Authors note- I had this idea in my head after I read the lyrics to Sheryl Crow's song "The first Cut is the Deepest".

And there he was sitting there like nothing had happened. Like he didn't just shatter my heart into a thousand pieces. He sat there with no tear in his eye and here I was sitting there bawling my eyes out. He didn't even have to say a word. For I knew what he was going to say and he did. He said it like it didn't even bother him a bit.

How can he be so calm? How can he pretend to be ok with this when I know he is dying inside? Right? He is dying inside isn't he? OMG what if he's not. What if I really wasn't everything he needed.

How can he even say this is the best for us. WTH is that suppose to mean. I am torn apart inside and he says it's for the best. I told him yeah maybe for one of us, but he didn't say anything back. He didn't even care. I told him not to do this, but he said he had to.

I saw him and Peyton talking earlier this morning. I bet he was telling her they could finally be together. I know she told him to break up with me so they could be together. Why? Why would she do that to her best friend? I am so confused.

I can't get it out of my head. I just can't. I wish it would disappear, but it won't.

Flashback

Brooke enters Lucas's house though his bedroom door.

"It is so easy to sneak in here I love it." Brooke says walking over to Lucas who was chatting online with Peyton. "I brought you something."

Lucas turns around.

"It's kind of a get well, don't get hurt again kinda gift."

"Oh ok."

Lucas tells Peyton he has to go and then walks over to Brooke who was sitting on his bed.

"Want to open it now or later?" Brooke asks waving it in his face.

"Later. Brooke we need to talk."

"Ok about what?" Brooke asks hoping he was going to pop the big question.

"Lately I feel like your feeling for me a whole lot more than what I'm feeling for you."

"What are you talking about Lucas?" Brooke says starting to get upset.

"I see you have fallen head over heels for me. You have told Peyton and you have told Haley that you in love with me. I don't know if I can feel something that serious yet."

"And I never asked you to. Lucas my feelings are my feelings I'm not asking you to feel the same. I don't want you to."

"But you will Brooke. Your going to want me to say I love you to you and I won't be able to. This is for the best."

"Maybe for one of us." They stayed silent and just stared at each other. "Don't do this Lucas. Please." She pleads as tears begin to fall.

"I have to."

"It's all because of Peyton isn't it. I knew it. You have been all about her ever since we got together. I never knew you could be this low."

Flashback Ends

And there I went. Straight back out the door with no more words said. I stopped for a second to see if is was all real and it was. The love of my life finally said it was over. The first guy that I actually gave my heart to said he didn't feel the same for me as I did him.

I wish he knew everything I hid. He didn't even know I gave myself up to him. I never slept with those guys. Lucas Scott was my first. I cried over the little notes he would put in my locker everyday. I got Peyton to burn me every CD that he liked so I would feel closer to him and understand him better. Ohwell it doesn't matter now. I can burn it all, but I don't have the heart to. I still want the memories even though it hurts sometimes.

I watch him walking down the hall alone and I wonder if he misses me. He looks at me and I feel like he regrets it. He even told me he was sorry one time, but I totally ignored him, cause I knew if I stopped and looked deep in his eyes again I would start missing him again. Even more than what I already do.

I guess it's true what everyone says the first cut is the hardest to mend, cause it's been 2 years and I still haven't found the one to fill his spot.

WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU ALL OF MY HEART
BUT THERE'S SOMEONE WHO'S TORN IT APART
AND HE'S TAKEN JUST ALL THAT I HAVE
BUT IF YOU WANT I'LL TRY TO LOVE AGAIN
BABY, I'LL LOVE AGAIN, BUT I KNOW...

THE FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST
BABY I KNOW
THE FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO BEIN' LUCKY, HE'S CURSED
WHEN IT COMES TO LOVIN' ME, HE'S WORST...

I STILL WANT YOU BY MY SIDE
JUST TO HELP ME DRY THE TEARS THAT I'VE CRIED
AND I'M SURE GONNA GIVE YOU A TRY
IF YOU WANT I'LL TRY TO LOVE AGAIN
BABY, I'LL TRY TO LOVE AGAIN, BUT I KNOW...

OHHH,
THE FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST
BABY I KNOW
THE FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO BEIN' LUCKY, HE'S WORST...

I STILL WANT YOU BY MY SIDE
JUST TO HELP ME DRY THE TEARS THAT I'VE CRIED
BUT I'M SURE GONNA GIVE YOU A TRY
CUZ IF YOU WANT I'LL TRY TO LOVE AGAIN
(TRY TO LOVE AGAIN, TRY TO LOVE AGAIN)
BABY, I'LL TRY TO LOVE AGAIN BUT I KNOW, OHHH...

THE FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST
BABY I KNOW
THE FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST
WHEN IT COMES TO BEIN'LUCKY, HE'S CURSED
WHEN IT COMES TO LOVIN' ME HE'S WORST

OHHH, THE FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST
BABY I KNOW (BABY I KNOW)
THE FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST
TRY TO LOVE AGAIN

r/r- So whatcha think??