best. It is QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT.
"Kyle! How can you not tell I am Stan, and that is Craig?! Com'on, we look so different!" Some sort of emotions starts growing deep inside Stan's heart as Stan yells at Kyle with disbelief. Well, he is kind of angry. Like, how can his super best friend of all times be so shit to him? How can Kyle not tell them apart, like, the hat design is not even that identical after all.
"But you guys both have black hair and… Your eyes are blue as well. It's really hard to tell dude!"
"Com'on, we aren't that similar at all! Craig, you too, say something already!"
"Eh, yea, we aren't that similar… You see, I am much cooler than Stan."
"What the heck?!"
OK, actually, Craig knows well that Kyle is just pulling a prank on Stan and he agrees to go with it. It is rare to see him participating in such things, especially when they involve Stan and those guys. He does not want to go to Peru again. He does not want to get into trouble like that one time again.
"Kyle! I am way cooler than Craig, way better than him, am I not!"
"Actually, I think you guys are kind of the same?"
"Ouch!?"
"Actually, Kyle… I suggest you differentiate them by talking to them? Stan is your super best friend, so he should be very willing to talk with you at any time. Craig, on the opposite, doesn't talk to you much. So, whoever tends to talk with you more, that'll be Stan," Kenny finally has some long sentences to say. (Yes, I ship Kenny x Screen time hardcore.)
In fact, Kenny knows about the prank too. He has been Stan and Kyle's good friend for many years, so he definitely has the privilege to join in the fun. Moreover, being able to pull a practical joke on Stan is some good opportunities you MUST hold onto tightly. You do not always get to make fun of Stan. He is too much of an average boy.
"Oh… Your idea is great, Kenny!" And so, Kyle uses Kenny's suggestion to distinguish Stan and Craig. But, things just won't go as smooth. After all, this is a prank.
The next day, Craig starts chatting with Kyle a lot more than usual. They talk about schoolwork and The Terrance and Phillip Show. This makes Stan, who is standing beside them like an outcasted random person, very, very upset. He does not know what to do at this point, like, how can Craig do such a thing when he knows very well that Kyle is going to tell them apart by seeing who talks with him more? Does Craig want to become him so much? He doubts that hard.
"Hey Kyle, what are you guys talking about?" Stan, with a dirty face because Craig is talking with his super best friend a little too much, goes up and asks the two. Well, mainly just Kyle. Just, Stan did not expect to hear this from his best friend at all:
"Craig? Why are you speaking with me so suddenly? You normally don't… do that?"
If Stan could just blow up with rage, he would have done that by now. But yes, Stan is very upset right now. How could Kyle say that?!
"What the heck Kyle?! I'm NOT Craig. I am STAN. This is just mean now! You should have known well that Craig has that stupid nasal sound in his voice and I do not! Kyle, just why!?"
"Oh… I must have been too into the conversation. I guess that's why I didn't notice it…"
"Okay, Kyle, don't be upset, alright?" Kenny, acting like he is so done with Stan and Kyle acting as such, like a pair of old couple falling apart but one side is trying so hard to hold them together. "Let's see, why don't you tell them apart by seeing who cares for you more? You know, Craig only cares about his guinea pig, no one else and nothing else."
"You're right, Kenny! This way should be easier for me now," Kyle says as he enlightens his face a bit. Certainly, Stan would care for Kyle a lot more, but since this is a prank, things will not go as planned.
The next day, the kids have gym class. They change in the boy's changing room and Kyle is tying his shoelaces. Kyle knows how to tie his sneakers; he is not an idiot, but Craig goes up to him as how the script is written.
"Hey, let me help you with that."
"Uh, I know how to do it by myself…"
This act makes Stan upset without a doubt. He goes up to the two and pushes Craig away.
"I can help you with that. Let me do it for you."
"Oh, Stan looks like he's so worried that his little boyfriend would be taken away! Gay!" Standing near the trio, Cartman mocks Stan for his acts. Stan looks super jealous in the way he is acting these two days. Cartman knows about the prank too, but Cartman is Cartman, he will not go as Kyle's planned; he has a better idea up in his sleeves.
"Cartman!? What the heck are you talking about!?"
"What's with the boyfriend thing? We are just super best friends! Stupid fat ass…"
"Ay! I'm not fat, I'M BIG BONED! And I'm just saying the truth!"
"I am not scared nor worried at all! And, Kyle is NOT my boyfriend!" After helping Kyle with his sneakers, Stan goes sending punches to Cartman for calling them gay.
But Stan is indeed afraid, that one day Kyle may just get lured away by Craig; he just can't agree to that because:
Kyle is the super best friend of Stanley Marsh and no one shall ever replace either of them.
And so, the two ravens battle over Kyle. Well, mainly it is just Stan, because Craig does not have a thing for Kyle after all.
At lunchtime, Kyle chokes on something and coughs a bit. The two ravens sitting on either side starts caring about him immediately.
"Kyle, you alright?"
"Do you need water?"
"…" Stan stares at Craig a bit, wishing Craig would just mind his own business already. "I could fetch you some water, Kyle."
"I should do that, because my legs are longer than yours."
"Then I shall help you relieve a bit!"
"I know how to do that too."
The two boys continue fighting over who should take care of the ginger boy. Clyde and Token, not knowing what the hell is with their friend, look at Craig with questions on their faces.
"Hey Kyle, let me carry these books for you."
"Kyle! I'll help you with your schoolbag!"
Being in the middle of this, Kyle is the one who enjoys the most. Constant cared by two handsome, or at least good-looking boys, is paradise. Sadly, such enjoyment will not last, for Cartman has cooked up an even better plan.
That day after school, Cartman texts Stan, in hope that may persuade Stan into doing something… That everyone has been looking forward to for a very, very long time.
[Depressed fag]
Cartman (Me): Your Kyle is about to be taken away from you!
Depressed fag: what do you mean by my Kyle… and I do notice that, so what?
Me: How about claiming in front of your twin?
Depressed fag: what do you mean
Depressed fag: and Craig fucking Tucker is not my twin, ok?
Me: That is, to tell everyone that Kyle is your Super Best Friend and that he can only be yours?
Depressed fag: uh
Depressed fag: i wanna! but what should i do?
Me: Easy peasy lemon squeezy
Me: You propose to him!
Depressed fag: wat?!
Depressed fag: i know what you're up to, fuck no
Me: But what if Craig is going to propose to Kyle?
Depressed fag: …
Depressed fag: i'm not letting him do that
Depressed fag: at least not under my watch, well, i mean, never can he take away Kyle from me, as long as Kyle's under my watch!
Me: Great, then you need to strike first!
Depressed fag: i…
Depressed fag: i'll think about that first… i don't know
Me: Don't hesitate! JUST DO IT!
To ensure the plan is going to work, Cartman needs to let Craig know, so he will be acting as if he will propose to Kyle.
[Flipping off]
Cartman (Me): You wear suit tomorrow.
Flipping off: why
Me: Because Kyle says so!
Flipping off: then why doesn't he just say it in the group chat?
Me: Because he's busy, we just talked over the phone and confirmed about this!
Flipping off: …
Flipping off: whatever
THIS IS GOING WELL, Cartman smiles slyly as he thinks, now we only need to wait patiently to enjoy tomorrow's show! HAH, stupid Jew, just be gay with his boyfriend already… Everyone's been waiting for this day to come for so FUCKING long.
It is rare to see Cartman so excited for school, but the next morning, he goes to school as he hums with joy for today is the day when Stan is finally going to propose to Kyle.
As planned, Craig is talking with Kyle again, but he is wearing a classy suit. They share laughter here and there. This is a scene you do not always get to see since the two are not always on good terms.
"Kyle!"
Turning to the direction where the voice comes from, Kyle finds Stan in a smart suit as well. What a coincidence, he thinks.
"Kyle," Stan drags Kyle away quickly, for he does not want to have Craig around when he proposes to Kyle. This is a very important occasion for him and he does not want Craig to ruin it for him.
"Kyle, I…"
"What is it?"
"I want to ask if…" Stan cannot finish off with his line. This is too embarrassing. He feels like everyone is watching him, but when the image of Kyle choosing Craig over him crosses his mind, he is more determined than ever. Stan is not going to let Craig have his way with Kyle, because Kyle Broflovski can only be Stanley Marsh's, forever and ever. "Kyle, will you please marry me?" Stan asks in a loud voice with courage. Then, he kneels on one knee and presents a ring pull colored with gold paint to Kyle.
"WHAT?"
"AHAHAHAHAHA! JEW IS GETTING MARRIED AHAHAHHA! AND HE'S GAY! HAHAHAHA, OH GOSH YOU GUYS! THIS IS EVERYONE'S DREAM COME TRUE!"
Telling from Cartman's disgusting laughter, Kyle knows this whole thing is planned by the stupid fat ass. He curses quietly as he blushes, but in exchange, he gets more cheers from his schoolmates.
"Marry him! Marry him! Marry him!"
"Uh…"
"Kyle… Kyle, I am very sorry, I wasn't thinking with my brain…"
"So, it IS Cartman who persuaded you into doing this huh?"
"Umm… I… I actually figured out that you're doing all of that on purpose, calling me Craig and stuff like that… I got scared! I'm so worried that you'll leave me eventually because of this prank… So… So," Stan stutters as he explains himself, wishing low-key that this is just a bad dream.
"Kyle, just accept his proposal already!"
"Say yes! Do it! Com'on!"
"I… Ugh… Yes, I will…" Kyle murmurs. Although the chants are loud, everyone hears it rather clearly. Stan, feeling relieved, puts on the ring to Kyle's finger. Now that the whole joke is over, Kyle is his and only his for good.
Since this happened at school, inevitably, the boys have attracted a group of girls. Asian girls, to be exact.
"This is so cute! (Chinese)"
"Stan and Kyle! Kawaii-!"
"Oh god, are we going to be drawn as gay for real now?" Kyle asks nervously as he holds Stan up from his knee. This is not going to go well for both of them, or will it?
"Hm… Actually, I don't think it matters too much since you're forever mine now!"
"What the hell Stan?!"