I've been writing a lot lately, I guess so I can make up for low review input. I just want you to know that I really would like some helpful advice, so don't be shy (just some good feedback would be nice)! Oh yeah, I'm forced to write this on a writing program, WordPad, which doesn't have spelling or grammar check, so I have to wing everything, so sorry for any mistakes I made and will make in the future.

Warnings: attempted suicide, angst, teenaged drama-queen likely suffering from PMS, and a lot of whining (and all that's just for this wee chapter!).

Disclaimer: What a coincidence, I love beans.

Chapter 1: I'm so sorry, Big Brother!

The night was filled with sounds of the city, traffic, people, stores that stay open way past midnight. These sounds, the nose of a city that will never sleep, acted as a lullaby for the slumbering redhead. She was used to the noise that came in threw the open bedside window. She did, after all, grow up in a colony, and L2 was very similar to her new home on the Earth. Well, maybe there wasn't as much traffic on colonies, but the noise was hardly a distraction.

There was, however, one thing missing in the 15 year olds new life. Stars. The huge monster of Tokyo was so bright; it outshone the stars of the sky. No more did they look down on her, invading the redhead's dreams like a sparkling silver blanket that kept the awful memories of her war-torn childhood at bay. No, now her nights where filled with a never-ending sonnet of pain and loss.

So was it that the lullaby was overshadowed by her own fear. The redhead awoke in her bed, covered in the hot sticky sweat she got in her troubled sleep. She lost her family, her friends; anyone who tried to help her was met with misfortune. She was a plague, the bringer of Death and pain. No one could help her; no one would, not now, never again.

Everything she had tried to leave behind her, burry in the past, came back on this one, starless night.

She made her way out of the thin sheets of her bed, made her way to that open window. No longer did the noises of the city sooth her troubled heart; no longer did the stars protect her. Half awake with images of her family and her friends held in her mind, she leaned out to look at the city below.

She took in the sights and sounds one last time, knowing what she must do.

I'm so sorry, Solo, I tried, and I really did. I thought, if I just stayed strong, it would go away, but I can't stand the pain anymore, Big Brother, my heart splintered when I lost my family, and I thought it would be fixed when you saved me, when you took me in to the gang and became my new family, and you became my brother.

She continued looking down at the small world ignorant of her pain.

Then you got sick, every one got sick, and if Duo hadn't lived, I would have died with you. It was Duo who helped me go on, brought me to that church. He saved me, but after I was adopted, the church, oh Solo, the church…Maxwell Church was…it almost destroyed me to learn what had happened, everyone, the nice reverend, the nun, big brother Duo, dead…My new family was nice, they tried to raise me good, but they died, so I was sent of to the only one who could care for me, my adoptive brother. It was with him I grew up in the military, sent from base to base. As my last chance for a happy future, Keith tried to hold on to me, but then he was taken as a Special.

If I, if we…I'm just so lost. Could I, Solo, could I survive, do you know why I'm here?

She thought back to all her lucky breaks in life that brought her so much loss. Could pain be God's big plan for her? Or was it a cruel joke of the universe. People died, she knew that, but it seemed to follow her, infecting those she opened her heart to.

Big Brothers, Solo, Duo, Keith…my life changes when I meet one of you. I get a new chance, a second shot, but then…loss. I'm I still so miserable, why can't I leave it behind me?

I just can't go on…there's no point.

She leaned out further from her fourth story apartment window, in her mind knowing what she had to do to escape the agony of life.

I know, sad, isn't it? 'She' is a pathetic character, and so this story is going to be mushy, cliché, and best of all, I can torture her all I want (muhahaha)! I love angst! Wonder if I'll make her cry?

Ai: You're an idiot, you know that?

Me: That's your opinion, harpy!

Ai: My God (looks down to hell), you need to rent a gun and buy a bullet.

Me: Don't forget to R&R!

Ai: (sweat drop)...I'm surrounded by #$##

Duo: (look of horror) Holy $#!

Heero: (sees Duo's expression) What?

Duo: I read her lips... (tramatized)

Everyone but Ai: (gulp)