Chapter 1

The headstone was nothing more than a polished black stone with the words Severus Snape – Defender against darkness and Most Honored Professor carved on it. The rain came down upon the small group gathered round the grave like warm tears. Harry did not bother to shield himself from the rain. He let it soak through his black shirt and tie.

His glasses blurred with rain kept him from seeing faces of the others in the group.

Harry couldn't mourn a man he had spent most of his life loathing. He knew he should feel something so he felt the rain. Severus had sacrificed his life to save his own.

Harry should be grateful. It was a gift to him he wanted to return, like the aunt who hasn't seen you for years and sends you a gift that you hate. She thinks its prefect and beautiful but all you feel is the distance and years when she wasn't there to know you. Harry watched the blurry red streaks of roses fall on the fresh grave. The Ministry waited more than a month after his death before organizing a service for Severus. After the fall of Voldemort and his followers there were so many funerals to attend. Harry had stood beside the graves of so many friends that he became numb. He like the others had forgotten about Severus who was quietly buried in Godric Hollow without any official notice. Finally after the shock of events had calmed Hogwarts and the Ministry saw fit to honor Severus Snape with a memorial service. Harry wanted just one more chance to talk to Professor Snape, knowing what he knows now. He had so many questions. Harry lingered by the grave as the mourner's moved away. He constructed a conversation in his mind with Snape but it ended the same as all the others, with Harry insulting Snape and himself in detention. Harry smiled at the thought.

Hermione approached the ginning Potter carefully, "Harry are you all right?"

Harry startled, "Fine, I'm fine. I was just thinking of….well never mind."

"The services are over everyone is going over to the Half Moon Café for some supper. Are you coming?"

Harry looked over at the next row of headstones, "I need a minute. I'll be there in a bit."

Hermione replied, "I could stay?"

Harry started to leave her.

Harry responded with an impatient tone, "No that's ok Just leave me ok?"

"Ok fine, We'll see you later." Hermione said and walked off quickly to join Ron.

Harry called weakly to a leaving Hermione. " I'm sorry. I'll see you there."

Harry roughly smoothed back his wet hair and shook his head. Harry went to the headstones a row behind Severus' and looked down to read the names of his father and mother, Lily and James Potter. Harry Tried to clean his glasses off with his wet shirt but he only succeeded in smearing the lenses further. As he put his glasses back on he noticed a dark shape fly just over his head. Without thinking he took his wand from his pocket and lit up a branch in tree just over his head. A large crow flew off. Harry with his heart still thumping loudly in his chest Harry put his wand away.

"Sorry" Harry called to the bird that heard the apology about as well as Hermione did.

Harry put a stone on the top of each of his parent's simple headstones and spoke quietly.

" Mum Dad, I'm still here. Still alive. I survived just like you wanted me to. I know you want me to go on and have a good life. And I'm trying but……but the after is harder than I thought….Did you see that?" Harry points to the smoldering tree branch. "I nearly killed that poor crow just now. I don't know why I just act without thinking. I'm always seeing Dementors swooping down on me. Voldemort's dead. I shouldn't be scared any more but…." Harry shakes himself to gather his thoughts. "This is hard" He stops as if he's listen to a question. "How about me? well I'm …..ok I guess. Ron and Hermione are fine. They're together now. It's nice and Ginny she's good. But she's frustrated. She wants me to relax. She says I need time. She wants to help me. She always wants to talk but I can't. She doesn't understand. She has her family. She has a home. And what have I got? I feel more at home in graveyard. I know enough people in them……. I should be in one." He looked to the sky. "I should be with you. I don't really know how to be normal anymore. I pretend like very thing is ok but I'm….but I'm….I'm sorry Mum and Dad but I feel broken inside now. I don't know if it will ever go away. And it's not fair for Ginny to be with someone who…..just isn't right. Every time I close my eyes I see Death Eaters closing in on me. I see Dementors in shadows. At the slightest request even from friends I get angry because I don't want to be used by anyone again. Ever." Harry fell to his knees by the grave. "You must be disappointed. The world is safe now I should happy. I'm sorry I can't be. I wish you could help me." Harry placed his cheek atop the wet stone.

The banquet hall at the Half Moon Café was warm with candlelight. The teachers and students held warm cups of cider and chatted quietly in small groups. They spoke about the school year and friends. Nobody spoke of Severus. The people who really knew Severus were all dead. Ron Ginny and Hermione sat in the corner of the hall talking quietly together. Harry entered the hall from a side door, not noticing the trail of mud he was making across the shiny wood floors as he went. The owner was ready to request he wipe his shoes but when he saw it was Harry Potter he retreated back into the kitchen. Harry lingered for a moment before joining the table. He took a deep breath and walked to his friends.

Ginny got up and brought Harry to the table. "Harry you're soaked."

"I'm ok"

Ron said lightly, "You're dripping all over the table."

Harry took a napkin from the table and wiped his hands.

"Sorry I just wanted some time with Mum and Dad. But I think it's raining harder now" Harry said in a soft apologetic tone, "I could sit over there. So I don't drip on your pie"

Hermoine put her hand out on Harry's arm and said. "It's ok."

Harry recoiled from her touch instinctively and pushed his chair back from the table. Ron shook his head toward a concerned looking Hermione.

"Relax it's ok Harry" Ron said in a light tone, "We were just talking about Hermione's new job. She is going to Ireland to research the new social structure of the freed House Elves communities for Ministries Consortium on Cultural Understanding "

"Sounds exciting" Harry said absently still wiping the water off his sleeves.

Ron continues. "Yeah, It is. She's leaving in two weeks and I'm going back to the shop to help George. And of course Ginny's back to Hogwarts. Harry are you listening?"

Harry put the napkin back on the table with a small toss, and replied with a slight anger in his voice. "I heard"

Harry didn't look at them. He stared straight ahead at the candle burning on the table.

Hermoine asked gently. "Harry what are your plans were are you staying? We haven't see you in weeks."

Harry replied still looking only at the candle. "I've been at the Leaky Cauldron. I needed some time on my own."

Harry finally brought himself to look at his friends. He saw the concern on their faces.

Harry gave a quick smile and said "I'm ok. It's just…… I just. I need some time to sort things out in my head. I'm sorry I didn't let you know where I was. I'm sorry."

Ron said, "It's just as well you didn't the Ministry has been over at the house almost every day asking where you are. So we couldn't tell em anything. But they're really wanting to talk to you."

Harry, "I know."

"Speaking of the Ministry" Ginny said as she looked toward a Ministry Official make his way to their table.

"Mr. Harry Potter" The Ministry Official said to them as he stood over their table.

Harry, "Yes, Sir."

"We've been looking for you. We have some question for you. I'm Garth Sentenoff Special Inquiries Department. Could I have a word in private?"

Harry didn't answer right away. He sat staring at the candle again.

"Mr. Potter?"

Harry slowly looked up at Mr. Sentenoff and answered. "Of course."

Mr. Sentenoff took Harry by the arm and guided him through the room filled with mourners. Harry stared at the floor but he could feel the eyes of the entire room upon him as he was led past them. Mr. Sentenoff took him to a stairway at the side of the hall that led up to a balcony which looked down on the open room below. Mr. Sentenoff had Harry sit at a table near the balcony rail.

Mr. Sentenoff spoke to Harry in a business like tome. "Did you realize the Ministry has been trying to get in touch with you for some weeks now?"

Harry flatly, "I did"

"Then why haven't you replied to our messages?"

"I was busy."

"The Ministry is anxious to debrief you on the events on the last days of Voldemort and the events to which you are the sole surviving witness. In the interest of future security it is important we understand all that you may have encountered during those last days. Mr. Potter the Ministry feels that any information you have regarding the deaths of Serverus, Dumbledore and Voldemort is vital to provide a secure future for the Wizarding World. You were privileged to information that we can not access any longer. You had a unique relationship with each of three most powerful Wizards ever know. You must understand…….."

"Why has the Ministry taken my money?" Harry said in a short tone,

"They haven't taken you money. They've simple frozen you're account as a precautionary measure."

"Precaution against what?" Harry said looking at Mr. Sentenoff for the fist time.

Mr. Sentenoff paused before he spoke again. His attitude quickly changed from that of a business like meeting to a more commanding and less polite tone.

"Against you, Potter." Mr. Sentenoff edged his chair closer to Harry and took him by the wrist. "Potter you are a security risk simply because of what you know and who you knew. And you will come to the Ministry and submit to our questioning within a week or you will be arrested for failure to appear when summoned. Do we understand each other?"

Harry pulled his wet arm from his grip and answered, "Yes Sir."

Mr. Sentenoff stood up and said returning to his business like manner, "My deepest condolences at your loss."

Mr. Sentenoff left the balcony and quickly left the banquet room. Ginny, Ron and Hermione looked to balcony were Harry sat alone. They once again had helpless looks of concern written across their faces. Harry buried his head in is hands. The piercing pain in his head he felt when Voldemort was alive were replaced by dull throbbing headaches. Harry couldn't leave his friends to wonder about him for long so he returned to them.

Harry tried to sound unconcerned when he said, "I guess the Ministry is tired of waiting for me to come in."

Hermione responded. "You should go in."

Harry replied to her in a sarcastic tone, "Yeah Ya think?" Harry voice was rising. "They're only going to freakin arrest me if I don't show up. Showing up at a funeral, how sweet it that?"

Ron said, "We only want you to do the right thing."

Ginny said, "We just trying to help."

"Well, you can't help. The Ministry doesn't trust me."

Ron said, "Maybe you're wrong. Just give em a chance"

Harry said backing away from the table, "If they trust me so much, why did they followed me here?"

Ron had no answer.

Ginny to Harry, "Where are you going?"

Harry started to make his way out of the room through the tables. Ginny followed him. She caught him and pulled him hard by the arm just outside the door.

Ginny said strongly, "I'm not going to let you just disappear again."

Harry collapsed into a hug with Ginny and said softly into her ear. "I'm sorry Ginny. I can't turn myself in to the Ministry. They'll find a reason to hold me."

Ginny softly starting to cry, "You don't know that."

"I do. I'm not what you think. I can't be with you right now." Harry pleaded to her weeping eyes " I don't want you to get hurt. Please try to understand it's dangerous for anyone to be with me right now. Something's gone terribly wrong in my head. I have to go. I'll come back when I can. When everything is right with me again."

Ginny said still clutching him, "I don't understand."

"I have to go."

Harry pulled away from her and turned and ran down the street. Blindly he ran through the streets, past homes and businesses until he got to a park at the edge of town.

Out of breath Harry stopped at a fire pit that was still smoldering. Harry started to shiver uncontrollably.

Harry fell to his knees and screamed to the sky, "Nooo!"

At that, the fire rose like an orange rocket into the sky and came back down as quickly as it had shot up. Harry looked up to see if anyone was coming to investigate the sudden pillar of fire. Dark smoke rose from the pit. Harry ran into a nearby woods away from Godric Hollow.