My mind is filled with hatred.
It pains me that you should roam so freely, so carefree, a man who left a trail of innocent bodies in his wake without a care for the people he harmed. A man who was responsible for the bloodshed and betrayal of the Specially Administrated Zone. The one who used Euphie like a rag doll then threw her away like it was nothing.
I loathe to hear your voice, see you walk through the school grounds in this parade of a life.
For a man who claims to create dreams, you have done nothing but destroy the dreams of others in your own selfish pursuits.
Lelouch. Zero. You are now neither. You are a shadow. It's a fitting punishment, that you should have to live without that which drives you, your entire reason for living. Still, I cannot bear to see you. It pains me.
The way your smiles are never fake anymore, but they aren't as bright, either. Or maybe that's just how I see it because I know, I know how you would hate the way you've been forced to live. And then there's the way you look when you think you're alone, amethyst eyes dull and unstaring, as if you wouldn't mind if the cars travelling the highway veered off course and took away your empty existence.
Such sad eyes.
As soon as I started to feel a hint of remorse for a man like you, I knew I couldn't do this anymore. I have left your surveillance in Villetta and Rolo's hands, and run away to where I don't have to see your treacherous face every day.
Maybe I am not yet bad enough of a person to want to see you suffer. Or maybe I am too weak and sentimental deep down to forget that you were my best friend. I am filled with hatred and sorrow, yet somehow, when I see your conflicted face, your empty expression, I can't help but want to comfort you.
Comfort you, or strangle you with my fingers pressed against your neck, I can't decide.
Don't get me wrong, I have no regret for what I've done. Both you and I are too steeped in our sins to be forgiven. But is it wrong that I wish things were different? There was a time long ago where the future held so much hope.
We were torn apart. The murder of my father. Our separation. You becoming Zero. Euphie's murder. Which was the point of no return? If I could go back in time and fix everything, would I?
There's no doubt in my answer to that.
If we could laugh together again, I would.
But the Lelouch I know no longer exists, and I'm the only one who remembers him. It's a burden for me to carry, one I accepted it the moment I turned in my best friend. The guilt that haunts me is nothing.
I have to go now.
Rot in this peaceful imitation of a life we have created for you, Zero. The next time we meet, I hope it's in hell.