It was just a normal sunny bright day in DBZ when Chichi burst through the bedroom door and went over to her and her husband's bed and flung the bed spreads off of Goku.
"GOKU! GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND GO GET A JOB!" Chichi growled.
"Oh hi Chichi! What's for breakfast?" Goku smiled at his angry wife.
"IT'S THREE IN THE AFTERNOON. GET UP!"
"What? Why didn't you wake me up?"
"I did…YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE!"
"Oh my gosh! Oh you okay?"
"No I'm not! Sometimes I wonder why I married you…"
"Yeah…why did I marry you…?"
"WHAT?"
Ten minutes later, Goku got kicked out of the house. The whole week Goku was kicked out, Goku reviewed his life. Why was it always he that always had to save the day? Why didn't Chichi get a job herself? Why did he marry Chichi after knowing her for one day?
"I really need to rethink my life a bit…"
After returning to his house, he saw Chichi hanging up clothes. Chichi turned and frowned. "Well well well…look who finally showed up…did you get a job yet?"
"Did you get one?"
"EXCUSE ME?"
"Did you HEAR me?"
"Goku…"
"Chichi…"
"Stop that!"
"Stop that!" mimicked Goku.
"Hey daddy!" Gohan ran out with his books.
"Oh it's you…"
"Do you want to go fishing?"
"Do I look like I want to go fishing with a loser?"
"GOKU! HE IS YOUR SON!"
"Fuck you Chichi. Gohan get your raggedy ass in the house and go make me a pie."
"THAT'S IT!" Chichi pulled out her witch frying pan of doom and tried to hit Goku with, but instead of taking the hit, Goku punched Chichi in the face. He then turned to Gohan. "Change of plans, Gohan. Get your hat and hop on my nimbus (or whatever the Japanese name for it is)."
After putting up his books and grabbing his hat, Gohan hopped on his dad's nimbus (Note: Even though nimbus only supports good hearted people, it doesn't have to in this story) and flew off towards Master Roshi's house.
"What's up!" Goku hopped off of his nimbus with his son.
Bulma, Krillin, the turtle, and Master Roshi came out of the house. "Hey Goku!"
"Long time, no see Goku!" said Master Roshi.
"Who the kid?" asked Bulma.
"Did you start babysitting, Goku?" aske Krillin.
"No, Krillin." Goku rolled his eyes. "This is my kid, Gohan."
"WHAT? THAT'S YOUR KID?" they all gasped.
"NO! This is my girlfriend Lola…HELL YEAH THIS IS MY SON YOU DINGLE LINGS!"
"Wow…" said Bulma still staring at the mini Goku.
"Well don't get mad Goku…but we didn't think you would…well you know…"
"Well at least I got some…" Goku started to look like Turles for a minute. "You guys are assholes."
"Wow. What's with the language Goku?" the turtle hermit stared at his former student in shock.
"What's with you being ugly?"
Suddenly Goku turned and gasped. Everyone looked concerned at Goku.
"What's wrong Goku?" asked Bulma.
"That power level…it's…it's…higher than Krillin's losing streak*!"
"Hey! I don't lose that much! If anything, Master Roshi loses more than me!"
"Not really…" Goku snapped. "Now shut up, bitch."
"You little…"
Suddenly Raditz landed, surprising everybody. Even the turtle, doesn't really have any lines in this series but does in DB (Maybe), gasped.
"Hello…Kakarrot…"
"And just who are you handsome?" asked Goku.
"What?"
"You heard me. Who are you handsome?" Goku smirked.
"Are you coming on to me?"
"I don't know…am I?" Goku said rubbing up against his brother.
"Goku get away from him!" Bulma commanded.
"Why?" Goku snuggled up against his brother.
"BECAUSE HE'S EVIL!"
"HOW DO YOU KNOW?"
"BECAUSE HE'S UGLY! UGLY PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS UGLY!"
"Don't you mean evil?" said Krillin.
"That too."
"YOU'RE UGLY AND YOU'RE A SLUT…" Goku turned to Raditz. "Are you a slut?"
"Hell yeah he is!"
"Who is that?" Goku took off Raditz's scouter. "Hello?"
"I think he heard you Veggie…"
"No DUH Nappa…AND DON'T CALL ME VEGGIE…"
"Wow… YOUR VOICE SOUNDS GAY!"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" (Vegeta)
"He said your voice sounds gay." (Napa)
"WHAT?" (Vegeta)
"He said your voice sounds gay." said Bulma.
"WHAT?"
"Your voice sounds gay." said the turtle.
"WHAT?"
"YOUR VOICE SOUNDS GAY!" everyone shouted.
"WHAT?"
"ARE YOU DEAF?" Goku yelled into the scouter.
"If he wasn't before he is now." (Napa)
"Give me that!" Raditz snatched it back. "As I was trying to say was I'm your older brother and…you know what…fuck it…"
"OK!" Goku bent over and pulled down his pants and slapped his ass. "Pop that cherry bitch."
"What the…" Raditz turned to Goku's friends and son. "Is he ok?"
"I don't know…he may be stupid but he's normally not this stupid…" said Bulma.
"Let me guess…he was dropped on the head as a baby wasn't he?"
"Yep." answered Roshi.
"He never was a fit parent…well that's what mommy says." said Gohan.
"What are you supposed to be?" asked Raditz now looking at his nephew.
"I'm Gohan!" Gohan said cheerfully, then he turned serious. "Please take me with you."
"Uh…ok…" Raditz grabbed Gohan. "Well I'll be going now…"
"Hey! Where do you think you're going?" Bulma said bravely.
"Back to the ship and I'm taking my nephew with me."
"What are you idiots waiting for?" Bulma yelled at Krillin and Roshi. "Stop him!"
"No way! Why don't YOU stop him?"
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I'D GET SLAUGHTERED!"
"WELL DON'T YOU THINK WE'D GET SLAUGHTERED TOO?" put in Muten Roshi (Master Roshi).
Seeing that the others were far too weak and too busy arguing with each other to stop him, he just left.
"Wait…aren't we going to take daddy to?" asked Gohan.
"No offense, kid, but your dad might be gay. And he may or may not try to rape you in the near, but distant, future." Raditz sighed. "Just like my father…"
"Huh?" Gohan looked up at his uncle.
"Uh nothing. Ignore everything I just said."
"But you could talk about it…"
"No…"
"But it could help…"
"Shut up and I'll give you some candy."
"YAY! Mommy never lets me and daddy have any candy!"
"Now stay in here." Raditz dropped his nephew into the pod. "If Kakarrot wants to join us, he'll find us."
"Then what?"
"We'll lay waste to this planet."
"What? Why?" asked Gohan panicked. "My mom may be a bitch and my grandpa may smell like a sweaty ox, but I don't want them to die!"
"Fine! I'll throw in a cookie."
"I never really liked Earth anyways." Gohan shut the pod door.
What will happen next? Will Gohan ever get his candy? Will Goku win the heart of his brother? Will Bulma ever stop thinking she's the only hot character? And did Goku ever pull up his pants? All of these questions and more will be answered in the next episode of DBZ! Btw if you don't like this story, leave now. Next chapter coming soon.
*TFS reference