"Chandler, could you grab that stuff on the living room table, I think it's trash… oh, no, wait. Those are your Christmas gifts!"

Rachel stifled a yawn and then grinned at Chandler, who was doing his best to look offended at Monica's remark. "You do realize you and Joey are getting absolutely nil for your birthdays this year," she commented.

"What? It's the thought that counts," he said, uncapping Rachel 'new car smell' and spraying it in her direction. "Get a whiff. Isn't this great?"

Rachel rolled her eyes and grabbed the bottle out of his hand. "I'm touched, you cheapskate. Now get out of here before we inflict torture."

"Too late," Monica said from the doorway. "Joey was lucky he left when he did, but he'll get what's coming to him tomorrow. As for you, Bing… grab a trash bag and get your ass moving. I want this place spotless by 2am, no later. I will not wake up to a messy apartment tomorrow morning."

Rachel coughed. "Uh, yeah, since I have that thing tomorrow morning I'm probably just going to go to bed…"

Monica narrowed her eyes. "What 'thing'?"

"You know, the, uh…" Rachel mumbled something unintelligible as she beat a hasty retreat into her bedroom. "Okay, g'night, have fun, Chandler!" The door slammed behind her.

Chandler turned to look at Monica, who was standing by the kitchen table looking pissed. "I suppose it wouldn't do any good if I told you I had a thing tomorrow too…"

Monica pointed at him. "Get. Moving."

He raised his hands in mock defense, although he did swallow - hard. "Okay, okay. Just making sure."

Ten minutes later, he was bent over the coffee table, trying to remove water rings like a happy little Christmas elf. "How did I get roped into this," he muttered, as his neck began to ache from the awkward angle. He should have left when everyone else did.

Monica was vacuuming, but she raised her head and gave him a Look. He wondered, not for the first time, if she had some sort of smartass radar.

He bit his lip and scrubbed furiously at the final ring until he couldn't stand it any more. It was barely noticeable, really. Maybe if it were a little darker in here…

"What are you doing?" Monica asked him a minute later, shutting off the vacuum as he flipped off the main light switch and bent to plug the tree lights in.

"Just trying to make it look, you know, Christmasy." God, that sounded lame even to his ears.

Monica gave him a long look, during which he sweated and tried to look nonchalant. Finally, she sighed and bent down to unplug the vacuum cord. "Christmas is over, Chandler," she said, a sudden weary note in her tone. "After tomorrow I'll be taking all this stuff down."

"Usually you leave it all up till after New Year's," he said, frowning.

She mumbled something under her breath and pushed the vacuum back into the closet. He watched her, noting with concern the slump in her shoulders.

"Hey… Mon?" he said, approaching her. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing's the matter." She brushed a few errant strands of hair from her eyes and attempted a smile. "I'm just tired, I guess."

"Look, you want me to finish here? You can go to bed, Mon. I know our presents to you guys kinda sucked, so why don't you just let me make it up to you."

"So you're going to finish cleaning up and buy me jewelry?" she asked wryly.

He grinned, although his eyes still reflected some concern. "How about clean-up and chocolate. Godiva," he added quickly, when she started to protest. "And I'll try to get Joey to remember to drain your bathtub after his boat races."

She regarded him with amusement. "How about just the Godiva, Joey's a lost cause," she finally said. "We're almost done here anyway."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Come on, you know me. I could never leave you out here to clean up by yourself."

He laughed. "I knew that when I offered."

Monica's mouth fell open. She tried to mask her grin, but didn't quite succeed. "You're such a jerk, Chandler," she complained, smacking him on the arm.

"Nah, I just know you too well," he laughed.

Her smile suddenly faded. "I guess you do," she murmured, turning away.

"Hey, hey," he said worriedly. "Why's that such a bad thing? We're friends."

She shrugged, her back still toward him, as she began to clear off extra dishes on the kitchen counter. "Just wondering if the fact that you know me too well has anything to do with my Christmas gift," she said dryly, with an undertone of sadness.

Chandler looked confused. "The condoms?"

Monica gave him a frustrated look over her shoulder. "What were you and Joey trying to say, Chandler? That I should get out there and 'get some'? That my love life sucks? That it's just another way I've come up short this year?"

"N… no," he stammered, taken aback. "It was just… we were actually gonna give you the toilet seat covers, but then we remembered that you already buy them in bulk… so Joey saw the condoms near the register and it was just, umm, an impulse buy. We didn't mean anything by it, Mon. Honest."

She sighed, all the fight going out of her. "I know," she said softly, rubbing at her temples. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. It's just… well, I guess there is something wrong. A lot of things wrong, actually."

He approached her cautiously, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Like what?"

Monica shrugged bleakly. "I'll be 27 soon. No boyfriend. No job. No money. My mother will be sure to tell everyone what a failure I am at the Christmas party tomorrow." Her face began to crumple. "Nobody liked my Christmas cookies."

"Mon, that's not true!" He turned her to face him, and carefully wiped away the tears that were starting to leak from her eyes. "I love your Christmas cookies! It wouldn't be Christmas without them."

"I'll be sure to tell my mom you said that," Monica said with a wry laugh that turned into a stifled sob. "Damn it," she muttered, as she tried to stop the flow of tears.

Chandler was starting to look highly distressed, in his hyperactive Chandler-ish way. "Monica, you are not a failure. You're just, you're focusing on the bad stuff. You're being your mom. Don't do that; be you. You are wonderful. You're beautiful, intelligent, funny… the best chef I know, and the kindest person I've ever met. And you know what? You're way too good for all the guys you've dated, but someday you'll find one who'll realize how amazing you are, and that is the guy you need to wait for. And finally… look at the rest of us. Hell, we're all in the same boat! Except Ross, of course, who has that whole lesbian-divorce-single-parent thing going on."

Monica laughed in spite of herself, wiping at her eyes. "You're sweet, Chandler," she said softly.

"Hey, I'm honest," he said frankly.

She lifted her face to his, briefly searching his blue eyes with her own. "Thank you," she whispered.

Chandler hesitated, and then instead of answering, slowly leaned down to press his lips against hers. Monica froze for a moment, unsure of his intentions, and then sighed as she tilted her chin up to kiss him back. She knew this wasn't right - she was kissing Chandler; weird, funny Chandler, the same Chandler who gave crappy Christmas gifts and always, always teased her - but for a few stolen moments beneath the twinkling lights of a Christmas tree, none of that mattered. He finally pulled away to gaze soberly down at her.

"Okay?" he asked, his voice husky in the silence of the apartment, and she wasn't sure what he was asking but nodded anyway. Yeah -- for the first time in weeks, she felt okay.

A small smile touched his lips, and she saw it in his eyes. They radiated warmth down at her. "Okay," he sighed. "I'm going to take out the trash and finish getting out those water rings… and hey, it looks like we might just make your 2am deadline," he added, nodding toward the glowing clock on the microwave.

"Now that would be a Christmas miracle," she replied, a soft smile crossing her own face. Several minutes later he left with trash bags in hand, a whistling, unnaturally jovial version of himself, and she put down the sponge in her hand to gaze after him. Christmas might be almost over, but she had to wonder what the New Year would bring.

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Thanks for reading! I guess this could fit right into the show or twist off into its own alternate universe. However you want to interpret it. :) Hope you enjoyed it.