Fearless
Author's note: so thanks to everyone for reading! I'm really curious about what you guys think of this piece, so please, let me know what you all think. I accept all forms of criticism, just don't be an ass about it. This timeline is based on the movie, but I tried to make some references to the books. There is a warning for some sexual themes (nothing explicit, just suggested stuff) and some violence. Yeah, I think that's everything. Thank you all again, and have a good one!
The fire hissed and roared like a lion as it fed upon the dead grass; the sound pressing against my eardrums. My sweat soaked tank top and ripped jeans provided little protection from the flames as sparks rained down, burning my bare skin. I opened my mouth to scream but inhaled a mouthful of toxic smoke. I began coughing as I fell to my knees, cutting them on the ground. I was going to die.
"Help me," I wheezed before I crouched over and coughed some more. The sky was black with smoke while the red and orange flames twisted and curled upwards like a snake. This was what Hell looked like.
"Help-"
"Josie." A voice broke through the roar of the fire. It was calm and collected, just like he always was.
"Eric? Eric, where are you?" I pushed myself to my feet and began scanning the black cloud, ignoring how the smoke stung my eyes. Like a compass pointing north, I found him stalking through the flames. Our fellow Dauntless stood by his side. Max, Four, Tori, Lucas, and Claire. They were all here. They walked through the flames fearlessly as the fire bent around them as if forbidden to touch them.
"Eric!" I ran towards him. The flames nipped at my bare skin, but my pain didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was getting to Eric. I grabbed his hands and embraced him tightly, noting how clean and dry he was. There was no trace of sweat, smoke, or ash on him.
"Eric, you're okay! We have to get out of here! There's no water to fight the fire, but if we run now we can-"
"You lied to me," he interrupted calmly. His voice was as cold and unfeeling as ice.
"What? I looked up into his blue eyes as they glinted like steel, shut off from the rest of the world. Shut off from me. I stepped out of his arms; they matched his voice and eyes. "What are you talking about? We have to go."
"You lied. You are not Dauntless. You are not worthy of being Dauntless, or any other Faction. You are Divergent."
The fire grew two stories, but the intense heat was an afterthought. I barely noticed it anymore. I licked my cracked lips and tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear with a trembling hand. "Eric, what are you talking about? I've never lied. I'm Dauntless."
"Don't lie!" He shouted as the flames crackled and popped, sending more sparks onto my arms. I couldn't cry out in pain, no matter how much my skin burned. I couldn't even move. I could barely breathe. All I could do was stare into those eyes I barely recognized. "Divergent have no placed among us. You do not belong, and now you'll get what you deserve."
"Eric, I-" My voice broke as the blaze surrounded me, cutting me off from the rest of the world, and from my Faction. I looked at Four, the man who helped me throughout initiation, and every day since. The man who always had my back; but, now his face was flat as he crossed his arms. The message was clear: I was on my own.
"I am Dauntless!" I searched the wall of fire, looking for an escape. I was Dauntless; fear did not hold me back, it pushed me forward. Breathing deeply, I jumped through the fire. I grunted as I landed hard on the dirt, rolling to extinguish the flames.
"Stupid girl." I glanced up and stared down the barrel of Eric's gun. "The flames would have been more merciful. Divergent or not, in what universe would I ever care for someone like you?"
"Eric, I-"
"I don't care." Then his gun exploded.
I gulped in clean air before running to the bathroom. I barely made it before depositing the contents of my stomach into the toilet. I wiped my mouth, still tasting the ash and smoke on my tongue. My eyes burned. My gaze traveled down my arms, looking for the burns that had covered my body. Instead, I found my pale skin and the black ink that covered my entire left arm. The fire was gone. It had never existed.
"That's the third time this week." I jumped back, pressing my back against the shower door as I turned and faced the voice. Eric. He was dressed only in a pair of shorts, revealing his thick muscles and tattooed skin. "What's wrong?"
People had described his voice as being direct and harsh without a hint of sympathy, but I knew him better than anyone. His forearms were flexed, making his tattoo twitch and move while he ground his teeth together. He was concerned, but in his own way. I knew most of Dauntless were afraid of him, saying he was cruel and ruthless; but, that's because they couldn't see what I saw. Yes, he was ferocious and direct, but he was a leader; someone who knew what needed to be done, and had the strength to do it, no matter the consequences; a soldier, to whom losing was not an option. He was the embodiment of the Dauntless beliefs. Courage, strength, and fearlessness.
"Nothing," I growled, wiping sweat from my face. He didn't accept my answer and continued to stare at me, breaking me down as only he could. I shrugged and ran my fingers through my knotted hair. "Must be coming down with something. I'll be fine."
"Maybe you should call in sick tomorrow." His eyes stayed on me as I pushed myself to my feet and drank some water. I gave him a sideways look; we both knew his words were bullshit.
"Dauntless do not call in sick because of the simple stomach flu. I'll be fine." A small grin crossed his lips, one I had heard described as a predator about to pounce on a rabbit, but they were wrong. That smile was a lion acknowledging someone of his rank, his equal. At least, when it was directed at me.
"Come on, let's go back to sleep." I grabbed his calloused hands and led him through our one-story flat. It was small and open, with the only enclosed room being the bathroom. It was home. There were no pictures or couches; we had no need for that. We were simple. All we needed was a bed, kitchen, and a small table. We weren't home enough for anything else.
"You had another nightmare." His statement made me swallow hard as I stared at the wooden floorboards. I had hoped he hadn't noticed my tossing and turning during the night.
"So what?" I huffed, glaring at him as I pulled the blankets back from the bed, using the shadows to mask my even paler face. "Everyone has fears, Eric. As long as they don't hold you back, they're not an issue. You have nightmares too."
He clenched his jaw as I paused for a second. I had never seen Eric have a nightmare. I wouldn't have believed he had any fears if I hadn't walked through his fear landscape with him. I shouldn't have said anything; Eric hated to be reminded of his fears, or any of his weaknesses. Normally, he would give me a look, but he had been under a lot of stress.
"Okay," he nodded, "as long as you're fine. Come on." He pulled me down beside him, wrapping his huge arms around me, as if to keep me from leaving again. I relented and rested my head on his chest. His heartbeat was strong and sure while my own trembled. I hoped he wouldn't notice. I breathed in his scent, a mix of the woods, metal, and gunpowder, as my finger traced his tattoo lightly.
"Ladybug," he mumbled my nickname, voice thick with sleep.
"Hmm?"
"Go to sleep. Everything's okay." I forced my hand to lay flat as I shut my eyes. The smell of smoke and gunpowder echoed in my memories, as if reminding me what was waiting. Eric tightened his grip around me, kissing the top of my head. I forced my thoughts to be silent, but I couldn't get his ice eyes or the sound of the bullet out of my mind.
"Josie. Jose, wake up! You're gonna be late." I opened my eyes, staring at the sunlight that streamed through the large window. My head pounded as my mouth tasted of old vomit. God, it felt like I was hungover.
"Josie," Eric's voice came from the kitchen. I growled to let him know I was awake before I slowly got up and joined him. I must have looked worse than I felt because he made a strange offer, "We can eat in the Pit if you want."
Most of Dauntless ate in the Pit with their friends, but I didn't like the way everyone looked at Eric. He intimidated them, so they kept him at an arm's distance, even my friends. It made for an awkward meal. Besides, Eric didn't like eating with me down there. When he was alone, he could sit with Max and the other leaders to discuss stuff I should have no knowledge of. It just worked better to eat together in our flat, or alone at the Pit.
I shook my head with a groan as I adjusted my oversized shirt. Actually, it was Eric's but I had taken it as my own. He complained about it, but I knew he secretly enjoyed it. He was putting his claim on me.
"I'm not that hungry." The smell of Eric's eggs and bacon sent a wave of nausea through my system. I gripped the counter to keep myself from flying to the bathroom again. Eric was stressed enough. Besides, throwing up once was enough for me, thank you.
"You should eat something." His expression was soft and matched the tone of his voice. I reached over and grabbed an apple, throwing him my most charming smile. Truth be told, the thought of the apple made me just as nauseated as the eggs and bacon. I turned my back to him as I poured a glass of water.
"Hey." He gripped my arms and turned me around so I was facing him. Then, he wrapped his arms around my waist. "Ladybug, what's going on?"
"It's just the flu or whatever is going around. I'll be fine." I looked up at him as my eyes traced over his short, blonde hair. The sides were shaved while the top was grown out a little longer, so it flopped over. He used to have long hair, but had it cut before stage two of initiation, almost a year ago. I liked it short, but wouldn't mind if he grew the sides out a bit more. My gaze finally settled on his blue eyes. They reminded me of the rain, calm one moment, then a ferocious thunderstorm the next.
I smiled as I licked my lips, tasting the cold metal of the two piercings I had on the ride side of my bottom lip. The two rings crossed over another to form an "X". It was my first piercing. Eric had gone with me and chose it during our initiation. Of all my piercings, those two were my favourite, and I knew Eric loved them too.
"You sure? Anything I can do?" He pushed, running his hands down my sides. I shook my head, pressing my body against his. "Maybe this will help." He leaned down and kissed my lips before nipping the piercings teasingly. His hands trailed downwards before clutching my butt.
"No," I grinned after we broke apart, "that will do just fine."
"Okay," he mouthed with a thought-provoking grin. We both turned away as he ate his breakfast and I began to change into my uniform. Eric sat there, grinning wildly from the view. We really like have no walls. "So what are you doing today? Out on the fence?"
I shook my head as I quickly ran a comb through my hair. I pulled my long, balayage hair into its normal style: a braided mohawk ponytail. I added some black eyeliner to make the Dauntless smoky-eyed look we were famous for. I answered him, "City patrol. Watching some Factionless at the edge of the city."
"Josie, you finished 4th in our initiation. You could have picked any job and you chose to patrol the city or guard the fence."
"So what?" I growled, placing my hands on my hips, finished with the eyeliner. "You above all people know why."
Eric released a breath as he nodded, "I just mean that you have a bunch of potential, and you chose to be the boots on the ground."
"To be Dauntless is to defend the city and all the citizens inside. Being the ground soldier is where I belong. You," I smiled as I sat down in his lap, facing him as I wrapped my arms around his neck, "are a leader. You want to be a leader, but I don't. I want to protect them."
"Your mother... Josie, you can't protect her." His voice and expression were even, making his words even sharper. I stepped off him and crossed my arms.
"But I can protect everyone else. That's our job, isn't it?" I expected his straight face to grow into a frown and watch as he pursed his lips, signs I was straddling the line. Instead, he smiled and pulled me back into his lap.
"I love it when you get fired up."
"You're an ass."
"And you love it." He kissed me again, pulling away with a smile. "We should get going." I agreed and followed him out the door. We sauntered through the compound before Eric turned to go to Dauntless Headquarters. Max had finally realized his skills and had asked him to become a part of the Dauntless leadership, but being asked was the easiest part. Eric explained that there were several leaders in Dauntless, all with different tasks- like trade, security, and even clean up, but there were only a few who knew everything about Dauntless; and, to be one of them, you had to go through another initiation of sorts. He wasn't allowed to tell me anything more, but I knew it was stressful for him. But, I also knew Eric better than anyone; if he wanted something, only death would stop him.
As Eric stepped into Dauntless headquarters, I thought about wishing him a good day, but dismissed the thought. In turn, he never once looked back at me or waved goodbye. That suited me just fine. I waited until his stocky form was out of view before I continued on to the security compound. Once there, I put on the body armour and signed out my rifle, mentally preparing myself for the job ahead.
"Ready to go, partner?" I rolled my eyes and looked at my partner, Lucas. He was a Dauntless-born, but a little soft in my opinion. He was three years older than me, but most people assumed it was the other way around. Despite that, he was a good partner. He was taller than me, but at 5'4, that was not a hard feat. He had dark coloured skin and wide, brown eyes. His hair was in the Dauntless fashion, shorter on the sides and longer at the top. I faced him as he hissed.
"Oooo, you look tired. Is that another hickey? No wonder you look exhausted." Lucas reached over and pulled the hem of my shirt away from my collar bone to reveal the love mark. I smiled and raised an eyebrow.
"So? You're just jealous you don't have someone to mark you up." I grabbed his wrist and pulled it away, twisting it so I had him in an armbar.
"Not if that guy is Eric. That dude is scary, now lay off before you break my arm!" I released him as Lucas hissed and rotated his shoulder through gritted teeth.
"He is Dauntless, Lucas. What else is he supposed to be?" I stared Lucas down, waiting for a response. He opened his mouth, looking like he would say something, but decided against it last minute. Smart man.
"Whatever. Forget I said anything. You ready to go?" He smiled his famous crooked grin as I continued to stare, chewing on my lip piercings. Finally, I nodded and followed Lucas to the train.
Our life was simple: get on the train and get orders from our sergeant. He would tell us where we were stationed, who would relieve us, and when. Some people had the same areas, but a few, including Lucas and myself, moved around. I liked that better. That way, I knew each area and knew their different problems. It also kept you from getting used to your area and getting sloppy.
During our shifts, we mostly talked, conducted small patrols, and acted as a deterrent. For the most part, our biggest issues were Dauntless kids fighting or some Erudite know-it-alls arguing about whatever they were currently working on. It was more dangerous on the outskirts of the city where the Factionless lived. They were Factionless, enough said.
"Hey, Claire!" Lucas ran up to my friend. She was tall and lanky, and a good fighter. Her neck-length hair was white while one side of her head was shaved. We had been in the same initiation class. She had been born in Erudite and used her intellect to make her a cunning warrior.
Claire smiled and made small talk with Lucas until I interrupted, "Any issues?"
"Hell no, Jose, nothing but quiet." She squinted at my marked collarbone as Lucas nodded. "Jeez, tell Eric to lay off. You look like a zombie."
"Thanks," I hissed but Claire only beamed and continued, "Wonder if you marked him in a more obvious place this time. Anyways, see you two later." She waved and walked off with her partner.
Lucas laughed as I rolled my eyes; but, secretly, I grinned proudly. Eric and I never worried about how visible our marks were. If anything, the more obvious, the better. It reminded any girls that he was mine, and there were consequences if they ignored it, and vice versa. Last time I was dancing with someone other than Eric, he almost dislocated the guy's shoulder, and when some girl was drooling over Eric, I broke her nose. Poor, stupid bastards.
Our shift was slow, with only Lucas' endless stories to make the time pass. We were stationed on the edge of the outskirts. We were close enough to the city center to hear the voices and to see the odd person, but far enough away that the Abnegation clean-up hadn't gotten to this street yet. The buildings were crumbling with slabs of cement and the odd rebar littering the streets. They were also littered with Factionless. For most of the shift, they were fine. Until the last hour.
"Hey, Josie," Lucas warned, but I had already seen him. Emerging from the remains of a crumbling building, was a young Factionless with a mean, scarred face. He was from Dauntless. We were the only ones that looked like that. His eyes darted from side to side as if looking for something, either a victim or a bigger predator. His eyes landed on us. He froze, watching us as we watched him. My movements were almost mechanical as I raised my gun and placed him in my sight. A smile crossed his face as he raised his arms and slowly retreated back the way he came. Once his shadow was a memory, I lowered my weapon.
"They're getting bolder," Lucas mumbled, writing the incident down in our log book. "More and more are coming closer to the city center."
"They're still a few miles off," I said, watching the buildings as if they would yield more Factionless.
"They never used to come this close when I first started. We just started watching this area a few months ago." Lucas' voice was strong and logical. This was something all us guards had to be aware of. Most people would be frightened at the prospect of the Factionless getting closer, except us Dauntless.
"We should just shoot them on sight." I barely recognized my voice as Lucas gave me a look.
"Josie, I know they're not part of a Faction, but kill them on sight?" Lucas was wanting an explanation, but I had none for him. My reasons were my reasons. The rest of our shift was quiet; the most exciting part was seeing a rat.
On our way back, Lucas kept trying to get me to talk, but I refused. Instead, I watched the city as it rolled by. When we arrived at the compound and turned in our gear, I made my way straight to the Pit. Eric was still working and I was hungry. I grabbed a muffin before wading through the mass of people. I found one of my friends sitting off to the side with Lucas. Not seeing any better option, I made my way towards them, treading softly.
"Dude, that's what she said. I know she's cold, but I think Eric's starting to get to her." Lucas sounded concerned as I slowed my pace, listening closely.
"She would have said that whether or not she was dating Eric. You know she wasn't born Dauntless," Lucas nodded as my friend continued, "she was born in Amity. Don't laugh, that's where she's from. Her mother was killed by Factionless when-"
"Quite a storyteller, aren't you, Four?" I interrupted, finally joining them. Lucas made some excuse before fumbling away. Four looked up at me with an impassive face.
"Who would have thought I would be the warm, nurturing one between the two of us?" He smiled. I snorted and flicked some water at his face as I sat across from him.
"I'm surprised you didn't tell Lucas," he admitted as I picked at my muffin. "I thought you had to tell the truth."
My hand froze an inch away from my mouth as my heart paused for a second before it pounded like a drum. My fingers tingled as the muffin tasted like ash. The food in my hand made me feel sick. I felt the fire from my dream against my bare arms. I was ready for a fight. I wanted to fight.
"Four, you finished eating?" He knew from my tone that it was not a question. The corner of his lips turned upwards as he flexed his jaw. He was also ready for a fight. He nodded. My eyes never left him as we both stood up and made our way out of the Pit and towards the chasm.
If there was any place that represented the ideals of Dauntless, it was the chasm. It showed the power and the very essence of bravery, but also the consequences for stupidity. Eric loved it too. Often, we would stand here and watch the waters, proud of our Faction. Four and I came here for a much different reason. If you stood at a certain point, the gushing waters below hid our voices, ensuring our secrets remained ours.
"What the hell are you talking about, Stiff?" I spat venomously once I knew we were alone. The water churned beneath us as I placed my hands on my hips, watching Four carefully. Nobody except Eric mentioned Four's past as a member of Abnegation, and me. He gave me a sideways look as he leaned against the railings. His face was flat and his thoughts were hidden. A complete opposite of Eric. "You wanna say that shit any louder?"
"No one was listening, banjo strummin' softie," he retorted, using a Dauntless slang for someone from Amity.
"Call me that again." I faced him and dropped my hands to my sides. My breaths were hard and forced, too hard. Four narrowed his eyes and stood tall as he faced me.
"Josie, what's wrong? We've talked about this before and you've never been this tense. What's going on?" I looked away, shutting my eyes.
Like most people, I found out I was Divergent during my Aptitude Test. I had tested positive for Dauntless, Candor, and Abnegation. My tester was a young Candor who told me what a Divergent was, and that I had to keep it a secret. He manually entered my result as Dauntless and wished me luck. I was never able to find any answers about who I was until after the Choosing Ceremony.
My old Faction wasn't surprised when I chose Dauntless; if anything, they knew where I was going since I was four years old. While the other kids farmed or made friendship bracelets, I explored the land and fought imaginary foes. I knew I didn't fit in Amity and thought I was completely alone until I saw Dauntless. My parents were farming and a Dauntless patrol came to check in on them. They were fearless and strong, brave. They were everything I wanted to be, and more. I remembered turning to my mother and saying, "I'm gonna be them one day". She never doubted it.
I was always reckless before, but just for the sake of being reckless. After... that, I had a purpose, a reason for the things I did. I stopped doing my chores and decided to watch my people as they farmed. I also began to practice fighting and running. Sometimes, I would insult the other kids, hoping they would take a swing at me. It never worked. I was injected with the peace serum numerous times, but it didn't stop my desire to be Dauntless.
After I transferred, I was in the same initiation class as Eric and Four. I didn't know much about Four back then, except the rumours that circulated him. In the second stage of initiation, the two of us pulled ahead of the others. Like all Divergents, I knew the fear landscapes weren't real. Four was the same way. After watching him, I knew we were the same. I confronted him one day, right here in the chasm and we talked about what we were. He told me about Amar, our instructor and fellow Divergent, and why we had to keep it a secret from everyone else.
Amar knew what I was, but he never said anything to me or gave me tips. I was already close to Eric, so I guess Amar thought I would tell Eric everything, but I never did. Four became my instructor and gave me tips on how to avoid detection. In doing so, Four became my best friend, almost like an older brother. He was the only one I talked to about being Divergent. He was the only person who knew the truth about me since Amar died.
"You were positive for Candor," he began, as if I needed reminding, "I thought you had to tell the truth."
"You were positive for Abnegation," I shot back, "do you put everyone before yourself? I just prefer to tell the truth, but only when it suits me and my needs." I looked at the black water beneath us as my stomach churned. I felt sick.
"Jose," he stepped closer as his eyebrows drew together, "you look like crap. What's going on?"
I exhaled slowly before resting my chin against the cold, rusted metal. "Nothing, I just can't sleep. I have these nightmares, and, I don't know..."
He hummed gently, "Does Eric know?"
"Kinda hard to hide the nightmares from him. He knows something's up, but he's been so busy with Max and everything that he hasn't pursued it."
"Does he know what you dream about?"
"Divergent or not, in what universe would I ever care for a girl like you?" His words and the flash of the gun filled my mind. I shivered, hating myself for my fears, my weakness. I was supposed to be strong. I was Dauntless, not some cowardly Abnegation or some smart-mouthed Candor. I was Dauntless. I shook my head as Four stepped in closer. "He can't know about them, Four."
"Josie, I know you care for him, but he-"
"I know what you're going to say, and I don't want to hear it! Who I love is my business, not yours. Mine!" The water crashed beneath us as Four stood tall, flexing his jaw. He nodded as he took a step back. He disapproved and was disappointed. Well, screw him; he didn't know Eric like I did.
"When was the last time you ate a meal?" His voice was stone, a complete opposite of what I felt inside. I blinked and looked down, clenching my teeth tightly. I couldn't remember. I looked back at Four, feeling very small. I just wanted to be wrapped in Eric's arms and fall asleep. I wanted to tell Eric everything. I wanted to be strong. I opened my mouth.
"Josie!" His voice barked across the bridge. I looked past Four and saw Eric stomping towards us. His face was dark and his hands were tight fists; it had been another stressful day. He was tired, but still a lion, my lion. I resisted the impulse to wrap my arms around him and dance until the world ended. Instead, I allowed a smile to cross my face.
"Josie, what are you doing here?" Eric pushed past Four and stood in front of me with his arms crossed. I shrugged and smiled gently.
"Came back from the city and ran into Four. Problem with that?" I raised an eyebrow before placing a hand on my hip, smirking. I knew that was a problem, but nothing Eric would fault me for. He smirked and stroked my arm, frowning at the goosebumps on my skin. His eyes met mine before he faced Four.
The two stared at another as I moved around them so I was standing between them, close enough to intervene if necessary. Eric was a lion who beat anyone who got in his way; unfortunately, during initiation, Four got in his way, and he couldn't beat him. The two were polar opposites, yet they were so similar to me. If born in Erudite, Four would have become Eric; and Eric would have become Four if born in Abnegation. Apparently, I was the only one who saw that.
The pair stared at another, neither willing to break. Eric wore his intimidating smirk that gave him the impression that he was in control and unafraid. Four's face was an emotionless mask, a mystery that no one would ever be able to solve. Finally, Eric's lips drew back into a smile that made a shiver run down my spine. I flexed my fists.
"How's teaching, Four?"
"Fine. We have some good recruits," he answered dutifully.
Eric glanced at me, nodding his head. "Good. Well, we should get going, Josie. I'm sure Four needs to get back to them." Four glanced over at me, waiting for my response.
"Good idea, Eric. Let's go." I grabbed Eric's hand and slowly pulled him away. Flashing Four one last smile, Eric turned and pulled me in close, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
Then Four's voice sounded, "Josie."
I paused and looked back at him. I could hear Eric grinding his teeth together as his hand tightened around my hand, crushing the bones together. Four watched me with those moving eyes, eyes I could never read. He continued, "We have some smaller recruits that could use some help."
I nodded. "I'll come by after my patrol tomorrow." I squeezed Eric's hand, and together we walked away from the chasm. I rested my head on Eric's shoulder, relishing in his strength.
"You cold?" His voice was unusually tender as I looked up at him.
"No," I answered honestly, flashing him a small smile. "Just tired." He grunted and pulled me into our flat.
"You should sleep then." He closed the door behind us.
"What about you?" I sat down on the edge of our bed as Eric walked into the kitchen. "How was work? Did Max finally tell you what your final test will be?" After months of working his ass off, he was one test away from getting everything he wanted.
"No, but don't worry about it." He pressed a cup of water into my hands and sat down at the head of the bed. My eyes stayed on him, seeing the tension in his shoulders and the way he pursed his lips.
A smile crossed my lips as I placed the cup on the floor. Rolling onto my hands and knees, I crawled towards Eric and kissed him, tasting the chocolate cake he had eaten earlier. At first, he was hesitant, but then grew needy as he kissed me hard. He rolled me onto my back and pulled his shirt off as I ditched mine. My mind drifted to my nightmares and the words I knew Four would have said earlier, "he's not a good person, Josie. He could hurt you."
Eric was mine, and I was his. He would protect me; he would never hurt me. I just the needed to right words to tell him...
"Ladybug, are you okay?" I blinked the thoughts away, losing whatever traction I had. The words were gone.
I smiled again, staring up at his blue eyes, a face I loved. "Of course I am. I have you."
He blinked, tilting his head slightly. We were not a gushy couple that proclaimed our love to another every day. We never spoke about that, and showed our love by marking another, scaring away the competition, and by pleasing another. I chuckled at his face and leaned up, kissing him tenderly, passionately with everything I had. I pulled him down on top of me, digging my nails into his back muscles. He responded, just like I knew he would.
In those moments, we didn't know where one ended and the other began. There was nothing but us.
"A ladybug, seriously?" I stared at the Dauntless-born initiate, Lacey, with wide eyes. I rolled my own, unable to keep back a haughty snort.
"Yeah, why not? They're cute." She shrugged as my eyebrows rose.
"A lion could kill a ladybug easily. Hell, a baby could. I think you should've transferred to Amity; they love ladybugs. You'd fit right in." The other girls chuckled as Lacey's eyes darkened and she pressed her lips together into a thin line. I smiled sweetly back at her.
We were almost finished the first stage of initiation and were enjoying ourselves at the bar, dancing and drinking the night away. Normally, I would be with Tobias and the guys, but tonight I had let Claire talk me into hanging out with the girls. So instead of talking about guns and cool shit, I was talking about ladybugs. Claire was going to pay, and she knew it by the glares I was giving her.
"Oh my god," Sarah, another Dauntless-born, breathed, "look who's watching." We all followed her gaze to the bar. My breath hitched as a warm feeling spread through my stomach. He was all by himself, leaning against the wall, watching us. The pulsing red lights cast shadows on his face, emphasizing his jaw and toned muscles.
"Eric." It was agreed between most of the females that he was hot as hell, but one you didn't bring home to the family.
"You guys like Eric?" Mia asked, apparently one of the minority. "Did you hear what he did to Greg? Beat him black and blue. Greg was already beaten, there was no need to keep going. How is that being Dauntless?"
"A brave man never surrenders," I growled, turning my heated gaze towards her. "The Factionless won't stop because we're beaten, so we have to train harder than we have to fight. We are responsible for defending the city, so we can't give up. Ever." Mia rolled her eyes as Lacey started gushing, "Oh my god, he's coming over here."
"Hey, Eric, how's it going?" Lacey stepped forward, playing with her pitiful excuse for hair. I mean, it was so dry it looked like it would snap at the gentlest breeze. She leaned forward and gave him a full view of her breasts. My stomach burned as I clenched my teeth together. Her voice was a shrieky giggle that made my eyes roll; why on Earth did she think Eric would like a giggling bitch? He was Dauntless, an alpha male. He needed a female who could fight by his side, another alpha, not some giggler. Maybe Amity would still accept her. Lacey and I were supposed to fight later, despite that she was Dauntless-born and I was a transfer. I decided I was going to break her nose and rub her face in the blood.
"Easy there, tiger," Claire whispered, "he's not even looking at her." I noticed she was right. Lacey continued to gush pathetically, but Eric's eyes were on me. I lifted my head and wished I had worn something a little more revealing.
"What are you ladies talking about?" He asked with a voice that was as slippery as a snake, teasing and dangerous.
"Well-"
"Ladybugs," I interrupted Lacey as our group looked over at me. I was sitting on a bar stool off to the side, chewing on a straw. I gave Eric a smile then flashed Lacey a look. "Lace here thinks they're the best animal."
"Well, what I meant was..." She continued babbling like a baboon, but Eric had turned away from her and walked over to me, standing half a foot away. He smelled good, like smoke and metal.
"And what do you think the best animal is?" His voice dropped to a whisper, shifting like smoke. I smiled and raised an eyebrow.
"The best animal is the fiercest, and I don't think. I know."
"Enlighten us." He took a step closer so he was standing directly over me. Heat radiated from his body as I smelled the faint scent of alcohol on his icy breath. My mouth watered. I stood up slowly, never shifting my gaze. He towered over me, but he didn't intimidate me. Nothing he did intimidated me.
"I am. I am the fiercest creature." The other girls laughed as Lacey began spouting more bullshit, like a useless chirping bird. Eric ignored them and smiled brightly.
"We haven't fought yet, have we?"
"Not yet, but you don't need an excuse to touch me." My voice was light and teasing. Eric's smile remained as he nodded. His gaze drifted down over my body. I stood tall and put my hands on my hips, giving him a full view. That was it; I was wearing a shorter skirt and a sports bra next time.
"I look forward to it." He smiled before he stepped back and melted into the crowd. I grinned proudly as Lacey huffed and tried to change the conversation. I could feel Claire smiling next to me.
I turned to Lacey, ready to say something snazzy, but she was gone. The bar, the pounding music, and flashing lights had disappeared along with it. I was no longer in Dauntless. I was out by the fence. My black tank top and ripped jeans had vanished, replaced with the flowy red and yellow fabrics of my childhood. A figure appeared, with a red scarf tied around her head like a headband. A person I knew immediately.
"Mom?" I broke into a sprint, stumbling on the uneven terrain. Her back was to me, but I knew it was her. "Mom!"
"Josie?" I stopped several feet in front of her. My mom never called me Josie, no matter how many times I asked her to. My hand went to the knife I kept in my belt, but I was in Amity; there were no weapons here. I breathed deeply and stepped closer carefully. I was Dauntless; I wasn't afraid. The shiver in my spine was from the wind, and my breathing was laboured from my sprint. That was it. I was Dauntless.
"Mom? What's going on?"
"Josie?" For the first few months, I replayed her voice over and over in my head, committing it to memory so I would remember it despite the passing of time. Her voice was soft and comforting, like silk sheets, but this voice was weak and croaky. It was my mother, but it wasn't. "Josie, you need to run. You need to get away."
"Mom, turn around. I said, turn around!" I grabbed her shoulder and wrenched her around so she would face me. I wished I hadn't. Her face was a skull with pieces of leathered, brown skin clinging to her jaw. Tendons and ligaments hung limply from her arms. Worms and other bugs crawled through her vacant left eye socket. She was a skeleton. She opened her mouth, a chasm of bones and worms. Then, she screamed loud enough to wake the dead.
"RUN!"
I jerked awake as I looked around, half expecting to see a skeleton reaching for me. Instead, all I saw was the soft moonlight that illuminated the clothes on the floor. I was home. The memory and my nightmare were gone. I felt sick.
"Jose? You alright?" Eric mumbled sleepily. His left arm was resting under my head as he pulled me in closer, wrapping his other arm around my bare, sweat covered skin. I nodded, swallowing what felt like a grapefruit. "You okay?"
"I'm fine," I assured, settling back down. He kissed the side of my head and nuzzled my neck.
"You sure?" I nodded, relaxing into his arms, pressing my body against his bare chest. I closed my eyes, but all I saw was her face and heard her scream.
"What are you doing today?" Eric asked. So far, he hadn't mentioned last night, but I knew it was coming.
"Patrolling the city again." I pushed the scrambled eggs around my plate, hoping it would look like I had eaten something. I had thrown up again but managed to do it without Eric's knowledge. I was thankful for that. He was under enough stress.
"If you didn't want to go in today, I'm... I'm sure they'd send someone else if you told them you were sick." He turned slowly to face me, avoiding my eyes.
"I'm not sick, Eric. I'm fine!" He looked up at me, showing the purple bags under his eyes. I looked away, running a hand through my hair before resting my head in my hands. "I'm fine."
He sighed and sat down beside me, leaning forward so he could look into my eyes. Then he pulled me closer as I sat up, watching him, daring him to say something else. He took my hand and gently stroked my finger.
"I'm worried about you, Josie. You know you can talk to me." His face was open and soft, something I had never seen from him before. I nodded, smiling as I leaned forward, pressing my forehead against his.
"I know, and I'm fine. I promise. You just need to focus on your job and do whatever Max needs you to. You're a hard worker, and you're brave. You deserve this position. You can do it." He smiled and nodded, bringing my hand to his lips as he kissed my knuckles.
"Thanks, Ladybug." He pulled away and began eating.
"You remember the night you gave me that nickname?" He glanced up and nodded. "Lacey had the biggest crush on you."
"She isn't Dauntless. Not like you are."
"Where did she even end up? Cooking?" He shrugged as we both chuckled. I had kept my word and broke Lacey's nose during our fight. It now tilted off to the side as a result. It was awesome. "You remember our first fight?"
True to his word, a few days after the bar, Eric and I fought. We were both excited and instead of the usual chirping, we were teasing and playing around with each other, flirting. I got in some good punches, but Eric knocked me out. When I woke up in the infirmary, I had one massive headache and a drawing of a ladybug on the inside of my wrist.
We fought two more times after that. Our second fight had the same result as the first; it was a closer match, but I still woke up in the infirmary. Sure enough, there was a ladybug on my wrist waiting for me. During our third fight, I knocked him out. He woke up with a black eye and a ladybug on his wrist.
"You still need to work on your jabs," he said. My mouth fell open as I smacked his ribs, causing him to chuckle.
"Excuse me, who's out there fighting people, and who's sitting at a desk all day?" I raised an eyebrow as he glared at me. A smile appeared on his face as I laughed, forgetting about the nightmares as he forgot about Max and his coming trials. But then, they all came back to us as our chuckles faded into a tense silence.
"Ever think we could run away?" I voiced my thoughts out loud, but I hadn't meant to. That wasn't the Dauntless talking. Eric met my gaze and remained silent. I wouldn't look away, but I wanted to. Finally, he exhaled deeply through his nose and squeezed my hand.
"Be brave, Josie."
"Man, you look like crap," Lucas hooted as I slung my rifle over my shoulder. I gave him a heated glare as he chuckled. "Another late night?"
"Not today, Lucas." I checked my weapon before leading the way to the train. Lucas paused as his face fell.
"You alright, Josie? You seem tense." I met his concerned gaze and flashed him whatever smile I could muster.
"Fine. Let's go." We met Claire and her partner before shift change. Like yesterday, everything was quiet.
"Jose, you alright? You look like absolute shit." Lucas shook his head as I settled in for what looked to be a long day. The sky was cloudy, reflecting the mood below as the wind whipped at our faces. Lucas jabbered away as I tossed rocks at rats.
"Josie, you see what I see?" He looked to the west where a shadow was moving among the dirt. It was a man. "Factionless."
"It's the same guy as yesterday." He wore the same clothes, but this time, he was not alone. About five other men and women followed him along with some older people and children. I didn't like this; we were too close to the city to have Factionless milling about, especially the younger ones. It wasn't odd for older Factionless or children to wander this close to beg for food, but not the ones in their prime. These Factionless were warriors. The scarred man looked up at me and smiled innocently. I didn't like this.
"What the..." Lucas' voice trailed as a young Abnegation woman made her way towards the Factionless.
"Watch my back, and keep the radio handy," I ordered. Lucas nodded and adjusted his grip on his rifle, no longer the chatty, happy-go-lucky guy I spent most of my days with. I briskly walked towards the Stiff and called out to her, "Stop!"
"Oh, good morning. How can I help you?" I recognized her from our Choosing Ceremony. She was a transfer from Erudite. Judy, Julie, Judith, or something. Maybe it was Hayley. Who remembered back then anyway?
"What are you doing here?" I stopped, keeping a close eye on the Factionless.
"I'm going to give them some food and clothes." She held up a bag filled with goodies, the same tasteless food and washed out greys from Abnegation. Like all Stiffs, she was naive to the hazards of the world. The Factionless were a disease that needed to be eradicated, yet they wanted to help them. Abnegation failed to see the dangers around them, even if it was staring them right in the face.
"I don't think that's a good idea." I glanced back at them, meeting the former Dauntless' eye. He winked as my face flushed. How dare he. "These aren't your typical Factionless. These guys are looking for trouble. You should go home or find some kitten to rescue."
"Josie," she cooed gently, placing a hand on my shoulder. I stepped back out of her touch. She remembered my name. "It's okay. Everybody needs help sometimes. I'm just gonna drop these off, and then I'll leave. Okay?"
When she tried to walk past me, I grabbed her arm tightly, fighting my growing temper, fully aware of how my nails dug into her skin. "I wouldn't advise it. Go home."
She flashed me an uncomfortable smile before wiggling out of my grip. "Just one minute, and then I'll be gone."
She bounded off quickly, not giving me a chance to reply. I glared at her, watching the Factionless man. I quickly glanced back at Lucas. His own face was a controlled fire. It wasn't just me; his shoulders were tight and ready. I looked back at Judy-Judith-Julie-Hayley-whatever her name was, grinding my teeth.
She approached the group and began handing out blankets, assorted clothes, and some packaged food. The group of Factionless surrounded the Stiff like a vulture to a corpse as they accepted the gifts. More Factionless appeared as the older, non-threatening Factionless and children laughed and thanked the Stiff. She smiled back graciously, but then the ex-Dauntless arrived. The other Factionless vanished, taking whatever goodies they could carry. Then it was just the Stiff and the younger, scheming Factionless. Their warriors.
Son of a bitch.
"Excuse me, I must be going." The Stiff's voice was timid and shook like the amber coloured leaves on the branches. The scarred one stepped in front of her, blocking her escape. His back was to me, but I could hear the rumble of his voice in the air. I just couldn't hear the words. Not that it mattered, I had seen enough.
"Hey, leave her alone!" I ran over to them as the leader turned and pushed the Stiff back. The other Factionless grabbed her, ignoring her cries and pleads. Cowards.
"Ahh, I remember you," the man chuckled. He had longer blonde hair and ice blue eyes. His face was hard with a thin scar running down his right cheek. My earlier assessment was right: he was a predator. He clicked his tongue, "You look tired. Maybe you should go home."
"I said, let her go. I will not ask again." My grip tightened around my rifle, watching as the Factionless spread around me in a horseshoe shape, trapping me with the scarred man. It also blocked him from Lucas' rifle sight.
I was Dauntless; I was a fighter, a soldier, but five against one were big odds, even for us. However. I would not give up. I couldn't. That's what it meant to be Dauntless. I looked past the leader and locked eyes with the Stiff. She was scared. Good thing I wasn't. I gave her a single nod and breathed in deeply, flexing my hands. This is what I had been training for since I was eight years old. I would not fail, or I would die trying.
Eric.
"We're not going to hurt her," Scar said with a smirk, one that held no warmth or light. "We're protecting her."
"From what? You're the only criminals I see here."
He glanced at his gang and smirked before stepping forward. "You're Dauntless. So was I, until I found out what they were planning. We're protecting her from you. Dauntless, and Erudite."
Erudite? My nose wrinkled in confusion, and that's when he struck. He jumped forward, reaching for my rifle. I stepped back to keep the weapon from his hands, but stepped into the other Factionless' grasps. One hand grabbed the rifle as another punched the side of my face, temporarily turning my vision black, then dark blue. The hand on my rifle began twisting, stealing it from my grasp. I pulled my knife from my belt and swung outwards, cutting some of the Factionless. A hand grabbed at me and wrestled the knife from my grasp. I was weaponless.
"Don't shoot!" Scar shouted, "not yet!"
Fists and feet struck me as I turned, fighting to get myself out of the circle. I needed to find a single target. Hands grabbed me from behind, immobilizing me. I heard Lucas shouting and firing off the odd shot, but he wouldn't shoot close to me, he wouldn't risk my life. Fool. I would have accepted the risk and made those shots.
"Josie!" I caught a glance at the Stiff. She struggled against her captors, screaming my name while kicking her feet. She kicked one woman, who growled and punched her in the face. A small cut appeared above the Stiff's eye. That was a mistake.
"Cowards!" I roared and pushed against my captor, knocking him to the ground. I quickly jumped to my feet as I faced one man. He was muscular and tall. He growled and swung a wild right. My training overcame my thoughts as I reacted without thought. Ducking under his fist, I lashed out with a strong elbow, catching him in the throat. He fell, but I didn't stick around to watch. I turned and fought through the crowd. Most were running away from Lucas' shots but the few loyal ones focused on Scar.
Ducking, kicking, striking, and taking hits became my reality before I broke through. There was only one person between me and the Stiff. Scar, the ex-Dauntless. He didn't speak as I jumped forward. He ducked under my blow and struck my ribs. I felt something crack as a grunt escaped my bloodied lips, but I managed to push him back before he struck again. I slid forward and took out his legs, knocking him to the dirt.
"Move, Stiff!" I grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the crowd. The Factionless blocked our path to Lucas, but that didn't mean we could go the long way around. I knew Lucas would have called for backup, so we just needed to get to them before the Factionless got to us. Easy, right?
Now that we weren't in the way, Lucas shot more frequently, taking out more Factionless. Those who hadn't been shot were running for cover or running after us. We were almost free when someone reached for the Stiff, stealing her from my grasp. It was the female who had struck her. She had a knife in her hands and pointed it at me.
"I'm gonna hurt you," I promised, raising my arms. I lept at her as she swung the blade, missing my face by inches. I struck the inside of her elbow, making her cry out and drop the knife. I grabbed it and lunged, slicing her inner thigh. The girl screamed and fell, releasing the Stiff.
"Move!" I shouted. The Stiff took off in front of me when someone grabbed me and pulled me back into the horde. She paused and looked back at me. She clenched her fists as a fire burned in her eyes. I knew that look: it was the look of a warrior.
"Move it, Stiff!" I bellowed, fighting against the Factionless. "You can help me by getting to Lucas! Move!" After a moment's hesitation, she obeyed. She sprinted off gracefully, leaving me to the Factionless. They held my arms behind my back as I tugged against them futility. Scar stood in front of me, wiping some blood from his mouth.
"What do you mean?" I asked, desperate for a brief respite. Just long enough for the Stiff to get to Lucas. "What do you mean you're protecting her from Dauntless? What would we do to her?"
"It's what Erudite will do to them all. Dauntless is just the sword."
"All of who?" Blood trickled from my forehead, hot on my skin as my body began to ache.
"Her kind doesn't belong in your society, and Erudite will do anything to get rid of them."
"Her kind?" I sucked in a breath. "Divergents." The Stiff had remembered my name among all the other people at the Choosing Ceremony; she helped people without thought to her own well-being; and, she had the smoldering eyes of a warrior. She was Divergent.
Scar smirked and nodded slowly. "And you know what," he reached out a hand and stroked my cheek, "I think you might be one-"
I drove my foot between his legs, never giving him the opportunity to finish. He dropped as my captors took out my legs from underneath me. They began kicking me as I hunched on my side, biting back cries. I felt more cracks as I coughed up blood. I wanted to see Eric again.
"Andrew, shoot her," Scar screeched as he withered on the ground. A younger brunette grinned at me as he pulled a gun from his waistband. The others lifted me to my knees, holding my hands securely behind my back. The brunette, Andrew, pointed the gun at my face and grinned.
"See ya, bitch."
Be brave. I was Dauntless. We never gave up.
I spat on Andrew's face, causing him to recoil. A punch was delivered to my kidney as the arms around me loosened, just enough for me to break free. I lunged forward and jabbed Andrew in the throat. With the other hand, I grabbed his gun and shot him in the chest. I turned around and began shooting wildly. Some Factionless ran as others fell with their shock forever frozen on their faces. I kept shooting until I ran out of bullets, but I was no longer alone. More gunfire sounded around me as more Factionless fell. The cavalry had arrived.
"Josie!"
"Lucas, awesome timing." He helped me to my feet as he muttered about my injuries. "I told you the Factionless sucked."
Lucas let out a nervous laugh as I glanced at the Factionless leader. He was still laying on the ground where I dropped him. I turned to Lucas. "Give me your gun."
His gun felt heavier than Andrew's. I walked over to Scar as a darkness settled over me. He finally made it to his knees and smiled up at me.
"You know what I said is true. It's only a matter of time. You didn't save that girl. You killed her, and soon they'll come for you. How long do you think you can hide it from them? From him?" He glanced at Lucas, but my mind flashed to my nightmares, to Eric holding a gun. Scar laughed, "You'll die soon enough."
My lips pulled back into a snarl as I pointed the gun at his head. "I'll last longer than you."
I pulled the trigger and-
BANG!
Lucas flinched as I dropped my arm to my side, regarding the body. I turned and returned the gun to Lucas, who held it as if it were infected. His eyes traveled to the body before they returned to me. He looked at me differently, as if he were afraid of me. It was the same way he looked at Eric.
"Josie... You-"
"He led an attack against an Abnegation woman who was giving them assistance. Then he attacked me. You think Candor would have found him innocent? Then what? Lock him up?" I chuckled dryly, "He's Factionless; he doesn't belong here!"
My voice echoed off the building as the other Dauntless paused and looked at me. Lucas glanced at the ground as my hands began to shake. I hid them under my coat before continuing, "If you think I did anything wrong, you can take it up with Max, otherwise, don't waste my time."
I stalked past him, hitting my shoulder against his. I joined the others and found Claire. She was standing with the Stiff, speaking in gentle tones. Claire stood up and hugged me. I glanced at the Stiff who smiled shyly and gave me a single nod. The Stiff looked horrible; her face was bruised while blood rolled down the side of her face. She looked like a Dauntless. I looked away as Claire led me to the train where our sergeant was waiting. After one look, I was ordered to the infirmary and told to take the next few days off.
"You're lucky," Tess, one of the nurses, commented as she clicked her tongue piercing against the back of her teeth. "Few broken ribs, sprained wrist, stitches, some cuts... All things considered, you made out alright."
Tess was only several years older than me and was one of the nurses I actually liked. She was quick to the point and only talked if you wanted. She was there all those days I woke up with ladybugs on my wrists. She was the one who let me doodle on Eric.
I hummed in response, hissing as I sat up. I had never killed anyone before. I guess I killed some of those Factionless when I started shooting, but that guy. I executed him. The scary thing was, I didn't regret it. My vision blurred.
"Bucket," I croaked, hunched over.
"What?"
"Bucket!" Tess handed me a bedpan seconds before I spewed. I had nothing in my stomach, so I mostly dry heaved or vomited stomach acid. Afterwards, she took the bedpan away and sat next to me, placing a gentle hand on my back. I glanced at my wrist, hoping to find a ladybug. It was bare.
"What's going on, Josie? Eric came in this morning. He says you can't sleep and you've been sick. Four even came in, saying you haven't been eating. They wouldn't come in here unless something was seriously wrong. They're both worried about you."
I shrugged as a violent shiver racked my body. My clothes were all wet from rolling around in the puddles and from the blood, both mine and others. Claire had offered to send word to Eric, but I declined. He was busy enough. I didn't want to bother him over a simple fight.
"Josie," Tess began hesitantly, "I did some blood work. I have some news." Her face was relaxed with the potential to be fierce. I froze and nodded. She spoke gently, softly.
My mouth fell open as I rubbed my face. "Shit."
My mind was a torrent of thoughts and emotions, both good and bad. My body ached and pulsed with every step. News had traveled fast; people I passed would clap my back and hoot, as if I had done something worth celebrating. It made me feel more confused and nauseated. I looked down at my stomach, rubbing the new tender bruises when I bumped into someone.
"Watch it!" I barked. I looked up, ready to curse out the Dauntless but found myself staring at a woman in blue. I swallowed and crossed my arms. "Jeanine. What are you doing here?"
The Erudite leader scanned me with scrutinizing eyes, noting my cuts and bruises. Her shoulder length, blonde hair was pulled back into a tight bun. It was so precise there were no strands out of place. I consciously noted the sweat and blood covered strands that dangled between my eyes, but I refused to fix it. Everything about Jeanine screamed command and organization, someone who was three steps ahead of you no matter what you did.
"Erudite will do anything to get rid of them," Scar's words echoed through my mind as I breathed out through my nose and held my head high.
"Josephine Hassler, am I correct?" Jeanine asked in a voice that was clear and calm like water.
"Josie," I corrected.
"Of course," she nodded as a smile peeked at the corner of her lips. "You look injured. You should go to the infirmary."
"Already been." I glanced behind her where people, Erudite and Dauntless alike, carried boxes into Dauntless headquarters. "What is Erudite doing here? We're in Dauntless."
"An astute observation. Indeed we are."
"Then what's going on?" If Four were here, he would have told me to shut my mouth and leave, but I was curious and wanted answers. That wasn't the Dauntless in me.
You are Dauntless, I reminded myself, but my curiosity got the better of me, and once I started asking questions, it was hard to stop.
"As you may know, we created the serum you use in your fear landscapes. We are working to make it better," she answered, writing something down in her notebook as if it were the end of the discussion.
"Why? The serum we have works fine."
"The serum can be better, and that's what we're going to do."
"But why not in Erudite? You have all the equipment there."
She blinked and tucked her pen into the notebook coils. "You ask a lot of questions, don't you? I thought Dauntless were soldiers who obeyed orders."
"Unless I'm the one giving orders," I countered, raising my chin even higher as a grin danced on the corner of my lips.
She showed no reaction and asked, "Is there something I can help you with, Josie? From my understanding, you were patrolling the city today."
My smile fell. "I need to speak to Eric. It's important."
"Eric? Unfortunately, Eric's busy right now. Can I give him a message?" Another Erudite walked into the room, giving me a full view. Boxes and some computers were lying around as Max stood in the center, talking to a man in blue. I spotted Eric and inhaled. His back was to me, but I would recognize that man from any angle. I could hear his low, gravelly voice as he gave orders to a younger Dauntless. His shoulders were tensed up into his bulging neck muscles. He was so stressed. My hands fell to my sides as I took a step towards him.
"I'm sorry," Jeanine interjected as she stepped between me and Eric, "but only those in Dauntless leadership may enter this room." She wore a thin smile. I gritted my teeth and considered elbowing her in those pretty, painted lips, but then Eric would suffer the consequences. I wouldn't do anything that would hurt him.
"Just tell him I stopped by, and that I need to talk to him as soon as possible. It's important." I relented, taking a step back.
"Very well." She nodded as the door closed slowly. I leaned to the left so I could watch Eric for just a moment longer, willing him to turn around and see me.
Turn around. Turn around, babe. Please.
Jeanine reached out and shut the door firmly. Her face was a mix of boredom as if she were babysitting a monkey. I ground my teeth together. I would love to face her in the Ring. She sighed, "I must be getting back to work. Have a swift recovery, Josie."
I nodded, understanding that I was dismissed. I slowly turned around and made my way back. I heard the hum of voices and electricity as Jeanine opened the door and stepped inside. I paused and chewed on my piercing. I wanted to see Eric and tell him everything. Denied one person, I went to spill my secrets to another.
"Again!" I barked as an initiate struck the punching bag with a weak elbow. "Again!"
Being one of the smaller females in Dauntless, I volunteered to help train some of the initiates. It kept me busy while Eric worked, and it was interesting to see the new techniques and the future of Dauntless. The only thing that sucked was being stuck with kids who didn't know how to be Dauntless. I had limited patients, and they tested it.
This time, I had been placed with a group of five initiates, male and female. They all came from different Factions but were similar in that they barely had enough muscles to keep them standing, let alone fight. I could see why they were having trouble in the Ring. But, they weren't completely hopeless.
"Again!"
"I'm tired," a red-headed female snapped, lowering her arms. The others nodded, too breathless to answer. Sweat beaded down their foreheads as I placed my hands on my hips, careful to avoid my ribs. It was a good thing Eric didn't oversee their training; he didn't take well to failure. I wondered what he would do if he were here, but quickly changed my mind. I didn't need to see that.
"Everyone, listen up! A brave man never surrenders. Or woman," I added. "We keep going, and going, and going until we succeed, or we die. Then someone else will take up the fight." They avoided my eyes as I exhaled deeply. This was why I never became an instructor.
"Alright, you," I pointed to a brunette, "who do you love most in this world?" Her face turned red as she mumbled, failing to answer my questions. Damn kids. I looked at the others. "Who do you love? It's alright, no judging. Mom? Dad? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Both?" No takers. Dammit.
"Me? I love my mom and my boyfriend. I would do anything for them. Now, every time you fight, imagine that your opponent is threatening them. If you truly love them, you won't give up."
A short, black-haired girl stood and began striking the bag. Her elbows were a little sloppy, but her eyes smoldered. I smile with approval; as long as they had heart, you could teach the skills.
"Not bad." I nodded. I stood in front of her and wrapped my arms around an imaginary person. "Now pretend that I have your boyfriend by the balls. What are you going to do about it?"
She released a short shriek and lunged forward. She threw some feral elbows and jabs. I stepped back and gripped her arm before ducking under her and placing her in an armbar. She hissed and struggled before she stomped on my toe, breaking the hold. She raised her elbow, aiming for my ribs. I pushed her forward, signaling the end of the demonstration.
"Good! See? We don't give up because the people we protect mean something to someone. One day, it might be your mother in his hands," I pointed to an initiate in the Ring, "or her," a blonde throwing some knives. "Or her mother in your hands. We protect them all. No matter what."
They all nodded. This time, they watched me and hung onto every word. They got it. Four joined me as I continued with a nod. "Now, get up and get going."
After several minutes, Four nodded. "Good. That's enough for today. Get to the Pit and eat something."
The initiates nodded and left the training center, joining their friends as they laughed and spoke to another. I remembered those days; they'd talk about how they kicked their opponent's ass, how Four complimented them, and how that cute boy was watching them. Those were simpler days. I missed them.
"How are you feeling?" Four's voice called me back from my thoughts as I turned and began gathering the knives. Four hadn't been happy to see me all bruised and cut up, but he knew better than to ask.
"I'm fine. Nothing to worry about."
"Josie." I paused, running my finger over the blade's edge.
"I tried to see Eric." I looked around to make sure there were no stragglers. Once I was sure we were alone, I took a step closer and whispered, "Jeanine and some Erudite know-it-alls were in Dauntless headquarters."
"What were they doing there?" He crossed his arms.
"Something about improving the serum used in the fear landscapes. Jeanine wouldn't let me talk to Eric. Four, there's something else too." I stopped as some kids walked into the training center, laughing and teasing another. Four motioned for me to follow, then led me to the chasm.
"The Factionless guy I fought?" Four nodded. "He said Dauntless and Erudite were going to do something to the Divergents. He said he was trying to save that Stiff; that she was going to die unless I let them take her." I paused, thinking about how I shot him in cold blood. I wondered if his body had been removed, or if it was still sitting there.
"What is it?" He pressed. I would tell Four almost everything. Almost, but that memory was mine. I swallowed the words and shook my head. "I need to talk to Eric. Four..."
I told him what Tess told me. To his credit, he didn't react how I thought he would. He exhaled and dropped his head. When he met my eyes, they were clouded and deep in thought, trying to figure out the next step.
"Have you ever thought about running away?" I looked up at him, wondering if he was joking, but Four rarely joked. I stepped back and crossed my arms protectively over my ribs.
"Dauntless don't run."
"But you're not all-"
"Josie!" A hand grabbed my sprained wrist and retched me backwards. I found myself wrapped tightly in Eric's arms as he buried his face in my neck. I embraced him tightly, hoping to hide my shaking limbs. Eric and I marked each other up, but we rarely held hands outside of our flat, unless we were pulling the other away from a fight. And, we never hugged in public.
"Are you okay?" He whispered in my ear. I nodded as he released me. His eyes ran over my face and body, noting every cut and bruise. Just wait until I took my shirt off. Then, he snarled, his gentle voice turning to steel. "Why didn't you tell me? I had to hear about this from your sergeant! He said you were in bad shape. Who did this? I'm gonna make them wish they were dead."
"Already done." I shrugged, fully aware Four was watching. "I dealt with him already. He's gone." Eric narrowed his eyes, knowing there was more to the story. He looked at Four, his lips pulling back into another snarl.
"Come on." I pulled on his hand. I didn't have the patience to deal with their pissing contest. "I have more to tell you."
"What were you doing with him?" Eric's grip grew painful as I hissed. Four stood tall and glared at him, ready to intervene.
"I was helping him with the recruits. They needed a smaller person's perspective. Come on, babe," I tugged, "let's go." Eric glanced at me and nodded, following me but his heated glare never left Four.
Once we entered our flat, Eric kissed me before sitting me down. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a cup of water and some food, but he never grabbed anything for himself. I surprised us both by eating a small portion. His eyes never left me as I wiped my lip.
"I tried to see you earlier, after the fight, but Jeanine stopped me. She said she would tell you I stopped by, but I guess she never did." His eyes grew hard as he leaned back.
"You saw Jeanine?"
"What's she doing here? She belongs in her polished building, studying chars or whatever the hell they do, not mucking it down here with us."
"You don't like her."
"I don't like any of them. They're planning something, Eric, and I don't like it."
"You forget, I came from Erudite." His voice grew harder. I regarded him and shook my head. I couldn't imagine him sitting in that building, wearing a blue suit and fake glasses. He was Dauntless and belonged in nothing but leather, jeans, and muscle shirts with his piercings and tattoos. Or completely naked, but only when I could see.
"And I came from Amity. What are they doing here, Eric?"
"They're here to make Dauntless better, updating our equipment and improving our technology. That's their job, Josie." His voice was getting harder, but I had a tendency to say whatever came to mind.
"So you don't think they're planning something?" I crossed my arms.
"They're from Erudite, they're always planning something, Ladybug." I narrowed my eyes and studied him, the way Jeanine studied me. Eric had dark circles under his eyes and his forearm tattoo kept twitching and jumping, as if dancing. He was tired and frustrated. I wanted to push, but he needed rest.
"What do you have planned, then?" I relented, pushing away my half-finished plate. My head hurt from thinking, my eyes hurt from lack of sleep, my body hurt from my recent ass kicking. Everything hurt. I just wanted to sleep for a million years. Maybe everything would be better once I woke up.
"I plan on keeping you here, feeding you, and watering you a few times. Maybe I'll take you to bed with me, if you've been good." We both smirked as I pulled the ponytail out of my hair and shook my hair out.
"You remember that night at the club?" I asked, referring to the night I became his. It was during the second stage of initiation. We had always flirted with and teased another, but had never gone as far as to claim the other. That night, all of us initiates went to a club and began dancing, drinking, and doing what all young Dauntless do. I was dancing with some guy; but, for the life of me, I could never remember who. Probably some loser. I never remembered because I had eyes for only one person. Eric was sitting at the bar, watching as I put my best moves to work. After several minutes, he got up and stalked to my partner. He grabbed him and yanked him away. We started dancing with another, and, after that, I knew he was mine.
"You should wear that shirt again," he growled, sending heat through my core. I had worn a black sports bra and a leather jacket, showing off my tribal rib tattoo that connected to my left sleeve. He learned later on that the tattoo actually started on my hip. We both smiled, remembering the taste of the alcohol, the thudding of the music, and the feel of our hands on the other. What I would give to go back to that night. Maybe I was more Amity than I realized. Then again...
"Eric, I executed that man. The Factionless guy. I didn't need to. The other Factionless had run away, and he was beaten. I had won, but I took Lucas' gun and shot him in the head." I shrugged, pursing my lips. "And that doesn't bother me."
His face was flat as I confessed to him. I thought of Four and blinked; Four wouldn't have been so calm. He wouldn't have understood.
"Come here." Eric's voice was gentle and soft, as if talking to a baby. I obliged and sat on his lap, tucking myself into the hills and valleys of his body. I could feel his muscles underneath me, like rock. He held me tightly, resting his cheek on my head. His fingers began tracing my hip tattoo, lines he knew by heart. His fingers were so light, they felt like feathers.
I snorted, hiding my face in his shoulder, "What happens when we become the things we fear the most?"
"We become fearless."
"Eric, there's something else." I leaned back as he tensed underneath me. His eyes grew hard while confusion, curiosity, and doubt flashed through his face in a matter of seconds.
Eric, I'm Divergent, and I think Erudite is going to kill me. Things are about to change for us. I'm... I'm scared, and I don't know what to do. Please, help me. Tell me everything will be okay, that you'll protect me, and won't let Jeanine do anything to me, to us. Please, stay here with me forever. I love you.
"I-I" I looked at his face, noting how tired he really was. He said he was getting close to the final stage in his initiation, and needed to focus on the task at hand. One part of me wanted to keep talking while another part wanted to put him first. I swallowed my words and exhaled deeply. I'd tell him, but when he was ready. It felt like the whole world was sitting on my shoulders. I just wanted to sleep and forget the world. "I'm so tired."
Eric rested his forehead against mine and whispered, "It'll be alright."
I nodded slowly before he lifted me up and laid me gently on the bed. He tenderly pulled off my shirt, cursing when he saw my purple and yellowed skin. Eric caressed my side softly, slowly washing the pain away. He stroked my body, peppering kissing on every bruise and cut as he moved down. We were normally passionate and desperate, but, tonight, he was gentle and loving, unlike ever before. He cupped my face when we finished and pulled my naked body beside his.
"Sleep well, Ladybug."
My head rested against his chest, and, with his heart as my lullaby, fell asleep.
M y eyes opened as I rolled onto my side, hissing as my ribs protested. Eric snored beside me as his eyes rolled underneath his eyelids. His muscles tensed every so often as his arms tightened around me. The clock clicked like thunder as the flat shifted and creaked. Something had roused me. I glanced at my pants that had been abandoned on the ground. My knives were gleaming in the moonlight, calling me.
You'll need us, they seemed to say. My skin tingled. I nodded, believing them.
"Eric-"
BOOM! Our front door burst open as men ran into our flat, shouting and pointing guns at us. Eric jolted awake as he jumped in front of me, pushing me behind him. His grip tightened to keep me from pushing my way forward.
"What the hell?" He grabbed his gun from under the mattress as the men shouted back. I recognized their uniforms; they were Dauntless soldiers.
"Eric, stand down!" Max strode into the room, glancing between the two of us.
"Max, what the hell? Get that guy to stop pointing that gun at Josie, or I'm gonna blow his head off!" I peeked over Eric's shoulder and glared at the gun barrel that was a few feet away from me. He was smart; if he was any closer, I would have grabbed the gun and knocked him on his ass, naked or not.
"Trevor, stand down. Eric, we need to talk to you both. Now." Max nodded as one soldier grabbed the corner of the blanket, giving it a light tug.
Eric growled, "Just try pulling that off."
The soldier backed away as Eric glanced at Max. "Let us put some clothes on. Unless you want to see me naked." The soldiers glanced at another as some locked their gazes on me, or more accurately, my chest. I hissed at them as Eric held a huge bicep in front of me.
"Two minutes." The soldiers slowly filed out. Eric waited until the door shut before he cursed loudly.
"Eric, what's going on?" I pushed the blankets off and watched him.
"Max told me the final trial would happen soon, but I didn't expect them to come here with guns. I'm sorry, Ladybug." He sat down beside me and pressed some clothes into my hands.
"It's okay. I recognize some of those guys. We'll kick their asses later." Eric smirked and kissed the side of my head.
"One more minute or we'll drag you out in whatever you have, or don't have on!"
After we dressed, we opened the door and followed the soldiers through the compound. Most people were still sleeping, so there were few witnesses. Eric stayed right behind me with a strong hand resting on my hip. He stood tall and kept glaring at the soldiers, those who would meet his eyes, but his fingers pinched into my side. He was nervous.
"Come on in," Max ordered, opening the door to Dauntless headquarters. Eric led the way as I followed after him, holding my ribs. The clothes Eric had grabbed did nothing to keep the shivers at bay.
The room had changed since yesterday. The boxes had been pushed to the side while some computer monitors had been set up along the north wall. Some notebooks lay open on the desks with writing in them, but nothing I could make sense of. Science was not something they pushed at Amity.
We were pushed to the center of the room where Eric stood in front of me, arms crossed. When I tried to stand beside him, he discreetly stepped in front and blocked me with his shoulder. I hissed lightly; my place was by his side, not cowering behind him. He shot me a warning look, an order to stay put. I gritted my teeth but obeyed; he was going to be a leader, my leader.
"They're here," Max called outside the door. Jeanine stepped inside and joined Max at his side as other Erudites walked in. I glanced at Eric, but his eyes were locked on the Erudite leader. The room started to spin.
"Eric, Josie, I apologize for the methods by which you were brought here, but the need for discretion was paramount." Jeanine's heels clicked on the cement as she stood in front of Eric.
"What's going on?" Eric wasn't used to being kept in the dark. He became a leader because he wanted to be at the top, to give orders, and to know everything. I placed a gentle hand on his back to calm him down, and to let him know I was his backup. He ignored me.
"I'm afraid your girlfriend has not been completely honest with you, Eric." Jeanine looked back at me as my breath caught in my throat. "Good morning, Josie. How are you feeling?"
"Why do you care?" I spat, stepping forward, but Eric held me back again, growling through his teeth.
"I care about answers, and your injuries may make any data inconclusive. So, I ask again, how are you feeling?"
"I'm fine."
"Interesting. You tested positive for Candor, yet you show no hesitation to lie." She made some notes in her notebook as Eric faltered.
"Positive for Candor?" He glanced back at me as I gripped his shirt in my hands.
"Yes. Josie Hassler is a Divergent. She didn't tell you, I assume." Jeanine said it as if she was telling him what colour the sky was. Eric stepped away and turned to face me as my mouth fell open, searching for the right words.
"Eric, I... I was going to tell you, but I was waiting for the right time." I glanced at Jeanine, my face falling into a hate-filled scowl. "How did you know?"
"Your Aptitude Test administrator, Joseph Talbert, he was from Candor. He tried to keep it a secret, but all you had to do was ask the right questions."
My vision spun as my legs gave out from under me. I dropped to my knees as sweat covered my face. It was too hot and way too stuffy. My breathing elevated. "I need a bucket."
No one moved.
"Now! Or I'll puke all over your fancy shit!"
Jeanine nodded. A blue suit dropped a bucket in front of me just before I retched violently. This was the first time I had food in my stomach for who knows how long, and my body was determined to make me pay. The Erudites made notes while Dauntless ignored the putrid odour. When I finished, I looked up and met Eric's eyes.
They were cold as he clenched his jaw. He looked like he wanted to step towards me, but he remained grounded. I wasn't sure if it was because Max was watching or because he was mad. I bet it was a bit of both.
"So he was right," I uttered, wiping the corner of my mouth. I closed my eyes and wished for the strongest bottle of whiskey I could get my hands on. "You are hunting us down. Why did you wait so long? Why didn't you get me after the test?"
"Taking your past and personality into account, we figured you would choose Dauntless, and we wanted to know how you would perform in the fear landscapes," Jeanine answered. "Because of you, we now know how the Divergents will respond in the tests. We'll be able to identify them much sooner."
I dropped my head. My vision blurred with tears as the room spun. After I confronted Four about being Divergent, he gave me some pointers about avoiding detection. I thought I had done enough, but... How many would be killed because of me? Did they know about Four? My tears were hot on my face as I gritted my teeth together and glared up at Jeanine.
"Why? Why are you hunting us down? What did we ever do to you?"
"The Faction system was created to keep our society safe. Divergents threaten that system. You will cause chaos." Jeanine shrugged.
"What chaos? We just want to fit in, you bitch! We haven't caused any trouble."
"Not yet, but you will. It's in your nature." She walked over to a desk and looked at some papers.
"We haven't done anything," I hissed, staring at the concrete floor.
"Interesting. Your mother said the same thing before she died."
"What?" I looked up slowly. The smoldering embers in my stomach ignited into an inferno I couldn't control. I breathed deeply, glaring at Jeanine. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Your mother was a Divergent. We are charged with protecting our society and eradicating those who threaten it."
"She was killed by Factionless." I recalled Amity surrounding me and touching me. They cried the tears I refused to let fall. They said I should remember her life, let her rest, and find peace. They never said what I should do if I faced her killer, but I knew they wouldn't approve.
"You would never have made it in Erudite," Jeanine huffed. "It's easier to simply make a Divergent disappear, but these are trying times. In her case, the Factionless was the perfect scapegoat."
She clicked a button as a monitor flickered to life. It showed raw footage from a body cam. The image jumped up and down but showed a woman in red and yellow clothing with a red scarf on her head. She was running away from the camera, screaming and crying before her body jerked violently. A gunshot echoed through the farmland.
My hands formed fists as my jaw trembled. I thought of Scar. I thought he was the murderer. I was wrong. In reality, the real murder was me, and Jeanine.
I jumped up, elbowing the nearest soldier in the throat. The others reacted and jumped up to engage me. Max grabbed Jeanine and pulled her out of my reach. Fine, I'd deal with her later. I ducked and dodged my Faction, striking and kicking with so much force I thought my fist would go through them. They were trained well, but I was angrier, more desperate, and better.
I grabbed a gun from the one Max called Trevor, and shot him in the thigh, remembering how he stared at my chest. I looked at the door and kept fighting. I needed to escape, warn Four, and leave. I knew the compound well enough to get out without raising detection. I could live on the outskirts of the city, or maybe leave Chicago entirely. It was a big world and if anyone could survive beyond the fence, it was me. I whirled around and pointed the gun at the last obstacle between me and my escape.
It was Eric.
Eric stood in front of me, blocking my way to the door, and my freedom. His face was a blank canvas. His eyes raged in a way I had never seen before, his tattoos shifted and moved in accordance to his flexing muscles, and his teeth ground against another.
I could finally see it. I could see the cruel, heartless man Four had warned me about, but I also saw my Eric. The man who knew I loved to dance, who always made sure the flat was full of apples, who knew I loved having the curtains open so I could watch the moon trail across the sky. The person who would hum Amity lullabies at night when I couldn't sleep, who knew I loved feeling his skin against mine during the night. This was the man who embodied Dauntless, who pushed away my dance partner and took me as his own. I saw the person I loved more than anyone.
"No." I shook my head and dropped the gun to the floor. I couldn't hurt him. No matter what; I wouldn't hurt him. I stepped forward as tears flowed freely, the first time since... I couldn't remember.
"Eric, please, there's something else I need to tell you." I lifted a hand and reached towards his face when strong hands grabbed me from behind and pulled me back to the ground.
"Get off me!" I fought against them, kicking the bucket of vomit over. Unlike my earlier fight, the Dauntless were not here to help me. A swift kick connected to my ribs as I shrieked and fell to the floor, curling around my side. They jumped on top of me, binding my hands and feet together. My eyes never left Eric as I pleaded to him with unspoken words. He didn't move, but he looked away when they kicked my ribs a second time.
"Get her up!" Max ordered as he released Jeanine. The Erudite adjusted her shirt as the other know-it-alls straightened the equipment emotionlessly. Jeanine stood in front of me and clicked her tongue.
"See? You create chaos. It's in your nature, and you are helpless to stop it."
"You killed my mom, you son of a bitch!"
"Shut it," a soldier elbowed me across the face, ripping my stitches open as blood raced down my cheek. I hunched over, hissing and gritting my teeth. My body pulsed and felt like one giant bruise. I coughed and spat onto the ground. It was red.
"She must be eliminated." Jeanine looked back at Max who nodded. He took his position beside Jeanine and picked the gun off the floor.
"You're gonna kill me, Max? I'm one of you! I patrolled the city and kept it safe. I've never done anything wrong and have nothing on my record. I am Dauntless! You're gonna take orders from some know-it-all bitch who's sticking her nose in Dauntless affairs? I thought you were our leader, not some cowardly doormat. You'd really kill one of your own?"
"Not me. He is." Max looked over his shoulder as my stomach plummeted and my sweat turned to ice. Max was staring at Eric. Eric looked at Max with a confused expression as he stepped forward.
"No." I breathed, pulling against my restraints.
"Take it." Max shoved the gun at Eric. Eric glanced between the gun and me before looking at Max. "This is the last part of your initiation; to kill a Divergent."
"We're supposed to protect the city," Eric muttered in a voice that was so hesitant, it didn't even sound like him.
"Divergents are the greatest threat to our city, and we must destroy them before they destroy us," Jeanine interjected. "You were once Erudite, you know we're right. Hunting down Divergents is the best way to guarantee the survival of our people."
"You're either with us, or you're with them." Max motioned to me in all my glory. My shirt had been torn, exposing my left shoulder and my tattoo. My face was cut, bruised, and bloody while my knees were resting in a pool of vomit. Snot, tears, and spit leaked from my face, diluting the blood trickling down my chin.
Eric took the gun and pointed it at my chest. I stared up at him, picturing the first time I had ever seen him, and every time after that. Every expression that passed through his face, every laugh, every smirk, and every growl. His face was hard as his lips formed a snarl. His knuckles were white as he gripped the gun.
"Eric, there's something I need to tell you. I-"
"Shut it!" His voice was a knife as I winced. I should have told him; I should have told him everything, but I had kept my mouth shut. Now I would suffer the consequences. I looked back into those eyes, feeling myself shatter into tiny pieces as I bit back a low moan. Eric's eyes were red. The gun shook in his hands as he adjusted and re-adjusted his grip.
"Josie," he breathed. I wasn't afraid to die. In Dauntless, we courted death every day, we embraced it. I was afraid for Eric, for what was coming next for him, for what he would become. I cried for the future we would never have, and the pain and emptiness that would follow him the rest of his life.
"Eric, I-" I needed to tell him this, if anything else, he needed to know this.
"Hurry up," Max barked. Eric's lip pulled upwards even higher as I recognized that look in his eyes. A soldier. I needed to tell him. I needed to tell him.
"Eric, I love you!"
"Be brave, Josie." His voice was barely audible, and then-
The temperature seemed to drop several degrees as the gunshot echoed through the room. For a moment, no one moved as if acknowledging her death. Then, Jeanine broke the silence.
"Good work, Eric. You have protected our society from a great threat."
"Now you're really one of us," Max assured as he placed a hand on my shoulder. Like that, the spell was broken. The other Dauntless moved about, muttering to another as they gathered their weapons and complained about the vomit on their boots or the new wounds Josie had inflicted upon them. Some of them had been in initiation with her; they should have known better than to challenge her.
I remained like stone. The compound was always humid and drafty but the wind felt like shards of ice on my feverish skin. I slowly lowered the gun and stared at the body. It used to be full of determination, grit, and fire; but now it was cold and dead. I crouched down, ignoring the puke and blood that squished under my boots.
Her face was pale with a single, perfectly round hole in the center of her forehead, like a third eye. Her legs were twisted awkwardly underneath her body while her arms rested to the side. Her fingers sat in the vomit. A growing pool of blood surrounded her. It was so thick it looked black.
Exhaling deeply, I forced myself to look at her eyes: two pieces of murky ice that burned like a cool fire. They were framed by the black eye makeup she had forgotten to take off the night before. It usually made her eyes appear sharper, harsher, and more vibrant. But now, the smudged lines just made her look pale and dead. They stared at me, accusing me of all my sins. Exhaling slowly, I reached out and stroked her cheek, pushing a wild strand of hair behind her ear. My hand came back coated in crimson.
"It wasn't her fault," Jeanine muttered as she stopped beside me. She looked at what remained of Josie as if she were a rat, a failed experiment. "She couldn't control her genetics, but the threat must be neutralized before anyone else suffers her fate, or passes their flawed genetics. The fate we all face if we fail."
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. She left and rejoined Max. Although the room was full of people, it felt like it was just the two of us. My girl and me. Despite what other people believed, that was the first time I had taken a life. Josie had killed, and now so had I. I knew the next time, I wouldn't hesitate, no matter the target. It would be as natural as breathing. After all, Jose said we were soldiers, and soldiers obeyed orders.
Staring at her blood, I pushed back my emotions and stood up, becoming the Dauntless soldiers she thought I was. I quickly wiped my eyes and exhaled. I felt nothing.
I was cold.
I turned and left the room, leaving her far, far behind. Some of Dauntless had awakened to the gunshot and were walking around, searching for answers. They would find none. I trudged my way through the crowd, elbowing the odd person. I noticed something; people had always avoided me, but this time, they jumped out of my way.
"Eric!" I kept walking, determined to leave her and every memory of her in that room; but, that voice was persistent. "Eric, what happened?"
"Aggh!" I took a wild swing, aiming for Four's pretty, little face. He ducked under my arm and raised his own, but he was distracted. He kept glancing around nervously. The mighty Four, first in his class, was scared. How cute.
"Eric, where is she? Where's Josie?"
My arms fell to my sides. Of course he would ask about her. I always knew there was something more going on between them. They were always at the chasm, whispering to another. I thought I had showed Four his place when I took Josie that night at the club. She never talked about who she was dancing with, but it had been with Four.
Stupid girl. Four might have saved her. Four would have defied orders and would have taken her to safety. She would still be alive. She should have picked Four. He should have fought for her that night. Instead, he just walked off and surrendered. He didn't fight for her. Didn't she mean more to him? It was Four's fault.
"She's gone." My voice was as cold as ice and as flat as glass. There was no emotion, no pain, or anger.
"What are you talking about? Eric, where is she?"
"Josephine is gone, Four, and she's never coming back." Four stared at me. I never called Josie by her full name, but she was nothing more but a painful memory, a blissful dream, and a terrible nightmare.
Josie had thought it was the Factionless who would destroy us, believing we needed to destroy them first. She was wrong. It was the Divergents. Jeanine was right; they were the outliers. They would have to be eliminated if we were to survive. Every last one of them.
"Eric, there's something you don't know. Josie had something to tell you, something important. You have to find her and..." Four's voice drifted as his gaze fell to my bloody hands.
That's right, I smiled, flexing my fingers. The dried blood cracked and floated to the ground like scarlet snowflakes. Look at what's left of her. You should have fought for her, then maybe she wouldn't have been in this mess.
His eyes floated back up, but they had changed. His gaze was always cautious and vigilant, but now they were hostile and filled with darkness. I grinned. This time she wouldn't be there to intervene, and I was now a leader. I could do whatever I thought was necessary. Four took a step back as I smirked.
"Be careful what you say at the chasm," I growled. Without waiting for a response, I turned and left him standing there. I went straight to my flat and stared at the remainders of her: the clothes that laid all over the ground, the apples she loved to eat, the small wind chimes that reminded her of Amity, and of her mother. It would all have to go.
I stared at her favourite black jacket. She had worn it that night at the club, and many nights after. She always said she would be buried in it. Well, she was wrong.
I found myself sitting on the ground, clutching her jacket. She should've told me her secret, but I knew I wouldn't have acted any differently. We were soldiers, and soldiers followed orders, no matter what. That's what she said.
"Ever think we could run away?" A ravaged scream escaped my lips as I threw the jacket at the wind chimes, hating how they sounded, and how empty they made the flat feel. I smashed a nearby dish before I pounded my fist into the bed, the mirror, anything I could lay waste to. It could have been seconds, or it could have been years but, when I stopped, I was sitting on the ground, her jacket still in hand. Shards of glass stuck out from my skin, mixing my blood with hers.
I looked around the carnage as my resolve built. The Divergents would have to go. All of them. My gaze turned to her belongings, and the jacket that soaked up my blood.
It would all have to go.
"Excuse me, ma'am," a young Erudite, named Jenn, spoke as Jeanine turned away from her notebook. "We found an irregularity with the subject."
"Explain." Jeanine narrowed her eyes as she looked at the body. The blood had congealed in the past few hours so it glowed black in the dim lighting.
Jenn looked down at her notes and continued, "We took a blood sample to compare it to what we already know about Divergents," Jeanine nodded as Jenn looked up. "Miss, she was pregnant. About seven weeks."
Jeanine hummed and nodded slowly. "That is interesting. Be careful with the subject. We'll run some more tests."
"Of course, ma'am," Jenn paused before adjusting her glasses, "should we inform Eric?"
"No. This knowledge is of no consequence to him now. He knows what he needs to." Jenn left to oversee the collection of the body as Jeanine paused for a moment. That was very interesting indeed.
White walls pressed against me as I whirled around anxiously. My fear landscape had always been the same, but today, all my previous fears blurred past me. Some of them passed before I had a chance to recognize what they were. But this last one was new.
The room pressed against me, but it wasn't the closeness that made my heart pound. A mirror appeared in front of me. I stepped up to it and stared at my reflection.
I had worked hard to make my body as strong as possible, and it showed. My face was hard and cold, my eyes even more so, colder than I remembered. She always said my eyes were expressive, even when I wasn't. Now, they were ice. There was nothing inside of them but cruelty and hate. Her friends were right about me. She should have listened to them.
My reflection smirked, holding up a bloodied hand. I had no doubts about whose blood it was. The hand reached down and pulled the hem of my shirt upwards to show my newest tattoo. It was small, the size of the old train tokens. The ink was a faded black, reminding me of smoke, of her eyes. It was a ladybug placed right over where my heart should have been. I stared at it. I should have felt sad and angry at the memory, but I felt nothing, just a slight echo of the loss I had pushed down, so deep I barely felt anything.
I dropped my shirt and sneered at my reflection. The man I barely recognized grinned and stood with his head held high. I mirrored him, forcing the echo back down where I wouldn't feel it again. It was time to put it behind me and focus on my new mission. This was who I was now.
I was fearless.
Author's note (again): once again, thank you all for reading, and let me know what you thought. I really wanted to create a relationship that was really comparable to Tris' and Four's relationship, while creating a character that could handle and stand with Eric while still being friends with Four, and being someone people would like and root for. Alright, I think that's everything. Thanks again, and have a good one!