This Twisted Sister
Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all its characters are the intellectual property of Shonda Rhimes and Co.
Special thanks to supershipper for her beta reading services :)
When she stopped to think back, in those odd moments when her mind wasn't cluttered with thoughts of heart surgery or just full of plain chaos, she realised how emotional she had become.
This wasn't good. This wasn't normal. It just wasn't, well...her.
"What's happening to me, Mer? I'm going soft, and I haven't even reached that freakish happy, married thing you're going through. Not that I ever will. I kind of think this is what hell feels like - my own personal hell on earth."
She was pacing up and down while Meredith lay sprawled on her bad, pretending to read a medical journal but secretly delighting in Cristina's agitation. It was refreshing, and all too amusing, to see the "robot" dealing with
something outside the bounds of her user's manual; that, and the fact that by some weird twist of fate the tables had turned and she, Meredith Grey, was now the captive audience to Cristina Yang's relationship woes.
"Cristina, we're dark and twisty. That doesn't mean we're not allowed to have emotional meltdowns once in a while."
That made the antsy brunette stop in her tracks. "I'm not having an emotional meltdown. I don't DO emotional meltdowns. This is just a, you know, blip in the radar or whatever."
"A what?" Meredith couldn't help but laugh at her best friend's analogy. "Come on, even if you were having an emotional...maybe crisis is a better word, it's not like you're becoming...becoming an Izzie."
"An Izzie? Seriously?"
"What? It's a good analogy. Izzie's like this really emotional person, you know, in touch with her feelings and stuff. Whereas you, well, you know what you are."
"Ha. Exactly! That's why this" she waved a hand disparagingly in the air "is not something I should be getting myself into. Right?"
"Well, you said you love him."
"So? She did too, probably for years. They went to war together, Meredith, war!"
"I thought you guys worked this out already?"
"No. Yeah. No, I don't know. It's like, l really love him and stuff and I trust him, I guess. But it's kind of all weird and tense between us, mostly when Teddy's around."
"Why?"
"Because! Remember, full frontal declaration of love for Owen in my face and whole dramatic speech about unringing bells and being able to deal with stuff because of deer and waxed body parts?"
"Oh yeah. That was some comic gold."
"Mer!"
"Alright, alright. It's a screwed up situation."
"Thank you!"
"So what are you gonna do about it?"
Cristina stopped her pacing and stared up at the ceiling in silence. She saw the marks left behind by the now-absent ceiling fan. It reminded her of the things she and Owen had gone through. The battles they had faced together right in that very room.
"I don't know. This isn't something I know how to deal with right away. It's like a trauma surgery. Too many bleeders, not enough clamps. I'm panicking and I don't panic."
She realised part of her anxiety lay in the fact that she had sort of bared her soul to this man, a man who could very well "leave her at the altar" again. This was stuff she hadn't even told Meredith, her person; her person, damn it, her best friend who
had been there as she struggled to breathe in the lace and taffeta cage she had worn to please Burke.
"I think Owen's okay."
"Owen's...okay?"
"Yeah, I mean he hasn't tried to choke you again or anything."
They grinned at each other; dark and twisty was still here to stay, even if her other twisted half was happily married.
"I think, I think I'll just, I don't know, wait it out for now. I said I wouldn't give up on him, and I won't. Even if Desert Storm Barbie is pining after him."
"Desert Storm Barbie? I thought she was the cardio-god now."
"She is. Don't get me wrong, Teddy is probably the best thing that's happened to me surgically speaking. Doesn't mean I have to like the fact that she's in love with my boyfriend."
"Good point."
Meredith's beeper sounded off. It was Derek. "Okay, husband's calling and I gotta go do my wifely duties." She bounced off the bed, clipped her beeper to her pocket and slid her shoes on.
"Ugh. Happy, married you still freaks me out."
As she walked out the door, Meredith paused and whispered "Wanna know a secret? Kind of freaks me out too."
Cristina smiled at her best friend's retreating back as she lay on top of the covers, resting her head on a large green cushion. She wasn't quite sure how much time had passed while she was spacing out and getting lost in her own thoughts,
but suddenly she felt the bed dip as someone sat down beside her.
"Hey."
"Hey, what time is it?"
"Almost midnight. Are you okay?"
"Why? Don't I look okay?"
"Well, you just kinda looked like you were miles away."
She studied his face; the ridge of his brow, those bright blue eyes, the pale blonde lashes that seemed almost invisible. He looked concerned, like he wanted to save her from whatever was troubling her. She wasn't sure he could, but she would let that thought rest for now.
"Cristina?"
"Owen, I love you."
She almost laughed aloud at the look of surprise that came over his face. He knew she loved him, but she wasn't exactly vocal about it most of the time.
His first instinct was to kiss her, and she let him. The way his hands cupped her face, the way they tangled in her hair, she couldn't get enough of it. But even as she was drowning in the feeling of his lips moving so artfully against hers, she realised he hadn't said anything.
The thought made her sigh against his mouth and he pulled away, almost as if he could feel the despair behind that one outward breath.
"What's wrong Cristina?" His voice was ragged and breathy, sexy. This wasn't the time for it.
"You need to shave, that damn beard is giving me burns."
She felt his chest rumble in silent laughter as he gently pushed her back to lay flat on the bed, his hands splaying on the bare skin of her stomach underneath her t-shirt. He looked searchingly into her eyes as she lay beneath the weight of him, and then kissed her again.
For several moments, only the soft sighs and moans of their lovemaking filled the room. Content for the present, and feeling safe in the circle of Owen's arms, Cristina drifted off to sleep.
She didn't see the sad blue eyes that watched her, the tenderness of his hand as it brushed a stray curl out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. It was torture for Owen, knowing that he was causing her pain again. It was a mistake to have brought Teddy to Seattle Grace,
but it was something he couldn't undo now. It was something he couldn't fix, not with all the therapy in the world.
He couldn't say it, even though he desperately wanted to. It seemed...trite, even wrong somehow. Damn it, he was in love with Cristina, but he loved Teddy too. Or did he? It was hard to put a name to the feelings he had for her. War had made everything complicated.
It was still making everything complicated.
For now, she was here with him, despite everything that had happened, and that was enough. As he nestled his face into her curls and tightened his hold around her waist, his troubles momentarily seemed to melt into nothing. He'd figure it out, he had to.
This twisted sister was a keeper.