Okay, I admit it. I did this for no reason at all. Well, Andy and Germany got married right? So why not a wedding scene? BTW, I ignored the timeline of my own story for this, it was fun. So all the units are here, and Kira. Yeah, had to bring her back for a little bit for you Kira fans. I know I lost a lot of readers after that...so just for you guys, I'll have an alternate storyline where Kira is alive throughout the entire thing.
I EVEN TURNED RUSSIA AND ENGLAND INTO LITTLE BOYS AGAIN. I'M SO FUCKING NICE.
FAIL SONG CHOICE IZ FAIL. FUCK YOU. BLAME THE SHUFFLE ON MY FUCKING MP3 PLAYER.
...0
If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down, in a bed of roses. Sink me in the river, at dawn. Send me away with the words of a love song.
I honestly did not see it coming. I thought he'd be satisfied with being fuck buddies. Yet here he is, in the middle of a crowded-ass fancy resturant in New York that we all decided to go to for our Christmas Dinner, on one knee. Holding a fucking diamond. While I'm in a evening dress and no suspicion of my true gender.
Gilbert, Alana, and America were wolf-whistling while Francis and his owner were crying. Yao was smiling as little Ivan and baby Artie were laughing. Alina was looking away, not exactly happy her owner was like that with LUDWIG. Captain Kirkland was grumbling, prefering just to hit on the singles. I didn't know pirates were capable of not being homewreckers. Yeah, like I'm anywhere near being an expert on pirates. Except Davy Jones wasn't a tentacle-demon intent on stealing premature souls and making them run his ship.
"Andy Nitedream...will you be my wife?"
"SAY YES DAMMIT!" Kira and Prussia yelled. I just giggled and nodded, the resturant erupting into cheers and clapping.
"Hey waiter! More wine!" Prussia shouted. "A toast! To a life-long happiness filled with fucking and legitimate babies!"
"HEAR HEAR!" a lot of the men chorused, resulting in scornful looks from their wives/girlfriends/life partners.
"TO L'AMOUR!" Francis and his owner chorused.
"To having light in previously dark lives." Me and Kira chimed together seperatly, grinning at each other as we drank to our private toast before she sidled up to Alina and tried to get her drunk.
Lord, make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother. She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors. Life ain't always what you think it'd ought to be, no. Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby. The sharp knife, of a short life, well, I've had just enough time.
I was walking back and forth in my little sitting room the church provides for the bride-to-be. Kira was leaning against the door, waiting for the signal from Alina that it was time for me to walk down the aisle.
I stopped pacing for a moment and took in my tall cousin, looking natural in a tuxedo. She was standing in as the father of the bride. So much had happened since she filled out that form that ended up with our happy and dysfunctional family. The void it filled in our lives. Children, lovers, friends...just a large family to fill in the silence of when it was just us two, so now everyone is talking over one another to spill about their day.
This whole thing was possible when we faked a divorce like we faked our marriage. She still lived at home, but now it was a small log cabin on the other end of the property, next to the tree line and next door to the one for Alana and Alfred. She lived there with Alina after wooing her into giving her a chance.
"Eh? Andy, something wrong? Need a drink or something?" She asked, looking up from picking at her nails to see me staring at her. It made me jump, unaware I had been zoned out for so long.
"No, I'm fine." I smiled. "But wow, I'm really nervous. I got butterflies in my belly." I laughed nervously.
"Don't blame ya, little cousin. This isn't like our marriage where we only did it so you didn't have old devil bitches spitting at you for the two of us shacking up together. I could care less, but I know you do. This is the real deal...you're marrying a fucking GERMAN, for god's sake. Wouldn't grandpa be rolling in his grave?" She barked out a laugh, most likjely imagining the look on his face if he was still alive. He didn't approve of anything that wasn't his own Latino culture, so when his son married my very Irish mother, he blew a gasket. And of course, when he first met the Russian-Mexican mutt that was Kira...it took a long time for him to accept her as part of the family. And that was before she started masquerading as a boy. He accepted her, but didn't like her. The feeling was mutual, though abuela loved her. She showed that just because she wasn't an actual boy, didn't mean she couldn't do a man's work, so did upkeep around abuela's house after abuelo died.
If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down, on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river, at dawn. Send me away with the words of a love song. The sharp knife, of a short life, well, I've had just enough time.
Alina had knocked on the door when she passed by to make her way in the procession as the maid of honor, arm in arm with Gilbert, who nominated himself as Ludwig's best man.
"This is it." I grinned nervously, smoothing down the skirt of my wedding dress. Honestly, I looked like a giant marshmallow puff. Of course, this is what happens when I let Francis choose my dress...
"...Are you sure, Andy? Think you can be Missus Beilschmidt for the rest of your life?"
It took me a minute to answer. I never really thought about it.
Back when he first arrived, I just thought he'd be another housemate, just working and hanging out alongside Kira and Alina. Then he wormed himself into my heart, after that one time we went grocery shopping together, as he wanted to make dinner and I was in control of the checkbook. Out of nowhere, on the frontstep while I was fumbling for my key, his hands just appeared on my shoulders, turning me swiftly and nearly making me lose my balance when I felt firm, larger, slightly chapped lips on mine.
I was so scared telling Kira afterwords, but it finally spilled out when she came down to my room to see how my mural was going.
"LUDWIG KISSED ME!" I shouted and covered my face. It was silent for a minute until Kira spoke.
"...I know. I saw. And he's still alive, isn't he?"
"...Wha-"
"He told me." She sighed, scratching the base of her low ponytail. "I guess it was his guilt of knowing he kissed a happily married woman. So, Andy, what do you want to do?"
I knew what she was asking. I smiled happily and hugged the taller one tightly. "Thank you, Kira. Thank you. Thank you."
Our divorce was finalized two weeks later and she moved out with Alina and Gilbert to the newly built cabin.
I looked up at my cousin after replaying the memories in my head. "I wouldn't've 'divorced' you, if I wasn't sure I could handle being a married 'woman'. And if anything goes wrong...I still have you, right?"
Kira nodded with a grin. "YOU KNOW IT! I'll always be your knight in shining armor, Andy. Even when you're 85 and sparkly white teeth have all fallen out, I'll rush to your rescue with my walker of doom! It'll even have hotrod flames painted on it!"
I had to laugh at the mental image she had conjured up.
"Ready, precioso tesoro?"
"...Ready."
And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom. I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger. Never knew the lovin' of a man but it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand. There's a boy here in town who says he'll love me forever. who would've thought forever would've been severed
"We've gathered today to join together this man, and this woman." a sprinkling of laughter came from my family, stumping the priest. But he continued on.
"Anyway, Ludwig Beilschmidt has written his own vows, and will now recite them. Ludwig?"
That surprised me. And Kira. Hell, I think it surprised everyone except Alina, if that look she had was any indication. Did he seriously go to Alina Dogaru of all units to help him?
"Andy...when I first woke to your face, you immediantly stumped me. I didn't know what to think of you, or how such a person like you handled your family so well. It was like you were the only sane one, then I figured it out, you might've been the one who was insane. You came across even your adversaries with only kind words and smiles, even when I could tell all you wanted to do was hide and cry. I can only hope to show you I can be just as strong as you, and be there when I can be weak for you, as it seems you never learned how. Let me piece you together when you finally break. Let me help you with your burdens. Let me be your husband and lover until the end of our time."
I was smiling, a tear escaping from my cheek at his words. Wow...I guess that's why they call Romanian a Romantic language. She's an emotionally-stunted bitch, but I know she was the only one to make Ludwig actually put his gruffness into something gentle and sweet.
"Ludwig, do you vow to be by Andy's side, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"
"I do."
The priest turned to me. "Andy, do you vow to be by Ludwig's side, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"
"I do. Forever and ever."
Ivan came forward in his cute little suit, brandishing a blue velvet pillow where the rings sat.
"With this ring, I be wed to you, Andy Nitedream." Ludwig said, without prompt from the priest.
"With this ring, I be wed to you, Ludwig Beilschmidt. My German soldier."
"I now pronounce you, man and wife. You may kiss the bride." The priest sighed.
We were on each other in moments.
By the sharp knife, of a short life, well, I've had just enough time. So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls. What I've never did is done. A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar. Their worth so much more, after I'm a goner. And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singing, funny when you're dead how people start listening.
20 years later found him by my bedside. He barely left it since I became bed-ridden five years ago. My disease had nearly run its course, the toxicity in my blood even overcoming my medicine. I lost all feeling in my legs ten years ago, and got along fine in a wheelchair until I started having extreme asthma attacks that paralyzed my lungs. Now I was attached to a bulky oxygen tank that I couldn't get off of for even three seconds. I could still move my upperbody, which meant I wasn't for lack of anything to do. I could still paint and draw, knit and sew, and respond when Ludwig couldn't hold back his libido anymore.
"Ludwig?" I turned to him best I could, really tired. "Hey, Lud?"
"Yes Andy?" He asked, putting down his book, still haven't taken off his reading glasses.
"Lud...when I die, what would you do?"
"What?" That question threw him through a loop, no one in the family bringing up the subject of death.
"What will you do when I die? Will you become a hermit? Remarry? I saw that Paige Zanetti down at the hardware store was giving you some nice looks. Looks that has on more than one occasion made me want to kick her ass throughly."
"So that's why you're always more affectionate." Ludwig smiled slightly at my possessiveness.
"Answer my question, Ludwig Beilschmidt." I scowled. He bent over and kissed my forehead. When he straightened up, he pointed over to my moniter.
"Three years ago, when your docotr informed us to begin arrangements, I had Kira call the company."
"The same company with the name of a BDSM shop that hand delivered my kinky husband?"
I chuckled at his red face and suffered for it with a coughing fit.
"Take it easy, Andy." He told me sternly, rubbing my chest to loosen the muscles that always tightened painfully during my fits. "But yes. Upon your death, I will turn off via a caged virus that will be released when your moniter flat-lines. And I will never turn on again. Not even if I'm reprogramed."
"...And Kira..."
"Agreed to it? Yes. Or, as she says it 'Like i'm going to have any use for a suicidally depressed German bastard anyway. Might as well go down with your wife like a real man. Unless your scared of death, then you might as well chop off your balls right now.' Kira has the most appropriate language..."
I tried not to burst out laughing, nearly making me go into another fit just to keep from NOT having a fit.
"Kira is a riot." I sighed happily and laid back, my eye closing for a brief nap. "Still be here when I wake up?"
"Of course." He smiled softly, smoothing the hair away from my forehead.
"Besame?" He chuckled and kissed me softly.
"Ich liebe dich, Andrew."
"Love ya too, Luddy..." I yawned and got comfortable, slipping into a deep sleep. Too deep. I never woke up. And neither did Ludwig, book and glasses sliding to the floor as his body fell over to rest overtop mine, his hand falling on top of mine.
If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down, in a bed of roses. Sink me in the river, at dawn. Send me away with the words of a love song.
The ballad of a dove. Go with peace and love. Gather up your tears, keep them in your pocket. Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them. The sharp knife, of a short life, well, I've had just enough time. So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls.
..0.0.0
HAHAHA YOU THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A HAPPY ENDING? FUCK NO! EVERYONE DIED! THE FUCKING END!