Title: Patience Is For Amateurs (sequel to At Least She's Jewish by cleanslate)

Characters: Rachel/Puck, OC, Gleeks

Rating: M - Puck is a potty mouth and Rachel/Puck are married and totally do married stuff.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I only own the CDs, DVD and a McKinley Football sweatshirt I got on eBay.

A/N: A huge cyberhug for cleanslate for letting me play with her fanfic and being a great Beta Babe! This is my first Glee fanfic and I'd appreciate any concrit you have to give.

"Whoever said patience is a virtue is totally full of shit." Noah A. Puckerman, Sr.

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Noah Puckerman had a short fuse as well as short attention span and he enjoyed it. He also used it to his advantage as much as possible. This fact drove Rachel Berry up a wall and Noah knew that. This is why he was being a poor example to small children, well, child and teaching his son Asher the fine art of hurrying up his mother. It was Asher's first day of kindergarten and his mother was in the bathroom. Again. After running the entire apartment like an obstacle course several times the boy decided to change his tactics. The junior member of the Berry-Puckerman clan climbed on the couch and started bouncing while simultaneously calling her name at the top of his lungs. Puck approved. This was something he had actually used many times to get Rachel out the door faster than she wanted. He couldn't understand why she had to spend so much time in the bathroom focusing on her hair, makeup and clothes when she looked fantastic after twenty minutes or one hundred twenty minutes. Noah had brought this up several times in their relationship only to be shut down by a glare he didn't care to see again. He shuddered at the memory.

"Maaaaamaaa!!" in several different sing song voices as well as varying volumes repeated on a loop became the boy's mantra for the following five minutes. Asher was a very persistent boy, intelligent, and quite devious if left to his own devices - very similar to Mr. Noah A. Puckerman, Senior at that age. When things were not happening quickly enough or going in the direction he liked he learned to change the game. The yelling game, he decided would now include his father. His mother was taking too long in the bathroom doing something very boring and he wanted to take his new lunchbox to the bus stop and ride his school bus to his school. He was excited about seeing his friends and wearing his new school uniform. He just could not understand why she was taking so long on his special day.

Asher looked at his father with his saddest face.

"Da! We need to get her out of the bathroom now. It's my first day at kindergarten and I don't want to be late! Please, Da!" he pleaded.

Noah picked up his son and started to talk loudly enough so his wife could hear him. He was hoping this might work to motivate her so everyone could get their day started. Rachel Berry was a creature of habit but could also throw him for a loop at any moment. It could be maddening but it was definitely worth the effort. He loved her more than he could put into words and she knew it. The current problem was annoying the shitout of him and he would resort to breaking the door down and throwing her over his shoulder in about two minutes if she didn't open that door.

"Ash, calm down. Your mother was born early and has been early to everything her entire life. I know she won't make you late for school." Noah reassured his son.

A new plan was hatched as a last ditch; Noah and Asher decided they should lay down outside the bathroom door and beg for her to speed things up. The fact that father and son had very similar personalities occasionally worked in Rachel's favor since she knew certain key phrases and tempting offers that would get them to behave. Today she was at a loss. They would not stop annoying her until they got her way. She loved them both, almost to a fault, but she was considering grounding them both for the next decade if they didn't put a sock in it.

"I love you Asher and Mama is almost done, um, brushing her teeth. Why don't you guys get yourselves ready and I'll meet you outside?" she yelled back.

Rachel gritted her teeth on the other side but continued to sit on the side of the bathtub with her head between her knees willing herself to stop gagging. She tried to focus on the fact that today was a big day for all of them. It was Asher's first day of all day school, her first day as a student teacher and Noah's first full week as a manager at the garage. She ran a brush through her hair, applied her lipstick, and took a last look at herself in the bathroom mirror while she smoothed out the front of her skirt. When Rachel exited the bathroom the "boys" were lying on the carpeted floor pretending to swim and laughing rather hard. They knew they were busted and most likely to get yelled at but they both smiled broadly while pulling her into a group hug. It was always worth a try to divert her attention and showering her with love was an excellent way to do that. As a backup plan they were going to compliment her choice of wardrobe on the way to the bus stop.

Noah and Asher gave each other a high five as they all left the apartment a few minutes sooner than they thought they would.

As they headed toward the bus stop, Asher ran ahead to see a friend and his parents reached for each other and clasped each others hand. Rachel leaned her head against Noah's arm and sighed loudly. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that their son had grown up so fast and was going to school. It seemed like it was just a few weeks ago he was a newborn and they were struggling with teenage parenthood. She shivered as she also was reminded of the time they almost lost him a year later. The painful memory if seeing her baby lying in a hospital bed in a drugged sleep with things going to and from him with beeping machines nearby was almost too much for her. Her husband heard the choked sigh and spoke the words she wouldn't.

"What was that about?" Noah whispered. "Let me guess. You're thinking of the car accident the night of the big glee graduation party and the tool who nearly killed us all? I'm right, aren't I?"

Rachel held his arm closer and continued to walk to where their son had stopped and was talking animatedly to his best friend. She figured they'd talk about it after Asher was on the bus. She saw no reason to distress their son anymore than she absolutely needed. - it was enough his face was scarred because of the accident. The driver that plowed into them walked away perfectly fine minus a car. The drunk idiot! She looked up at Noah and smiled.

"Later. The plan is that after Asher gets on the bus, we follow it to school and then meet him at his classroom. As soon as he waves to us we'll talk. Okay?" He knew she was serious and not up for joking about it. Not today. Something else had been on her mind for the last two weeks and he was going to get her to spill. When the woman who wouldn't stop talking clammed up there was always a good reason.

Shit.

Noah nudged her as he turned her face up to kiss her lips.

"You also need to tell me why you were barricaded in our bathroom most of the morning. I know something's up Rach. I know you're all worked up over all the changes we've been going through but what has you so scared you're puking your guts out?" he said softly.

Rachel's jaw dropped and she blushed. She'd have to spill. He had that eyebrow quirked and his lip pursed.

"I'm sorry I took so long in the bathroom this morning. I was thinking of just putting a bed in it." She hoped that he'd remember having this conversation before.

Noah chuckled. "We'll have to knock out a wall if you want to do that. It's much smaller than the one at your Dads'."

He paused for a moment and his eyes got wide. He stopped her in her tracks and looked at her without blinking. But before he could get confirmation Asher's bus pulled up and they watched him climb on with his friend, find a seat and wave at his parents.

Whoa.

A/N: Please take a moment to comment/review. This is my first Glee fanfic and I would appreciate any constructive criticism you have. Thank you!