I own no one but my own people
A/N So this is kinda AU in that Zelena killed Hades before he killed Robin, he went on to marry Regina, the two of them co parented Robyn with Zelena and she never met Chad when she left Hyperion Heights. Takes place sometime after the series finale. Just a fun fluffy Mad Archer fic with some Outlaw Queen, and Knight Rook and all sorts of other fun ships and stuff thrown in for good measure
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Robyn awoke from her heavy slumber to the loud shrill angry beeping of a smoke detector.
"Oh bloody hell!" she heard her girlfri-, fiancée, Robyn reminded herself with a grin, having popped the question the previous night, shout from their kitchen.
"Alice?" the dark blonde woman called out as she got out of the somewhat springy bed and made her way into the kitchen, grabbing her forest green robe on the way down. "You alright?"
Robyn entered the kitchen, coughing at the thick black smoke that was quickly filling up the small room, watching as Alice tried, unsuccessfully to silence the beeping smoke detector by waving away the smoke with a broom.
She spotted the culprit, a smoking pan on the stove filled with the blackened chars of… something, she wasn't quite sure what. Still coughing, Robyn grabbed the pan off the stove and dumped it into the sink, letting the cold water run over it.
"I'm sorry!" Alice cried out from her position under the smoke detector, "I just- I wanted to make you breakfast and cooking works so much more different here then back home and- why are you laughing at me? Iss not funny," she said with a rather cute pout, watching Robyn try to hold back her laughter. "I coulda burnt the whole building down!"
"I'm sorry it's just, you're so adorable when you apologize," Robyn said with a grin as she dragged a chair underneath the smoke detector and climbed on top of it, silencing it with a press of the button.
Alice helped the archer down back onto the floor before they both went over, peering into the pan and grimacing at the blackened remains.
"It was supposed to be French toast," Alice informed her, wrinkling her nose as she looked down at it. "I was gonna add sprinkles and syrup to it and everything."
"Well... instead of you making me breakfast, how about I take you out for pancakes at Grannies?" Robyn offered, grabbing hold of her hand, unable to hide the grin when she looked at the ring that fit slightly loosely on Alice's finger.
It wasn't the typical engagement ring. A brilliant blue sapphire instead of a diamond, two thin white gold bands twisted together instead of a solid yellow gold band, a bit too large for the curly haired blondes dainty hand.
It was original and eccentric and creative and fun and beautiful; just like her Tower Girl.
Alice smiled sheepishly as the bespectacled archer brought her hand to her lips.
"Then after breakfast," Robyn continued, "you can go tell your dad and I can go tell my mom, dad and aunt slash step mom, yes I know how weird that sounds, that they're adding another amazing person onto the very messed up family. Does that sound good, my lady?"
Alice cocked her head to the side. "No offense, love, but when you say 'M'lady' it just sounds weird in your accent."
"Oh I'm weird huh?" Robyn asked with a smirk as she wrapped her arms around Alice's tiny waist and pulling her against her.
"Yup." Alice grinned triumphantly, draping her arms around her neck. "You are indeed weird, Nobin."
"Ya know even now that we're engaged, that nickname isn't any more cool."
"It is absolutely positivity the coolest name and you wanna know why?"
"Why?"
"Because I'm the one that came up with it and I am the coolest person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting."
Robyn chuckled before she reached down and lifted her fiancée up, years and years of archery toning her arms to the point the girl who had been to Wonderland felt as light as a feather.
Alice squealed adorably as she wrapped her arms around Robyn's neck tighter and wrapped her legs around her waist.
"You definitely are, Tower Girl," Robyn told her, bringing the lips against hers, enjoying the soft moan that escaped from Alice's mouth. "You definitely are…"
…
Regina moaned as Robins lips attacked her neck, his strong rough hands sending shivers down her spine as they made their way down her body.
"Robin…" she whimpered, wrapping her legs around his waist, her sharp nails leaving marks on his back. "Robin…"
The Outlaw moved his kisses to her collar bones and then between her breasts, his scruff pleasantly scratching the sensitive skin. She ran her hands through the sandy blonde hair as he moved even lower, landing his lips on her flat stomach and still continuing.
The Queen trembled as he kissed the soft creamy skin of her inner thigh as he spread her willing legs further apart as he moved closer towards his goal, his soft breath hitting Regina just right…
"Hello!"
The door to her bedroom flew open and Zelena strode in as if it were her own house.
"Bloody hell!" Robin yelled as he scrambled off the bed, grabbing one of the pillows to cover his lower half, any hardness he had for his Queen disappearing the moment he saw the red head.
"Zelena!" Regina barked as she yanked the blanket up over herself. "Don't you ever knock?!"
She rolled her eyes. "Oh please. It's not like there's anything in here I haven't seen before," the witch said with a nod towards Robin who just glared at her in response.
"What do you want, Zelena?" Regina asked with a sigh, pushing a piece of hair from her face, unamused with her sisters antics.
"Well if you had answered your phones instead of… well whatever you were doing, it's not like you ever did anything like that with me," she muttered, having the gall to be offended, before she raised her voice, "you would have seen that I called you about ten times."
Regina reached for her phone, checking her call history and seeing that she was in fact telling the truth.
"What's going on?" Robin asked, his curiosity outweighing his anger at being interrupted.
"Robyn needs to talk to us."
"Why? What's wrong, is she okay?" the outlaw asked, a bit of panic in his voice.
"Oh she's fine, she just wants to meet us for lunch at Granny's today at noon."
"Why didn't she tell us this herself?" asked Robin a bit cautious.
Even after all this time; after Zelena sacrificed her magic to help stop the black fairy, after she killed Hades to save him, after she was willing to sacrifice her life for their daughter, Robin still didn't trust her.
"She tried," Regina answered for her offended sister as she looked at her phone. "'Regina, I need to meet you and Dad at Granny's at noon.' Few minutes later 'Reggg' thirteen g's 'gina, I really need you and Dad to come to lunch. Granny's, noon'. Then after that there's just an angry looking yellow face thing."
"See?" Zelena said. "Why don't ever trust me?"
"Because you posed as my deceased wife who you murdered, lied to me and my son for weeks, and tricked me into getting you pregnant all so you can get back at your sister?"
"Ugh, you two ARE perfect for each other, you hold a grudge better than she does. Anyway, I'll see the two of you there?"
Robin nodded in confirmation and in a proof of green smoke she was gone. Once she had disappeared, Robin sat down on the edge of the bed.
"God, that woman is like the anti viagra," the archer muttered.
Regina chuckled, wrapping her arms around him from behind and placing a kiss on her husband's shoulder. "Ya know… we still got a few hours before we have to meet at them at Granny's."
Robin cocked his brow as Regina's kisses traveled up to his neck as her hands explored his abs. "And I bet… that I can get this particular arrow..." He groaned softly as she reached down and gripped him with just the right amount of pressure, slowly moving her hand up and down. "Ready to shoot again?"
"I think that sounds like an excellent idea, M'lady," he moaned as he bit his lip.
Regina grinned as she shifted herself so that she was in front of him before she straddled him, kissing him as she ground against him, his 'arrow' coming right to life again.
"Regina," he groaned, his hands squeezing her ass, his absolute favorite part of her, their kisses hot and heavy. "Gods, Regina…"
She had just started to sink down onto him when the sound of their doorbell echoed through the house.
"Oh for the love of God!" The queen barked at who had interrupted them for a second time.
"Someone had best be dead!" Robin shouted as Regina got off him and stormed over to the door, magicing her silk gray robe around her before she ran down the stairs, too keyed up to properly use magic. She wrenched open the front door to find Little John standing there, crossbow in hand.
"What?!" she demanded the large wild haired man, hating the person who had been Robins best man at the wedding 28 years ago.
"It's Saturday, me and Robin were supposed to go hunting?" he reminded the Queen, having been around her long enough to no longer be phased by her anger.
"He's a little busy," she told the bowman with a sharpness in her tone she knew she would regret later but right now she had a very naked and very willing Robin Hood waiting for her in her bedroom.
"John!"
Or so she thought…
Regina turned and saw Robin hurrying down the stairs, drawing a disappointing moan from her lips as she saw him not in a simple robe that would have led her to believe that their earlier activities would be continuing, but in a pair of jeans and a white cotton shirt, pulling on his forest green vest.
"I'm so sorry," he apologized to his Queen as he pulled in his hunting boots that were by the door. "I forgot that I had planned this with him but I promised John I'd go, and I-."
"Can't break a promise," she finished with a sigh.
Most times she loved his honor and his infallible code and other times… not so much.
"I'll meet you and Robyn at Granny's," he told her with a quick kiss before he grabbed his bow and quiver full of arrows that were also by the front door. "Then tonight I promise I'm all yours, M'lady."
"You better be," Regina said, only half joking.
Another quick kiss and they were on their way…
I know it was kinda a slow start but I promise it'll pick up. And Wish!Hook will be showing up next chapter and Henry and everyone else so Please Review!